Change Is A Part Of The Aging Process… Accept It And Thrive In Retirement

As we grow and mature – mentally, physically and spiritually – we evolve into a unique individual. We want to grow up quickly and become an adult as fast as we can. Adulthood is scary but full of wonder and experiences. Everything is new and exciting.

Most of the changes are encouraging and we enjoy the exploration, intensity and newness.

Life is far from boring and we look forward to the next adventure. We ignore any problems that come with change and delight in the new adventures and challenges. Boring is the depressing word we use to encourage ourselves to move on and embrace something different.

 Maturity and Middle Age Bring Their Own Challenges

As we age, we discover our stamina drains faster and we realize our need to take care of self. We slow up a bit and reflect on the activities we choose. Thinking about limitations is not something most of us consider. We are healthy and strong and our vitality is secure. Once in a while we encounter a back ache or leg pain but we don’t let it stop us from enjoying life. Continue reading

Want To Avoid Daughter-In-Law Problems? Let Go To Hold On!

If a mother-in-law has trust and faith in her son, it should give her the confidence to let go and let her son live his own life. She can learn to play a different role and find new interests to occupy her new-found time.

Life changes force us to play a different game with different rules. It can be fun if we are willing to play instead of lamenting the past and turning the game upside down.

Avoiding Daughter-in-Law Problems: Privacy Should Be Considered a Priority

It is important for the mother-in-law to take a step back and allow the couple privacy and space. A mother must consider and respect the fact that her son has a wife to consider. They are now forming their own household and their business is personal.

Probing into confidential affairs is unthinkable. Privacy should always be considered a priority and mothers-in-law should not interfere or ask their sons for information. Many mothers-in-law lament that their knowledge is completely ignored. Unfortunately, they must accept such occurrences as a part of life. Continue reading

End A Child’s Distress With Loving Discipline

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius

“Distress is the moment you realize that life will hurt more than your death. While existing, we’re forced to become acquainted with sadness. There’s no antibiotic for the ridding of distress, and no alleviation of these intervals of pain we must encounter. Behind our eyes, are all these things: our stories, our dreams, our deficiencies, and our scars. Today would leave a scar.” Crystal Woods

“One’s suffering, one’s melancholy is, in itself, really only looked upon as failure or as punishment, as detestable or sinful or socially unacceptable in the eyes of man; but this is not so in the eyes of God: for He is close to the broken-hearted.” Criss Jami

I am in distress about hearing another child is injured by a parent or someone they love. The frustration runs rampant through my head because I have no answers. If we are upset it triggers less appreciation for what we have. How can we give answers when our security is threatened. It is painful to worry about our sense of well-being when threats are part of our world. Such is the case for many children. Continue reading

Having All the Answers is Impossible

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” Jiddu Krishnamurti

“We are all hypocrites. We cannot see ourselves or judge ourselves the way we see and judge others.” Jose Emilio Pacheco

“People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves.” Albert Camus

“No one truly knows what they will do in a certain situation until they are actually in it. It’s very easy to judge someone else’s actions by what you assume your own would be, if you were in their shoes. But we only know what we THINK we would do, not what we WOULD do.” Ashly Lorenzana

Over the years I have slowly lost my ability to have all the answers. I discover that I can forgive myself for the times I don’t have answers or responses for problems. I can’t always make someone feel better or find solution. I lost my ability to know what should be done but I think I have grown up. Continue reading

Judgements

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” A. A. Milne

“We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.” Henry Ward Beecher

“If you didn’t grow up like I did then you don’t know, and if you don’t know it’s probably better you don’t judge.” Junot Díaz

“Can you look without the voice in your head commenting, drawing conclusions, comparing, or trying to figure something out?” Eckhart Tolle

We are all guilty at times of making judgments. It sounds simple enough when we are occupied with choosing paint colors styles of clothing or what we want to do, read, accomplish or study. We feel justified in making all sorts of judgments especially about people and situations. So what is the problem? Why worry about our judgments of people and situations? Is it harming anyone? The answers are that it does harm people, many issues arise from our uninformed judgments, we cause lots of problems for others and ourselves and we test the patience of friends family and co-workers. The trouble that gets stirred up many times results in major or minor fallout’s. Continue reading

My Issue With Breast Is Best

This is an article my daughter wrote about breast cancer which touched my heart. It is worth reading and better than anything I could ever write. It was written from the heart. It is important to remember that the hurts we bear and suffer are not always obvious. We will perhaps never know or understand fully what another person endures because we don’t walk in their shoes and never will.

“”Dignity is The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad Pinterest quotes. It is the moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom. Dignity is the moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter.”  Shannon L. Alder

I read another post about the poison of GMO, corn syrup, baby formula.  One more post in an extensive news-feed.  It is opinion, and I can scroll past, but it feels like another not so subtle reminder of the “breast is best” undercurrent that permeates everything baby related.   As a physician I feel that breast feeding is ideal.  When I was a third year resident and I had my first baby I was adamant about exclusively breast feeding.  I cried when my milk didn’t come in right away after a long induction.   I also relished the fact that my newborn grew into a chubby, giggly infant and it was due to my own body.  I pumped and breastfed, it was a blur of insomnia knowing that I would have to go back to work.  I took time off and managed to keep a freezer full of breast milk in case my supply dropped off when I did go back.  As a resident with overnight calls I knew I couldn’t be sure how often I could pump, pagers go off, codes happen, patients, admissions, rapid responses, they don’t wait for pumping.  I was determined, I continued to pump, overnight, sometimes in bathrooms, call rooms, it depended on how far of a walk, and which were occupied.   I was determined to make the one year mark. Continue reading

Holding Grudges

Time passes unhindered. When we make mistakes, we cannot turn the clock back and try again. All we can do is use the present well.”  Dalai Lama

“An open heart is an open mind.” Dalai Lama.

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves”  Dalai Lama

“The goal is not to be better than the other man, but your previous self.” Dalai Lama

“One problem with our current society is that we have an attitude towards education as if it is there to simply make you more clever, make you more ingenious… Even though our society does not emphasize this, the most important use of knowledge and education is to help us understand the importance of engaging in more wholesome actions and bringing about discipline within our minds. The proper utilization of our intelligence and knowledge is to effect changes from within to develop a good heart.”  Dalai Lama

Grudges is a nasty  word to begin a post but if we are hoping to let the grudge go then it is a post full of hope. I like everyone else have carried my grudges like trophies in my pocket. In a way I am proud of them because it denotes suffering and endured pain. It proves I have endurance and stamina to  have put up with such situations. I have instilled in myself all the reasons I was right and I absolve myself from any guilty feelings. If I must give myself any blame I go with 10 percent. Somehow that appears to be an acceptable amount. Continue reading

The Introspective Habit

Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” C.G. Jung

“We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy’s fabled beggar who spent his life sitting on a pot of gold, under him the whole time. Your treasure–your perfection–is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the buy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.” Elizabeth Gilbert

“The most introspective of souls are often those that have been hurt the most.” Shannon L. Alder

How important it is to be more introspective before we say and do those simple things that wound others so deeply. I can’t count the number of times I feel like some of the things I am doing are so trivial and unimportant. I actually  think I am wasting my time by stopping to chat with another person for a few minutes. Now it is clearer to me that most if not all of those inconsequential happenings are some major life events. Continue reading

Understand The Defensive Egos

Be careful not to mistake insecurity and inadequacy for humility! Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate! Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!” Joy Bell C.

“There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. It is a fact that we all must face. However, if you realize that God is a best friend that stands beside you when others cast stones you will never be afraid, never feel worthless and never feel alone.”    Shannon L. Alder

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.”    Shannon L. Alder

Have you ever had a disagreement with a friend and felt  the defensive egos rising to the  surface? We fault the other person for the majority of the encounter? I have a sense that all of us like to believe we bear the lesser of the blame. Our minds can twist and turn any words said or gesture so that it fits the scenario we perceive as the truth. They spoke unkind words and gave no care for our feelings. They deserve our retaliation because they started it. I am so guilty of this myself but recently for some strange reason I began to rethink an incident and realized that they did say the words I accused them of saying but I recalled their face gestures. I remembered the softness of their face as well as the quietness of their voice. They had not actually been ranting at me nor accusing me just stating what they perceived as the truth. I was the one who was upset and unwilling to give in because of the words spoken even if those words were not in malice. Continue reading

Right And Wrong

“If we tell them the brain is an app maybe they will use it.” Anonymous

“So far, about morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after “Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.”
Leo Tolstoy

“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.” Augustine of Hippo

Focusing more on what is honest mindful  and right about our lives and behavior sends what is dishonest immoral and wrong in our lives fleeing in despair. I know  we should focus on the good but are we pretending there is no bad in our midst? Is the fear of offending anyone keeping us from truth and reality? I can’t help but wonder that in all of our thoughts regarding freedom and democracy we  have lost the spirit of honesty, mindfulness, and conscience. We  all want to belong so much we have given up our right to see any problems in our speech behavior or attitude towards others. There is no amount of rules truths or guidelines that we do not bend in order to fit in or ease our conscience in some way. Whatever we do we can find a reason or excuse for our actions and free ourselves from blame and guilt. Continue reading