Monthly Archives: March 2014

Suffering A Snubbing

“Envy is a littleness of soul, which cannot see beyond a certain point, and if it does not occupy the whole space, feels itself excluded.” Wm. Hazlitt (1823)

Just as easily as one can take a cookie from a child,  an adult can snub another. I have heard some say that the other person was so irritating and so they deserved the slight. Others mentioned reasons such as the dreadful qualities of pride and control  which were exhibited in the other person. Still others ascertain a troublemaker quality in the ostracized person.

I did not dare mention that sometimes it takes one to see one. Second, When anyone makes us nervous or appears to maintain more control over a situation, then our jealousy and insecurity jump in. If the truth be told we sometimes dislike people because of their good qualities. When we feel insecure that is when we prohibit another from joining. We fear the loss of power. Continue reading

Break The Chains Of Worry

“Life is made of memorable moments. We must teach ourselves to really live…to love the journey not the destination.” Ann Quindlen

“There is  something more-the spirit, or the soul. I think that that quality encourages our courtesy and care and our minds. And mercy and identity.”    Maya Angelou

I think there could be endless discussions about fear because it consumes a huge part of our lives. We all fear so many things that they are too numerous to count. We fear our meetings with the relatives. We want the right look, the right words, and to project the right meaning. We worry if our gift is appropriate. We worry about the meaning of the gifts we receive. We fear an others remarks or jokes or slights. We tense at an others body language and question someone’s  mood.

Can anyone see a problem here? We are not in the moment. We are obviously not enjoying ourselves. We are almost being selfish in a sense because we are so caught up in the relationship another person has with us that we actually miss the reality around us. To question everyone and everything is a distrust. Continue reading

Victory in Relationships

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars.” E.H.Chapin

“Character is the total of thousands of small daily strivings to live up to the best that is in us.” Lt. Gen. Arthur Trudeau

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Even having the best relationships with family, we still fight to maintain control of our thoughts and feelings. We all want to be number one and second place is never comfortable. I am working on making it satisfying. I remember as a young adult, visiting family at a wedding or gathering. I was always the one to be present when a relative needed me, or needed to talk. My siblings appeared randomly, yet they were sought after first. It was hurtful to miss out on the talks, because my siblings overshadowed me. They got the attention, big hugs and kisses, and the plans to get together. In the meantime, I was basically out in the cold, and unnoticed. At the next function of course, I would be the only attendee and the relatives were glad to see me. Continue reading

Control Worry; Find Contentment

“It is not work that kills men but worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more on a man than he can bear. But worry is rust upon the blade, it is not movement that destroys the machinery but friction.” Anonymous

“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships, and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; It is a sword that kills.”  Buddha

When we fear, we are defeated. We pay a price for what might never happen. We waste the present for a conjured up future. We doubt our own ability for a brighter day. Most of us are too busy living in the future and have little time to enjoy the present. Measuring ourselves against others is a waste of time. It only encourages despondency.

It is not that we cannot measure up to others. It is simply because we perceive an answer that is truly clouded in a shroud of mystery. We are making it up as we go along. We have an others life envisioned in our minds and expanded beyond truth. We pay the price of envy and jealousy by fearing our own inabilities and destroying our own striving towards success. In effect we have given up the fight and surrendered before we began the challenge. Continue reading

Disappointment Eats Up Energy

“We learn to walk by stumbling.” Bulgarian Proverb

“courage is not limited to the battlefield. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like enduring pain when the room is empty, or standing alone when you’re misunderstood.” Charles Swindoll

With the party over, are you left with the disappointment? It goes across the board regarding gifts, missed opportunities for chatting with a certain relative, and believing our feelings have been totally disregarded. When people gather together the scene is set for total confusion, chaos and misunderstandings. Our minds are thinking about who we want to talk to and what we need to say to someone and questions we want to ask. What happens is we never get the opportunity to discuss anything with the person we wanted to talk to. We forgot to ask our questions and we never received any answers because someone interrupted us. This might sound familiar. Continue reading

Consider What Counts

“You give but little when you give of your own possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” Kahil Gibran

We search for things all the time. We can never seem to get everything done by the end of the day. We think, maybe if I try harder tomorrow or give up some lunch time or get out earlier from work or get up earlier etc. We’re all lacking time yet we are not so worried about time. It’s as if we want all their is in the amount of time we get in a day. Continue reading

Is Personal Blame Obsolete?

“Remember people will judge you  by your actions not your intentions. Yo may have a heart of gold but so does a hard boiled egg.”  Maya Angelou

“Not in the clamor of the crowded streets not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves are triumph and defeat.” Henry W. Lonfgellow

As I listened to the news about another person suing someone for something I was astounded. I wondered if we lost the capacity to accept blame. If this is true then we have lost responsibility, accountability and maturity. When, I thought, is it our fault?

Nobody likes to be at fault at home work or when we are on our own time. We feel diminished, with a lack of authority and control. Actually we prove our lack of power when we can never accept guilt for anything because making decisions means making mistakes and taking liability. One can’t have control without the blame for the outcome. Being the chief comes with its’ downside. Continue reading

Keep Goals Firm, Disregard Doubts

“Without involvement there is no commitment. Mark it down, asterisk it, circle it, underline it. No involvement no commitment.” Stephen Covey

Many of us have already set New Year’s resolutions. Most of us would agree that we will most likely not achieve them. That is the problem. If you think you can’t achieve a goal then you are probably correct. In order to attain anything, we need to believe we can do it. Surprisingly, most things we set our mind to do, we are capable of doing. Believing we can is the factor. Often the goals are too difficult or unrealistic to achieve immediately or without setbacks along the way. As a result, we release our goals and efforts as soon as we cave. This is a mistake. Nothing great is accomplished the first time trying. Think about the baby steps. Every time we succeeded a bit more than the day before. Continue reading

Roads That Lead Nowhere

“Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley. But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us.” A. J. Cronin

“You may encounter many defeats but you must not be defeated. In fact it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are , what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”    Maya Angelou

I have recently been the recipient of 3 young peoples’ cries for help. It seems to be an epidemic. Young people get so lost in their unhappiness and powerlessness that they spiral downward quickly. Maybe it is time for all of us to recognize the needs and implores of others. Sometimes through helping another, we can also help ourselves. So many feel trapped in an existence that they cannot control or change. Of course this isn’t always the case but if one believes it to be true then for all intensive purposes it is. We need to break the spiral by recognizing the triggers sooner and intervening. Continue reading

Language Destroys

“The tongue like a sharp knife… Kills without drawing blood.”     Buddha

“A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.”    Mark Twain

It is assumed that any kind of speech is acceptable in any kind of situation. Many people are forced to be the recipients of such language. At times, innocent children, not even having a quarter of their growth completed, are subjected to the foulest of language and are at the mercy of people they love. Language can be used to profess love and kindness and support and sympathy. It may also be used to foster negativity as well a dehumanization of one’s life and soul. Continue reading