Bullying Is Real; Defeat It

“When I wrote on my door: leave your hypocrisy outside before you come in. Not a soul dared to visit me or open my door.” Khalil Gibran

“A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.”     Maya Angelou

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”    Elie Wiesel

Bullying has been around for a long time, and has increased its area of ruin. Recently it has been placed in the spotlight. We become aware of it when a person hurts another. We miss it in ourselves. It possibly is promoted through our daily interactions. Bullying has surfaced into the daylight. It is ugly if we are honest about it. We should not be surprised at how rampant it has become. Many of us have been guilty of bullying or we have been the victims of bullies.. Maybe it’s time to reflect on those times we have been at fault, for bullying another.

We need to have the confidence in ourselves so that we don’t feel the need to knock another down, in order for us to feel better, or get ahead. Carefully watching our actions and their consequences is vital. Society suffers with every bully action displayed towards another person. Recognizing ourselves in these situations helps us to overcome it. Strive for tolerance of others, by  disregardless their differences. We are obliged to support our children in their endeavor to become more empathetic, and accepting of others. Many of us are able to accept those who are different. It’s time to accept those who are similar to us, and pose a jealousy threat.Constant anger within a family triggers children to be fearful and upset. Parents are their children’s rocks of stability and survival. Every time parents are yelling and screaming at each other, children feel vulnerable regarding their own existence. Fighting and anger are part of human nature. When one crosses the line, and anger becomes out of control rage, children worry for their own lives, and their mom’s or dad’s life. Children most likely feel helpless to stop the turmoil and are caught in a web of love, hate and secrecy.

With physical abuse, children’s worst nightmares become real. The people they love and trust the most in the world, have turned into monsters. Many children possibly begin having nightmares, or wetting the bed. Boys might be scarred from feelings of helplessness in their inability to protect their mothers. Many children become the victims themselves. If the family is in crises, they might seek the aid of others. It then brings the hope they can remain intact. If parents will not talk about it or seek support, eventually the marriage and the family dissolves, leaving only the children behind.

Parents move on to a new life, but as stated before, the children remain forever caught in the original roots of home. One cannot be ashamed of anger. It is a human emotion. There is a tremendous amount of burdens placed on parents, so it is not a surprise to see parents full of turmoil. How one manages the irritations is a whole other situation. If we allow exasperation to take control of our life, we have given up command. Infuriation becomes the boss of us. Managing our fury is central.

At work, if a co-worker bothers us or even the boss, we must accept and control our annoyance. We cope, keep our attitudes under wraps, or walk away. The alternative is a job loss or worse. Wrath appears to be devouring our society. It abounds everywhere. Our culture expects entitlement. When gains are not forthcoming, we thrash out in anger and resentment, at the nearest person. If we are the irritated store clerk at a food store, the buyer is the receiver of our ire. If we are the furious buyer, the seller shoulders the brunt of our maddening thoughts.

Anger emerges when one is driving in a car. Dad gets upset at mom, or the children; the car is speeding and moving erratically. This is obviously not safe for the children, anyone else in our car, or the surrounding cars. When enraged we do not have the right to jeopardize the lives of our family, or possibly other peoples’ lives in cars near us. Children are great imitators and we will see our fury emerge, when our child punches their sibling or starts fighting at school. We cannot ask ourselves where it comes from when we already know the answer.

Again, we all get angry, but how we handle rage is a completely subjective situation. One can begin with small steps, by attempting to eliminate some of the irritation. That alone would make things better. The more we talk about infuriating episodes with our child, the more beneficial it will be to resolving family problems. We are not fooling our children, even when they smile at us, after a tumultuous situation.

Women are as guilty of ire as men. Modeling wrath, is teaching our children how to exhibit negative feelings, rather than positive ones. As parents, we choose to teach negatively or positively. Discuss fury, and attempt to explain why its impact is so far-reaching. It damages, and kids know this. Children are aware of our ire, especially if our child is the receiver of thrashings, when we are in a rage. Our admittance to an anger issue, perchance might lead to healing for the whole family.

One thing we cannot do under any circumstance is to stop trying. If we do, It is over and we are admitting defeat, by our surrender. We must persevere even when we keep faltering. Realize that every time we do not weaken, we have improved our home life. In addition, the world is enriched. One small step at a time is what it required. Diligence and effort make our struggle  important and valuable, even if we do not completely succeed. The small victories encourage us to continue forward.

Wrath spills over into every relationship, within the family. Siblings may get into altercations with each other, and with their parents. This has resulted in police calls to the families, as well as detentions for the fights taking place at school. No member of the family is unscathed. Constant conflict with a step-parent, or parent, will bring many police visits and numerous incidences of home detentions. Boys, especially, withstand the worst of these altercations.

Teachers lament the sadness of the situation, as well as the loss of valuable teaching time. Comforting the child is always a priority. However, the questionable issues remain unsolved. Stress is real. There are numerous reasons for anyone to be feeling pressure, and children are no exception. Today we have become so used to things being in the gray area, that we have as a society been reluctant to call any situation black or white. It is politically correct to stick with gray. The tragedy is, that sometimes and possibly many times, a situation is right or wrong.

One thing we might all agree on, is that our children should be safe and able to be children. They must not be confronted with so many issues, that apparently are provoking tension. Without a doubt, I believe children’s anxieties have escalated. It is up to us to crush the habits of bullying, and embrace kindness and tolerance of others.

It is up to all of us to change the norms around bullying. “Adults need to make sure they are positive role models for kids.”    Anonymous

“Bullies need to make others feel insecure because they are insecure.”    Anonymous
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”     Maya Angelou

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”     Maya Angelou

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