Right And Wrong

"if we tell them the brain is an app maybe they will use it." Anonymous

“So far, about morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after

“Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.”
 Leo Tolstoy

“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.” Augustine of Hippo

Focusing more on what is honest mindful  and right about our lives and behavior sends what is dishonest immoral and wrong in our lives fleeing in despair. I know  we should focus on the good but are we pretending there is no bad in our midst? Is the fear of offending anyone keeping us from truth and reality? I can’t help but wonder that in all of our thoughts regarding freedom and democracy we  have lost the spirit of honesty, mindfulness, and conscience. Continue reading “Right And Wrong”

Disappointment Eats Up Energy

97RePmTc3r_1388806008644 dissappointment really deplets energy“We learn to walk by stumbling.” Bulgarian Proverb

“courage is not limited to the battlefield. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like enduring pain when the room is empty, or standing alone when you’re misunderstood.” Charles Swindoll

With the party over, are you left with the disappointment? It goes across the board regarding gifts, missed opportunities for chatting with a certain relative, and believing our feelings have been totally disregarded. When people gather together the scene is set for total confusion, chaos and misunderstandings. Our minds are thinking about who we want to talk to and what we need to say to someone and questions we want to ask. What happens is we never get the opportunity to discuss anything with the person we wanted to talk to. We forgot to ask our questions and we never received any answers because someone interrupted us. This might sound familiar.

Gifts are kind of like that. We may have been disappointed but I would venturethat others probably were unhappy with the gifts we gave. Some people grumble to the world which is a bad idea because the negativity bounces back at us. Other people expect a return and still others pretend they liked the gift and then give it away or regift it. The point is that we all have our disappointments. If we want to complain about it to others we are making it bigger than it needs to be and giving life to an unimportant issue.

Many of us who experience a happy situation go home and may not think about it again. The opposite is true when we have a problem we didn’t like. Sometimes we can’t let it go and yet that is what we need to do.Freeing ourselves from the negativity releases a burden and opens us up to happier and more positive things in life. Free will, allows us to search and concentrate on positive things rather than reviewing and remembering negative things.

If we created a tally list of pros and cons in the course of our day we would find the optimistic definitely outweigh the adverse. If they don’t then we need help in learning how to seek out and find the cheerful happenings in our life. People are not out to get us or hurt us. People do care but at times may be distracted. Gifts and advice is given according to another’s likes and desires. People are on the same journey as we are and might even be better at hiding their  problems or tears.

It might be easy to talk about how awful and difficult it was for our child to suffer a broken leg. We would commisserate. It might not be as easy to talk about a child who is on drugs and about to enter a rehab clinic. We are human and we all suffer hurts and scars. We can complain about the effects of aging but many times out of embarrassment we won’t mention our husband or wife is having an affair or constantly flirting with younger women. The issues are limitless. To save our dignity we don’t divulge our deepest darkest secrets. If the truth was told there are more people who have shared a similar situation as ours than not.

Take all of this into account and understand why someone went to a store and bought an object based on what they liked instead of what we would have wanted. Comprehend the magnitude of swirling pressures another endures. Just because they let us down, I’d guess maybe they are trying to keep themselves upright at the moment so we need to give them a break.

We just don’t ever see the magnitude of the worries of another person which is why it is awesome to support another when we can. We have our own issues so simply accepting another as they are is actually helping them. People know if you are disappointed with them for some reasons. Don’t put that on someone and you have eased a tremendous amount of anxiety. The smiling faces and displays of bravado might also be a way someone hides true feelings. It can be an escape. It boils down to judgement. We all need to stop judging.

By bringing anger into a situation we have built the mountain which we must climb over rather than deal with the mole hill which is easier to cross. If it is all about feelings of love or hate then ask yourself this, do you love others? If you do then it is probably reciprocal. We receive what we are sending out. If others love us then they are not deliberately hurting us and to think otherwise is to cause us more hurt. We are choosing the hurt in many situations. Choose instead to reduce stress in your life. Give others a timeout and especially allow yourself a breather.

Focus on a time you caused another, unintentional pain, remember how sad it made you feel and how much you wanted the other person to grasp your difficulties. Remember and grant others the forgiveness you sought for yourself. It comes back on us. If we slam the door, prepare one day for it to likewise slam on us.

“To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.” William H. Walton

“Hope works in these ways: it looks for the good in people instead of harping on the worst; it discovers what can be done instead of grumbling about what cannot; it regards problems, large or small, as opportunities; it pushes ahead when it would be easy to quit; it “lights the candle” instead of “cursing the darkness.” Anonymous

Roads That Lead Nowhere

roads that lead no where“Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley. But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us.” A. J. Cronin

“You may encounter many defeats but you must not be defeated. In fact it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are , what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”    Maya Angelou

I have recently been the recipient of 3 young peoples’ cries for help. It seems to be an epidemic. Young people get so lost in their unhappiness and powerlessness that they spiral downward quickly. Maybe it is time for all of us to recognize the needs and implores of others. Sometimes through helping another, we can also help ourselves. So many feel trapped in an existence that they cannot control or change. Of course this isn’t always the case but if one believes it to be true then for all intensive purposes it is. We need to break the spiral by recognizing the triggers sooner and intervening.

Life is almost impossible to take. At times many of us think it is too difficult. That is when we should ask for help. We need a listening ear, a comforting embrace outside intervention or a new frame of mind. It doesn’t need to be life threatening but for those, who view the world narrowly, it might be. They can’t see beyond the mountains they can’t climb. One day they might fly over these mountains but for the moment they or we are trapped.

As adults we need to take cries for help from young people seriously. A young person laments not having a girlfriend or boyfriend. It may  to us appear to be meaningless. To them it is heartbreaking and diminishing. They feel like they are a loser and they turn to outside things to make the pain disappear if only for a short while.

Sometimes parents think in time they’ll get over it and so little attention is paid to this situation. I am not blaming parents by any means and many times even with total intervention the situation gets worse. But for those situations that might get better with immediate attention, I suggest a focusing in on a child or teens problem. They may not whine or complain but they will appear unhappy and withdrawn. Pay attention.

Waiting is not an answer. Step in right away. Don’t worry about appearing foolish. Better to be foolish and mistaken than lax and have a major problem. One needs to put other issues aside and deal with what is at hand. Partial or small attention to the matter will not get it resolved. Your full focus must be given. Place its’ importance high. Talk talk talk with your child, and spend time with them. Don’t assume they are okay  when they tell you to deal with your own business.  Continue to remain resolute. Keep your attention on them resolute.

Find groups or sports or community activities for them to be a part of depending on their likes. Join something together if you can. Work on a project together and discuss other options in their lives. Do a clean up of the town,  volunteer or coach a younger group of kids with them, encourage them to join a fire department explorer group or get them a job. The point is they need to feel wanted, appreciated and substantiated. They need to feel worthwhile. We all need to feel this. They are in crises at the moment so it is more important for their needs to come first even before our pleasures or downtime.

Search, ask questions, never say I’ve tried everything because you haven’t and the stakes are too high to stop or let go. Diverting attention to a worthier cause or effort will redefine who they are. It might take a long time in the struggle and an abundance of effort on our part, but we will possibly have the results we strive for. If any person close to us, be it child or adult, is in an inner conflict, it becomes necessary for us to get involved in any manner that we can to remedy the situation. If it is ourselves that has the problem, recognize it and seek help immediately. Like clouds on a rainy day, it will pass in time and the sun will shine again.

We all have times when life appears to offer us confusion. If it overwhelms us then we find ourselves in a fog of confusion. It is difficult to find the right path even when we are searching. Our minds get clouded and our judgement is poor. At those times leave the big decisions for another day and consult with those you trust. If you are the recipient of the trust, consider yourself chosen to have such a powerful role in aiding another human being in their search to find peace security wholeness and most importantly their place in this big confusing harsh world.

“Progress always involves risks. You can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first.” Frederick Wilcox

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” Calvin Coolidge

The Influence Of Respect

hKWvJOptDK_1388801380797 respect teaching“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood but of respect, and joy in each other’s life.” Richard Bach

“Education is an admirable thing but, it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.” Oscar Wilde

Manners is more than please and thank you although it is nice to be at the receiving end of a thank you. In order to have real manners one needs to extend empathy, compassion and awareness of others. If one cares about another and feels for their situation then one jumps in to lighten their load. For instance, if you see a pregnant woman on the bus who doesn’t have a seat, then you might give up yours. Someone with a tremendous amount of bundles might inspire you to hold open a door. Manners almost becomes innate if a person has been taught to have a regard for other people.

When we respect others we respect their presence and their time. We would never insult them by texting while we are engaged in a conversation with them. Likewise we would never be on a phone while they are trying to wait on us in a store. If a person was kind enough to help us pick up items we dropped on a street, we would be very thankful and our words would display this thanks.

Having manners is not something one can truly teach unless one teaches a person or child consideration, attentiveness, and  responsiveness which happens when we show an awareness of being a part of a whole. The world is more than us. The world does not revolve around just us. As much as parents want to praise their children and rightly so, build up their confidence, absolutely, they still must add understanding sympathy and concern for others.

We may think our children are the greatest, smartest, the best athletes, prettiest, handsomest and any other attributes we might add. That is okay but remember that every parent is thinking the same thing. You are not alone. Do any of us say to another, “Your child is so much smarter than mine.” If I have made my point then carry this one step further and teach your child to be the most caring, thoughtful, empathetic, trustworthy, gracious and responsible child that they can be.

What a world transformation if this happened. We would do away with jealousy because we would be thinking about another’s needs instead of our own. We would end envy because it would not be important to us in the scheme of things. We would do away with competition and play for the sport of it because we would not want to hurt another. A new world of true humanity would be created.

In the new  world we would love all people and tolerate enemies but perhaps we would have no rivals.By striving for acceptance of all who would be left to hate? If you want to teach manners, teach compassion, love, understanding, honesty, responsibility and kindness towards others. My top three are compassion empathy and awareness. When we get to that goal we will discover what  real manners means.

“Real education should educate us out of self into something far finer; into a selflessness which links us with all humanity.” Nancy Astor

“Where there is a human being there is an opportunity for kindness.” Seneca