There are so many times when i wanted to speak up and say something or defend someone or state a fact. I waited too long because I was nervous and I missed the opportunity. When I listen to a discussion and believe what is being said is an untruth, I can feel my body tense and my heart begins to race. i want to speak but I keep waiting for the right moment to jump in. The time never happens. I am left depleted and discouraged. I believe I have no confidence and I am disgusted with myself and the person who spoke falsehoods without being challenged.
Thinking on your feet has never been a strong point for me. The window of opportunity always closes before the words pass my lips. I go quietly home and contemplate all the thoughts I could and should have spoken. Like an actor on a stage I replay the situation and turn out a different ending which involves me stating my viewpoint.
If I ever do acquire the courage to say something in a work situation for instance, the words emanate too fast. and the tone is noiseless and muffled. My remarks are jumbled and without organization. I don’t present an argument because I am not providing sense to the conversation. If this has ever happened to you then you know what I mean.
It all has to do with confidence. Unless one is secure with themselves, they cannot influence another. If we are trying to escape the fire we follow the person that appears to know what he or she is doing. The question is how do we develop confidence. i know there are certain areas of my life that I would defend without any trouble. I venture to say I am secure in those places. That being the case we need to review what we are certain about and what we have doubts about.
You cannot play a musical instrument without years of practice. You cannot play a sport or learn a trade without effort and time. I assume one cannot gain confidence, unless one labors at it. At a moment’s notice, poise will not appear. Self-reliance must be cultivated.
I have some ideas for myself. While everyone is asking for coffee I may order tea because I really like it better and should not just go along with the crowd and order coffee. I plan on taking those baby steps while I grind away at my inability to be comfortable offering remarks in a conversation.
It may appear simple but small baby steps encourage moving forward and attaining conviction. I am not suggesting we disagree to oppose the public. I am suggesting we begin by selecting our own wants and speaking in a reflective way our own thoughts. By doing this we are offering our opinions as a unique and thinking individual. I will find my place in the world.
As we continue our small steps of self-reliance, it begins to build our mole hill of confidence. In time our mole hill becomes a mountain. We are able to stand strong in beliefs and values. The fear of ridicule and resentment is not a part of our repertoire. We have cracked open our egg and burst out with enthusiasm. One day we might venture to say, “When I was sharing my opinion people were listening. I think we all deserve that respect.
“Confidence is a plant of slow growth.” Herbert V. Prochnow