Forgiveness Is Bearing Another’s Lack Of Contrition

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“Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart.”    Beyondordinary

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ”   Mahatma Gandhi

“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.”    Tyler Perry

As much as we fear challenging situations, I find the most difficult thing in the world to do is forgive another. We all see ourselves as willing to compromise and set tings right but what that means is for the other party to accept our perceived truth in a given situation.  We do  not want to believe we have been in the wrong. It is amazing to observe the amount of effort we put in to make our point or win our discussion, argument or fight.

Many people have ongoing feuds within families which last a lifetime. The reasons the disagreements continue have more to do with our inability to acknowledge any wrongdoing. In the process we refuse to compromise and give any  ground to the other party involved. When the fight is over we can’t admit any wrongdoing so we need to have the other person admit they were wrong to ease our anger and frustration. Of course the other person believes we were just as wrong in our actions and words and they refuse to budge and offer an apology.I have found the virtuous person to be the one who offers forgiveness to the opponent who has deeply hurt with their words and actions. They may forgive without the opponent’s awareness of the action. They believe the fight was in vain, a waste of time and they want to rise above the issues. In their hearts they have absolved the warring party from all errors and they move forward with their lives in peace and tranquility never looking for an apology. That is forgiveness, When we can accept the fact that another will never understand how they have demolished us and caused us so much pain. We hold no ill will or revenge in our hearts. we only have the desire to live in peace.

In many incidences others can’t comprehend our actions and they believe we have ulterior motives up our sleeves.  They who can’t forgive won’t understand the depth of our forgiveness. They may continue to have faith in the notion that we will somehow take actions against them if they let their guard down. It is so extremely hard to forgive.

It is the equivalent of bowing low, eating crow, accepting defeat in a sense and not getting the chance to make our point more outwardly and clearly. We may see no satisfaction when we forgive without an apology. It is like saying thank you for something you never received. We forgive someone who is not offering an apology in the first place. It almost appears ludicrous.

Someone cheated me, made a fool of me, hurt my feelings, ridiculed me, insulted me, manipulated me lied to me stole from me and possibly crushed my spirit. How can I be expected to forgive any of this. Why would I want to forgive them for things they won’t even admit to.

Sometimes during a quiet moment we reflect on major life happenings and review them in a slower motion as we attempt to comprehend what transpired. During one of these contemplative minutes in time we may realize that what transpired was futile to our happiness and not worth hanging onto. We deduce our best option is to acknowledge the huge number of mistakes throughout the entire occurrence. We gain enlightenment as to the truth of the situation and the underlying reasons it lit like a fire. With hindsight everything is clearer and the motives  of all involved is incorporated. We can’t worry if the opponent can appreciate all of the inner agendas. All we can do is understand how we comprehend the situation which leads us to compromise and forgiveness.

Maybe we egged someone into acting poorly. It  is possible we pushed the actions and words that transpired. Whatever the case we are ready to forgive the person because we dislike the animosity we are feeling. We want to make things right again. The acceptance of an apology is allowing another to move forward freely absolved of wrongdoings. Witholding an apology enbellishes the war and friction between the parties.

Nobody likes to simply forgive. It is not satisfying and appears unfair to just allow others to forget their wrongs without accountability. They get to keep their reputation clean without any smudges to their names. We expect responsibility for our actions. We expect atonement for our wrongs. We want lamenting and contrition before the benefit of any absolvement.

Forgiveness is spiritual and on a higher realm than accountability and atonement. Forgiveness is Godlike and not for the weak of heart. It takes all the strength you can muster. It takes acceptance of a truth that you might never receive an apology but you are willing to forgive anyways. This is done out of goodness and knowing that it is the correct road of choice because it leads to fixing the bonds of love rather than destroying them. One understands and perceives the whole dimensional picture.  this understanding comes with a price to forgive another no matter how much we would rather toss out an argument to the contrary.

Right or wrong doesn’t matter as much as comprehending the lessons life tosses at us. It isn’t about the issues but the enlightenment of the truth. There are many facets to any argument and varied levels of understanding these facets. There are many natures with varied virtues, talents and abilities. We don’t all see what is in front of us so understanding is dampened. Family feuds that have continued for decades are too sad. Forgiveness has been stashed away in a closed heart. no one is ever sure, when one forgives another, what the positive results from it will produce. It’s worth our effort.

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”    Martin Luther King, Jr.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”    Lewis B. Smedes

“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.”    Tyler Perry


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