“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Maya Angelou
“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself to forgive. Forgive everyone.” Maya Angelou
When doing a job, raising kids, working on projects around the house, or even playing games, we are never without the barrage of criticism. We have all experienced it and I can’t recall one time it was useful. Most of the time it makes one change direction even if they had been on the correct course.
The sad thing is we allow others to be the winner by quitting, changing, or rethinking what we are doing. I admit we need help at times and direction. However, being critical is far different from offering advice in a kind way. There are ways to assess even our kids behavior without blasting hurtful words which last far longer in their minds than we would like to believe.In all areas of our lives there are moments when we are not quite accomplishing our tasks in the correct way. It isn’t a big deal unless we choose to make it so. Of course if another be it friend, family, kids or co-worker starts giving us disapproving glances or states unkind words we may lose control and unleash our own bombardment of words. It is stressful no doubt and difficult to control our temper when egged on by another.
Somehow the disapproval diminishes us and in retaliation we want to diminish them. We are angry and thinking of everything stupid we remember that they did. Sometimes our insulting remarks are so much worse than what they said to us. I must admit there are times when people say “I was only trying to help you but actually they have their own ideas and maybe want to help but also did decide to take the chance to roast us. We all lose in the end.
It is possible to have gotten across the same meaning in a totally different manner. The same point would have been made but nobody’s ego needed to be trashed. Even bosses who wield a lot of control use the power to instill their authority rather than honestly support someone in their endeavor to do a better job. Cherish a boss who does aid and offer an analysis of your work with the intention of helping you to improve. The results are similar. More gets accomplished, more respect is sensed and calmness prevails at the workplace with the loss of fear.
When a barrage of critical remarks is tossed at us we tune out and the truth is we do less. This is due to the fact we are now in a state of uselessness in attempting to perform better. The wind in our sail has been torn. Perhaps we are performing our parenting skills in similar ways. It might be time to reflect.
As parents we have huge expectations from our kids the moment they are born. We have total criticism of our own parents and believe they did so many things wrong. We on the other hand intend to do everything right. As we begin our journey we realize how much more parenting involves than loving our child. Yes loving our child or children is imperative but it is because of that love that we are willing to make all the sacrifices needed so that we can accomplish all of the necessary work that is tied into raising kids.
We lose sleep spend money place other beings, our children, first and at times lack our usual pleasure of life. Many times this can lead to moodiness and a feeling of being misused. This is the time to give yourself a break before you continue down the path of feelings of neglect. Otherwise the anger rises and we lash out at our children with belittling remarks.
The disapproval only serves to discourage our kids as much as it disappoints us at work. Of course kids are selfish. They need to be. They require and depend on us for life itself. In time we gradually teach them the norms and way to live an empathetic life. However this is when we have completed the task. The journey is long and strenuous but rewarding beyond words if done with love.
If a child receives constant condemnation, they are lessened as a human being and perhaps become diminished. Parents are their first teachers so if they are not exhibiting approval how can a child expect they can win it from strangers. Teach with love if you expect your child to develop a wholeness in mind and body. The body may grow normally but the spirit will be dented with an onslaught of critical assessments.
By using positive remarks in your assessments the same ideas are accomplished but the means are different when we censure our complaints. Help your child to own his own mistakes. You are the teacher not the judge. When taught with love the child is open to assessment and learns the lesson. They are not turned off or afraid of you. When it is vital for them to consult with someone they will go to you because they trust and believe in you. Your leadership is respected and their fragile egos are safe in your hands.
Kids will criticize us and test the waters but they require gentle guidance and redirection at times. We can’t take their unkind remarks to heart. Keeping the focus on the fact that we are the parents is crucial.
Many projects around the house may be condemned by our spouses. Sometimes it can be their way to get even with us for a previous hurt. We appear to hang onto our pains as if they were treasures. It is also likely when we are in a negative mood we lash out at anyone in our vicinity. Overlooking our crankiness is essential to a healthy relationship. Maybe down the road our spouse will remember and return the favor when it is our turn for a time-out.
Games warrant winners and losers and also hazards. Again our frail egos are injured with complaints. How refreshing do we feel when we receive a compliment. It works miracles. Our kids are encouraged to work harder because of the pleasure they gave to parents. I have never observed a child improve over a criticism. I have seen them cower and hide. It is kind of what we do as adults when we are at risk from negative comments.
If you really have someone’s best interest in mind, remember to keep your words sweet. When you are upset at least attempt to keep your instructions civil. Try not to ever attack the spirit of another human being especially when they are young. Walk away, stop what you are doing take a break whatever it takes to gain control over your own emotions. Then remember the individuals vulnerability and calmly, suggest with respect, honor attempts made and discipline with love.
“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” Maya Angelou
“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” Maya Angelou
“I know for sure that love saves me and it is here to save us all. Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” Maya Angelou