We all find it so easy to blame others when a relationship fails. If we could read our daughter-in-law’s mind, we would likely find she is blaming us for the uneasy atmosphere.
The truth is, both parties sabotage the relationship when they assume, judge and expect certain things to happen. Getting off to a bad start makes everyone uneasy.
Both women discover their confidence wanes, and the relationship situation is eroding, but no one tries to fix it. The tension is strong, and both women are lost in their own thoughts. Before the night is over, they speak cordially but make brief contact with each other.
It is easy to get caught up in the drama which serves nobody and adds to the confusion. Here are 5 ways to deal with the mother- and daughter-in-law “elephant in the room.”
Transform Emotional Distance into Positive Interactions
At times, both women can simply be misguided in their thoughts and judgements of a situation. That is the best kept secret. Neither woman wants to upset the elephant in the room, so neither discusses any real issues or problems they have. Mothers- and daughters-in-law have individual fears, as well as desires. Continue reading →
Are you trying to improve your relationship with your daughter-in-law? Do you want to create a better understanding and reduce tension? If these are a few of the questions that frequently enter your mind, then read on for some answers.
Mothers Are Always Mothers
I’d like to attempt to answer the question about why there is tension within the relationship. Mothers are always mothers, even when they become grandmothers. When our son marries, we often feel relegated to the back seat, second place and total background of his life. The sad truth is that this is the way life unfolds and it is a natural, necessary process. We cannot change this and must accept it. Continue reading →
Do you want to understand your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law then read my new book “THE PRINCESS AND THE QUEEN”. It is a unique book with universal appeal for all women. The book uncovers the secrets of the relationship. It spans two generations and will bring comfort and insight long after the wedding is over. Brides, mothers-in-law and bridal party as well as people marred many years will discover ways to improve their relationship. Continue reading →
If a mother-in-law has trust and faith in her son, it should give her the confidence to let go and let her son live his own life. She can learn to play a different role and find new interests to occupy her new-found time.
Life changes force us to play a different game with different rules. It can be fun if we are willing to play instead of lamenting the past and turning the game upside down.
Avoiding Daughter-in-Law Problems: Privacy Should Be Considered a Priority
It is important for the mother-in-law to take a step back and allow the couple privacy and space. A mother must consider and respect the fact that her son has a wife to consider. They are now forming their own household and their business is personal.
Probing into confidential affairs is unthinkable. Privacy should always be considered a priority and mothers-in-law should not interfere or ask their sons for information. Many mothers-in-law lament that their knowledge is completely ignored. Unfortunately, they must accept such occurrences as a part of life. Continue reading →
“Real education should educate us out of self, into something far finer; into a selflessness which links us with all humanity.” Nancy Astor
“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” Miguel Angel Ruiz
When viewing an issue from another perspective, we are given the opportunity to assimilate that viewpoint, and accommodate it through the eyes of our own experience. Each individual’s circumstance is distinct. Each situation is likely to be distinct in certain circumstances, yet universal in other respects. More reflection leads to questioning assumptions.
The Mother-in-Law Daughter-In-Law problem is a universal dilemma. It is an unintentionally significant relationship. It requires patience time effort and reflection. Jealousies need to be set aside. Control must be loosened and dropped altogether. judgments have to be rescinded. Compromise and tolerance is necessary. The relationship can be an evolving dream or nightmare. It really is up to the two women involved. Husband must refrain from involving their mothers in discussions and arguments. The girl’s mother must refrain from dumping guilt on her daughter, every time she spends a happy time with her Mother-in-Law. Continue reading →
“Using guilt as a tool to coerce your son or husband diminishes growth in relationships. Your son/husband possesses the capacity to love both his wife and his mother.”
“Forgiveness is the final form of love.” Reinhold Niebuhr
I was at a park the other day, and overheard a daughter-in-law, ripping her father-in-law to shreds. Her acquaintance appeared to be the unwilling victim, as she tried to diminish every incident the woman discussed. In between her angry testimony, the distraught woman mentioned, that she was at the moment, living with her in-laws, because she was having a house built. She also mentioned that she’d lived with them before, when pregnant with her, first child, because of the painting being done at her house. Continue reading →
“Life is simply time given to man to learn how to live. Mistakes are always part of learning. The real dignity of life consists in cultivating a fine attitude towards our own mistakes and those of others.” Anonymous
“We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks but by his actions.” Isaac Bashevis
I heard from a couple of Mothers-in-law (MIL). One stated how her son had asked her over to look at his latest work done on the house. Apparently her Daughter-in-law (DIL) was not aware she was coming. The MIL took the brunt of the anger through passive aggression. Her DIL never looked at her when she was talking or when her MIL was talking. She smiled a forced smile but was quick with her moves and stiff with her body language. We call it passive aggression. Continue reading →
“Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.” Aldous Huxley
“Don’t smother each other, no one can grow in the shade.” leo Buscaglia
One Mother-in-law complained that her once excellent relationship with her Daughter-in-law was becoming strained. Her DIL, who had just had a baby, was planning on going back to work immediately. The MIL couldn’t understand this because she stated, her DIL had waited and tried for years to get pregnant. She didn’t have to work but chose to return. What came of many discussions was that her DIL had a childhood devoid of a father. Her father died suddenly and her mother had to work to make ends meet. They were poor but they managed. The young woman never forgot her childhood years and just couldn’t bring herself to give up what she considered to be her security. The two agreed to disagree and renewed their relationship. Continue reading →
Any relationship, whether we are talking marriage partners siblings parents or in-laws, requires patience, humor, and respect. The best of relationships have their share of bumps and snags. If we believe it is worth the effort we struggle through enduring a few pains along the way. The problem with the mother-in-law (MIL) – daughter-in-law (DIL) relationship is that sometimes a MIL or DIL doesn’t recognize the importance of their connections.
Mothers are universal. Raising children is universal. We all have those commom bonds. The husband/son is loved by both women. It’s worth the effort to find a peaceful co-existence. The final result may often be that we actually like this person and enjoy this person. MIL and DIL may end up supporting and helping each other. That is really what life is all about. It is realizing we are in this together and any assistance we get is appreciated. Love makes one feel happy and comforted. Hate makes one anxious and angry. Indifference makes one lifeless and without stamina. Give love a chance to thrive and grow.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Martin Luther King