Monthly Archives: September 2014

Surviving The Obstacles

“As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself. The other for helping others.”    Audrey Hepburn

“Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow-man. For remember, you don’t live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.”    Albert Schweitzer

Teenage boys endure their own problems and fears. They also choose friends that are in high regard. Girls are judging them by who they are with. The stronger and louder the friends, the more status they gain. Boys watch television and sports, and read books and magazines. All of the media and their own families and peers, emphasize the image of a male as tough, feisty, strong, mean, courageous, powerful, and controlling as a leader. The kind thinking male is very low on the scale. Can anyone else see a problem?

Boys and girls may believe they are not ready to drive, but they will get behind a wheel anyways because they fear being called a chicken or baby. Boys fight over girls, because that is what is expected. Girls believe they are more loved, if the young man fights for them. The young man has no choice when challenged, if he wants to keep his girlfriend as well as his pride. To lose her, is to lose standing in the group. Girls may not like the way a boy treats them, but they put up with it because they don’t want to lose their status in the group. We are learning group mentality where we don’t think anymore, but allow our group to decide our issues and choices. Continue reading

Job Division at Home

“The deepest fear we have, ‘the fear beneath all fears,’ is the fear of not measuring up, the fear of judgment. It’s this fear that creates the stress and depression of everyday life.”                 Tullian Tchividdian

“All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for.”    Jon Kabat-inn

“We have to wake up. We have to refuse to be a clone.”     Alice Walker

Sometimes I think couples fight more about whether or not their partner completed the job than what jobs they have to do. There is tons of stress today regarding what must be accomplished. It is a wonder anyone can take these tasks on never mind complete them on time and  properly. It can give one a headache regarding the amount of work one person must attempt to do.

It is never a good idea to comment on the way husbands and wives divvy up the chores. The thing to remember is that as long as they are happy the world is happy. It goes without saying that mom doesn’t always have to change the baby and dad doesn’t always have to dump the garbage. That is a good thing. At least when the jobs are divided it allows one to choose some of the jobs they would prefer over other tasks. Likewise it gives both parties some control over what they are doing versus being expected to do the “man” or “woman” chores. Continue reading

Cancel The Worry

“That awkward moment when you  start telling a story and you realize no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.” teenage posts tumblr

“No one must shut his eyes and regard as non-existent the suffering of which he spared himself the sight.” Albert Schweitzer

Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself. ~Robert Collier

It is likely that we, the parents influence our daughters  to grow up faster than they should or need to. Our daughter does not have to be dating at thirteen. Our daughter can enjoy being a growing child. There is no need to rush into adulthood with the many issues it brings. It is irrelevant if all other children are wearing the items or dressing a certain way. Explaining our reasoning and then encouraging the acquisition of new friends if that is necessary, might be a road we need to take in order to protect our children.

Protection is truly a necessity in our world. There are too many temptations, pitfalls and exclusionary incentives that entice and trick our children. Leading the way is important. If we fear making decisions, we leave our children without the guts to stand up for what they want and believe. Being in the minority is not always a bad thing. Standing alone is not always wrong. Our children will not fear making decisions or making mistakes. They will know we are behind them and support them. Maybe we will not always support their beliefs but we will support them. Continue reading

Bullying Is Real; Defeat It

“When I wrote on my door: leave your hypocrisy outside before you come in. Not a soul dared to visit me or open my door.” Khalil Gibran

“A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.”     Maya Angelou

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”    Elie Wiesel

Bullying has been around for a long time, and has increased its area of ruin. Recently it has been placed in the spotlight. We become aware of it when a person hurts another. We miss it in ourselves. It possibly is promoted through our daily interactions. Bullying has surfaced into the daylight. It is ugly if we are honest about it. We should not be surprised at how rampant it has become. Many of us have been guilty of bullying or we have been the victims of bullies.. Maybe it’s time to reflect on those times we have been at fault, for bullying another.

We need to have the confidence in ourselves so that we don’t feel the need to knock another down, in order for us to feel better, or get ahead. Carefully watching our actions and their consequences is vital. Society suffers with every bully action displayed towards another person. Recognizing ourselves in these situations helps us to overcome it. Strive for tolerance of others, by  disregardless their differences. We are obliged to support our children in their endeavor to become more empathetic, and accepting of others. Many of us are able to accept those who are different. It’s time to accept those who are similar to us, and pose a jealousy threat. Continue reading

Emotional Pain Of Bullying

“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.”    Anonymous

“I would rather be a little nobody, than to be an evil somebody.”    Abraham Lincoln

Bullying takes root in children, who many times have been the victims of intimidation themselves. To soothe their own injured spirits, they appear to have the need to wound another person. It might have to do with gaining back some semblance of power into their lives. It might also stem from their desire to overcome their own fears, derived from victimization. I am aware that when a child is intimidated by a parent, or a person they love, they are helpless to stop it or control it. Some children fear for their safety every day. They get back their control, by victimizing another person. Most bullies, likely have been mistreated. The extent of their torment, might be measured in the amount of bullying they are guilty of.

Actually bullies do not feel superior or impressive. They are angry and full of distrust and rage. They seek revenge because they live in fear. Their answer is to attack before you are hurt. Bullies simply do not comply with the rules, and in the process create hardships and troubles. We need to take a look at the way we interact with our children. Do we intimidate verbally, strike, or  become aggressive with our child? Do we threaten, hurt, or torment the pets in our household? Once we correct it in ourselves it will be easier to amend it in our children. Continue reading

The Fluidity Of Life

Rumi, a thirteenth-century Persian  Mystic told of a man who walked past a beggar and asked, “Why God, do you not do something for these people?” God replied, “I did do something.  I  made you.” Anonymous

“You can give without loving but you can never love without giving.”    Robert Louis Stevenson

We all look back on some happy occasions and yearn for those moments again. I am so guilty of this as much or more than anybody but then I remember the present and tell myself to rejoice in my life and savor the wonderful moments. We all have wonderful past memories and sometimes they may appear more awesome at the present because we are going through a difficult time. That is when anything looks better to us.

The past should be recalled and enjoyed as many times as we want however we don’t want the cost of this to be the present moments. Life is fluid and within the fluidity we can choose many brief but happy moments to celebrate and place in our memory banks. We don’t always need pictures to recall these times. We don’t require spending a lot of money to experience them either. Truthfully if we reflected on our own lives to remember the meaningful moments it would most likely be the times another person touched our lives with words or actions. Continue reading

A Child’s Perception Of Shattered

“Finding beauty in a broken world is creating beauty in the world we find.”
Terry Tempest Williams

“You are the bow from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”   Khalil Gibran

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.”    Khalil Gibran

After a divorce many parents introduce a new man or woman into the young child’s life immediately, without any regard to time and effort. Pacing the acceptance by the child, for this new individual we introduce into their lives, is crucial. It certainly is more thoughtful to allow the child time, to be acquainted with this new person, before they are having breakfast at the kitchen table. Other parents declare a divorce, and the arrival of a new half sibling at the same time.

Poor behavior at school may immediately occur. When there is a fear of losing the love of special people, children shut down and melt down. Fighting, anger, and divorce are ripping our children’s hearts to shreds. Divorce is one major outside force, which has far-reaching consequences. It manifests fear, anxiety anger frustration jealousy and envy into the lives of children. It cannot be underestimated, in the damages it causes to children. The effects are so extensive, that they might carry the damage throughout their lifetime. Divorce influences various areas of one’s life. Continue reading

Embrace Courage

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”    Margaret Mead

“The first test of a truly great man is his humility. By humility I don’t mean doubt of his powers or hesitation in speaking his opinion, but merely an understanding of the relationship of what he can say and what he can do.”    John Ruskin

Doubt in ourselves is so easy to embrace. Why  would we ever think we were the one, holding  on to the truth. So many of us have so much to give,  and so many opinions to offer, but we  remain silent. Our nervousness overcomes us, and we back down at the last-minute. How many times do we plan to say something, and we are trying to wait our turn, but then  someone says a similar version of what we had in mind, and we begin to doubt our own thoughts.

In the end we put our hand down, and stop responding, like a computer that has lost its connection. I know I do it all the time. I do believe I have made progress, every time I have the courage to raise my hand. I make the attempt, and if I am not quickly acknowledged, I pull my hand down just as fast. How lame I feel when I do this. I still have faith in my  beliefs, yet I can’t work up the courage to share them with others. I’m not sure if I am doubting myself, or my worthiness to offer such ideas. Continue reading

Divorce Adds Fear To Children’s Lives

“Children are not possessions. You don’t “allow” the mother/father extra time. When you say things like that you imply that you think of your children as things not as humans.”

“A good parent does not take their child’s rights away out of hate and anger for the other parent.

“When things are investigated, then true knowledge is achieved; when true knowledge is achieved, then the will becomes sincere; when the will is sincere, then the heart is set right ; when the heart is set right, then the personal life is cultivated; when the personal life is cultivated, then the family life is regulated; when the family life is regulated, then the national life is orderly; and when the national life is orderly, then there is peace in this world.”    Confucius

Divorce creates havoc and fear. Children are more deeply entangled in their parent’s divorce, than either of their parents. They are the ones who love both parents, and want to see, and be with both parents. Children are the individuals, who get harmed the most. Sometimes a divorce is necessary, but the child’s world is toppled, and they can’t fathom why. They really lose some faith, trust and hope, as well as part of their foundation.

Divorce has a huge impact on kids. Children’s fear, worry, doubt and distress increases. The effects on children are tremendous and deep. Their innocence is lost, no matter how nicely the divorce goes. They are suffering, but the parents are perhaps so distressed at this point in time, that they likely have little time to observe the problems children begin to endure. Parents are probably very concerned, about where they are proceeding from that point onward. Continue reading

Honor Manifests In A Variety Of Ways

“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”    Ralph Waldo Emerson

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”     Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”         Ralph Waldo Emerson

Boys tend to compete in various forms of sport. When siblings are playing together, by helping each other and enjoying the game, they are developing friendships with their siblings. Without these friendships the connections to siblings may be loose to non-existent. Cheering at games for the child who is the super star is wonderful. If we do not cheer at the games for the child who is the good player, but maybe not the star of the team, shame on us.

Children can improve in their playing skills. They gain more self-confidence with encouragement, which is sometimes all that is needed for them to become a key player. Our support cannot be underestimated. The idea is to zero in on any memorable moment of a game, in which their action made a difference to the team. You can’t fake praise. You can find even a moment when they did shine on their team, and helped their team to score or win. All accomplishments are won with team work. In society as a whole we forget about the menial jobs that added to the winning endeavor. Continue reading