“Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.” Marian Anderson
“It is the trouble that never comes that causes the loss of sleep.” Charles Austin Bate
“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” Albert Einstein
I believe that in all of our relationships we allow fear to enter. This fear causes us more pain than we need to assume or experience. Most of our pain is of our own creation. Husbands and wives doubt each others love or motives. Friends feel let down when their expectations of us are not met. Family members have the greatest burden next to spouses. We expect so much more from them and become inevitably disappointed and pained as well as angry when they don’t meet our expectations.
In all of this we must question our fear of loss. We prefer to keep our friend to ourselves. Sharing might find our friend enjoying another’s company more than our company. Husbands and wives are jealous at times when another person might interact with their significant other. Spouses also question each others desire to spend time with any other friend or relative or activity. Siblings resent each others pleasure with friendships while they ignore each other. Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law fear losing their son/husband. In all of this the main idea is that none of us care if another has a good time. What we fear is the loss of time and affection from someone we love and care about.We don’t like to share anymore than a three-year old child playing in the sandbox. There is a need in us to perform, improve and be better than the next person. We believe, even if it is unconsciously, that we can’t hold onto another’s love and or respect unless we continually define our worthiness. Where is the confidence in ourselves? Where is the faith in what we are? How is it we do not respect ourselves?
Every day we have plans. We sometimes dress to impress, empower or compete with another person. We may not always be aware of our motives but they are within us. The challenge of facing a cold world is frightening and we lack confidence on any given day. Each day in essence becomes a battle. Will we be able to control an argument, propose an idea with confidence, or simply feel the power within us to keep our heads erect for the entire day no matter what transpires.
The only way to stop the tension is to have belief in ourselves. To trust our worth and value is the release of fears and our freedom to stop doubting our own presentation to the world. Of course it is easier said than accomplished. Half of the solution is acknowledging the manner in which we ease our fears. Once we recognize the time we spend worrying and preparing we can refocus our energies towards so many other intentions.
If we spend so much time preparing our debut and then a tremendous amount of time in reviewing what went right or wrong for the day. It leaves us totally exhausted when we arrive home and settle down for the evening. Our minds are busy filtering through the many questioning thoughts swirling in our heads. Did I overstate something? Should I have said more and put someone in their place? Why did that person degrade me? How come I got the intense stare? Why was I ignored when I arrived on the scene? Were people talking behind my back?
The answers are numerous and varied. We sometimes speak more than we should, we don’t always state issues in a constructive manner, people have their own agendas and do get jealous so they degrade us to feel better themselves. Recall times when we wanted to put someone in their place. Others do talk behind our backs. It is a national pass time. People are almost as concerned with what we say do and wear as much as they worry about what they themselves say do and wear. No wonder they quickly judge us as we enter a room.
Remember if you are looking or acting better on any given day, that is the time you will experience the stare or snub. Also recall the few times you responded in a negative way towards another without any legitimate reason. The person just annoyed you but thinking it over you don’t know why. We are all looking for pride and definition of who we are. Our egos are fragile.
I would suggest that we inspire a confidence in our children about who and what they are. The definition cannot be related only to what they excel at because even the best athlete must retire in time. Better to encourage innate qualities that one never loses and can increase with use and age. The satisfaction of this endeavor is limitless. the power of knowing who they are lies within them. It is therefore never defined by outside forces. They will enjoy a greater sense of pride. Yes they have their own talents but they also have their own multitude of innate gifts which are so much more to relish and appreciate. If we appreciate and love them unconditionally we might inspire them to unconditionally appreciate and love themselves.
It is not difficult to teach one to have a concern for others. It leaves us less time to worry about our own misguided and troubled thoughts. The more we live outside of ourselves, the happier we become. The mind is an awesome creation but it can misguide us. Once we travel down the road of doubt and fear, it is difficult to go back. We remain immobilized. Question our fears. Put them to rest. Most of the time it is wasted energy. There are many people out there that we perceive as enemies who are waiting to be friends.
“You can’t change the past but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.” Anonymous
“The purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others. Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate.” Albert Schweitzer