How Defeat Creates Success

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“Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.”  Albert Einstein

“The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense of which he has attained liberation from the self.” Albert Einstein

There is a lot of talk about making kids feel worthy, by allowing everyone to be the winner. The thing is, the kids are aware if they have won or lost, and they will think of their own ways to define themselves and others. It isn’t really the fact that some win in games and some lose. The problem has more to do with attitude. Winners are not special. They shouldn’t have special privileges, nor should they enjoy more respect than the losers. The losers should not become bitter or believe they are less competent because they lost. We might cultivate new attitudes regarding winners and losers. That way we can have competitions without destroying our egos. There shouldn’t  be an elevation in status because you are better than others at anything.We do not appear to judge the morality of various individuals, or the altruistic motives of people. Society leans towards physical strength and ability, especially in sports. I can assume it has to do with physical protection, and the survival instinct against aggressors. Currently, we don’t have the same worry about these issues. Our use of the brain gives us greater ability to survive. To say we have lost the most valuable goals in our human evolution is worthwhile to ponder.

Fostering and praising altruism, empathy, kindness, and caring endows us with more joy and happiness. Raising our standards of thinking and engaging in loftier goals may change our way of viewing life. If nobody believed they were better than another, then it would be okay to praise another’s efforts without feeling threatened about our own. Our egos would remain intact. Having faith in our own worth and ability should triumph. Our value is priceless. Stopping the merit we place on things and people, avoids the affect all of us endure with constant comparing and competition.

Freedom of behavior is attained. Support would be everywhere and choices would be endless. All areas of pursuit would be available and acceptable. Competition is  what gives rise to jealousy, anger and fear. Competition also begets a winner and a loser. Nobody wants to be a loser. The  act of comparing kids or grandchildren results in hurt. Maybe it is obvious that one boy is taller than another, but by drawing  attention on this fact is supporting tallness. In our brains we register height as more valuable. Society is setting the parameters of the game, and we are all buying into it.

It is a  fact that one can improve any talent  with effort and practice. If we state that a child is not athletic, we have impeded many kids from attempting to play a sport. When seeds of doubt and insecurity are planted in the brain, they grow like weeds, and overtake the thoughts of confidence and ability. So many of us influence the mindset of others. The answer for all of us, is to have no limitations for our own abilities. Stepping  out of the game, and disregarding the compliments and the insults, allows us to make our own choices and see the reality of the situation. It gives us a better understanding of who and what we are capable of doing.

Why or how our original attitudes came to be may become clearer. We move beyond this concept, and  into a more enlightened atmosphere. Do we only love our spouse or child because they are a winner in basketball? Would we love them the same if they were always losing? Our answers reflect our values. Do we  value our love for our spouse and child, or our love for the secondhand glory we receive from the attention we get by being related to them. Hard questions that need honest answers.

Unrest may be related to lack of attention. Those members who believe they are less worthy are negatively affected. Those endowed with beauty and or fortune exhibit confidence. Others defer to them. We are all people, and the same in many ways. Sadly we are not always treated equally, nor respected. That is the problem. We add to our insecurity or confidence, by adding fuel to the fire of our positive or negative thoughts.

Even within families, there can be differences in our attitudes towards our kids. The shinning stars may receive a lot of attention, while those that struggle are comforted. The strugglers deserve more than comfort. The experts need more compassion. Defeat makes a person work longer and harder. Maybe we must change our focus and attempt another challenge. I find it is the people that constantly strive, who end up being successful. They work harder and see beyond the moment’s loss. They don’t give up, and perhaps don’t consider themselves above others. It takes them longer to reach their goal but it is sweeter. The victor at times, shares their triumph with many others that helped them along the way.  This attainment is understood to be fleeting, and is never used to  define the higher thinking person they have become.

In losing we win. Helplessness, anger and defeat are dealt with. We survive. Nothing about the world changes, and we have other opportunities. Sometimes we even change our goals for something we value so much more. Tolerance and patience are added to our vocabulary, along with mercy and empathy when we defeat others.

Encourage an altruistic nature and gentle attitude in your child. What we value is what we will foster in our kids. When they are grown they will choose their own desires, but it is a grave responsibility of parents to wisely approach and engender those values that last. Raise children to successfully carry themselves not for the length of a ball game, but for the length of a lifetime.

“To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.” Robert Brault

“Our own heart and not other men’s opinion forms our true honor.”    Samuel Taylor Coleridge

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