Rippling Effect Of Stress

Rippling Affect Of Stress 3“It is another’s fault if he be ungrateful, but it is mine if I do not give. To find one thankful man, I will oblige a great many that are not so.”

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” Khalil Gibran

How underrated kindness is. It feels like we expect others to place us first on their agendas but we never reciprocate. Yes we are thinking, I am good to others all the time but truthfully, how quickly we forget about what others do for us. We do recall when someone lets us down. The pain hurts and the emotional scars we endure are sometimes of our own making.

 Like many others, I expect my family and friends to recognize and know when I  am over my head and require their help. I don’t of course, mention my needs. I assume they should be aware of my desires. This rarely happens. I am let down and quite annoyed with them. After all, I believe, I am thoughtful regarding their plights, and I pay attention to what they want and crave. How come they can’t do the same for me?

Perhaps this rings a chord with many of us. There are those times we need help but don’t ask for it. There are other times when emotionally we require support, but very little comes forward. Why does this occur we ask ourselves as we nurse our wounds. Of course we might retaliate by alienating this person who is actually oblivious to the duress we are  under.

I think  we are so busy  scheduling and nurturing our own lives that we forget to notice what is going on in another person’s life. We are not unkind, disloyal, heartless or without concern.  We are simply too busy dealing with our own problems. I am not saying this is the right thing to do, but we are not thinking deeply about it. I endeavor to say that most of us at times, rarely think deeply about anything,  because we just don’t have the time or energy.

Stress is a killer in more ways than one. Perhaps when we are on overload, everything appears to be a tremendous task for us. Even the simple job that requires  very little time, can become the insurmountable  job that breaks our spirit. Somehow we have learned how to be hard workers but we haven’t learned how to take the time out to chill. That appears to be too easy but actually, how many of us even know how to relax.

Our response might be that we take a vacation. Now we spend seven to fourteen days relaxing, and the rest of the year we are in fast drive.  I honestly think that in my case, that has some effect in my overlooking the quiet call to notice another’s cry of despair. We wonder how so many people slip through the cracks in one way or another. Perhaps by the time we notice, they are traveling down the fast lane, and are ready to collapse.

I don’t say any of this is our fault. I do believe that we could likely be in the same position as our now, off track friend. We all have different breaking points. It is hard to  say at what stage, we can’t bend anymore. Seeking and observing what fork in the road we go off track is useless. It isn’t planned but when we review an event, it is so easy to see the mistakes that were made. Perhaps we all should get out of the fast lane. It leads to nowhere.

We are expected to be strong, to make a good living, to protect the family, to help the family and neighbors, to be the thoughtful spouse, and to be willing to share whatever time is left over, with others in our community. How often do we receive mailings to give money or time to others. Of course once we start giving we are bombarded with more and more. The guilt jumps in and we are left with choosing the most sincere mailing with the saddest displayed picture. We run and promote causes but sometimes are left with little comfort and we ask ourselves are we doing enough? We all want to give but our distrust of the managers running the cries for relief funds overshadows our heartstrings.

Likely the numerous causes are beyond the human touch and although I would recommend supporting such causes, we still must watch that we don’t deplete our own physical mental and emotional energy. We can stretch ourselves beyond the limit. Perhaps those people who are willing to give, can become the hardest hit emotionally, when they leave little time for themselves and their own immediate families. Work takes a huge chunk of our time.

Each spouse who is on overload, contributes to the end result of bickering, fighting and alienating each other. Maybe with a small amount of “me” time and together time, things will work out. Breaking our own sense of balance, for the sake of going overboard for others in demand,  is not necessarily a good thing. We are left with more people, including us, who desire attention. It really is okay to take a break. We all need it. Just because some of us are blessed with more material items and more supportive people does not mean we don’t crave some down time. We will break as easily as the frailest in society.

On an airline, they tell you to put your mask on first, then your child’s. This makes sense. If you are struggling to breathe, you won’t be able to place the air mask on your child, if your air mask is not applied first. The same is true for your mental, emotional and physical body. If you don’t take some time out for you, then you will be of little support to others.

When we have had enough we melt down. Then  we wonder, why those closest to us haven’t taken account of our predicament. The trouble is that so many of us compensate, for such a long period of time, as well as keep the pain inside while  hurting silently.  That makes it difficult to notice someone’s hardships. Immediately condemning others for their lack of kindness is a mistake. At those low moments all we can think about is what others have done wrong. We forget about how many times previously, they might have come to our rescue.

Focusing only on the slights, gives no room for the many kindnesses extended to us over the years. All we readily remember is the disregard we received. How sad is our focusing and recollection. Now we make another enemy of someone who used to be our friend or close relative. I always wonder at our lack for remembering the good, and our ability to readily recall the bad.

It appears to me that it is so important to take a break when needed and to ask outwardly for aid when support is required. Playing the “waiting game,” or the “they should notice me game,” always seems to backfire. Even in marriages, when partners don’t readily state their feelings or ideas to each other without prompts, they are not given attention. Then what follows is anger at the partner, for not noticing their plight. Many of us do have a problem stating what we want or what is bothering us. Perhaps we are too independent.

I highly recommend helping others as much as we have the ability to afford to do in money, time and effort. I also highly recommend that we take numerous breaks for ourselves, so that we are not found in a similar position as those we are attempting to help. It is not weakness to accept help. Emotionally, physically and spiritually it happens to all of us. The reasons are numerous. Whatever succeeds in shedding light on our basic  requests is irrelevant. What is vitally important is that we recognize what we need, and we ask for it. In doing so we can breathe a sigh of relief for our genuine reprieve. The future will allot more opportunities to help others.

I don’t think God ever wanted us to wear ourselves out. He expects us to nurture ourselves along with others. We are not suppose to build others up at the cost of tearing  ourselves down. No one wins and we resent those we attempted to support. Toss guilt aside and remember their are times in our lives when we have more problems and less time to give. There are other days when we have less problems, and more time to offer to others. Take notice of where you are at, and take charge of your life by asking and accepting help when needed. Reciprocate when you are asked in return. In that way everyone comes out a winner.

“And since the Law of Reciprocity is strong there is another upside. People will feel like giving back to you. And so the two – or more – of you keep building an upward spiral of positivity and happiness.”     Seneca

“Life’s like a play: it’s not the length, but the excellence of the acting that matters. Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power. Wisdom allows nothing to be good that will not be so forever; no man to be happy but he that needs no other happiness than what he has within himself; no man to be great or powerful that is not master of himself.”   Seneca

“God said, “Love your enemy.” “And I obeyed him and loved myself.” Kahlil Gibran

“You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link. This is but half the truth. You are also as strong as your strongest link. To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of ocean by the frailty of its foam. To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy.” ~ Kahlil Gibran,

Finding Faith Within

Finding Faith Within“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi
“Your vision will only become clear when you look inside your heart…Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakens.”    Carl Jung

I have been doing my own soul searching and discovered so much of life is filled with not only inconsequential things, but also trivial talk. I attempt to meditate, or my version of it, and frequently attend church services for the benefit of the sermons. Of course they are not always enlightening, but often offer wisdom to carry me through the week. It is most often a message worth hearing, and carrying it with you.

Sometimes it is frustrating when the ministers go off about issues, not relevant to a person’s life. They are so off base. I wonder about why these preachers can’t see how important it is for them to concern themselves with the sermons. That is what people listen to, and attempt to base their current circumstances in life, on. If ministers profess a haphazard speech, then they shouldn’t wonder why they lose the people. We all want to be inspired. It is worth a priest or ministers effort, to produce a worthy sermon.

I’m not down on church people, but they have lost the ability to recognize their own power. Maybe they are so caught up in making money to run the church, that they are giving less attention  to what has the most meaning in peoples’ lives. I know they attempt to minister to the home bound, teach the young members in their parish, attend to the sick and aid the mourning and the troubled. There are still a great many souls searching for enlightenment.

I equate this to constantly giving all of the resources to those who are failing at school. The children who are just passing get few of the benefits, and thus barely pass. We almost drag everyone down, by not helping the average and the top students. I am not politically correct to say that, but the truth is we should serve all of the kids. By focusing on the failing few, we alleviate the responsibility from the home and the parents. In the end result, we have just fair grades from everyone, if even that much.

Likewise religion appears to be doing the same thing. they are attending to the  pursuit of nice things, such as the grounds and gatherings, but they have forgotten to face the actuality of life’s mixed bag of confusion. It becomes another area where some people are left feeling unfulfilled and ignored. There are those middle ground followers who don’t have a marriage crises, or money problem, yet things are not always perfect either.

There are many who face problems within a marriage, and they work it through. They bank their money, as best they can, while saving some for college and unforeseen issues. They don’t ask for help, but they worry constantly about their finances. They do their share, but perhaps they are not the front runners of leadership roles. They come through many times in minor roles, so their contributions are  not as vociferously honored, within a religious system.

Whenever I hear of an institution giving praise to certain individuals, I question their reasoning. The people  who do it out of the goodness of their hearts, do not need praise for it. I would just like to see more effort placed on spiritual matters. How are any of us doing soul wise. We face our problems sometimes alone.  After all, there are only so many ways we can spend our time. If Churches sponsor bazaars and a suppertime get-together that is very nice, but these things should never be at the loss of time to the crucial  benefits of support groups. Sermons that benefit those middle of the road attendees, who need to be inspired, are vastly underestimated.

I have to admit, I hate to see the rules bent in order to keep attendees coming. It is as if we make the rules as we go along. If we are not politically correct perhaps we might lose the parishioners. How ludicrous is that. Churches should be challenging us to think about our souls. They can’t be afraid to say it. When we meditate, we are reviewing our spiritual side, and working on becoming a better person. Leading an improved life is our goal. The same is true with attending church. We are aspiring to build up our souls, to face the challenging issues, they will confront, on a daily basis.

I don’t envy the ministers task, but I do have faith that they should reflect a lot, perceive the issues of the world around them, and rather than attempt to change their own platforms, try to evolve the inner spirit of the people towards good. It is a tougher job, but the product of it is honest virtue and integrity. We all search for truth and meaning. We can find it within ourselves if we look hard enough.

I know that churches fight their own battle to keep their flocks, but in such a demanding and temptation filled world, I think the focus should be on the spiritual neediness of the people . We understand and recognize our imperfections, but we are looking for the encouragement to do better. We are acknowledging the dignity of leading a virtuous life. All of us want to do our best and become the best we can. With solid unbending support we are uplifted. I don’t want to bend the minister to a lower level, I  want to be lifted up above where I started.

As much as I like the idea of ministers offering blessings to sports teams and governments, I must admit it feels like a waste of my time to listen to a drawn out production. I would prefer it done in a private, swifter fashion, and devote the leftover piece of time to those of us who attended church services for inspiration, to lead a worthier life. With everyone and everything else getting uprooted, it becomes more necessary to stabilize our beliefs in love, empathy, virtue and forgiveness. I want to be fortified to face the week, without compromising my integrity. In this world that is not an easy thing to accomplish.

In the end I must admit, it is up to us to take the responsibility, to nurture our own souls. Deep down we know what is right. We like to ignore it because it is not an easy way to follow. If we allow reason, instinct and spirit to blend, we will find our truest answers. Who is there better to trust and have faith in than our own instruction. We have always had the choice, and we can choose wisely. We simply lost our enlightenment amongst the brightness of the false attractions calling out to us. It is time for us to take control of our own destinies.

The world is full of people who have stopped listening to themselves or have listened only to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are they should be living for.” ~Joseph Campbell

“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.”    Carl Jung

“Spirit, like God, denotes an object of psychic experience which cannot be proved to exist in the external world, and cannot be understood  rationally.”    Carl G. Jung

Choosing Truth Over Group Mentality

group mentality“The human race is a herd. Here we are, unique, eternal aspects of consciousness with an infinity of potential, and we have allowed ourselves to become an unthinking, unquestioning blob of conformity and uniformity. A herd. Once we concede to the herd mentality, we can be controlled and directed by a tiny few. And we are.” Unknown

“What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.”    Sigmund Freud

“Happy will the house be in which the relationships are formed from character.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

To lead an honest and powerful life, one really must do more decision making, and collaboration with others. That means at times, we will find ourselves in smaller groups, or maybe even in a group of one. How much easier it is to be  part of a whole. It relinquishes the necessity of decision making. If we go along with the crowd, we are accepted, feel safe, and have time to do whatever we want. We are also exempt from thinking. How is it so many of us  choose this state of affairs.

Maybe it is by accident that we get into ruts, and want to give up the burdens, and work that needs attention. It takes time to review both sides of issues. It demands courage, to have the strength to overcome pressure, to swing the way others want us to. Perhaps that is why we end up getting lost, within the grid of twists and turns. It is too difficult to figure, so we stand by others we have an admiration for.

Being politically correct, allows us to abstain from truly comprehending the situation. We have faith in the few chosen key words, that sound correct at the time. We can’t perhaps  voice what we think, because others would not agree with us. If they did we might be motivated, to pick up the lead. The unsure faith in our leadership ability, reduces us to a follower. It renders us to be    cautious, regarding who we choose to follow.

There  is no exertion, when we trail another. We don’t have to think, reflect, decide, discuss, or shake up the crowd. We may not be held accountable, nor admired, but we fall in with the safe crowd. We may be more like a cow, sheep, or pig being led to a slaughter. It perhaps is fruitful, to wake up, and start looking at things as they are. We must check things out for ourselves, by checking with our own heart, mind, and intuitive process. We may know what the truth is, and what we should do.  Overcoming our nervousness, and tiredness, while rousing ourselves to attempt the work,  promotes independent thinking.

I believe we are good people, who have lost the ability, to pay attention to where we are heading. We want to be good but we also yearn to get along. We want to be kind, and we don’t want to make waves. We choose to be righteous but  don’t want to step on the toes of others, who think differently. In the end maybe that is why we choose the dream state, so we don’t have to face our real selves, or the truth about our world.

It becomes harder to find answers, likely because everyone is so used to permitting truth, wisdom and virtue to be stretched beyond recognition. We just can’t say things are wrong, or right anymore. I despised  the phrase, “I don’t go along with that thinking, but everyone can choose for themselves.” We could change it to “I believe that is wrong but I can’t tell you what to do.” At least we are stating our own position rather than taking the asleep route.

A good healthy discussion, tolerates the consideration, of various ideas. It also grants people, to feel secure about professing their thoughts. We crave for more insightful notions and reflection. Killing, stealing, cheating, lying, and brutality in any form is not acceptable. There are no compromises. There  should be no fear in mentioning these facts. Morality should never be outdated. Honesty, integrity, empathy, kindness, and wisdom probably needs to be put back up on the shelf. There it can be admired and taught.

If we refrain from teaching anything to our kids, then we have done as much damage as teaching them the wrong way to live. There are plenty of people willing to lead kids down the wrong path, so it becomes essential for us to lead them down a worthier route. Pretending things will get better on there own, or perhaps assuming others will do the job for us, is ludicrous. It won’t get done. It is time to step up to the goal and kick the ball in, or shoot the puck in. Our job is to be a conscientious member of society. Teaching by example, while modeling  worthy behavior, is a priceless gift to offer anyone.

“Gradually it was disclosed to me that the line separating good and evil passes not through states, not between classes, nor between political parties, but through every human heart.”    Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

“It is difficult to bring people to goodness with lessons, but it is easy to do so by example.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

“A life in harmony with nature, the love of truth and virtue, will purge the eyes to understanding her text.”    Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mothers And Daughters

mothers and daughtersThe formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery. The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests.” ~Author Unknon

Mothers and daughters begin with the closest friendship.  There are many times the dad might feel pushed aside. Within a few years, as the girls approach their teen years the trouble begins. I think at first moms attempt to deal with it as they encounter the hurts from their daughters. If or when it continues for a longer time the father usually steps in and the problems expand. All of this takes a toll on the mother especially. Solving the dilemma will take patience, love, a listening ear, open mind and loving heart along with a firm attitude.

Moms should try not to get involved totally in the drama to the point of screaming or yelling. Parents are always the directors not the actors. Even when hurtful things are said or done by their daughter, it still necessitates that mom hang in there and continue with her guidance understanding and love. Never resort to shame or insults. Teens require more love at this point in their lives, perhaps than they ever needed before. They are being judged constantly by others so they don’t enjoy more assessments from the home. Life is full of alterations. This is one of the great transformations and requires lots of attention and discussion.

Daughters are not little girls anymore and they require discipline with love and patience but also with greater understanding of where they are coming from at this present moment. Parents must see through the upheavals, and the cries for help from their child, as they sift through the upheavals. Understand the playing field has changed. Although I am a firm believer in having respect for kids of any age, I especially think it is important during the teenage years. The confusion and muddled sensitivities of their daughters are persistently evolving. The extent and depth of their pain is real. As insignificant as their problems may appear to us, they are critical to our daughters. Demeaning their attitudes about the importance of their dilemmas has the power to cause rifts of insurmountable complications. Being on constant watch as well as being available to listen is vital.

Perhaps we consider the teen years as the time to remain uncompromising and to strong arm the kids. It is actually the reverse. One needs to be more receptive to the child’s cries wants and requirements and to bend without breaking. The mood swings attitudes and pains are difficult to encounter but remembering the changes taking place on the outside are not even close to the changes taking place  on the inside of the child. Staying connected to the inside but physically remaining on the outside helps to control being overtaken by the dramas that present. Many teenage girls are mouthy. Most likely their sassy words are flowing before they have even thought about what they are saying.

Moms may attempt to discipline through necessity due to the disrespect in their child’s words and actions. It reaches the point of no return regarding any compromising when they believe the daughter has overstepped too many times and things are falling apart.  Most parents believe at this point they must hold the line. Not so. At this point it is time to review and rethink your rules and parameters. It is time also to use your instincts to understand what the surrounding issues are. See through the daughter’s façade and discover the actual issues. Reconnect with your daughter which may require you to have a thick skin with the potential onslaught of hurtful words. Daughters are angrier at themselves than their mothers. Attempt also to keep voices low. Speak calmly and slowly because believe it or not you can unwittingly change the volatile atmosphere with these tactics.

Kids think parents don’t understand them and don’t have a clue about how they are feeling. Of course saying, “I understand” won’t cut it either.  When they fire criticism at you it should be taken in and reflected upon before you retaliate with your own negative response. You must show that you get it by offering to listen. I am not suggesting you break any of your own rules but stating your rules to them bluntly is in their faces and it won’t work. They see themselves as approaching adulthood. They want independence. Offering them as much as you can without giving in to your restrictions is best. They yearn for power even though they are not ready for it, so giving choices to them is sort of a compromise. You get to choose the selections but they get to feel empowered with the choices.

With your attentiveness, you might be able to offer choices which is always a good thing. A child of any age does not feel as controlled when they have some power and influence over their own lives. Blame is never an option but it is easy to express it when in the middle of a confrontation. If you react with calmness, understanding, respect and love you will probably receive a better outcome. You can’t retaliate even if the child does which is what usually happens. They have hormones rising which they can’t control and probably they are not even aware of the effects. You are the parent and the adult in this situation. The child can lose control but the parents must keep things under a certain tempo no matter how much you assess as wrong, deliberate or mean. You need to get through one battle at a time. Kids are confused and perhaps don’t even intend what they are saying. They are angry and need to take their fury out on someone which happens to be their mothers.

As you learn how to make progress in these altercations by remaining composed, the next argument ought to be of a lesser nature. You will find yourself using your skills of speaking softly with love and openness and directing the drama so it stays as neutral as possible. In all of this the child wants to be heard, understood, and like a toddler get their own way. You can listen and attempt to truly understand and then compromise when possible. When you speak to them at your turn, do some explaining yourself. Don’t discuss how poorly they treated you because it isn’t about you at the moment and you will lose the battle as well as the chance to improve anything. Try to alleviate any problems for them that you can. At the very least keep the communication open always. Maintain a truce.

A lot of times parents get confused about the fighting, believing it is an attack on them. The truth is the kids need to fault someone and take out their frustrations, and that means you are going to be the scapegoat. Any attempt on your part to defend yourself will perhaps cause a set-back. Don’t try to contain a problem that doesn’t likely exist. Keep on topic. It is folly to enter into a shouting match or verbal argument about who did or said what. Getting into the blame game only makes everyone feel guilty and it is a no win situation for all involved. Moms may end up on the defensive which is a difficult place to be. You never want to be offensive. When dads are called into the discussion, the battle gets vaster and the parties are now fighting for a cohort to build up their side of the issue. Fathers are angry at their daughters for upsetting the mother. Dads may also defend their daughter causing more rivalry to ensue. Fathers might attempt neutrality.

Kids don’t lose the advice we give them even though it might appear so in the heat of discussions. It is easier to say, “I am sorry you feel that way. It is not how I meant you to feel.” Or you might say, “I am sorry you interpreted what I said in such a way. I meant to…. not hurt you in any way because I love you too much to do that.” Now as corny as it may sound, kids like and need to hear us say we love them especially when they know they don’t deserve it. You may have the discussion more than once and you may have to revisit old wounds or situations but you will conquer. As long as you continually acknowledge and state how much you care and love them, you will break their walls and win their hearts. This is true with boys as well as girls.

Disregard their hurtful words and actions and comprehend that they are having their own temper tantrum just as you observed them at a two year old level. When things are calmer never accuse them of behaving like a child or toddler because you will alienate them. They want to be taken seriously and in an adult fashion. It is important to acknowledge their maturity and respect them.

Daughters need their mothers. They also need to be their own counsel. It all takes time. Always remember that unconditional love means you love without any conditions in return. Although we all like love returned, at the moment your child can’t give it. They still love you but won’t display it in the middle of a fight. When they do calm down at some point, don’t make them uneasy by reminding them how awful they made you feel. They probably know that what they said was mean. They will most likely be harder on themselves than you are on them. Someday when they have their own child or children, they might be better able to deal with the problems using you as their role model. Your handling of the situation can have a huge impact and a profound rippling.

You want your child to be open and honest with you, so treat them with respect. Your non-judgmental manner during any discussion with you will encourage their trust and feelings of safety. It allows you better communication and stronger bonds. I think if we can understand it is not about us but our kids it will keep us from wallowing in our own wounds. You have done a great job and must continue having confidence in yourself and your ability. You are the parent, not the friend, the director not the actor. Accept your role with dignity and calmness.

“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.” ~Honoré de Balzac

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” ~Washington Irving

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” ~Linda Wooten

Mother’s love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.” ~Erich Fromm

Family Rifts

castle_hill_1“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.”  Khali lGibran

“The tragedy of life is in what dies inside a man while he lives – the death of genuine feeling, the death of inspired response, the awareness that makes it possible to feel the pain or the glory of other men in yourself.”    Norman Cousins

Everyone has some issues within their families. Many parents are separated, which causes its’ own set of problems even for the married children. Some siblings are not speaking to certain other siblings. Some siblings dislike the new sister-in-law or brother-in-law. Cousins get angry with cousins. Fathers and sons clash on a regular basis, while mothers and sons or daughters  find themselves in ongoing arguments. Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law disputes are almost glorified. It leads one to wonder why the rifts  and battles continue, and to question why nothing usually changes even with time.

I thought about some personal experiences and concluded, we are simply seeking love, admiration and acceptance. Many believe an answer is not that easy, but actually fact is obvious to find. As a matter of fact, I have found that many problems are easier to solve than they appear. For instance, if we want to make amends with anyone, the simple reply of I’m sorry let’s be friends, would likely turn some things around for people.

I appreciate how difficult it is to be sorry to someone who has hurt us, or who we believe has hurt us. We seek revenge or at the very least, satisfaction in their suffering a similar fate. The trouble increases with time. We don’t heal the wounds. They fester instead, and the truth is unclear, making it impossible for those involved to figure it out.

It is so overwhelmingly sad, to observe kind wonderful people in such a dilemma. We want to make things better, and some of us offer the listening ear. Most people in pain only want the soundboard, and so nothing changes. Unless hearts are willing to alter their stance, everything remains as is.

I venture to say that actually things get worse, because as we all live our lives, we have problems surface in all areas. We don’t have the support from the distant opponent, and we miss it in a way. Instead of calling the person, and attempting a truce, we fill our hearts with more anger. Now we can add to the growing list of their negligence. They didn’t care when we were ill, and they never called. We completely forget to acknowledge they probably didn’t know about our situation. It doesn’t matter to us. All that matters to us is that they dropped the ball, and didn’t help us. How sad is this for both participants.

I see the bonds of dislike, or even hate, growing stronger. Of course the reality of the past gets altered in the process. Now the involved individuals gossip to friends, and other family members, about what happened. How awful this makes the other person appear to be. As neutral as others attempt to be, they are drawn into the drama with words of agreement, or support. If they try to clear the atmosphere, they are criticized. The quarreling person raises their voice, and continues with a tirade of wrongdoings, to confirm proof of their correctness in the argument.

My own decision is to let others talk, and say little myself. if I do speak. I most likely will regret it. I liken this to those who love to take pictures of those in the wrong. We see one side of the landscape, but not the other side. So perhaps all of the judgments we render, should be amended.  Listening and showing a calmness regarding the matter, may be a great thing to apply.

So many people miss communions, graduations, birthdays, mother’s day, father’s day, showers weddings and more, because of ongoing battles with others. The more the omissions pile up, the more we solidify our hate. On Holidays we blame the other accomplice, for not attending  family functions. We don’t see our fault in the unhappy atmosphere, that we helped to create.  The rest of the family is disappointed with the absence of either member. We refuse to admit  our own pain. Instead we boast how well we cope, and can do without the friend or relative. We ignore our aching heart because our pride is ruling our ego.

Time passes swiftly and years might leave us bitter. We might ask why we held on so tightly to our angry position, and caused ourselves so much pain. The answer is probably our need for love. We want and need love. If we don’t receive it, then like a plant in the closet, we die. Even if the plant gets soil and water, it won’t survive. Without the sun, or love, they die. So to do humans. We do it slowly, and some of us wilt, but many of us go out battling.

I guess my idea is that we have a responsibility to take notice. It isn’t worth ignoring and having people, or yourself, suffer a lifetime of pain. Tune into the signs and see through the rage, flying insults and even physical actions. Whether it is us, or another, we must get involved enough to render our apologies, if we are the erring party. If we are not I would still recommend a peace offering, because the days and years pass quickly, and it is not worth it, to keep the  fight  going.

What we must deeply investigate, is the factual truth in the situation. We all need love, so we should never withhold it, under the guise of standing strong. If we ever loved this person, we must search for a piece of it in our hearts, and attempt reconciliation. We might be adults, but our hurts and scars are as painful as a young child’s.

All parents are encouraged, to accept and love their kids. Never allow competition to be the game you play, in terms of a child’s intrinsic qualities. All kids deserve to be a winner in some aspect, and receive attention and love. All kids need praise to feel worthy and important to their parents. Find something worthwhile in your child to praise. Recognize the jealousy in the battles between people. It is most likely, the jealousy of wanting more love, and attention, than they are receiving. Never assume you have given enough care. Some of us need to hear it, or get more love than others might think is sufficient. I hate to use the word jealousy, because we believe a jealous person is an insecure person. Perhaps we fear losing something we need. When we lose it, we react by pushing it further away. I notice that when someone appears out of control, and angry,  love will stop it quicker than more anger and battles.

“From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.”    Socrates

“One who is injured ought not to return the injury, for on no account can it be right to do an injustice; and it is not right to return an injury, or to do evil to any man, however much we have suffered from him.”   Socrates

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”    Mark Twain

“Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.”    Mark Twain

The Power To Influence Others

influencing others“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.”  Albert Einstein

“Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.”    Albert Schweitzer

How we wish we had the power to influence  others. We’ve all thought about it. We would fix this and that and restructure things and be considered the greatest man or woman that ever lived. We would be more wonderful than spider man or any sports hero. People would wait on our every word. The issues we would transform and the huge number of people we would change.

The  odd thing is we do inspire others every single day. We just are not aware of who or when or where. Sometimes we talk something over with a friend and  of course we believe we made a difference and we are happy with ourselves but most of the time we would admit that others really don’t listen to us. Again I’d reiterate the fact that every one of us offers a role model for others to follow.

It is like placing more on our shoulders than we probably want but the truth is we have that power we just choose at times to refrain from using it. It is difficult to know when it is advisable to offer advice or help of any kind to another. I agree. There are times when others flat out refuse any help and are almost offended if we offer. I must admit there are many times when I have refused another’s offer of aid because I had to prove I could do it myself. Most of these times I had to go back and fix it using the othr person’s suggestions. Sometimes I even admit I was going to attempt their advice next.

Why we refuse help must have to do with ego. We  don’t want another thinking we are less than they are. We’re  always trying to  prove our worth. How sad that we can’t see our value. In all situations we can effect another, especially if we believe in what we are saying or doing. Maybe that is the key. People know if we mean what we say and have faith in what we are doing. That is when they are willing to follow us.

It doesn’t have to be in big things and maybe that is why we miss the signs. We suggest a product to buy based on our past use of it. We suggest a place to  visit or a restaurant based on our happiness and the good food we received. We forget about these small instances and we don’t count them as anything. They are important. they reveal to us the fact that this person trusts us and our judgments. Of course the real nitty  gritty stuff such as who to date or steer clear of  is another story. The truth is our advice or suggestions will not go unheard. They stay deep in the background of our friend’s mind, to be pulled out at a later date if needed. That is inspiration and trust. Maybe we are wrong about the situation but if we are correct our friend will come to that knowledge and follow our advice.

It isn’t wise to drink when we are teenagers. I remember one young man who walked his freind who happened to be a girl, home from a party when she had too much to drink. There were many others  who were disappointed because they had hoped for a different outcome. I was impressed with this act and thought what a fine person he is. He had a bearing on my life but he  was never aware of it.

A young seven year old gave up her balloon to my three year old daughter who had been crying about not getting one. The entire class had one and she was upset. The remarkable courage and benevolence in a young child was impressive to see. I know parents put themselves last on a daily basis and this is remarkable. They may not think of themselves as examples but they are. So many of us who have been there and done that are aware of how tired and frustrating parenting can be yet parents give until they are ready to collapse.

Parents may encourage other parents who are at their wits end and without any patience left to hang on a bit longer. This saves the family from what might have been a nasty situation.  Whenever we keep our patience one minute more, forestall our anger one more time, forgive again or refrain from judging another who we believe deserves it, we have offered a grace filled example of courage and goodness. Maybe it is strangers who  are watching or othr relatives and friends it doesn’t matter. The idea is our goodness resonates forward as much as any good deed.

I always recall a friend who believes she does nothing for others yet she will never say no. This doesn’t appear to her to be commendable yet I find it so worthy of mentioning. I guess what I have finally figured out was the importance of our everyday actions which motivate others without a doubt. Hopefully they will always be meritous activities because dreadful actions are also being observed. Children are the biggest mimics of our actions and words.

I remember one school day at the end of the year how a young girl saw a spider walking along the floor and yelled “eek there is a spider”. Another young boy yelled “I will step on it.” At that moment two of the kids including the young girl shouted, “No, we will put him outside.” I was so pleased because in my classroom we always put the insects outside without harming them. I was impressed that they corrected each other and respected the life of the bug. They had learned a lesson well.As you hear the familiar words tumbling from your child’s mouth it makes you remember to keep your words and actions gentle because you actually wield a lot of impact.

“Parents must lead by example. Don’t use the cliche; do as I say and not as I do. We are our children’s first and most important role models.”    Lee Haney

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.”    Albert Einstein

“True religion is real living; living with all one’s soul, with all one’s goodness and righteousness.”    Albert Einstein

Tolerance Towards Humanity

kindness“What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature.”    Voltaire

“I learned that very often the most intolerant and narrow-minded people are the ones who congratulate themselves on their tolerance and open-mindedness.”    Christopher Hitchens

I was discussing tolerance with a couple of people the other day, and discovered our views were so varied. I think we were all basically correct, but narrow-minded in our scope. For instance, we had no mercy for those who had  great material wealth. We all felt sympathy for the poor, but would ignore the rich. If we were cut in line by a poorer looking person, we likely would say nothing, because we would feel sorry for them. If a wealthy person stepped in front of us, we would be quicker to defend ourselves. It is as if the wealthy person conjures up in us, feelings of being treated in a less than worthy manner. We almost feel guilty for the person in a lower economic bracket.

Just as we measure babies heights, and weights, among other things, wealth is a measurement of adult worth and accomplishment. The majority of us are not money wealthy, so we are sometimes jealous of those who are wealthier. Nobody ever sees this as intolerant. The wealthy are one group that can be treated poorly, in a variety of ways, yet people don’t recognize this as intolerance.

It is easy to be tolerant of the obvious groups of people. It is a different story to be tolerant of those who annoy us, challenge us or are impudent to us. It might be why it is difficult for some parents to deal with misbehaving kids. They are aware of how much they give to their kids and resent the attitude they receive in return. Kids are judgmental of their parents and tolerate little. Mom and dad might have worked hard for their gains in lifestyle, only to be met with a child’s insults of being a money monger. They forget their free manner of speech, was the result of an expensive education.

We just can’t choose what days times or people we will tolerate. It must be a blanket tolerance for everyone. That is why it is so hard to express our level of tolerance, because we perhaps are not in the least exhibiting that virtue. It is difficult, but again we don’t walk in another shoes. We have no idea the struggles anyone suffers and endures. The people  who complain about their issues are easy to identify, but those who hide their troubles, are harder to observe, and so feeling compassion for them is never easy.

To appreciate tolerance, one must do away with judgments of all kinds. We must take each person as they are, and accept them without exception. That means the grumpy older  person, who is always complaining about our ill-behaved kids, should receive our gentle smile and kind words. That is hard I know. It is almost impossible, but by setting the goals of inclusion for all, we set high standards.

I realize most of us are probably thinking it is a  stupid way to tolerate others. Why should I tolerate the bratty child, who insults my child every day. Well suppose you found out the misbehaving child was receiving little love, attention and direction. We need to turn our thoughts from a negative thinking, to a  positive reflection. Again one might reply, they get more than I can give my kid, and they are always going someplace. My answer would be, but maybe they receive little attention, guidance, time and love. We can never assume that because a child has less money, they have less love and attention. The opposite perhaps is true.

Trust me, I break many of my own rules, and go backwards now and again, when I am attempting to reach my goals. I sit down and acknowledge my errors. My first step in proceeding in a forward motion, is to think about the person  involved. At those moments I can reflect on a variety of truths, regarding this person, rather than focusing on the surface. My perception can be deceiving. I cannot underestimate my ability to fool myself .

It allows me to muster some genuine pity for this person, as well as some understanding. It releases any anger and resentment I am holding against them. It actually presents the person in a new and softer light. My humanity is triggered, and my tolerance level is raised. The next time I hope I might achieve the level of tolerance a lot quicker, as I learn to refrain from my deep rooted resentments.

Every time we are discussing another person in a derogatory way, we might question our tolerance of that person. Have we dealt with the troubles they experienced? On the other hand, there are those people who want to vacuum up all of another person’s tolerance. They believe they have the worst of the world dumped on them. I actually pity and tolerate them the most because they have so much real or built up pain, that they have none to give to others. They should tolerate those, who may not understand their plight.

The more we review the need for tolerance in the world, the more we realize our circumstances are so different. It is complicated to comprehend the levels of burdens we all endure, at various stages in our lives. Acceptance is the key. By accepting diversity, we accept tolerance and the inclusion of all people. We take them as they are,  and move forward with ease, as we close in on our goal to be a tolerant person.

“Love is not just tolerance. It’s not just distant appreciation. It’s a warm sense of, ‘I am enjoying the fact that you are you.”    N. T. Wright

“The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.”    Ralph W. Sockman

“And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had more of a tendency to look for people who live by kindness, tolerance, compassion, a gentler way of looking at things.”    Martin Scorsese

Distancing Thoughts

distancing thoughts

“Endless love is fueled by endless friendship. If you want to have the greatest romance ever, have the greatest friendship ever. Cultivate it; do not let your friendship die. Remember, it’s not a lack of love that destroys relationships; it’s usually a lack of friendship.” – Steve Maraboli

“The aim [of education] must be the training of independently acting and thinking individuals who, however, see in the service to the community their highest life problem.”    —Albert Einstein

I have been thinking a lot about this subject of distancing my thoughts because I believe I do it in many ways. I am not sure about where I am going, or what I am doing, so I sort of get busy doing nothing. I call it nothing when it is basically busy or amusing stuff like TV, social media, text etc. Whatever keeps us distracted and amused, and allows us to escape from dealing with our thoughts about any subject, is a source of distancing ideas. Thinking and reflecting become non-existent for at least a little while.

For the longest time I never realized how I was doing this  or why. Now I feel guilty, because I have concluded that I am guilty of ignoring what I should be doing in place of wasting my time. I am not saying social  media has no merit, but most people overdo it regularly. We can’t seem to stop it or control it. I question why people in general have trouble  with parameters.

Most wonderful things begin with pride and honor, but they immediately deteriorate into wrongdoings. Welfare began as something awesome for those who needed it, and then the downfall erupted, when people abused it. The same goes for just about every cause even in benefits, for injured people, or sick  people. Others involved in the undertaking, start draining the money on the secretive side. They ruin many good causes, and leave most people in doubt about giving to foundations altogether.

For many years now my husband I have ignored the Bishop’s appeal because we felt the money was going to defend priests who had abused kids. Anyone can get jaded with horrible result, from wrongdoings.  It is amazing, how good one gets at abusing the system. These people that commit such crimes are capable and bright. I just wish they used their talents for something more commendable. Sometimes it gets others wondering what they should do to aid humanity. Nobody wants to believe their good work is for naught.

I can recall numerous men and women who quit volunteering because they came to the opinion no one cared. People in charge hardly knew they showed up or didn’t show up, and the people receiving the aid, many times ignored the support. Most of us think of other ways to spend our time and money. Who is the loser in such incidences? I think we all are. Those giving the aid feel good about helping and are jaded with the results, when their efforts go awry. i appreciate the fact that many  acts of kindness are done without expecting thanks. People still may be left confused and in doubt about volunteering. Now we have lost a legitimate workforce of virtuous people.

One must question the motives of those who abuse others, when they attain the position of power. Who would see that step coming? Most of us are thinking what a great job they are doing, until the truth is uncovered. No wonder so many good kind people are in disarray about how they can help or serve others. It is confusing. We don’t want to doubt everyone, but the trust issue arises and with due cause.

That is when we turn to our own technical devices to suck up our time and energy. Our minds are busy with, nonsense, most of our free time. There are far more  honorable things we could all be doing. I am to blame along with everyone else. Television is another item that absorbs our energy and time. Many times the show didn’t even entrust us with positive thoughts, or worthwhile ideas, to think about. Most shows assign us downtrodden paths, and shower us with more anxiety and doubt.

When people point out the negatives in the world, we can and do become overwhelmed. It becomes difficult to find, or to believe there are more positive actions taking place. We have to trust in humanity, and in our ability, to make a difference in this world. We can be the beginning of something good. We just need to tear away  from our gadgets, and do more soul searching or reflecting. Every day we make choices. Contemplate the choices you make.

Kids need so much time and energy, yet we turn them over to possibly harmful devices. Many of us are present physically, but mentally we are busy with our own devices. It might be more worthwhile to share a picnic lunch with our child, and simply talk to them, rather than  take them to ostentatious places. Kids are kids. Their requirements from us are time and love. We all have that to share with them. The excuse, I don’t have the money, never works. We all have love and time to share.

Really I know it isn’t always easy, and many of us consider the devices as useful tools for our own down time. I believe that if we attempted some simple pleasures with our kids, we might discover that they were the answer to all of the craziness in our lives. We relax, make progress with the connection to our kids, and are enlightened about what life means. Those without kids may come to understand themselves better, with more thought and contemplation. We can’t run away from our thoughts, and we can’t fear thinking about them.

Searching for ways to aid others will always be a human task. As long as we have suffering in the world, there  will be those  who stand up to make a difference. That is commendable. It is sad to think so many are confused today about their  place in a mixed up world. We enjoy satisfaction for a job well done. We search for meaning and are lost when we cannot find any. There is meaning to be found in our lives. But it is necessary to observe a closer and deeper look. We must take time to contemplate. We need to put the devices down. They are controlling items and habit forming. They are the least of what is important about us and our lives.

Your mind will clear when it is solidly focused on the present moment in time. It is like stepping out of the TV set, waking up, and living your life for real. We all are thinking individuals yet we are giving our thoughts to others to control. It is time we took control of our own living. Begin with the small things like your spouse and family. As time proceeds, you will discover many options that come your way. These of course are your choices.

Disregard selfishness, and trust in the value of others. It is simple but not always easy to do. When I fail I pick myself up and begin where I left off. I don’t beat myself up and go back to start. With so many advances in our technology, it is now time to advance our souls.

“People like you and I, though mortal of course, like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live. What I mean is that we never cease to stand like curious children before the great Mystery into which we were born.”—Albert Einstein

“The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has attained liberation from the self.”    Albert Einstein

“The most important endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance and even our very existence depend on it. Only morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity for life.”    Albert Einstein

When Guilt Melts, Belief Emerges

guilt and emerging confidence“….A single spark of courage can ignite the fires of hope….” Unknown

“Only through letting go are we free to live and love as our authentic self. We stop going through the motions and start living a loving, happy life…..” Unknown

It is time to look at each day as a new beginning to start again and make things right. If we think that all is lost, ended or fruitless it denies us any options to attempt to make anything better. It is easier to give up or give in than it is to steer in a new direction.

If we have a poor attitude then it is a good idea to work on that. Feeling useless and having no faith in our abilities necessitates a reevaluation of our positive qualities. It is strange but as much as others may see us with big egos, we possibly see ourselves as without any talent at all.

It amazes me that most of us are like actors on a stage. We pretend bravado but in reality we cringe at our true self. Maybe TV and social media or whatever makes us look so small that we blow away in the wind. Having confidence in you has nothing to do with being perfect, always correct or being the center of attention. Having self-esteem is awareness that I am who and what I am and with work I can be and do better.

It is a contentment or acceptance of self. I don’t mean in a moped kind of way but a happy cherishing way. The intricacies of self are so numerous we can’t count the ways we are special. All people have made their own strides in their own areas. We walk talk think and feel. We are something and we matter.

Some of us misuse our talents and are prompted by self to find the road and travel easier. The only competition or race we have is with us. So allowing others to point out our flaws or dictate our way is absurd. Spend time reflecting on your good talents and concentrate on making the questionable ones more in tune to how you want them to reflect the real you.

Sometimes I compliment someone on a simple skill such as gardening or illustrating and I find them practically apologizing and slandering themselves as if they were not worth the compliment. At this point I would suggest we study ourselves and only review the good things we notice.

I believe if we can pull the wrapper off of our faces we might observe an awesome character within. I would bet that if I were to describe a person to a friend they would probably mention what a nice person he or she was just from my description. The sad thing is they would never recognize the fact that it was them I was describing.

If we can’t have faith then we can’t try to advance. In order to work on anything we have to believe it is worth our effort and time. We have to develop a self-love and forgiveness in order to improve. Belief gives us the stamina and enthusiasm we need to fuel our passion and increase our wisdom and abilities.

My biggest confusion is why people regard themselves so poorly. What triggered such a self-loathing in the first place. Sometimes I wonder if it is life in general that knocks us down or if parents, teachers and other people in our lives insulted us frequently. The list of blame increases but I know we must try to stop seeing only faults.

So what if we failed, lost our temper, didn’t fulfill our commitments. Nobody said we can’t attempt to try again and do better. I think to attempt something we must have an inner desire that comes from faith and belief. How we get some trust in ourselves may require some effort. I think we should think of at least one good thing about ourselves that we like. If we can’t do it we need to ask another person for the input. Then I think before bedtime we should recall our day and remember one kind deed we did for someone else even if it was a stranger. This can even be a smile. At the end of ten days we have ten good compliments of self and ten kind deeds we completed.

The more we come to see ourselves as good functioning human beings, the worthier we will be considered by our judgmental self. To see good qualities is important and not boastful. All of us must gain a positive sense of self.


If we don’t forgive ourselves for our mistakes then it leaves us blocked and cornered and basically immobile. If we want to learn how to ride a bike we practice. If we want to learn anything it involves work. Taking responsibility for the kind of person we are and want to become is ownership of values. We can accomplish much at our own pace. We know the time and effort we give and we also understand how difficult the task is.

Guilt just demolishes effort and immobilizes progress. We waste our own time and effort by using our energy to worry and fret. It is much better spent working towards the role we wish to play. Sometimes I think the bright sunlight each day is suggesting we have the opportunity to begin the day fresh and blameless. It is only up to us to manifest the outcome of our day.

“…You have powers you never dreamed of. You can do things you never thought you could do. There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind…” ~ Darwin P. Kingsley

“…The world may try to make you feel inferior and insignificant and will make out that you always need something else. But you have so much. You are more than enough. You are beautiful. There are so many wonderful things around you. Inside you, there is magic galore. Shine where you are. Open wide your heart. You have everything you need… ”  S.C Lourie


Reduce Your Problems

coping“There is no effect more disproportionate to its cause than the happiness bestowed by a small compliment.”    Robert Brault

 “every sunrise is an invitation for us to rise and brighten someone’s day.  Richelle E. Goodrich

I recently heard from a young friend that her parents were getting a divorce. They had been married over 25 yrs. My friend is married yet so very hurt, and yes traumatized. It might seem crazy but divorce hurts the children, regardless of their age. It brings it back to relationships and understanding.

At times, we just don’t understand others motives, words or actions. Many times we jump to conclusions that are not true. As a daughter-in-law, I remember times when I felt the cold shoulder from my mother-in-law, and I would think hard about what I might have done to cause it. Now that I am a mother-in-law, I wonder why my daughters-in-law at times, are so quiet. I sat down one day and laughed because it occurred to me that maybe they had just had a fight with their husband, or somebody else, and their attitudes had nothing to do with me.

We assume everything is about us. but if we reflect enough, we realize that the world is not revolving around any of us. Others are not pondering what we do or say. We should not take brashness to heart. It might be coming from so many places and our mother-in-law,  and daughter-in-law relationship, does not need this pressure. Believing we are on safe ground with our in-laws, allows us the freedom to relax and trust in the relationship. Entertaining thoughts of skepticism, breeds suspicion and doubt. If everything we say and do is never ever done with any malice or revenge, then we are secure in an honest trustworthy situation. Let the awkward moods pass unnoticed. We all have bad days.

It is difficult to comprehend the suffering another endures, when dealing with an illness. The trauma of the death or a divorce of a spouse can rip open our hearts. Watching our kids suffer from lack of food or warmth is overwhelming. Fearing our spouse’s anger, and violence due to a job loss, is demolishing. The anxious moments experienced as we endure a loved one’s deterioration from an addiction, is defeating. In all of the other less dramatic, but moderately stress producing situations, we step and falter while trying  to move on. How good we all are at hiding our thoughts and fears.

Some of us even analyze our situation and then conclude We have no right to complain about our troubles, because it isn’t important enough to count. This is absurd, because anything that brings pain, needs to be brought to the attention of others. As was said before, at times it is the accumulation of burdens, that disrupts our lives. When someone voices their pain and troubles, make an effort to help, simply by listening. It is not time to judge or compare.

We are  not alone, and we can learn empathy, by reflecting on a person’s dilemmas. The more empathetic people we have in the world, the less we are moving towards getting our feelings stepped on. There will also be more listening ears and less stress. Sympathy can never be underestimated, but our survival depends on compassion and kindness. I am still of the opinion that physical contact, or even voice contact, is the best because you observe the facial expressions and engage with the voice. The energy  transfers to us and is uplifting.

Dreadful situations attack everyone. Although the suffering differs, the similarities are not. We all need food, clothing, shelter, acceptance, pride, work and love. When any of these are attacked, we become fearful and unsure of our next move. Although we feel we are alone, we have a common bond with the rest of the world. Sometimes I wonder if we have sheltered ourselves from the physical presence of others. We receive so much information regarding numerous other people through technology, yet it allows us a limited time to sincerely respond to anyone who may need us.

In order to understand other people’s problems, we must recall our own issues that are similar. As we get better at this, we begin to realize how similar we are. We all  have emotional, physical and spiritual pain. It differs in some respects, but correlates in most ways. As we age, most of us lose parents. No one is ever ready. Coping is hard, and we all have our own unique memories, that often return, and remind us of our loss.

When we have come through a difficult situation, we might venture to offer sympathy to another, who is newly experiencing the painful episode. Offering support is never a waste of our time. Whenever any of us is experiencing a difficult period, it should warrant our attention. We should never ignore a cry help.

 By wrapping our sympathy around our empathy, we dig deeper into a person’s soul. It makes us one in understanding each other, without having to experience all the same problems. In a way we begin to sense what another feels, allowing us to empathize with the pain. I believe the more we are able to identify with others, in happiness and pain, the more we realize we are alike.

Carefree teens eventually become responsible adults. Parents become grandparents. The game of life passes and turns swiftly. It is up to us to make the most of it, while it is possible. Nobody is ahead of us or behind. Everyone’s road has its obstacles, and it is easier if we work together to remove a few. That makes the  load  lighter. All it takes is for us to recognize each other as an extension of ourselves. By reaching that point, we perhaps would find it impossible to pass another being without giving aid.

“If you avoid all of life’s abrasions, you will never be polished enough to shine.” Richelle E. Goodrich

“Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever give in. Don’t ever stop trying. Don’t ever sell out. And if you find yourself succumbing to one of the above for a brief moment, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, whisper a prayer, and start where you left off. But never, ever, ever give up.” Richelle E. Goodrich