Tag Archives: mother-in-law

Reduce Your Problems

“There is no effect more disproportionate to its cause than the happiness bestowed by a small compliment.”    Robert Brault

 “every sunrise is an invitation for us to rise and brighten someone’s day.  Richelle E. Goodrich

I recently heard from a young friend that her parents were getting a divorce. They had been married over 25 yrs. My friend is married yet so very hurt, and yes traumatized. It might seem crazy but divorce hurts the children, regardless of their age. It brings it back to relationships and understanding.

At times, we just don’t understand others motives, words or actions. Many times we jump to conclusions that are not true. As a daughter-in-law, I remember times when I felt the cold shoulder from my mother-in-law, and I would think hard about what I might have done to cause it. Now that I am a mother-in-law, I wonder why my daughters-in-law at times, are so quiet. I sat down one day and laughed because it occurred to me that maybe they had just had a fight with their husband, or somebody else, and their attitudes had nothing to do with me. Continue reading

Kindness Never Fails

“Life has taught me that it is not for our faults that we are disliked and even hated, but for our qualities.”     Bernard Berenson

It is a quote worth digesting. There is more truth to these words than we would like to believe. Whenever one tries to act with humility and thought, it makes others question the motives. It also fosters a conscience, which produces an uncomfortable feeling. It’s time to recognize our own uniqueness. If we are in the presence of a kind person, it shouldn’t demean us, but instead it should encourage us. Each of us has the capacity to educate another. We can’t always be in top form. Those times when we need help, let us lean on another. Likewise when the other person needs help, it is our turn to do the inspiring. We are not in any competition. We don’t ever have to  be in a contest. It really is okay to support each other, be happy for another person’s achievement, and exhibit empathy for another person’s sorrows. As they say, we’re all in the soup together. Continue reading

Successfully Prioritizing Life

“Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and softly sits on your shoulder.” Nathaniel Hawthorne

“If you haven’t time for a tug at your pants leg, your schedule is too busy.” Robert Brault

Recently I had a lot of time to think and reflect. I realized that the saying, “stop to smell the roses”, is undoubtedly true. When we are forced to stop for a moment, our greatest reflections come to the forefront of our minds. They remind us to review what it is we are doing with our lives. Do we spend it being jealous or envious of others? Do we spend it attempting to get even for the wrongs another did to us? Do we spend it making money or fame? Are we anxious or doubtful of others?

None of these things makes us happy. Revenge will leave us empty and disgusted with ourselves. Fame and fortune will find us friends who will leave us as quickly as they came. Doubt and anxiety wear us down and sap our strength. Happiness is inner serenity, and comes from the contentment of our own lives. We really need to dwell on the positive things in our lives. To do this we must slow down and “Smell the coffee, or the flowers.” It might just change our focus towards something that is more worthwhile or inspiring. Continue reading

Always Question Assumptions

 “Real education should educate us out of self, into something far finer; into a selflessness which links us with all humanity.” Nancy Astor

“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” Miguel Angel Ruiz

When viewing an issue from another perspective, we are given the opportunity to assimilate that viewpoint, and accommodate it through the eyes of our own experience. Each individual’s circumstance is distinct. Each situation is likely to be distinct in certain circumstances, yet universal in other respects. More reflection leads to questioning assumptions.

The Mother-in-Law Daughter-In-Law problem is a universal dilemma. It is an unintentionally significant relationship. It requires patience time effort and reflection. Jealousies need to be set aside. Control must be loosened and dropped altogether. judgments have to be rescinded. Compromise and tolerance is necessary. The relationship can be an evolving dream or nightmare. It really is up to the two women involved. Husband must refrain from involving their mothers in discussions and arguments. The girl’s mother must refrain from dumping guilt on her daughter, every time she spends a happy time with her Mother-in-Law. Continue reading

Bitterness Eases When We Stop Pointing The Finger

“Shallow men believe in luck Strong men believe in cause and effect.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Happiness is not a when or a where; it can be a here and now. But until you are happy with who you are you will never be happy because of what you have.” Zig Ziglar

A surprising number pf people live with bitterness. We were wronged and in order to get past it we must voice it to a lot of people. We need justice and an apology which gets bigger with time. It is difficult at first to accept the loss of a family member or close friend but as soon as they apologize we will resume the friendship. Our friend or family member is feeling the same way and they are not swerving from their position.

We avoid each other and attempt to discuss the situation. As time passes we begin to live with our own rules. We must save our pride so we let the relationship disintegrate. Now we miss this person but can’t admit it in any way. Our bitterness keeps us locked up and more resolved to keep our stand. We think of the other person as ridiculous to keep a stupid thing going but we refuse to budge and make the first move. Continue reading

Don’t Ever Lose Hope

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” Author Unknown

“What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the meaning of life.” Emil Brunner

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all.” Emily Dickinson

If I reflect on my life, I come to the realization of how happy I am. I just never seem to have enough time, to simply chill. I hear a lot about meditation, but when I sit down and try it, I have to rub my face, get a tissue to blow my nose, or shift my feet around a  few times. Then suddenly my phone will ring, and I need to give up my meditation time. I pat myself on the back for attempting it, but the next day I feel sad, that I could not relax enough to be alone with my own thoughts. Continue reading

Broken People

“Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.”   Albert Einstein

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”   Albert Einstein

As we reach various ages, we begin to perceive ourselves as broken. Many of us suffer through difficult relationships with husbands wives siblings in-law, kids bosses friends home environment moves illnesses births deaths job losses etc. Sometimes we struggle through problems alone with little or no support. As we emerge out of a hurtful experience we feel fragile and broken. We believe we are used up and no longer new. We  can’t ever remember what it was like to be innocent and with high expectations.

As we encounter greater issues, little by little we feel defeated and diminished even more. if we wallow in the mire of defeatism we can’t see the finer objects being offered to us. They are almost within reach. I guess it is sort of like giving up on doing  any better with our life, We accept it and refuse to get up and get moving. It is an easy thing to do and requires less strength than digging ourselves out of our hole. Continue reading

Build Your Confidence

“Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.” Marian Anderson

“It is the trouble that never comes that causes the loss of sleep.” Charles Austin Bate

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” Albert Einstein

I believe that in all of our relationships we allow fear to enter. This fear causes us more pain than we need to assume or experience. Most of our pain is of our own creation. Husbands and wives doubt each others love or motives. Friends feel let down when their expectations of us are not met. Family members have the greatest burden next to spouses. We expect so much more from them and become inevitably disappointed and pained as well as angry when they don’t meet our expectations.

In all of this we must question our fear of loss. We prefer to keep our friend to ourselves. Sharing might find our friend enjoying another’s company more than our company. Husbands and wives are jealous at times when another person might interact with their significant other. Spouses also question each others desire to spend time with any other friend or relative or activity. Siblings resent each others pleasure with friendships while they ignore each other. Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law fear losing their son/husband. In all of this the main idea is that none of us care if another has a good time. What we fear is the loss of time and affection from someone we love and care about. Continue reading

Image Of How It Should Be

“Excellence is caring more than others think is wise. Risking more than others think is safe. Dreaming more than others think is practical. Expecting more than others think is possible.” Unknown

We strive struggle scrimp, save and at last expect things should turn out the way we planned. How pitifully naive we are if we believe that to be true. What we create in our minds is more important and by working towards that outcome it is equally important. The hard part is accepting the finished product which never appears the way we figured. It can be disappointing or it can be an awakening depending on how we  look at it. Continue reading

Self-Destruct Is Not An Option

“Using guilt as a tool to coerce your son or husband diminishes growth in relationships. Your son/husband possesses the capacity to love both his wife and his mother.”

“Forgiveness is the final form of love.”  Reinhold Niebuhr

I was at a park the other day, and overheard a daughter-in-law, ripping her father-in-law to shreds. Her acquaintance appeared to be the unwilling victim, as she tried to diminish every incident the woman discussed. In between her angry testimony, the distraught woman mentioned, that she was at the moment, living with her in-laws, because she was having a house built. She also mentioned that she’d lived with them before, when pregnant with her, first child, because of the painting being done at her house. Continue reading