Trapped In A Half Empty Glass

“In the end it is not the years in your life that count but the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is what are you doing for others?” Martin Luther King Jr.

“When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say I used everything you gave me.” Erma Bombeck

I find it so easy being trapped in my own thoughts and seeing life as half empty. I admit that  happy days make it unnecessary to  think so hard about life in general. Difficult days make me review every single word spoken to me. Everything people say and do is a competition. Most of us would definitely say they are not  competing with anyone but the opposite is true. Every second  every day it happens unless we consciously stop the runaway thoughts. Continue reading “Trapped In A Half Empty Glass”


“I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.”
– Lao Tzu

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life”    Socrates

“The key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.”     Dalai Lama

“All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail.”    Dorthea Brande

Comparisons of all kinds send us into arguments and sometimes battles. We find it so difficult to compromise and find a happy medium. Has anyone thought how easily it happens? A very simple ordinary conversation can suddenly turn into a confrontation because someone gets  irritated. Perhaps one of the parties didn’t get to speak as much as the other. One party may have made more points with their discussion than the other. Someone might have gotten bored with the conversation and attempts to walk away while the other person expects them to stay and listen to their rhetoric. Continue reading “WORRIES AND COMPETITION”

When It Isn’t Enough

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” Haruki Murakami

“Sometimes life knocks you on your ass… get up, get up, get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.” Steve Maraboli

“In everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in a very few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.” Haruki Murakami

So we are feeling really low and our spouse or close companion doesn’t appear to understand the depth of our sadness. There is no place to begin to explain how awful we feel. With every attempt we become mixed up in our thoughts and the words tumble out in a confusing fashion. The spouse gets annoyed with our attempts and we get off course in relation to what we are trying to explain. In the end we attribute it to their inability to understand how deeply we are hurting inside. As a matter of  fact, nobody quite gets the angry depth of our despair. Continue reading “When It Isn’t Enough”

Accepting Others

Accepting Others“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”    Deborah Reber

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”     Ann Landers

Don’t you just hate the game playing we go through at any gathering of friends or relatives? I know I do. No matter how many times  I try to keep it at bay, it appears again in my life. I am resolved to acknowledge, there is no end to it until we all stop. I call the petty irritating things we do to each other, the game points. Some of us perhaps plan for the tournament, and enter the environment or arena, ready to do battle. There are those days when we are not ready, willing or able to do any engaging at all.

If I haven’t totally confused you, I am discussing the parties as well as the everyday happenings and interactions we have with others. At the end of any day, if we were to tally our encounters, and decide if they were good, bad or indifferent, most of us perhaps would wonder, how to rate ourselves. These seemingly insignificant minutes of our lives, are the reality of our lives and our key learning phases.

Every family has a variety of members who may approach us with love, hate or indifference, depending on their mood, stresses and attitudes. I am not saying we don’t act in similar fashion, but studying these facts, perhaps is critical. We can appreciate that it is a great feat, if we survive  a get-together intact, and still on speaking terms. There are those instances, you know right away, if it is going to be an easy atmosphere or a demanding temperamental dance. We probably have to side-step problems. The distressing part is we don’t always understand why there is the switch in attitudes. At those moments, we search our brains for answers. Probably we hurt them in some way at the last meeting. We attempt to figure it out, but we are still left confused.

A happy occasion should be so much easier to navigate, so we are left questioning why the snags are present. The last thing we should be expected to do is be on guard. Although I work hard to keep my temperament on an even keel,  I am not frequently successful. After many years of listening to and pleasing others, I realized it wasn’t always beneficial for my own plans. Now I confront people and accept the way they arrive. If I sense they are distracted about anything, I attempt a bit of support. But if I suspect I am disturbing them in any way, I depart from their vicinity. I always feel better about this, as it keeps me calmer and out of the target range. When any of us are in a foul mood, we do tend to zero in on someone. This person likely, takes some of our frustration.

I make mistakes like everyone, but I am so conscious now of other peoples’ feelings, that it makes me more cautious about making anyone’s situation worse than they believe it already  is. I will  help anyone, but I retreat just as quickly, if I perceive someone is perturbed with me. So what about those individuals who we exasperate, just by showing up at the party. That is a hurtful situation. When you are mindful of how much you rattle another individual, and you never understand why, it leaves you puzzled regarding a  solution. I just keep my distance until I can think of a solution for that particular event.

Intrinsically we can’t change who we are, so if we talk a bit too much, cry a bit too long, laugh a bit louder, argue a bit stronger, there is nothing we can do. If we are quiet so be it. Some people prefer a certain type of individual, and unfortunately if we don’t fit their standards or criteria, we are ostracized for the most part. How painful that is to observe others engaged in a conversation, in which you are peripherally involved. You can’t leave politely while people are engrossed in conversation, yet no one looks at you or encourages your opinion. You are no more than the baby sitting on the mother’s lap.

It is demeaning. Perhaps departing from this painful situation, might be one answer. I believe  we get caught in many uncomfortable scenarios, but then it is up to us how we react to them. We  might refrain from causing a commotion, but certainly we should not be expected to tolerate discomfort. Likely the people making us feel this way, are possibly unaware. They might also see the slight as pay back for a past injury. We all look at things with our own looking glass.

Maybe we all get so caught up in what others are saying, and how they are viewing us, that we forget about our own actions and the effect they have, on the people surrounding us. For the most part we are all vulnerable, and the most boastful among us can be brought to their knees, by an uncaring attitude of another. It would be one ting if it ended at the gathering, but it doesn’t. We take our wounds home, and nurse them, possibly for days.

I am attempting to release troubles quicker than I did in years past. I recognize that often it is the other person’s struggle. Perhaps they have a jealousy or insecurity problem. Maybe they have a low self-esteem, or  burdens that weigh on their minds. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, instead of believing they are purposefully causing me tribulations. We certainly suffer enough complications throughout our lives, without tossing added struggles to anyone’s shoulders.

It might be easier to begin each function with a little speech and pep talk. We might begin with the words we preach to our kids. You should include everyone, speak kindly to others, give everyone a chance to talk, take  turns, respect everyone and  most importantly, show  love  towards everyone here. Maybe if we are given  a reminder, we will be scraping off our tough skin armor, allowing our bright lights of love and mindfulness to filter through. We would all enjoy the occasion so much more, without the added silly walls, that serve to only keep us apart, from sharing each others company and love.

“Nothing brings down walls as surely as acceptance.”    Deepak Chopra

“Dignity is the moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.”     Shannon Alder

“Reputation is what others think of us; character is what God knows of us.”    Anonymous

“When you have spent what feels like eternity trying to repair a few moments of time that destroyed the view others once had of you then you must ask yourself if you have the problem or is it really them? God doesn’t make us try so hard, only enemies do.”    Shannon Alder

“There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. It is a fact that we all must face. However, if you realize that God is a best friend that stands beside you when others cast stones you will never be afraid, never feel worthless and never feel alone.”     Shannon Alder


fragmentation“Divorced from the cosmos, from nature, from society and from each other, we have become fractured and fragmented.”    Daisaku Ikeda

“If I don’t understand you, I may be angry at you, all the time. We are not capable of understanding each other, and that is the main source of human suffering.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh

“In modern society most of us don’t want to be in touch with ourselves; we want to be in touch with other things like religion, sports, politics, a book – we want to forget ourselves. Anytime we have leisure, we want to invite something else to enter us, opening ourselves to the television and telling the television to come and colonize us.”   ― Thích Nhất Hạnh

“We have negative mental habits that come up over and over again. One of the most significant negative habits we should be aware of is that of constantly allowing our mind to run off into the future. Perhaps we got this from our parents. Carried away by our worries, we’re unable to live fully and happily in the present. Deep down, we believe we can’t really be happy just yet—that we still have a few more boxes to be checked off before we can really enjoy life. We speculate, dream, strategize, and plan for these “conditions of happiness” we want to have in the future; and we continually chase after that future, even while we sleep. We may have fears about the future because we don’t know how it’s going to turn out, and these worries and anxieties keep us from enjoying being here now.”   ― Thích Nhất Hạnh

I am so aware of how confusing life is. I observe that all of our lives are replicas of a disorganized family, society and world. If one looks up the word fragmented, we are given such meanings as existing or functioning as though broken into separate parts. We are also told it is living in a state of disorganization or being dis-unified. If we are a fragmented personality then we create a fragmented family and the result is a fragmented society and world.

Have we ever felt misunderstood, under-appreciated, confused about what to do, anxious, helpless and unworthy? Those are perhaps qualities of feeling broken off from the world or detached from other people. It is easy to fall into such a situation. Every day we are concerned with so many important, but trivial matters. Those unimportant issues can leave us drained to the point of being broken into tiny pieces like a drinking glass.

We are burdened with so many things we must attend to that we forget about the vital areas of our lives. At the end of the day we are just happy to have completed the must do  items at the expense of our physical, and mental health, not to mention the deprivation of our spiritual being. Somehow we are enslaved to the world’s list of things that are relevant. Everyone around us is conforming so we must also dance to the tune. We don’t stop to question why we do it or to what benefit our running in circles will achieve.

Basically we have become swallowed up in a world of busy work. This nonsense eats our time and energy. How many times have we stated our surprise at a new month beginning, or a new season approaching. We are not really living our lives  but simply existing and running our lives across the land and into the ground. The faster we work, the more pieces of ourselves break apart.

We are scattered in our thinking and become unsure of who or what we are. We at times don’t see our purpose or point in life. We are never positive that we are doing anything right yet we never alter or question our course. We have lots of companions, traveling the same route. That gives us a false sense of security. It must be correct because so many people are going in the same direction. There is no time for thought or reflection. There are many things to accomplish.

In reality we are isolated from others. The more people we attempt to connect with, the more incomplete we become. Perhaps it is time to be us and slow down the pace. We can’t  keep trying to be and do what others are being and doing. Where is  the understanding in that situation. That only carries discontentment and more confusion. As much as we attempt to fit in with others, we only succeed in losing ourselves. Probably we don’t really even know ourselves.

All of us are incomplete and searching for love peace and acceptance. The dilemma is that we always seek it from others and without rather than searching within. We will never receive love peace and acceptance from the outside world until we find it within ourselves. That comes with understanding. People may love us and offer acceptance but there are times they offer us rejection. It is at those times we must come to an understanding of who we really are. We can’t be diminished by such treatment, when we have the knowledge of who we are within. We are enough.

The family is a fragment of our lives as are jobs. Appreciating the family without being absorbed and controlled by it keeps the love from collapsing. We fragment it when we make demands,  promote guilt become possessive to the point of allowing no other sunshine but our own to nurture the object of our possessiveness. Reflect on the amount of time we spend protecting what we deem as our own. By attempting to be everything we promote our own disintegration.

Competition, jealousy, envy and many more detrimental thoughts, are all conflicting energy absorbers that relentlessly fracture us. Listening to others who constantly try to control and lead us is futile. They are as mixed up as we are. We place such useless tasks on our shoulders that it gives us little free time to think for ourselves. Now the big trouble is that without thought, we can never find truth. We remain in a dream state of division of the self.

Our need to fight for our rights, get even, take revenge, trounce the enemy, triumph in all situations, come out on top, feel fulfilled, become the world’s version of happy, control, have power, prove we are right, be more intelligent, be the martyr, be the good person, or a zillion other fantasies is a perpetrated falsehood. Observe the stores and there tremendous amount of false items to enhance us in a variety of ways. What is wrong with the real us.

Look at the media promoting a better us by doing wearing or acting in uncertain ways. We are practically told what to like, wear and do with our free time. It is in vogue to prefer certain items and music and heroes. Whatever is in fashion is brainwashed into our minds. We don’t question maybe because we are too busy with those menial tasks.

Most of us are doing things out of duty rather than love. It looks like the correct thing to do and people are observing. We Think we must sympathize because the world is watching. In the meantime we haven’t time to think about the sympathy and why it should really be given. We behave in a robotic way. Empathy and caring should come from within us not from the demands of the outside world. We need to understand more about what is behind caring, loving and compassion. If we don’t really comprehend it then we are not really learning how to be a better person.

Unless we want to continue being divided into factions within ourselves and throughout the world, it is pertinent we become unified within. So many of us are misunderstood, under-appreciated, and lonely. It pushes us into following false ideas and people. Truth is within. All we have to do is pay attention and listen with or hearts to the intuitive thoughts attempting to manifest in our lives. Remember it is no competition and anger is left outside the gates.

“To know what you don’t know is the beginning of knowing.”    Confucius“If we take something to be the truth, we may cling to it so much that when the truth comes and knocks on our door, we won’t want to let it in.”  Thích Nhất Hanh

“Our notions about happiness entrap us. We forget that they are just ideas. Our idea of happiness can prevent us from actually being happy. We fail to see the opportunity for joy that is right in front of us when we are caught in a belief that happiness should take a particular form.”  Thích Nhất Hạnh

“Be Yourself. Life is precious as it is. All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just Be.”  Thích Nhất Hạnh

When you begin to see that your enemy is suffering, that is the beginning of insight.”  Thích Nhất Hạnh


Baggage“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”    Kahlil Gibran

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.”    Kahlil Gibran

“We are all like the bright moon, we still have our darker side.”    Kahlil Gibran

“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.”  Cherokee Indian Proverb

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”  Buddha

I not only need  to stop packing so many items when I go on vacation but I also must release so much of the mental baggage I carry with me from year to year. Whenever I am feeling defeated, I hopelessly recall the numerous hurts of the past. That would be fine, if I could eventually lay them to rest, but that isn’t how it works. I just feel more saddened, and I review these same issues, again and again. Now it appears to be time to learn, how to let them go forever, and not just until my next depressing day.

I am seeing this as excess baggage, that I drag along and look through whenever the downtrodden mood incites me. It is such a useless thing to do, and I am resolved to release the unnecessary burdens. Appeasing myself of these issues, only puts them off for another miserable day. Taking an honest brave look at them, perhaps, will give me enough courage to stop their aggressive hold on me.

I equate the hold of these unresolved issues, to the need to maintain a chain around another. In a way it is like not forgiving them and instead, piling up the resentment. As the years go by, I have more and more to add to the pile. I have a hefty load to wallow in misery, when I am in a foul mood. Questioning this attitude, and path, is paramount to overcoming the chains that bind me to it.

I really am tired of the grief, and pain, I cause myself. It is time to dump the garbage. That is likely, a good way to put it. All the crazy resentment, that has built up in my mind, is rubbish. After  time the garbage smells stronger, so it compels us to release it. I say this with anxiety, because letting  go of pain can be difficult. We expect to experience misery, on certain days, and it almost becomes comfortable. There is solace in recalling hurts. We somehow make ourselves the martyr.

When we get angry with someone, we immediately think about other  times they hurt us, and it gives us permission to recall them with impunity and disgust. They were wrong, and totally deserve our wrath. We confirm our beliefs, by the number of times they have wronged us in the past. As the list increases, we can go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds.

It appears when we are in a foul mood, for whatever the cause. We practically don’t want relief, as much as we want to blame someone, and be upset. All of us must find someone at the root of our problems. It can’t be us that takes any blame. The first thing we all think about, when something happens, is why did it happen, how did it occur, and who made the mistake. Fault-finding is what we search for.

If you watch the news, and hear of a car accident, shooting, poor test results at school or lost football games, the last words always have to do with investigating the cause. Everyone reviews the reasons it happened, and then they attempt to fix the problem. As humans, we hate to admit that at random times, dilemmas occur, and it is not always possible to find the reason or the culprit.

Probably if we find reasons, and people to blame, it makes us feel like we have control. If we can’t find someone at fault, it is scary, because things are not under control. I also believe we feel better, when we can assume it is another person’s fault. We place the burden on their shoulders, rather than be accused of any wrongdoing. Perhaps that is why we gather all the extenuating circumstances, so we have our proof of guilt.

For sure I am tired of carrying the heavy load. I want to let it go. In reality the burdens weigh me down, keep me from seeing clearly, and destroy my ability to reason. I want clarity regarding not only my own actions and words, but the other person’s actions and words. A clearer picture arises when I am able to encompass all the variables, occurrences, and final results. If I am honest with myself, I share the fault. I see my mistakes and my heart is full of remorse or forgiveness.

I have not figured out why we, at times, wake up in a bad mood. I can’t comprehend why we interpret in a negative way, what others say or do on  one day, yet we overlook any negativity on other days. People’s tone of voice tells an honest story.   Perhaps they are stressed themselves on certain days. Body language is another problem, that at times we manage to  shadow.  Whatever the causes or reasons for our sensitivities, we should recognize the errors of tucking our hurt feelings away. Rehashing painful experiences again and again,  is detrimental to health and relationships.

How can we ever be sure anyways, of truth when we have so many variables involved. Attempting to argue it out with another, is usually a losing battle. We both see it from our own perspective, and some of us enjoy drama while others enjoy embellishing the truth, and others have bad moods now and again. The variables continue to mount.

Letting go of past issues is a good thing. With the passage of time, most problems are not totally recalled clearly anyways. How does a person bring up past hurts when we are in the present moment. It is difficult if not impossible to remember all of the feelings, impressions, and burdens and worries of that past, particular day. The external and peripheral areas that impacted the day of reckoning, are not so easy to recall. They did play an important role at the time of the upset.

Learning how to agree to disagree is a good undertaking. It may not be simple advice to follow, but it is easier than carrying luggage around with us. We drag baggage physically, and nurture it mentally. Now my saddened mood is less painful. I prevent the past from overshadowing the present. I deal with the current situation which is certainly enough to handle. I am also aware, that as much as I am learning how to cope and forgive, perhaps I need to give credit to others who are also living their lives in similar fashion. They to are learning. Although we may never be at the same point on our path, we may be experiencing similar life lessons. Trust that we are on the same road, working towards connectedness and love. It is less complicated to deal with one incident, than it is to reflect on a multitude of problems that we are attempting to assimilate and then accommodate.  It is without any doubt, easier to love than hate.

“An eye for an eye, and the whole world would be blind.”     Kahlil Gibran

“When you reach the end of what you should know, you will be at the beginning of what you should sense.”     Kahlil Gibran

“To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the ocean by the frailty of its foam. To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconsistencies.”    Kahlil Gibran

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Maria Robinson

“If you bury the pain deep down it will stay with you indefinitely, but if you open yourself to it, experience it, and deal with it head-on, you’ll find it begins to move on after a while.”  Greg Behrendt

“Keeping baggage from the past will leave no room for happiness in the future.”  Wayne L. Misner

“Forgiveness is the cleansing fire that burns away old regrets and resentments.”    Jonathan Lockwood Huie