Tag Archives: blame

Answers Promote Questions

“He who busies himself with things other than improvement of his own self becomes perplexed in darkness and entangled in ruin. His evil spirits immerse him deep in vices and make his bad actions seem handsome.”    Ali ibn Abi Talib

“I have a great respect for incremental improvement, and I’ve done that sort of thing in my life, but I’ve always been attracted to the more revolutionary changes. I don’t know why, Because they’re harder. They’re much more stressful emotionally. And you usually go through a period where everybody tells you that you’ve completely failed.”    Steve Jobs

“The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.”    Winston Churchill

How easy it is to be judgmental of others. We all do it on a daily basis. Perhaps we don’t see it, or even realize we are doing it. Many of us would be surprised to find out, how often we make assessments of others. We judge people right down to their walk, talk and attributes of all kinds. It is almost a pastime, and we don’t mean any harm. Maybe it is time to question the habits and the reasons. We can’t always change our personal attributes. For this reason, any disapproval from others is heartbreaking. Sometimes our critique is based on our mood, attitude or feelings about the individual. Our examination might be fruitless and subjective. Continue reading

Displaying Weakness

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”    Mother Teresa

“Life is strong and fragile. It’s a paradox… It’s both things, like quantum physics: It’s a particle and a wave at the same time. It all exists all together.” Joan Jett

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and  reflect.” Mark Twain

I will hurt inside, cry later in the privacy of my home, laugh at the absurdity, and never show my sensitivity to those who are deliberately attempting to bring me pain. When I release my hurt and agonize alone, I actually feel the vulnerability dissipate and the strength replace the anguish. I truly stand taller and although the ache is still within, the knowledge of my power to overcome such pain is a relief.

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Trounce Spitefulness

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”    Dalai Lama

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”    Dalai Lama

“I am thankful for the difficult  people in my life for they have shown me exactly who I don’t want to be.”     Albert  Einstein

“Spiteful people suffer from the worse kind of hurt, learning, toxic thinking behavior and low self-esteem.” Ty Howard

Spite holds us all hostage throughout our lives. We suffer emotional unkindness from others purposefully and perhaps at times not purposefully. The emotions this kind of behavior triggers are difficult to control. It pushes us over the edge and into a malevolent reaction towards the transgressor which is more forceful than the original hurt we endured. In order to get spitefulness under control, it requires the need to face the vindictiveness head on so that we don’t give in to viciousness ourselves. Continue reading

Chained

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”    Dalai Lama

“When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others.”    Dalai Lama

“When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes – I already have everything that I really need.”    Dalai Lama

“All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.”    Dalai Lama

We are so controlled by our thoughts that they might as well  be chains. I am inclined to believe that our bad habits are due to our inability to stop, alter or even think about them. We can’t stop or won’t because as long as we keep our summary of what is within our ability to change, it allows us to keep repeating and doing whatever is a bad habit or action becasue it isn’t in our power to stop it. It gives us the green light to do as we want because we can’t help it so  we profess.  Somehow it requires some special force to alter situations. Continue reading

Gossiping

“It is just as cowardly to judge an absent person as it is wicked to strike a defenseless one. Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things.”   Lawrence G. Lovasik

“Gossip needn’t be false to be evil – there’s a lot of truth that shouldn’t be passed around.”    Frank A. Clark

“Don’t worry about those who talk behind your back. They’re behind you for a reason.”  Unknown

“The girls who gossip to you, most likely also gossip about you.”    Unknown

“Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up.”    Michael P. Watson

“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.”  Socrates

“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.”     Steve Maraboli

“Gossip is spread by wicked people. They stir up trouble and break up friendships.”    Proverbs

The word gossip brings cringes to most people. None of us like to be accused  of gossiping. It is the most common form of recreation, that we all indulge in, no mater how old we are. Questioning our reasons for participating in it, is very important. Many times we lose sight of the damage that it causes. It appears to be harmless, so we rarely stop. Perhaps we should question why we feel the need to trash others. Again the use of the word trash makes us uncomfortable.

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Coping

“I can’t stop the waves but I can learn to surf.” Unknown

“When life’s problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate.” Unknown

“Is there a difference between happiness and inner peace? Yes. Happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive; inner peace does not.”     Eckhart Tolle

How pompous it is to assume we know what another is feeling or dealing with in their lives. I for one have done that  so many times that I am drowning in my thoughts of regret. I never said anything hurtful to the people who were suffering with situations but I never totally understood the depth of their problems. Suffice it to say that I now realize there are perhaps many issues others must face that are much more difficult than they appear on the surface. Continue reading

Discouragement

“Never say that you can’t do something, or that something seems impossible, or that something can’t be done, no matter how discouraging or harrowing it may be; human beings are limited only by what we allow ourselves to be limited by: our own minds. We are each the masters of our own reality; when we become self-aware to this: absolutely anything in the world is possible.”     Mike Norton

“Never let someone who draws a line and say you can’t cross it intimidate you. Don’t be discouraged when someone says you can’t do it. You might have been the only one sent to do it.”     Israelmore Ayivor

“Belief is truth held in the mind; Faith is a fire in the heart.”    Unknown

“The christian life is not a constant high. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes and say oh God forgive me or help me.”    Billy Graham

It is getting closer to that time of year when everyone begins thinking about what is wrong in their lives. It is the holiday season, the time of year we quantify our happiness by how our gains measure up against another s. The spouse is in jeopardy and the kids though we love them, can be disappointing. We wonder if we created the mess or if the chaos simply arrives around the holidays. We spruce ourselves up and have faith we’ll get through it without too many obstacles. How sad to have to ‘get through’ some enjoyable times. Continue reading

Details Of Life

Details Of Life“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”    Friedrich Nietzsche

“A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.”    Saint Basil

How many of us have tunnel vision? It is simple to do and often happens. Maybe it occurs due to our earnest desire to get things done. We don’t want to waste time so we search for the quick meaning in any given situation.  If one runs towards an injured person, and misses the  dangerous gas permeating a room, you are both in trouble. The same is true in life.

Sometimes we think we know what the purpose is, and then we run crazily towards goals that are so unimportant. We forget about those details, which are the fabric of our lives. The details tell the story. How our story pans out, depends on what we consider most important. I know how many times I think about what I have to get done. I consider these items important enough to attend to first. I figure that when I fulfill them, then I will get to those other items, I enjoy and value most. The controversy always starts,  when I run out of time, before attending to the jobs I love to do.

At times I admonish myself for not stopping, before I am totally exhausted, and unable to give anything more to the family. Of course they mean the most to me, yet they come in last on my list. I look at it this way. They will understand and still love me, even if I disappoint them time after time. On the other hand, my boss or friend, may not be so forgiving. I don’t think about the hurt I have caused my family, nor the disappointment.

I keep telling myself, when things calm down, slow up, finish up, I will have time for all of those items I looked forward to doing. I am only kidding myself. If I reflect long enough,  I admit it, especially when I have disappointed people again and again. For some reason, I have this unfathomable goal to have the approval of the outside world. I need to look good, measure up and be respected. Of course the reality of it is, that the world most likely doesn’t really care about me or what I accomplish.

It is kind of like being on someone’s good list, or bad list. How ridiculous it sounds when I think about it. People forget so quickly, about what happened yesterday. Once things are accomplished, they project to tomorrow. Perhaps I worry about the inconsequential. Now if I could figure out why, I place so much emphasis on such nonsense, I would gain answers to some mysteries of life. Of course jobs make it necessary to  have concern, because that is the bread. Yet, I know I can always get another job if needed. I don’t want the aggravation. Yet I put up with all kinds of upsetting things at work.

I ask myself how the world came to be in such a dilemma. As much as we think we have acquired so much, we can’t enjoy it due to time constraints. Perhaps we have lost life’s meaning. If I worry more about work, and making dinner, then I haven’t come to the realization of  the true meaning in my life. I can ignore my child’s questions, promising to answer them when I ‘have time’. Deep down I know that probably won’t happen.

I strive at work, and when offered more money, of course to give more time, I immediately accept, and admonish myself for the guilty feelings.  I attempt to convince myself it is for the benefit of  all of us, in the long run. The trouble is, do we see the long run, or are we caught up in the short runs everyday. My patience is at the end of the rope, but I blame it on my burdens, which my family doesn’t understand. If I can’t make the child’s performance at school, I alleviate the guilty thoughts with thoughts of doing what is best for the family. Have I  gotten lost on my way? Am I on the right path?

I love it when I hear spouses mention, that their partner is not understanding, so they found love someplace else. Perhaps it is them, who have ignored the aspects of life, that made it worthwhile. They  traded the important features, with tunnel vision. We forget about the magnitude of the specifics, that make our life have meaning. There are  no short cuts to a worthy life. Knowing what is of value in our lives, is perhaps the most substantial understanding, we can attain.

When a child looks to us for advice, or small talk, it usually ends up having far more significance, than we originally expected. We end up feeling thankful, for taking the time we gave to our child. Likely though we forget to recall those treasured moments, the next time our child tugs at our pants. When we have no time to give, we have no comprehension of the importance,  of those aspects that give our life relevance. I believe it is essential, to ‘not ever underestimate the small stuff’.

We set our marriage up for failure, if we give it small attention. We are not parenting when we have no time for answering simple questions, for it is in those moments that the big questions come through. Tunnel vision leads us to finishing a day’s work, for pay, and then crashing, when we get home. Open, far-reaching vision gives us greater understanding, regarding the outcomes, for the amount of value we place on our humanity. There are two options. We might gain material wealth but lose our humanity, and that which holds purpose in our lives. We might also pick compassion, lose much of our material wealth, but gain back our values and humanity.

Attend to what you hold dear. focus on those things and people you treasure. Take responsibility for the path you choose. I might add that if we choose the path least chosen, we will find more dimension to our lives. People, not material gains, stretch our minds and hearts. Allowing them to fill up with love and kindness, leaves us altered and satisfied in a good way.

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”        Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.”  Stephen R. Covey

“The will of God is not something you add to your life. It’s a course you choose. You either line yourself up with the Son of God…or you capitulate to the principle which governs the rest of the world.”    Elisabeth Elliot

“The mark of a great man is one who knows when to set aside the important things in order to accomplish the vital ones.”     Brandon Sanderson

Self Discovery

“You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.” Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway

It is impossible to get away from thoughts about self. Our entire day is focused on how we appear to others. No matter how much time we spend instructing ourselves to build that hard  exterior, we cave in or dissolve it immediately when confronted with the slightest rejection. I am guilty of it myself. I feel so motivated to be strong and I fortify myself with inner speeches. I walk out my front door, meet someone and all my  good plans are wasted. Continue reading

Turning Disappointment Into Acceptance

“Family dinners are more often than not an ordeal of nervous indigestion, preceded by hidden resentment and ennui and accompanied by psychosomatic jitters.”    M. K. Fisher

“The man who is anybody and who does anything is surely going to be criticized, vilified, and misunderstood. This is a part of the penalty for greatness, and every great man understands it; and understands, too, that it is no proof of greatness. The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure contumely without resentment.”    Elbert Hubbard

I find the thing that brings the most heartache and pain is disappointment. Every day there is so much need to face discouraging situations. At home it is frustrating if we feel the workload is not fairly divided. At this time loading the dishwasher which wasn’t suppose to be  our job, gets irritating with every dish. Perhaps the job isn’t as hard as our anger at having to do it. Continue reading