How many fights continue because people refuse to take any blame? We all want to be right. I honestly think that accepting blame of any kind is not something any of us like to do. As a matter of fact, I think most of us end up saying we’ll take some of the blame but then we go on to say that the other person receives the brunt of it. Even when we are making peace with someone we believe we were less guilty. Somehow it is like winning. So perhaps we are all about winners and losers.
“Was it you or I who stumbled first? It does not matter. The one of us who finds the strength to get up first, must help the other.” Vera Nazarian“
“A great nation is like a great man: When he makes a mistake, he realizes it. Having realized it, he admits it. Having admitted it, he corrects it. He considers those who point out his faults as his most benevolent teachers. He thinks of his enemy as the shadow that he himself casts.” Lao Tzu,
“It is hardily credible of how great consequences before God the smallest things are; and what great inconveniences some times follow those which appear to be light faults.” John Wesley
“Many people are yet to understand that admitting to their mistakes isn’t a sign of weakness, but an act of wisdom.”
We despise being wrong
So the question is why do we hate to claim more fault than the other guy. Of course, it is the loser who remains with the majority of the fault. We despise being wrong and hate to receive most of the blame. Most of us don’t care at that point because we are essentially searching for peace. If we must endure the most then we just accept it and walk away. Perhaps deep down we all think we are less guilty than we actually are. Why it bothers us so much to outwardly admit guilt is confusing.
I wonder if we sense a feeling of being a worse person. After all, if we are to be blamed for something we feel loathsome. We didn’t measure up or make the challenge in the game of life. We lost the game and are not the winner but the loser. It is not a good feeling. We sense like a little child that we have our hand in the cookie bag. We have been bested when we are found with more guilt. In the end, it doesn’t really make a difference but most of us will fight for the one percent less fault.
We don’t worry about any wrongdoings
The trouble is we don’t worry about any wrongdoings as much as who gets more blame. It sounds so silly but if we have done any wrong then we ought to be sorry and skip who is the guiltiest party. I think we sense we have done less wrong when we have less blame. The truth is none of us can be the judge of that. What we perceive as guilty or not guilty might alter with every person’s take on the problem.
Even criminals have a realm of guilt and exoneration. Crimes of passion are judged less harshly. People who have grown up in difficult home situations are not always given any extra pity for falling into the hands of criminals. One can see how all of us have had this swaying back and forth of blame and exoneration. Even court systems have a dilemma with it. So how does the everyday person deal with it? I suppose we fight tooth and nail for the 49% not guilty over the 51% guilty.
Seriously though when it comes down to the facts if we have done any wrong to another then arguing over how much is ridiculous. The fighting ends a lot sooner when one is willing to just accept some of the blame and be genuinely sorry for acting the way they did. This has never been about who is more to blame but it is about who caused another person to be hurt.
We owe an apology
Whenever we cause a problem and wound someone physically or mentally or even spiritually. The degree of the pain obviously weighs in but in a sense, we can’t excuse ourselves with the notion that we didn’t wound someone that much. Asking ourselves how much is too much is another unknown answer. To a child, a push or shove is extremely painful. Even an adult can be wounded emotionally to the core.
Alleviating our conscience is likely the reason we care about our right or wrong in a given situation. Maybe it goes back to childhood. Probably we feel less blame if we can render it someone else’s fault. Or if we can blame another for triggering the occurrence somehow we absolve ourselves. We all have so many ways of looking at a situation that basically involves excusing ourselves of wrongdoing. Have you ever watched two adults arguing? One says but you did this, the other says yes but you did that first, then the first participant recalls and states a previous happening in which he had a grievance against the current individual. The end result can sometimes be an enraging battle.
Maybe we would have a better society and world if we could somehow drop the ego and accept our failure to do the right thing. It is that simple. If we have done any wrong then it doesn’t matter if anybody else did right or wrong. The final judge won’t excuse us because of another’s “sins”. We walk our own path and are accountable for our own wrongdoings. They have nothing to do with someone else’s faults. Our faults do not diminish because another’s are so much worse as we see it.
I remember as a child being reminded that if I had more knowledge about right and wrong then I would be judged harsher if I did wrong than somebody who had not been instructed in choosing the better path. That has always stayed with me because the more knowledge we receive pertaining to assessing wrongs and rights the less we enjoy passing judgments on others.
It is as they say enlightenment adds to our knowledge and understanding of situations. I am not saying all wrongs are okay as long as we don’t know what we are doing. That would only be an excuse for us. I just believe we should stop with the bickering about being more wrong or more right because, in the end, it is your judgment of your wrongs and my judgment of mine misgivings.
Simply blame and asking forgiveness
If we have the need to be forgiven for anything perhaps we can begin by simply accepting blame and asking for forgiveness. Most of us ought to be willing to do this provided we witness genuine remorse. Forgiveness is difficult but the more we practice it the more love we spread around and the more enlightened we become. It also becomes easier when we discover how much peace it brings us. It also makes our chains of fear loosen up because what we thought was next to impossible to do, forgiving another, happened and it made us feel better, not worse. It is a winning situation for all. We don’t have to state our case all we have to do is say I’m sorry.
“The world is full of men who want to be right, when actually the secret of a man’s strength and his pathway to true honor is his ability to admit fault when he has failed. God wants to fill the church with men who can say they are wrong when THEY ARE WRONG. A man who is willing to humble himself before God and his family and say:”I was wrong.” will find that his family has all the confidence in the world in him and will much more readily follow him. If he stubbornly refuses to repent or admit he was wrong, their confidence in him and in his leadership erodes.” Jim Anderson