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“Sometimes the best helping hand  you can get is a good firm push.”    Joann Thomas

“Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.”     Robert Collier

Family feuds are disturbing. The problem doesn’t lie with who started the fight or what it was about. The issue is never resolved without effort when it has been an ongoing problem. Regardless of your feelings about right or wrong or even remaining neutral, you end up choosing sides or give the appearance of picking. Family members do not allow for a middle ground.

We all have times of disagreement with another especially on a bad day for either party. If we kept the happenings between the two antagonistic people, we could probably work out the kinks. Instead we go back and have a discussion about everything that transpired. Our drafted buddy must listen and reply some input to the given situation. A kind friend or family member can refrain from passing judgement and attempt to calm down our overreaction. Most times the person we divulge the problem to, agrees with us.Most of us respond in agreement to various pieces of the information being told to us. Likely it is easier to agree and inch away from the upset person than it is to discuss, listen again and eat up more of our time in this ongoing situation. As a result, the flames have been fanned and both bickering people are further away from getting anything resolved.

Because we are closer to family,  we tend to hang on longer to our own beliefs about the truth and damage. We dig in our heels and add more dirt to the hill until we have created a mountain. At that point we all have our pride which leads us further down the wrong road. In the end it isn’t important how right or wrong either of us were. It does matter that we are now miles apart from each other and neither comprehends the path to truce.

Days months and years pass with no or little contact. The disharmony continues and grows and our being upset with a disagreement changes to anger over the foolhardiness of our opponent. Now we are more determined than ever to proceed with no communication. If they can do without us then we will show them that we can do without them. We will gladly make peace but they need to apologize for continuing this feud.

At family functions we miss our emotionally distant family members. Our children don’t know each other and they don’t know aunts uncles or grandparents whatever the case may be. We remember the time we made a cup of coffee for them in our feeble attempt at a connection. They obviously didn’t pick up on our overture and no peaceful settlement came of our ongoing dispute.

We soothe ourselves with the thoughts that it wasn’t our fault. They are to blame for everything. After so many years we think of our distant siblings and wonder about their lives. We view our own kids and pray they never fight to the point of not speaking and losing contact. How did this happen to us we ponder. the older we get the more we reflect about how we might have made things better. If we had only compromised or remained silent for a few seconds more. Maybe they did like to have the last word and loved being right. Now it doesn’t matter because we won the argument but in the process lost a close relative or friend.

Anybody who has been there can vouch for the fact that they wished they had done things differently. They would change the past incident if they could. Most do regret the incident but they just don’t bring it up anymore unless to justify what they did to save face. Pride is never dissolved which probably is the problem. Those few people  who manage to make peace  and get a second chance have two regrets. they wish the disagreement never happened and they wish they made peace sooner. I say it is good they made peace.

Other family members are affected besides ourselves. Never never stop attempting to apologize. You never know at which time the wall will break down and a hand will reach for yours and make amends. We all come to that knowledge at various points in time . If you reach it first, just keep attempting and wait because you won’t be sorry you did. Your reward is a bounty of love that was always there but enclosed. If nothing else, think of your kids and the offering of love to them when you unlock the treasures of so much more. I say this with true knowledge of the subject. None of us realizes the blessings we have unless they are lost. So if your blessings are lost, go search for them and make your world a happier place. It’s never about the toys you have but the hearts who love you.

“There’s no thrill in easy sailing when the skies are clear and blue, there’s no joy in merely doing things which any one can do. But there is some satisfaction that is mighty sweet to take, when you reach a destination  that you thought you’d never make.”    Spirella

“A journey of a thousand miles begins within a single step.”    Chinese Proverb

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