“The best place in the world is in the arms of someone who will not only hold you at your best, but will pick you up and hug you tight at your weakest moment” Unknown
“The true worth of a man is not to be found in man himself, but in the colours and textures that come alive in others.” Albert Schweitzer
“What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” Confucius
I hate to get so self absorbed that I stop enjoying the moment. I can recall countless times when I worried about what I would wear to any given function or even to work. After spending too many minutes making up my mind I was still unhappy when I got to the place and saw what others were wearing.
It occurred to me that many times I am over or under dressed fo the occasion. I didn’t achieve the look I had wanted and I was disappointed. It was embarrassing when I didn’t have the right look for the right place. Now I have come to realize that it is such nonsense. Even if I’m wearing a dress and others are wearing shorts who really cares.It often worried me about being too quiet at parties and being labeled a wallflower. How absurd a name that is and what does it really tell us about the person? nothing. If I had a conversation going with someone and it got a bit loud with laughter, I was concerned others would think I was noisy. It never dawned on me how pleasant it was to hear the sounds of laughter fill up a room full of people.
How many times have you noticed someone watching you. It is the most uneasy feeling. Are they observing how well we handle ourselves in public? or are they admiring us? Are they judging us? Are they jealous or critical of us? As soon as we notice someone studying us we panic and the deduction process begins.
How about the first time you meet your boyfriend or girlfriend’s family, or the spouse’s boss and co-workers. We’ve all been there and we all doubt our good impression. We never think about the fact we have had about ten minutes to interact with these people and to impress them prior to their review of us. Maybe the dress was shorter than we remembered or maybe we didn’t realize the dress code was more formal. Now we worry they think we have no social knowledge.
We want to engage others in conversation to prove our knowledge and capability only the conversation never goes our way and the topics are either not to our liking or not at all part of our repertoire. Suddenly we assume without any proven facts that more talkative people are more intelligent. When others are talking about world issues and we discuss the flowers in the garden, even we don’t appreciate ourselves. Some of us don’t use the correct grammar all of the time. We think everyone is tuned into our speech so we just refuse to share our thoughts. That is so sad. Our speech has nothing to do with our thoughts.
Parents are always worried about being judged a poor parent. They are embarrassed when their child has a temper tantrum or simply is ill behaved in public. you can see they are annoyed and their voice takes on an angry and demanding tone. Those with older kids want to comment it is okay we have all experienced a difficult child or more. Some parents deal with easier kids and are probably thinking “I am glad it isn’t my kid.”
Many older parents hate to listen to people commenting on their kids many degrees when their own child has not gone to college. They feel ashamed. I ask why? Your kid is special and you love them and that is what they need the most in life. To succeed, love is the most powerful thing in the entire universe. We can accomplish what appears to be miracles when we have love and hold it close. Do away with the competition and you have a solid wonderful kid.
I often wonder as I have stated before, who decides on the rules and parameters for the game of life? If I were the judge the dignified person would be the one who made me feel comfortable not uneasy about my manners. They would allow time to engage me in conversation about the topic I enjoyed the most even if it was about flowers. No matter what the clothes on their backs their smiles would be genuine and their attitudes would be pleasant. Manners have more to do with gratitude and an awareness of kindness than with the rules of any given book.
As I reflect I must admit that even if we adorned the best attire in the room, it is a split second of our life’s journey. It is fleeting, whereas kindness and caring ripples on forever. Spending so much time on trivial items is ludicrous. It seems so small when one analyzes the important things in life. Those that play the “Look at me” game are really not looking at us. They are too busy impressing others and worrying about their look. So I realized that I had no need to fret anymore about such minuscule problems.
I just want others to be aware of how it amounts to nonsense. Just be yourself and enjoy the companionship of others without ulterior motives. The correct look, speech and attitude is for those who don’t have more important things to think about. I am not saying I don’t care how I dress. I am saying I don’t worry. If I guessed wrongly as to the perfect look. I’d much rather be a person of substance and honesty.
No wonder we all worry so much when you consider what goes through our minds about what we think others think about us. In reality they are more concerned with how we judge them. Releasing bad habits such as these allows more room for generating good habits.
We all have those days when the hair won’t do anything we attempt to do with it and the clothes we like need ironing or they are in the laundry. We don’t have time for much make-up or grooming and of course we run into friends we haven’t seen in a long time. But isn’t it better to rekindle a friendship than to best them in appearances but walk away without a future meeting planned?
When we defeat others they want to keep their distance. If others defeat us we lose confidence. Neither is a winning situation. Who wants to be the loser? Is there a saying that when you are a winner all the time you also win false friends? Isn’t it ironic that we attempt to impress people we don’t know and will most likely never see again?
Do models get more attention? Is that why we strive for that look? Do we consider the challenges and detriments of such a job? Sometimes we only do see what we think is reality. If we knew the truth of what we perceive we would conclude that everyone is working on a good front. No one is perfect or satisfied. We all believe we are lacking which is why we hide the facts about ourselves in clothing make-up and attitudes.
It is easier to just be you and not worry about what others believe. You are more than enough so never sell yourself short. The words you might speak if you speak without fear may be inspiring and helpful to another who needs to hear them. When we see through the transparency we face the truth. The truth sets us free from the parameters and truly allows us to be ourselves and that is enough when we lives with an interrelationship with others.
..”Don’t let looks fool you. They really have nothing to do with beauty. It comes from within; it is inherent in Who You Are”… Unknown
In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. Albert Schweitzer
“If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?” Confucius
Being older and wiser I regret those worries.