Do We Foster Doubt?

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a life long quest of the wise.” Shannon L. Alder

“Be careful not to mistake insecurity and inadequacy for humility! Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate! Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!”    C. Joy Bell C.

“Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.” Shannon L. Alder

“There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. It is a fact that we all must face. However, if you realize that God is a best friend that stands beside you when others cast stones you will never be afraid, never feel worthless and never feel alone.” Shannon L. Alder

Have you ever noticed how easily someone can knock you off of your game plan and cause you to doubt yourself? All they need to do is plant those little seeds of doubt or give the quick retort that leaves you questioning what they meant for days. We all fall prey to these people who come in the form of friends, family co-workers and unfriendly ties. Continue reading “Do We Foster Doubt?”

Thinking and Loving ?

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”     Martin Luther King, Jr.

“And you know, when you’ve experienced grace and you feel like you’ve been forgiven, you’re a lot more forgiving of other people. You’re a lot more gracious to others.”   Rick Warren

“It’s toughest to forgive ourselves. So it’s probably best to start with other people. It’s almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself.”     Patty Duke

I believe I am thinking a bit negative today because I keep believing nobody is capable of loving anyone especially unconditionally. I spend many hours attempting to figure it out but it leaves me questioning our human population. Parents love their babies until those babies begin to offer challenges and then the spankings and screaming begins. We all remember having disruptive days but usually we get over it and find peace again. Kids are wonderful until they speak their own mind and want to do their own thing as well as lead their own lives. That is hard on parents who want to continue to control their kids indefinitely. This can carry over into their child’s relationships of all kinds. Nobody is left out and everyone is at risk. Continue reading “Thinking and Loving ?”

Children Add The Touch Of Love

“It is not until much later, that children understand; their stories and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the water of their lives.”  “The miracle of children is that we just don’t know how they will change or who they will become.” Eileen Kennedy-Moore Paulo Coelho

“Lots Of Valuable Effort is the true full form of LOVE.” Aishwarya Shiva Pareek

“To reform the world – means to reform upbringing…” Janusz Korczak

I and everybody else is aware of checking the labels for any pills we are taking so we can check out the hazards. Many of us try to decide if  the hazards are worth the risk of taking the pills. As I watch the news daily and witness another assault on a child I wonder if kids should also come with all kinds of cautions and beware symbols. Seriously thou there is so much left out of the venture of raising children. Perhaps there ought to be warning signs or at least a book of instructions. Most of us jump in without a lot of hesitation. Continue reading “Children Add The Touch Of Love”

Oppression

“It is often easier to become outraged by injustice
half a world away than by oppression and discrimination half a block from home.”
Carl T. Rowan

“He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty, he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.” Thomas Paine

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.” Theodore H. White

“You don’t have the power to make life “fair,” but you do have the power to make life joyful.”    Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I recently heard someone discussing  oppression and they became quite animated as they discussed their viewpoints. I  considered this topic in light of the world. All countries have their own ways of cruelty and tyranny. I was amazed at the other terms covering the meaning of oppression. Subjugation and persecution also fall into this category. Likely most of us might say we don’t persecute anyone nor subjugate any person. Continue reading “Oppression”

People Power

60 Quotes that Will Change the Way You Think“If you search the world for happiness, you may find it in the end, for the world is round and will lead you back to your door.”     Robert Brault

“Where the loser saw barriers, the winner saw hurdles.”
Robert Brault

“The little money I have – that is my wealth, but the things I have for which I would not take money, that is my treasure.”
Robert Brault

“There is an ongoing battle between conscience and self-interest in which, at some point, we have to take sides.
Robert Brault

Has anyone noticed that the more we fill up our lives with objects, things to do, shopping, and extra work for money the more we shove out love? It seems like a ludicrous statement to make and most of us might say I don’t do that and love always comes first  with me. I guess I am just challenging the concepts in our minds that we choose to believe against the reality of what actually appears to happen. Continue reading “People Power”

Let Go of False Pretense

“That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending – performing. You get to love your pretense. It’s true, we’re locked in an image, an act – and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you’re trying to steal their most precious possession.”    Jim Morrison

“The heart of the world is breaking under this load of pride and pretense. There is no release from our burden apart from the meekness of Christ.”    A.W. Tozer

“Whatever is above will be managed by the powers above you. Don’t live as a man, pretending to be God. Do what you can do; leave what you can’t to God!”    Israelmore Ayivor

Likely we are all tired of being afraid to admit we are scared most of our lives. Presenting ourselves as capable human beings is the norm. Any of us that fall short of the mark simply hide the truth sometimes even from ourselves. Most of our frustrations deadlines jobs and burdens have more to do with how others may perceive us if we fall short of the time restraints. Continue reading “Let Go of False Pretense”

Running Through Days & Life

“Optimism is a kind of heart stimulant — the digitalis of failure.”~Elbert Hubbard

Optimist: “Okay, we all realize that the situation is temporarily hopeless.” Robert Brault

“If you don’t get everything you want, think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want.”    Oscar Wilde

“After 5000 years of recorded human history, you wonder, What part of 2,000,000 sunrises doesn’t a pessimist understand?”    Robert Brault

Everyday I fight the urge as well as the attention towards racing through my day. As I look around at other people, listen to their quick speech, I realize they are probably doing the same thing. None of us acknowledge it likely because we are so unaware of it happening. Most times I become more conscious of it when I slow down and quiet myself for a few moments. Continue reading “Running Through Days & Life”

Acknowledgement

“We value virtue but do not discuss it. The honest bookkeeper, the faithful wife, the earnest scholar get little of our attention compared to the embezzler, the tramp, the cheat.”    John Steinbeck

…What makes us who we are should be glorified personified and sung unto the stars!”    Muse

Perhaps we begin with the phrase, “I never wanted nor asked for anything in return.” It is familiar to me. As much as any of us want to pride ourselves with our giving from the heart, without concern of any repay, we still like and enjoy some acknowledgement. Perhaps at times it is not necessary but at a low point in our lives, or moods, we may search for some kind of acknowledgement of who we are and what we have done. Continue reading “Acknowledgement”

Compassion

Compassion“Some things take so long But how do I explain When not too many people Can see we’re all the same And because of all their tears Your eyes can’t hope to see The beauty that surrounds them Now, isn’t it a pity”    George Harrison

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
― Plato

I am convinced that most of us believe we are not understood, and that others don’t have enough  sympathy for our trials and tribulations. There is a disconnect between what we say and do, and how others interpret that. Put another way, what we say and do is not always easily understood by others. Many people retreat from our conversations, confused with our words and possibly insulted.

I am beginning to hate the word insulted. What does that mean, “I am insulted”. I am as guilty of being on both sides of the issue so I understand it as we all do, from both sides. It is ludicrous to think that any of us go to a function or work with the intention of deliberately  hurting another individual. Our minds are not telling us to plan an onslaught of speech that tears  another ego down. It has to makes us wonder if we are so fragile, that our confidence can be shaken at the slightest affront.

Does our attitude  of being offended bring on the sympathy? Is that what we are searching for? Perhaps when any of us want attention from others, we strive to gain it in any way that we can. Attaining the sympathy of others is probably one way we all can easily win. The trouble is, there is usually a culprit in the situation. That person becomes the perpetrator of the offense against us. In reality, probably they are the scapegoat of our fears and stresses.

It isn’t a huge  problem, so we think, because there is no physical crime committed. However, the person does believe there has been an emotional upset and misconduct executed. Of course we all fall into these traps that others set, and we admonish ourselves for the dilemma we are in. I know I never go to a party with the intention of singling out  someone to affront. I do like to talk so I suppose there have been times when I have unwittingly upset another individual.

When one confronts this problem head -on, we realize our innocence in the situation. Our hearts had no malicious thoughts to injure another but needless to say we find ourselves on the proverbial hot seat anyways. I must admit, it is the worst chair to sit upon, especially when you are totally innocent. Most of the time the greatest offense is just not reflecting before speaking.

When any of us speak without thought, words may appear to be hurtful, tasteless, condemning insulting, unsympathetic or perhaps too joyous for the occasion. At these times we are at the mercy of the person who perceives us as guilty of a transgression. Most likely we can accept the fault immediately and move on. Many others within the group will probably sympathize with the disrespected person. We simply must endure the punishment, even if we are blameless. Giving more attention to the incident only increases its’ intensity and prolongs the atmosphere of pity.

The hardest part is the fact that we never meant to cause pain in the first place. I suppose most of us have received sympathy at one time or another even when it wasn’t deserved. Maybe merited, or not justified, has nothing to do with truth. If one is emotionally downtrodden, then attaining some responsiveness and care from others is warranted. We just need to appreciate our unhappiness, so that we don’t over think the situation and increase another person’s fault in the event.

It is sad that so many of us are neglected enough to require consideration at the most unexpected times. It is as if the cup of emotional pain has run over and spilled onto others. In the process we achieve kindness, but it might be at the cost of accusing another innocent person. Of course if this accused person becomes subjected to the insult of their integrity, they might suffer the violation of their own person.

Observing the give and take and flow of circumstances, resulting from our emotional needs, should make all of us prepared to give more attention to the needs of others. Perhaps if we can hear the cries of pain, before they reach the breaking point, we might alter the unfolding events. By giving more leeway to those who are suffering, we may produce a peaceful encounter.

How many times have we made a  joke and found the person not laughing. They may be in a bad mood. It makes no difference in the ensuing outcome, which produces us, the loser. Another day or time the same individual would have laughed, but not that particular day. There are those people who instill certain emotions on items that we have no understanding of. Older people are insulted when a younger person implies they are stupid, not in the loop, or disengaged from the conversation. The laughter it brings is painful but unnoticed. Of course young people are shamed when they don’t measure up or their kids are not on the proverbial milestones. They are powerless, angry and upset with themselves. This anger will likely spill over onto someone else. Many times we go home confounded at our blame for things we never meant. We can’t even seem to fix the situation no matter how hard we try.

We all want and need answers. Perhaps we would love to shout it out to the world, “I didn’t mean anything awful when I spoke. I didn’t intend on insulting anyone.” The aftermath of an incident is not conducive for gaining forgiveness even for the innocent. Perhaps another day and time will work out better. If we have faith in the notion that others are not out to get us, insult us or make life miserable for us, we just might learn to get along and overlook what we don’t always understand. If we don’t give others the benefit of the doubt, when it is our turn likely we will not receive the courtesy.

If we are impatient, feeling emotionally or physically sick, or stressed out with our lives, we are allowing those stresses to color our thinking. We miss the innuendos of others. We might say or do something regretful unconsciously. Or we may be the recipient of what we consider painful vibes. In either case our moods, attitudes and built up tension towards other people, cause us to react in negative and frustrating ways. It also makes our perception of reality distorted. The bigger we build it up, the greater the pain and blame for both parties.

It is not what either party wants. One needs attention and love, while another needs acceptance and value for who they are. Pain is afforded to both individuals. One might leave with justice achieved, while the other leaves full of revenge. The battle will possibly continue needlessly.  If we could just observe the pain, perhaps we would be willing to let more perceived insults, fly by us. Acknowledging the goodness in all of us, be it siblings, parents, in-laws or friends, we understand that serenity and peacefulness is better than suffering and anger. As humans, we experience pain. That should put us all on the same page.

We all get cranky, tired and stressed out. Those are the ingredients for a full blown blaze of misunderstanding. I attempt to trust in the goodness of others, and their integrity to avoid giving pain to anyone on purpose. It would be awesome if they extended the same mercy on me. Time  passes swiftly and we don’t want to waste it on useless arguments and stressful thinking. It is far better to  contemplate the happiness we receive from others. Take the goodness from every interaction, and prevent the perceived slurs and slights from ever gaining attention in your mind heart or soul. You will find that you are a happier person, who judges less and discovers more goodness in other people. Gaining attention in positive ways is superior to gaining it negatively. Freely give your sympathy, may possibly relieve pain in the process.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”     Albert Einstein

“When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully. When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light. When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it. When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway. When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back. When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some. When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher. When love hurts you, dare to love again. When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal. When another is lost, dare to help them find the way. When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand. When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile. When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too. When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best. Dare to be the best you can  At all times, Dare to be!”    Steve Maraboli

Bitterness Is Best Sweetened

Bitterness“Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our souls, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.”    Paulo Coelho

“There is only one way of victory over the bitterness and rage that comes naturally to us–To will that God will bring peace.”    Amy Carmichael

“People grow bitter and cynical about life because they can’t bend it to their will.”    Marty Rubin

Do we wake up one day full of resentment towards others, or even the world? Perhaps the unpleasantness of everyday living  builds up and overflows. There are just those times when the anger spills over and drowns us in acidity. Our relationships may appear toxic and unhealthy. Our attitudes become affected and we offer sharper retorts to others. The thickness of an environment full of toxicity creates inner unpleasantness. It is especailly overpowering when we allow jealousy envy pride and anger to wash over reason and understanding. What appears so is not always truth.

I suppose at this moment we should be thinking about removing ourselves from such an environment, immediately. The  problems are that sometimes we can’t escape our trials and tribulations and other times we can’t perceive that we have so many. Once caught in these situations we begin drowning a little each day. Many times pride keeps us from complaining and also from seeking the help we need.

Bitterness is a tough pill to swallow. The acid is like reflux and just keeps returning. How important it is for us to recognize the danger signs as well as the tools needed to necessitate changes. How many times I have witnessed other people, appear to be so consumed with cynicism, that  the first question that always comes to mind is where did it begin? None of us plan on making room for sullenness. I think at some moment we begin to notice the avoidance of other people. We might also encounter those who refrain from any kind of an argument or dispute with us. They plainly observe our unpleasant manner and they refuse to get involved with us.

Perhaps many people drown in their own sourness, while barricading themselves within a world of cynicism. I can see how it might happen. After all, we take on such heavy loads, and then are surprised when we fall down. Most of us believe we are super-human and unbreakable. Many of us learn the hard way that we are fragile like glass. Maybe it is tempered glass but we eventually break.

Young children can become angry when their needs of parental love are lacking. They go through the daily rituals but inside they are being destroyed. Parents attempt to have careers, raise children, exercise, maintain a hobby and possibly a team sport, and find social time with friends, and family, along with cultivating the spouse and kids. The list is exhausting to read never mind accomplish daily  or even weekly. older people want to work at their jobs, support their adult kids and grandchildren, take care of their elderly parents, have a hobby, spend time with friends, exercise and maintain healthy habits while entertaining friends, co-workers, spouses, and family.

Of course it isn’t easy to choose but just attempting this list will leave us exhausted. I suppose none of us believes in choices, patience, and priorities. If we find we can’t accomplish all that we want out of life, perhaps it is time to pick and choose as well as eliminate what we can. There are times in our lives when we can maintain a hobby comfortably. There are times when most of the time is going to be with immediate family and spouse. There are moments when we can support others but perhaps many more times when we require aid and have no time to reciprocate. The fields of play are not always the same.  What we did in high school, may not work when we are attempting to move upward in our jobs.

Sometimes I think it isn’t so much having unrealistic goals, as much as it is comprehending that the goals sometimes change and we must alter our objectives or drown trying to continue. Taking on what is  beyond our limits causes disappointment and stress. We feel that we have failed. Probably that is not entirely truthful. If we were asked to run against a cheetah we would laugh and decline. Yet we consider taking on ambitious tasks that don’t even give us time to think. We are on auto pilot. By the time we discover we can’t finish what we planned, we have already started our bitterness pitcher.

We observe others applying a great exercise program before or after work and we ponder why we can’t do the same. As we sadly learn, if it interferes with our child’s needs or souse’s free time we have jeopardized the marriage. Of course our spouse and kids become the reasons why we can’t exercise anymore. We blame them. We are also  possibly jealous of others who can accomplish this feat. Parents who are demanding and critical of their adult children, drain energy and humor from their kids. Eventually the demands overtake the will and capacity of the adult child. Resentment and animosity stealthily overpower the feelings of love and empathy. Teenagers require their own attention and at their own time table. This perhaps cuts into all kinds of time in all kinds of areas.

There is no period in life, which renders us free time to come and go as we please, unless we disregard all human relationships. Then of  course our time will be planned for certain events happening at given times. I decided the easiest way to alleviate bitterness was to eliminate too many distractions and the need to do list. Maybe we don’t have to spend as much time with certain things or people. Perhaps we can get back to hobbies when we are in a different time period of life. Maybe there are certain seasons of the years better suited to attempting to accomplish various goals or ambitions. Maybe we should rethink why we must accomplish some items at all. Likely there is more on our list due to the needs and wants of others rather than our own wishes to achieve such objectives. If our neighbor loves gardening, and we enjoy it but don’t love it,  then maybe simple is better for us. Exercising lightly may be a better goal than not keeping up with outrageous ones.

The idea is to temper our wishes, modify our wants, and check up on needs. Maybe some of our needs belong in the want category. If we take a look at our lives, we might find areas we are infringing on others as well as ourselves. Perhaps less can be more. Spending less but faithful time in an exercise program may benefit us in the long run and not make demands on us to the point of anger development.

Finding that our bitterness is reflected on others may surprise us. When this happens we are no longer being helpful but actually hurtful. We may not recognize our own failings. The thickness of bitterness can leave us partially deaf, blind and physically incapacitated. Just as we teach kids to refrain from eating too much candy, so must we heed our own advice. Dropping some unwanted choices and objectives will give us more time to spend on what we desire. We can be ourselves and choose what works for us. Variety is the spice of life. It appears to be a worthy objective. Our alternative is to allow  jealousy, revenge, envy pride and pain to stand in the way of love and connectedness.

Stop expecting so much from yourself and so much from others. They have the same full load as you do. Instead share the load and drop the notion of keeping up with others.  Perhaps their mariage is in greater jeopardy than your own. What appears as truth on the outside may not be the actual reality.  There will be less stress and bitterness, if you create your own desires. Search for some love in your relationships. Frustrations and pressure will tend to alleviate when the bitterness and stress slides away. All we have to do is pay more attention to what we are packing on our shoulders. It really is better to pack some patience and love. It goes a long way in alleviating toxicity. I see bitterness like the unseen germ that enters the body, takes residence and destroys. There is plenty we can do to combat it. Be aware, temper your desires, prioritize your life, appreciate more and live a happy life.

“Wisdom without Christ brings bitterness; with Christ it brings compassion.”    Criss Jami

“The bacteria of resentment bred: distance turned to distrust; distrust turned to bitterness; bitterness to hate, which is, after all, a kind of grievous love”     Johnny Rich

“We need the compassion and the courage to change the conditions that support our suffering. Those conditions are things like ignorance, bitterness, negligence, clinging, and holding on.” Sharon Salzberg

“You can’t climb up to the second floor without a ladder. When you set your aim too high and don’t fulfill it, then your enthusiasm turns to bitterness. Try for a goal that’s reasonable, and then gradually raise it.”    Emil Zatopek

“To expect too much is to have a sentimental view of life and this is a softness that ends in bitterness.”    Flannery O’Connor