Monthly Archives: August 2014

Gain Respect With Love Not Fear

“Respect is for those who deserve it not for those who demand it.” Unknown”

Respect people’s feelings even if it doesn’t mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them.” Unknown

“Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.” Albert Camus

Most people with any kind of authority, gain their respect from fear, not from love. If we think  about this for a moment, we srecognoze the truth in those words. I think those in power use fear, because they don’t know how to do it with mutual caring. They do not trust, they will like their underlings tomorrow. They just can’t get too close, and then discover, they have to dismiss someone. It appears more reasonable, to simply use fear to keep everyone in line.

Regardless of your job, the boss usually spreads fear when he is around. I really find this so sad and not at all helpful to gaining a better work force. It is like having kids do things out of fear, rather than out of love. When we care about others, we work harder and longer for them if it helps them, and makes them happy. If we are working out of fear, we quit at the  designated time, and turn our backs readily and easily. There is no love lost. I would prefer the worker who chose to be a partner in the job, rather than the subjugated person, who is anxious to get away. Continue reading

Faith in Your Ability

“Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral.”    Khalil Gibran

“Faith is a knowledge within i the heart beyond the reach of proof.”    Khalil Gibran

Suppose we were seated in a large stadium area amongst various people of a variety of ages and walks of life and were given this message, “There is a huge crises and the qualified people need to step forward. We require those with strong character, confidence in their own ability to lead and inspire, and especially persons with a loving heart.” There most likely would be just a handful if any people who would stand up.

I don’t view this as there being a lack of qualified people as much as a lack of us knowing and trusting in the abilities we have. I am convinced we are our own worst critic. We, including myself, judge ourselves harshly and we honestly believe we are not anything to brag about. If they need someone of character ability or kindness hey need to grab that woman or man over there. This made me review my thinking about what merits any of us have. Continue reading

Hope Requires Long Term Faith

“In every CHOICE that we choose, There’s always a RISK; But always remember that there’s also a chance”    Kent Solatorio Lopez

“Intuition does not denote something contrary to reason, but something outside of the province of reason.”    C.G. Jung

“In accepting that suffering is a part of your daily existence, you could begin by examining the factors that normally give rise of feelings of discontent and mental unhappiness.”    Dalai Lama Xiv

“We must recognize that the suffering of one person or one nation is the suffering of humanity.”    Dalai Lama Xiv

Most people who face disappointments in varying degrees, continue to endorse their hope, until they are fed up waiting, and believe they deserve answers. The trouble with hope is we all want our solutions immediately, and without pain or frustration. Perhaps hope should be placed in a pill bottle. It might state clearly, we will find our rainbow, but only after the storm or storms.

If we lose confidence, which is so easy to do, considering the obstacles we must overcome, we give up the search of finding what we need or desire. Maintaining our hope takes all the strength we can muster. On certain days we hold our heads high, and we tolerate the uncertainty of our lives. We have faith in overcoming adversity, and work hard to make progress towards that goal. On other days we fall to pieces, or lament our predicament. It is possible for us, to be overcome with doubt and fear. Continue reading

Fathers and Sons

“Being a father has been, without a doubt, my greatest source of achievement, pride and inspiration. Fatherhood has taught me about unconditional love, reinforced the importance of giving back and taught me how to be a better person.”    Naveen Jain

“I don’t even know how to speak up for myself, because I don’t really have a father who would give me the confidence or advice.”     Eminem

“A dad is someone who holds you when you cry, scolds you when you break the rules, shines with pride when you succeed, and has faith in you even when you fail.” coolnsmart

I think it can be extremely difficult to maintain the father son relationship, throughout the teen years and early twenties. Boys have been instilled with the attitude of dominance and winning. As much as we like to think otherwise, one only needs to check how many men watch sports of one kind or another. Men are in the majority of jobs with authority. They rule because they have the power, might and desire to rule. On the other hand, women are still the nurturers of kids and family.

My thoughts on the subject have more to do with why men have a greater need to challenge, win and come out on top. It is almost like it is in alignment with their manhood. To override this setting, one has to delve deeply into the myriad of reasons, and come to an understanding of where it comes from. Making distinctions between games and real life, perhaps will help us to figure out ways to best address the problems. Most times people are guessing rather than comprehending the actual situation. Continue reading

Mothers And Daughters

The formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery. The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests.” ~Author Unknon

Mothers and daughters begin with the closest friendship.  There are many times the dad might feel pushed aside. Within a few years, as the girls approach their teen years the trouble begins. I think at first moms attempt to deal with it as they encounter the hurts from their daughters. If or when it continues for a longer time the father usually steps in and the problems expand. All of this takes a toll on the mother especially. Solving the dilemma will take patience, love, a listening ear, open mind and loving heart along with a firm attitude.

Moms should try not to get involved totally in the drama to the point of screaming or yelling. Parents are always the directors not the actors. Even when hurtful things are said or done by their daughter, it still necessitates that mom hang in there and continue with her guidance understanding and love. Never resort to shame or insults. Teens require more love at this point in their lives, perhaps than they ever needed before. They are being judged constantly by others so they don’t enjoy more assessments from the home. Life is full of alterations. This is one of the great transformations and requires lots of attention and discussion. Continue reading

Family Dynamics

Family Dynamics

“The mind is everything. What you think you become.”      –Buddha

“I choose to live by choice not by chance, to be useful not used, to make changes not excuses, to excel not compete, to be motivated not manipulated, I choose self-esteem not self pity, I choose to listen to my inner voice, not to the random opinion of  others.” Unknown

Common Sense is that which judges the things given to it by other senses.    Leonardo da Vinci

From what I can tell many people don’t use their common sense. I believe we all have it but because we don’t trust our inner senses it drops deeper and deeper into the recesses of our brains. Instead of just reacting we need to reason and include our hearts in all of the deductions. There is so much sentiment involved in any decision and we may brush it aside due to our fear.

Maybe we are nervous about trusting instincts because they are not cut and dried and others won’t place a lot of stock in us when we say, “I had this feeling about saying and doing something.” I don’t know of many who would accept that answer yet emotions and intuitions are for real. They actually tell us more about ourselves and each other. Instincts are what keeps many animals alive and humans are animals. Continue reading

Change Is An Exhilarating Ride

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new.” Socrates

“Welcome to today, another day another change. Feel free to change.”    Unknown

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”     Wayne Dyer

We either hate change or fear it. One thing is for sure it is always around us. No matter what the age, changes are certain. When we are young we don’t care about it because we all want to be bigger fast. There are a lot of first challenges and we look forward to those. Parents seem to like having their kids transform quickly into self-sufficient adults.

I always wonder about the outcomes of pushing our kids too quickly into things they are not ready for. Of course we believe we have been successful when our kids are relying on themselves. We don’t stop to ponder if that is why they have the urge to leave quickly or why they express a desire to be independent at a young age. The attitudes of the parents are reflected in the children. Many young people are aware of how important it is to be able to cope with life on their own. They confront it in every advertisement, newspaper, book, pictures and approach of the general public as well as within their own families. The young adults make plans to venture towards independence even before they are financially able. Continue reading

The Clout Of The Past

“You can never regret anything you do in life. You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward.”    Aubrey O’Day

The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret.    Henri Frederic Amiel

We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.      Fulton Oursler

Wow but when I look back on what happened up to this point in time, I can see the numerous mistakes I made. I just can hardly believe I am guilty, of the huge number of horrible choices. I am ashamed at the things I didn’t say and didn’t do. I am also embarrassed for the occasions I did say and do things, I shouldn’t have said or done. I can’t believe I was capable of such behavior, but it is staring me right in the face. If I could go  back, I would change so much.

I really mean this, but how familiar does this sound to all of us. I listen to so many people tell me how many regrets they have. They go on and on posturing genuine sorrow. Some of them lament the arguments and fights with family members. Now those members are dead, and there is no going back. They so wished the words “I’m sorry,” were not so difficult to say at the time. Now they needn’t worry about those words, which are now mute. Continue reading

Has Honesty Taken A Vacation?

I was wondering about this for some time, and believe it is necessary to be said. It is time we became more responsible for our own life, as well as any children that we have. I say this because our future is in jeopardy. We take none of the fault.

When we find someone else to blame, it takes the pressure off of ourselves. We fault someone over there. If we stopped to think, we would realize that our faultless finding, only adds to the problem and covers up truth. Continue reading

Search Inward For Answers

 “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”    Benjamin Spock

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”    Lao-Tzu

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”    Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have come to the conclusion we simply do not like ourselves very much. No matter who I talk to about anything, they end up being so critical of themselves. Nobody appears to be able to see their own worth. This seems to be a fact in my opinion. Now the problem is why and how do we change our thoughts regarding who and what we are.

I, like everyone else, have those days of being so wiped out I can’t even look myself in the mirror.  Of course on those arduous days I recall every bad feature I can think of about myself. I go back into my childhood until I am immersed in tears. I want to punish myself and I am always very successful. When it is over I can never recall why I had the need to crucify myself in such a manner. Continue reading