Category Archives: judgement

Do You Secretly Judge Others? How to Enjoy Life After 60 With An Attitude Of Gratitude

When we refuse to judge others, we express love and compassion. Love does not mean we become passive and allow others to abuse us. It is quite the contrary.

Compassion is not weak but strong. It allows us to see where the suffering in the world arises. People can irritate us every day with their silly antics. We may think a compassionate heart means we are to ignore the irritations and allow others to walk all over us.

Some people do and say mean things, while others are coerced into remaining tolerant. One’s tolerance level can be commendable, but there lies the secret. Enduring a constant onslaught of trivial complaints leads one to resent the issues people complain about. This may happen when we judge in secrecy.

Convert Confrontations to Compromise

The revelation of private judgements took me by surprise one day. Outwardly, we keep most of our opinions to ourselves. We may join a discussion but attempt to remain neutral for the sake of keeping peace and refrain from hurting someone’s feelings.

There are times when our disagreements turn into a confrontation due to strong viewpoints. This allows one to stand firm in their convictions. However, it makes it difficult to bend. Blessed are those who can bend. Continue reading

Judgements

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” A. A. Milne

“We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.” Henry Ward Beecher

“If you didn’t grow up like I did then you don’t know, and if you don’t know it’s probably better you don’t judge.” Junot Díaz

“Can you look without the voice in your head commenting, drawing conclusions, comparing, or trying to figure something out?” Eckhart Tolle

We are all guilty at times of making judgments. It sounds simple enough when we are occupied with choosing paint colors styles of clothing or what we want to do, read, accomplish or study. We feel justified in making all sorts of judgments especially about people and situations. So what is the problem? Why worry about our judgments of people and situations? Is it harming anyone? The answers are that it does harm people, many issues arise from our uninformed judgments, we cause lots of problems for others and ourselves and we test the patience of friends family and co-workers. The trouble that gets stirred up many times results in major or minor fallout’s. Continue reading

My Issue With Breast Is Best

This is an article my daughter wrote about breast cancer which touched my heart. It is worth reading and better than anything I could ever write. It was written from the heart. It is important to remember that the hurts we bear and suffer are not always obvious. We will perhaps never know or understand fully what another person endures because we don’t walk in their shoes and never will.

“”Dignity is The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad Pinterest quotes. It is the moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom. Dignity is the moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter.”  Shannon L. Alder

I read another post about the poison of GMO, corn syrup, baby formula.  One more post in an extensive news-feed.  It is opinion, and I can scroll past, but it feels like another not so subtle reminder of the “breast is best” undercurrent that permeates everything baby related.   As a physician I feel that breast feeding is ideal.  When I was a third year resident and I had my first baby I was adamant about exclusively breast feeding.  I cried when my milk didn’t come in right away after a long induction.   I also relished the fact that my newborn grew into a chubby, giggly infant and it was due to my own body.  I pumped and breastfed, it was a blur of insomnia knowing that I would have to go back to work.  I took time off and managed to keep a freezer full of breast milk in case my supply dropped off when I did go back.  As a resident with overnight calls I knew I couldn’t be sure how often I could pump, pagers go off, codes happen, patients, admissions, rapid responses, they don’t wait for pumping.  I was determined, I continued to pump, overnight, sometimes in bathrooms, call rooms, it depended on how far of a walk, and which were occupied.   I was determined to make the one year mark. Continue reading

Knowing The Facts

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; No need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain; our own heart is our temple.” Dalai Lama

“Be  kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” Dalai Lama

How easy it is for us to judge a person’s tribulations. We all have opinions and sometimes we state our opinions, even when we are not asked. Other times we voice our thoughts to others, regarding matters that we simply don’t have all the facts. I know whenever I hear anything immediately my mind begins calculating what the truth is. I am more aware as I get older how detrimental this can be, if I don’t consider everyone’s version of the truth. If I don’t know everything about the situation, my ability to assess is hindered.

Most of the time in life events that are challenging, it is hard for any of us to cope with the gravity of a situation. We might listen, but deep down we question and review and sometimes have differing conclusions. Sometimes a person in need, who is dealing with a tremendously difficult circumstance, requires support in the form of a listening ear. They don’t want judgments or agreements or even suggestions. They may need  someone to say, tomorrow will be better so hang in there, and keep your hope alive. Continue reading