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“The deepest fear we have, ‘the fear beneath all fears,’ is the fear of not measuring up, the fear of judgment. It’s this fear that creates the stress and depression of everyday life.”                 Tullian Tchividdian

“All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for.”    Jon Kabat-inn

“We have to wake up. We have to refuse to be a clone.”     Alice Walker

Sometimes I think couples fight more about whether or not their partner completed the job than what jobs they have to do. There is tons of stress today regarding what must be accomplished. It is a wonder anyone can take these tasks on never mind complete them on time and  properly. It can give one a headache regarding the amount of work one person must attempt to do.

It is never a good idea to comment on the way husbands and wives divvy up the chores. The thing to remember is that as long as they are happy the world is happy. It goes without saying that mom doesn’t always have to change the baby and dad doesn’t always have to dump the garbage. That is a good thing. At least when the jobs are divided it allows one to choose some of the jobs they would prefer over other tasks. Likewise it gives both parties some control over what they are doing versus being expected to do the “man” or “woman” chores.At times it saddens me to watch the amount of assignments and difficulties young families take on. Their schedules would leave anyone plunging down in total defeat before they even begin. I am impressed on the one hand but filled with pity for them on the other hand. It appears we have taken on more than we can handle and at some point something just might give.

Our desire to have it all is admirable but it is also causing a lot more stress and pressure on people to succeed at numerous positions. This  leaves  us open to self-criticism on many levels. We can feel defeated as a parent, worker, spouse,  sports instructor, health instructor, mental health maintainer climbing the ladder to success through more and more educational degrees, and so many more positions we accrue, that   I can’t name them all. It is admirable but again headache causing.

I am not sure why we put ourselves under such duress. It reminds me of times when we are young and one child ventures to sled down the big hill. Likewise the rest of the kids follow because you just have to do what everyone else can do. It appears we have transferred this to adulthood. If my neighbor has the garden planner then I should be able to afford to do the same. If he or she has so many degrees then I must keep up my studies. I have seen this carried over to the marriage where one gets the college degree and then it is the  other spouse’s turn.

I can appreciate the person who has a goal to aspire to but otherwise we strive for acceptance by others. How  long we can keep this going until we crash is beyond my comprehension. It just appears to be a competition and a game of who gains more material things. We don’t consider our happiness as a good beneficial idea. With fewer items we have room for more happiness. How is it we don’t see this. The constant movement of gaining more and more leaves us less time to even enjoy our treasures. We begin to forget what the real treasures are in the process.

Cultivating love takes time just like any other item of importance that we strive for. If we want love we must work at it. The difference is the work is pleasurable and relaxing whereas to be successful at the other materialistic jobs one must suffer pressure and burdens. The love gained inspires more love and continuously spreads out more while material accumulation necessitates continual work and stress. If one ever played in the stock market it would be easy to see which stock produced  the best returns for the money or in this case the labor.

I really do respect people’s’ high ideals and admire their material gains. I just believe at some point it is time to be satisfied and focus on our own emotional state of mind. I believe we cause some ill-health by working so hard non-stop. We lose sleep, eat poorly, engage in bad habits to numb our minds, and put up  with tension in our relationships due to our overextended bodies, brains and emotional states of mind.

By the end of the day we have used up whatever was in us to give out. With nothing left we go home to the most important people in our lives and release our anger, frustration and emotional strain. It is so easy to see why marriages fail. Something has to give. In the end the people with the most toys may actually lose but they don’t see it coming. Those with less who have ingratiated love within the family win. They have less but more.

I only throw this out there for those who have had enough pressure and stress in their lives. If they have had enough and want a peaceful meaningful life, then they will rethink their needs and wants. Maybe they can diminish their wants, and accept their needs. Too many fights start because one spouse maybe forgot to do one of their jobs. Now we have the erring spouse overworking and stressed and pressured, unfulfilled in their love because their true love is fighting with them causing them even more stress.

Now each spouse can hold onto resentment. They both have memories and for sure the spouse who was called to task on his or her failure to complete their job will likely be waiting for the chance to retaliate back at the other spouse when they have incomplete work. We must see the horrible cycle we are on and how easily we fall into it. Perhaps these marriages break up due to false pretenses more than truth. We get so far away from it we lose sight of the actuality.

Spend more time with the family than you think you should and less time at meaningless jobs that you consider super important. Again ask yourself if everything around you went up in flames, and you drove up to your house and confronted the firemen, what thoughts would enter your mind? Would you be thinking and ask about the computer with its’  endless array of your files or your new shed being built, or the recently seeded grass in the yard,  or your kids and spouse. When you come to realize what means the most to you,  focus more on that item. Don’t leave it for another day or time. The present is what we have so always make the most of it.

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”    Mark Twain

“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”    Mark Twain

“The finest clothing made is a person’s own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.” Mark Twain

“Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”  Mark Twain


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