We all find it so easy to blame others when a relationship fails. If we could read our daughter-in-law’s mind, we would likely find she is blaming us for the uneasy atmosphere.
The truth is, both parties sabotage the relationship when they assume, judge and expect certain things to happen. Getting off to a bad start makes everyone uneasy.
Both women discover their confidence wanes, and the relationship situation is eroding, but no one tries to fix it. The tension is strong, and both women are lost in their own thoughts. Before the night is over, they speak cordially but make brief contact with each other.
It is easy to get caught up in the drama which serves nobody and adds to the confusion. Here are 5 ways to deal with the mother- and daughter-in-law “elephant in the room.”
Transform Emotional Distance into Positive Interactions
At times, both women can simply be misguided in their thoughts and judgements of a situation. That is the best kept secret. Neither woman wants to upset the elephant in the room, so neither discusses any real issues or problems they have. Mothers- and daughters-in-law have individual fears, as well as desires. Continue reading →
Are you trying to improve your relationship with your daughter-in-law? Do you want to create a better understanding and reduce tension? If these are a few of the questions that frequently enter your mind, then read on for some answers.
Mothers Are Always Mothers
I’d like to attempt to answer the question about why there is tension within the relationship. Mothers are always mothers, even when they become grandmothers. When our son marries, we often feel relegated to the back seat, second place and total background of his life. The sad truth is that this is the way life unfolds and it is a natural, necessary process. We cannot change this and must accept it. Continue reading →
Do you want to understand your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law then read my new book “THE PRINCESS AND THE QUEEN”. It is a unique book with universal appeal for all women. The book uncovers the secrets of the relationship. It spans two generations and will bring comfort and insight long after the wedding is over. Brides, mothers-in-law and bridal party as well as people marred many years will discover ways to improve their relationship. Continue reading →
“You can never regret anything you do in life. You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward.” Aubrey O’Day
“The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret.” Henri Frederic Amiel
“We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.” Fulton Oursler
Wow but when I look back on what happened up to this point in time, I can see the numerous mistakes I made. I just can hardly believe I am guilty, of the huge number of horrible choices. I am ashamed at the things I didn’t say and didn’t do. I am also embarrassed for the occasions I did say and do things, I shouldn’t have said or done. I can’t believe I was capable of such behavior, but it is staring me right in the face. If I could go back, I would change so much. Continue reading →
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer
We either hate change or fear it. One thing is for sure it is always around us. No matter what the age, changes are certain. When we are young we don’t care about it because we all want to be bigger fast. There are a lot of first challenges and we look forward to those. Parents seem to like having their kids transform quickly into self-sufficient adults. Continue reading →
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” –Buddha
“I choose to live by choice not by chance, to be useful not used, to make changes not excuses, to excel not compete, to be motivated not manipulated, I choose self-esteem not self pity, I choose to listen to my inner voice, not to the random opinion of others.” Unknown
Common Sense is that which judges the things given to it by other senses. Leonardo da Vinci
From what I can tell many people don’t use their common sense. I believe we all have it but because we don’t trust our inner senses it drops deeper and deeper into the recesses of our brains. Instead of just reacting we need to reason and include our hearts in all of the deductions. There is so much sentiment involved in any decision and we may brush it aside due to our fear. Continue reading →
If a mother-in-law has trust and faith in her son, it should give her the confidence to let go and let her son live his own life. She can learn to play a different role and find new interests to occupy her new-found time.
Life changes force us to play a different game with different rules. It can be fun if we are willing to play instead of lamenting the past and turning the game upside down.
Avoiding Daughter-in-Law Problems: Privacy Should Be Considered a Priority
It is important for the mother-in-law to take a step back and allow the couple privacy and space. A mother must consider and respect the fact that her son has a wife to consider. They are now forming their own household and their business is personal.
Probing into confidential affairs is unthinkable. Privacy should always be considered a priority and mothers-in-law should not interfere or ask their sons for information. Many mothers-in-law lament that their knowledge is completely ignored. Unfortunately, they must accept such occurrences as a part of life. Continue reading →
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” A. A. Milne
“We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.” Henry Ward Beecher
“If you didn’t grow up like I did then you don’t know, and if you don’t know it’s probably better you don’t judge.” Junot Díaz
“Can you look without the voice in your head commenting, drawing conclusions, comparing, or trying to figure something out?” Eckhart Tolle
We are all guilty at times of making judgments. It sounds simple enough when we are occupied with choosing paint colors styles of clothing or what we want to do, read, accomplish or study. We feel justified in making all sorts of judgments especially about people and situations. So what is the problem? Why worry about our judgments of people and situations? Is it harming anyone? The answers are that it does harm people, many issues arise from our uninformed judgments, we cause lots of problems for others and ourselves and we test the patience of friends family and co-workers. The trouble that gets stirred up many times results in major or minor fallout’s. Continue reading →
“Good intentions are not enough; commitment and sacrifice are necessary.” Laurence G. Boldt
“Just because I am strong enough to handle pain doesn’t mean I deserve it.” Pix
“When our actions are based on good intentions, our soul has no regrets.” Anthony Douglas
“No man ever steps in the same river twice cause it’s not the same river and he is not the same man.” Heractitus
“Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking.” C. S. Lewis
Our intentions regarding any matter are mixed and hidden because we are trying to fathom ourselves and others. It may not make sense but if you ask someone why they performed a certain act of kindness or meanness they usually give a group of responses for the one question. It made sound like, “I wanted to help them and they supported me and I felt like I owed them.” The list continues in a confusing way and you wonder why you asked the question in the first place. Continue reading →
“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
“there is a God, there always has been. I see him here, in the eyes of the people in this [hospital] corridor of desperation. This is the real house of God, this is where those who have lost God will find Him… there is a God, there has to be, and now I will pray, I will pray that He will forgive that I have neglected Him all of these years, forgive that I have betrayed, lied, and sinned with impunity only to turn to Him now in my hour of need. I pray that He is as merciful, benevolent, and gracious as His book says He is.” Khaled Hosseini
I was looking up the word mercy the other day and discovered so many words attached to it that it surprised me due to their different meanings like the words kindness, understanding and generosity. We might ask ourselves what does generosity have to do with mercy. Of course if you forgive someone who may not deserve forgiveness in most peoples’ eyes, so perhaps you have bestowed mercy in a generous way. I had to think about it for a long time. Continue reading →