“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” Steve Furtick
“Sometimes our thought are backed by so much insecurity that they create lies we believe.” Anonymous
How sensitive we all are without exception when egos are threatened. Even those of us who remain calm in hurtful situations perhaps carry the pain well into the future. Some people say I am cutting my connections to this person or that one. Others say I am finding that person so annoying that I need to get some space between us. At other times we choose to place these people into the background of our lives and have some chance meetings or some few and far between planned get togethers.
I find myself doing the same things and using the same tactics. No matter how good someone has been to me, if they start irritating me or upsetting me I turn away from them and sometimes cut them off. I must truly admit that down the road I am sorry that it happened and I wish I could rethink my original thought and plan. I know why. It is because sometimes they were right about something and I didn’t want to listen or believe what they were saying was correct.
How many times I can remember myself or someone else stating “You don’t get what I am talking about. You don’t know what it is I am trying to say. You are just thinking in the past and comparing this situation with something that happened in your own life.” Of course there are those times when either one of us has proven to be right or wrong. So why do we hate advice and think someone is wrong before they begin.
I tend to think it is ego and pride. Who likes to be wrong? I believe we get disappointed with ourselves and we cling to our egos and pride in the hope of feeling better. I know I can hardly believe I have such little faith in me. I question everything I do and second guess myself. However if someone has offered advice, depending on the person, I will or won’t follow it. I simply cannot admit this person who I already deem as a worthier individual, is now about to best me to my face. I now see it that I can’t accept help unless I feel secure in the knowledge that I don’t have a competition going on.
Those people who help us but then never claim to anyone else how much they helped us appear to be the ones we trust. It isn’t that they give or have better advice, it has more to do with pride in that they don’t harm our egos. Our frailty is safe in this person’s hands. That is why we like people who don’t compete or compare us in any way. They don’t keep a record of being right or wrong and they don’t care. They are only concerned with supporting us.
Most of us trust this kind of person because we see them as no threat yet why do we observe others who are trying to help us as a threat? Our egos should not be so fragile. If we had confidence in us we could weather the damage to our egos. I think people who don’t ask for directions exhibit this lack of security. Somehow it appears to them that they should know how to navigate a destination. To let someone even a stranger think otherwise is folly.
The situation that bothers me the most is how all of this makes us more like enemies than friends. We worry so much about our sense of worth that we protect it at all costs. Do we believe someone else is better than us just because they never get lost? Do we see someone who requests advice on a home project as incapable or less capable than we are? If we answered no to these questions then maybe we are all kidding ourselves. None of us may actually put down others yet that is the situation we believe is reality.
If all of us are bent on proving how much we know, how much we can do, and how much we have over another then it may be proving how we are wasting our time on inconsequential concerns. This is not to mention the stress of searching for answers far and beyond when the answers are close at hand. So our hidden reality is that we had to find an answer and keep others in the “Dark” regarding how we accomplished our task. Does anyone care how fast or how long it took us? We may care but I doubt someone else cares. Do people go to an assessment book and write down how we got lost while driving? Are they planning on reporting us? It does sound silly.
We keep so much hidden and sometimes believe that if another person saw how vulnerable we actually were they would either not like us or feel we were beneath them to keep as a friend. There is not one individual I surmise, on this planet who does not have faults, weaknesses and fears. I laugh at how many parents lament that their young children crawl into their beds at night. They are afraid of the dark. Many adults at weak moments, admit that they hate the dark. Kids honestly up front will admit it and jump in with mom and dad. Adults at times turn on their lights, get a dog or an alarm system or move in with someone. The most information on this subject that one usually gets from an adult is, ” I don’t care for or like the dark. I keep my night light on.”
Letting go of our inner battle of pride and courage is the first step in finding serenity. Kids that made fun of us because we couldn’t climb the ladder or jump as far or skip or run or play games well don’t matter to us anymore. It only matters if we let it matter. Those that couldn’t jump perhaps are the people discovering the games of tomorrow. Those that couldn’t play games are the ones organizing groups for collaboration to find answers to world questions. It doesn’t mean those that can jump or play games are not world leaders it just means it makes no difference.
At any point in time there are those ready and able to help and make an impact in our lives. The authority figures change according to the circumstances. The gift one has may not be noticed even by the person who owns it. I view it like this. Whenever one is capable of coming to the aid of another individual in any manner and degree then you have done well and made a difference in the world. There is a kindness going around rather than a hidden fearful agenda.We would definitely have more time for other things if we just stopped contemplating how we are perceived.
The next time we think about how busy our schedule is we should remember that other people are busy thinking about their schedules. Let go of pride and ego and embrace the real you with faults and awesome abilities too numerous to count. Stop judging them if you do judge, and perhaps they will return the favor.
“Don’t let insecurity push away the person God sent to you.” Anonymous
Ego is the only requirement to destroy any relationship so be a bigger person. Skip the “E” and let it go.” Anonymous
“Relationship never dies a natural death… They are murdered by EGO, ATTITUDE and IGNORANCE.” Anonymous
“Stop being offended. Let go of the need to win. Let go of the need to be right. Let go of the need to be superior. Let go of the need to have more. Let go of identifying yourself by your achievements. Let go of your reputation.” Sue Fitzmoris