Tag Archives: parents

Commitment Anxiety

“Too many Christians have a commitment of convenience. They’ll stay faithful as long as it’s safe and doesn’t involve risk, rejection, or criticism. Instead of standing alone in the face of challenge or temptation, they check to see which way their friends are going.”    Charles Stanley

“When you encourage others, you in the process are encouraged because you’re making a commitment and difference in that person’s life. Encouragement really does make a difference.”    Zig Ziglar

“Love, above all things, is a commitment to your choice.” ―Rob Liano

“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”― Steve Hal

Commitment always brings on the fear. Just the word will make most of us cringe. I think women as well as men, are nervous when they hear the word spoken. As much as I am a spontaneous person, and always willing to go along with someone’s agenda, I hate to be tied down to commitments of any kind. I even  end my doctors visits, upon receiving the card for my next appointment, with the words, “I’ll call and change it if I can’t make it.” I can’t remember many times I had to change it, but the  relief I feel, knowing I can switch it, is a stress reliever.

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Displaying Weakness

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”    Mother Teresa

“Life is strong and fragile. It’s a paradox… It’s both things, like quantum physics: It’s a particle and a wave at the same time. It all exists all together.” Joan Jett

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and  reflect.” Mark Twain

I will hurt inside, cry later in the privacy of my home, laugh at the absurdity, and never show my sensitivity to those who are deliberately attempting to bring me pain. When I release my hurt and agonize alone, I actually feel the vulnerability dissipate and the strength replace the anguish. I truly stand taller and although the ache is still within, the knowledge of my power to overcome such pain is a relief.

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Value Has A Place

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”    Martin Luther King.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”    Plato

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”    George Bernard Shaw

From Book “Mother-In-Law Daughter-In Law Dilemma

Consideration should always be granted to another person. A mother-in-law‟s fairness to her daughter-in-law is out of respect for her son, and a daughter-in-law‟s fairness to her mother-in-law is out of respect for her husband. We need to saturate our hearts with appreciation, deliberation, and honor. Treating another person decently or compassionately is demonstrating regard. It is acceptable to give others respect, but it is necessary to first be aware of anothers existence. Continue reading

Potency Of Actions

“If your relationship to the present moment is not right- nothing can ever be right in the future-because when the future comes it’s the present moment.”     Eckhart Tolle

You find peace, not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”    Eckhart Tolle

“Anything that you  resent or strongly react to in another, is also in you.”    Eckhart Tolle

I am not being critical as some of my knowledge comes from my own experience. It is vitally relevant that we comprehend, myself included, how we go about teaching our kids the many things we desire to see in them. If we sense our kids are not very empathetic, perhaps we should check on our own empathy towards others. If we never demonstrate any care of others then it will not be found in our kids. Continue reading

Turning Disappointment Into Acceptance

“Family dinners are more often than not an ordeal of nervous indigestion, preceded by hidden resentment and ennui and accompanied by psychosomatic jitters.”    M. K. Fisher

“The man who is anybody and who does anything is surely going to be criticized, vilified, and misunderstood. This is a part of the penalty for greatness, and every great man understands it; and understands, too, that it is no proof of greatness. The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure contumely without resentment.”    Elbert Hubbard

I find the thing that brings the most heartache and pain is disappointment. Every day there is so much need to face discouraging situations. At home it is frustrating if we feel the workload is not fairly divided. At this time loading the dishwasher which wasn’t suppose to be  our job, gets irritating with every dish. Perhaps the job isn’t as hard as our anger at having to do it. Continue reading

Forgive Self First

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”    Mahatma Gandhi

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”    C.S. Lewis

“It is important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn from our errors and move on.”     Steve Maraboli

“Letting ourselves be forgiven is one of the most difficult healings we will undertake. And one of the most fruitful. ”     Stephan Levine

There is so much talk about forgiving others and that is as it should be. However, I believe we have forgotten to include ourselves  in the mix. I hate to admit I have made a mistake. It is demeaning to me to be found in the wrong, I feel so terrible. I can assume we all get that sense when we honestly confront ourselves about an issue and find that we are wrong. It is so difficult to apologize and even harder to forgive ourselves. Continue reading

The Friendly Face Mask

“People cry not because they’re weak but because they’ve been strong for too long.”    Anonymous

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”    Khalil Gibran

“True compassion means not only feeling another’s pain but also being moved to help relieve it.” Daniel Coleman

“Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces.”    Sigmund Freund

“A prerequisite to empathy is simply paying attention to the person in pain.”    Daniel Coleman

I don’t know about everyone else but I have many masks that I apply throughout the day. I am not being deceitful  to others only to myself. This is what I have  a problem with. I treat others respectfully or at least I try to but I bully myself a lot. What I say and do is reflected upon many times and then scrutinized for honesty.

I hide behind the mask for many reasons which all have to do with the feelings of others. I was surprised after thinking this over. I refrain from bragging too much about anything good that happens so that I don’t make others jealous. I hide my hurts because I don’t want to admit how awful someone made me feel and how vulnerable I am which makes me feel weak. That is probably the reason for most of my hidden faces. Others hurt quite a bit. I know they don’t mean to most of the time at least I hope that is the case. But the unkindness jars my senses and the mask goes on. Continue reading

What Forms a Memory?

“Childhood is supposed to be happy, and if you can’t remember yours with any happiness, what hope have you later, when life starts handing you fresh grief?”       Amity Gaige

“A rose gets its color and fragrance from the root, and man his virtue from his childhood.”  Austin O’Malley

There are moments in time, that are  imprinted  in our minds, and often we replay them over and over. If we remember a time a parent brought comfort or support, then at a difficult moment in the present, we recall that thought, and it might bring tears to our eyes. It can be both good memories, and happy memories, but they have remained etched within our brains. We retrieve them when necessary.

I think these are helpful crutches, but I believe we stretch the memories to fit our needs. When someone hurts us, by reflecting on a time when a parent soothed us, or a past love supported us, we ache for that time period and resent the present. When our mood changes for the better, we place the memory into the back of our minds, and keep it handy to summon it again when necessary. Continue reading

The Ability To Change

“Character is largely caught, and the father and the home should be
the great sources of character infection.” Frank H. Cheley

“Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with
the ability to say no to oneself.” Abraham J. Heschel

Over and over again I hear people say “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” Sometimes new dogs don’t learn the trick either. My feelings about this situation are that they don’t want to put in the huge effort that changing entails. They like having  others revolve around their choices and desires.

This is what we might call enabling. Just as we enable others to continue with poor habits and vices, we can also give a blanket excuse to some people that allows them to basically never step up to the plate. The rest of us change plans or allow others to have input into alterations to a number of things at work and home. We all know those who manage to find reasons why they should be excused. I think in the end they lose. They never manage to learn patience, turn taking, and empathy for others. Continue reading

Living Up To Expectations

“One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles, possesses the only strength to overcome adversity.”  Albert Schweitzer

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Having expectations is a good thing but when we allow another to have ecpectations of us it can become a challenge. It is not fair to have lofty expectations of another. We might offer a few options. From a child we might want a decent report card. A fair grade may be received on the next report card. If we want it to be all A’s then we have defeated ourselves and crushed our child.They can’t meet our expectations and may stop trying. In the end we all lose.

Of course we want our child to be able to compete and make the grade. It is how we go about it that will determine if they will do it. If the bar we want them to reach for is too high, then it will lead to  frustration. The shutdown of attempts is inevitable. Most of us realize what we can or cannot do. Of course it is desirable to strive for more and try to go further than we expected. This is more  like never giving up and continuing our effort forward. If we do better awesome but if we attain our goal that is also awesome. Continue reading