Monthly Archives: April 2014

My Turn For A Time-Out

“Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self-worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has.” Elizabeth O’Connor

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” Richard Bach

A person relishes compliments about their child or themselves. This helps to create bonds of friendship and goodwill with strangers your friends and family. The end result likely is an ally and a pal you can confide in.

Compliments stimulate greater achievement. They also place negativity into the background where it belongs. Seeing a gas tank half full instead of half empty encourages one to continue forward rather than stopping or worse backing up. We feel better when we hang out with certain people. They make us happy because they are happy. we look forward to a sharing time with them. They are non-threatening people. When we investigate their magic we find it is their lack of competitiveness. Competition leads  to jealousy and envy. We can be ourselves with these people. Question is why can’t we be ourselves with all people. Continue reading

Deliberate Intentions

“Remember, You can’t be a smart cookie if you have a crummy attitude.” John Maxwell

Most of us do not  tread carefully when dealing with control versus diplomacy. Our preferences obviously prioritize our choices. Purchases are made with reasoning and logic, as well as consideration of others. Although final decisions do not guarantee complete satisfaction, from the recipient.

I hear it time and again how others are so inconsiderate. We all go on and on about the horrible things we receive from others. We view the gifts as meaningless. We recall the meaningful and memorable gifts we bestowed  on others. As I am speaking and listening I realize that I have been on both ends of this argument. Many times I wonder at a gift that I received. I have thought maybe it was re-gifted to me. I know that is a terrible attitude but the gifts were so fantastically awful. I began to recall incidences when the person receiving my gift was lame about shoving it aside quickly. I expected a big thank you and a few “aws”. Continue reading

Broken People

“Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.”   Albert Einstein

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”   Albert Einstein

As we reach various ages, we begin to perceive ourselves as broken. Many of us suffer through difficult relationships with husbands wives siblings in-law, kids bosses friends home environment moves illnesses births deaths job losses etc. Sometimes we struggle through problems alone with little or no support. As we emerge out of a hurtful experience we feel fragile and broken. We believe we are used up and no longer new. We  can’t ever remember what it was like to be innocent and with high expectations.

As we encounter greater issues, little by little we feel defeated and diminished even more. if we wallow in the mire of defeatism we can’t see the finer objects being offered to us. They are almost within reach. I guess it is sort of like giving up on doing  any better with our life, We accept it and refuse to get up and get moving. It is an easy thing to do and requires less strength than digging ourselves out of our hole. Continue reading

Living Up To Expectations

“One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles, possesses the only strength to overcome adversity.”  Albert Schweitzer

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Having expectations is a good thing but when we allow another to have ecpectations of us it can become a challenge. It is not fair to have lofty expectations of another. We might offer a few options. From a child we might want a decent report card. A fair grade may be received on the next report card. If we want it to be all A’s then we have defeated ourselves and crushed our child.They can’t meet our expectations and may stop trying. In the end we all lose.

Of course we want our child to be able to compete and make the grade. It is how we go about it that will determine if they will do it. If the bar we want them to reach for is too high, then it will lead to  frustration. The shutdown of attempts is inevitable. Most of us realize what we can or cannot do. Of course it is desirable to strive for more and try to go further than we expected. This is more  like never giving up and continuing our effort forward. If we do better awesome but if we attain our goal that is also awesome. Continue reading

Build Your Confidence

“Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.” Marian Anderson

“It is the trouble that never comes that causes the loss of sleep.” Charles Austin Bate

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” Albert Einstein

I believe that in all of our relationships we allow fear to enter. This fear causes us more pain than we need to assume or experience. Most of our pain is of our own creation. Husbands and wives doubt each others love or motives. Friends feel let down when their expectations of us are not met. Family members have the greatest burden next to spouses. We expect so much more from them and become inevitably disappointed and pained as well as angry when they don’t meet our expectations.

In all of this we must question our fear of loss. We prefer to keep our friend to ourselves. Sharing might find our friend enjoying another’s company more than our company. Husbands and wives are jealous at times when another person might interact with their significant other. Spouses also question each others desire to spend time with any other friend or relative or activity. Siblings resent each others pleasure with friendships while they ignore each other. Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law fear losing their son/husband. In all of this the main idea is that none of us care if another has a good time. What we fear is the loss of time and affection from someone we love and care about. Continue reading

Develop Confidence – Discard Fear

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Many times we allow others to dictate the rules and pass judgment on us. Of course at work our superiors do it all the time. The problem is bosses are not always correct in their conclusions of our work or behavior. Why one boss finds our work very good while another condemns it is frustrating. It is because like everything else, it is subjective. My idea about how to go about building something will most likely differ from your ideas about a structure. The person who gets to dictate is the person with more power. This does not mean they really have a better plan. It simply means they have the control over the rules. When one dictates the procedures, one also dictates the desired result. Even if we follow someone else’s guidelines, there is no guarantee of the outcome. The only guarantee is that we will take the blame if we are not successful. The truth is many people are diminished and insecure because others fault them at work or in any group project or situation. The result is devastating to the person blamed, who begins feeling inadequate about everything they attempt. Continue reading

Image Of How It Should Be

“Excellence is caring more than others think is wise. Risking more than others think is safe. Dreaming more than others think is practical. Expecting more than others think is possible.” Unknown

We strive struggle scrimp, save and at last expect things should turn out the way we planned. How pitifully naive we are if we believe that to be true. What we create in our minds is more important and by working towards that outcome it is equally important. The hard part is accepting the finished product which never appears the way we figured. It can be disappointing or it can be an awakening depending on how we  look at it. Continue reading

Self-Destruct Is Not An Option

“Using guilt as a tool to coerce your son or husband diminishes growth in relationships. Your son/husband possesses the capacity to love both his wife and his mother.”

“Forgiveness is the final form of love.”  Reinhold Niebuhr

I was at a park the other day, and overheard a daughter-in-law, ripping her father-in-law to shreds. Her acquaintance appeared to be the unwilling victim, as she tried to diminish every incident the woman discussed. In between her angry testimony, the distraught woman mentioned, that she was at the moment, living with her in-laws, because she was having a house built. She also mentioned that she’d lived with them before, when pregnant with her, first child, because of the painting being done at her house. Continue reading

Rid Yourself Of Parental Guilt

guilty parenting“Not he who has much is rich but he who gives much.” Erich Fromm

“It’s not the things you get but the  hearts you touch that will determine your success in life.” Mac Anderson

I can’t believe how many parents worry about whether or not they  are doing a good job. They pour so much anxiety upon themselves that they find it difficult to observe how many things they are doing correctly. Listening to what other parents do is almost detrimental. You hear about three to five group involvements their kids have. discussions about art classes, soccer teams, music lessons and the latest and greatest toys. Many buy the newest toys but just as many receive them from friends and family.

It is still not enough. We worry that we missed something and most likely we have  if we compare what our kids are doing to what others are experiencing. Stopping the comparison shopping  is the key. After spending time with a group of mothers who are discussing all the wonderful activities their kids are involved with makes us rethink our schedules. We begin planning our next move. Continue reading

Passive Aggression

“Life is simply time given to man to learn how to live. Mistakes are always part of learning. The real dignity of life consists in cultivating a fine attitude towards our own mistakes and those of others.” Anonymous

“We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks but by his actions.”  Isaac Bashevis

I heard from a couple of Mothers-in-law (MIL). One stated how her son had asked her over to look at his latest work done on the house. Apparently her Daughter-in-law (DIL) was not aware she was coming. The MIL took the brunt of the anger through passive aggression. Her DIL never looked at her when she was talking or when her MIL was talking. She smiled a forced smile but was quick with her moves and stiff with her body language. We call it passive aggression. Continue reading