“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” Benjamin Spock
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” Lao-Tzu
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have come to the conclusion we simply do not like ourselves very much. No matter who I talk to about anything, they end up being so critical of themselves. Nobody appears to be able to see their own worth. This seems to be a fact in my opinion. Now the problem is why and how do we change our thoughts regarding who and what we are.
I, like everyone else, have those days of being so wiped out I can’t even look myself in the mirror. Of course on those arduous days I recall every bad feature I can think of about myself. I go back into my childhood until I am immersed in tears. I want to punish myself and I am always very successful. When it is over I can never recall why I had the need to crucify myself in such a manner.Most likely I am insecure so when things are going well, I am happy but then I begin looking for the other shoe to fall. Perhaps many of us are convinced we are never good enough to deserve anything more than pain. How dreadful that is. On such strenuous days the world is a cold angry place and people are not kind nor understanding.
If the phone or doorbell rings we are at times saved from the punishment at least for that particular day. What bothers me is why we feel it necessary to suffer raw pain and relive excruciating experiences. I suppose we sometimes feel guilty for whatever we perceive we have done wrong in the past. Then we recall former errors when something goes wrong in the present. Probably all of this is not even related but in our private reality anything is believable. It allows us to wallow in misery.
Being upset allows us to cleanse ourselves in an unconventional way. We remember our wrongs, feel sorrow and expect we will do better the next time. After recovering, we put ourselves back together. As we begin again, we recall the hurtful episode we endured and remain subdued in our thoughts.
Judging all of this from the outside makes me think it has more to do with our lack of self-esteem. We dress up in numerous ways adding a hint of provocativeness and yearn to be noticed. We speak up and offer outlandish remarks in order to be different and again to be acknowledged. I think that might be why some people are heard performing outlandish behaviors.
As crazy as all this sounds there is some truth. We want compliments and satisfaction knowing we simply represent meaning to someone in the scheme of life. Many times the people who make us feel adored and loved at some point let us down. Of course we behave like the turtle and go into the shell. We cry, review the events and try to pick up the pieces of our lives. We have the choice of forgiving and forgetting or at least accepting whatever we didn’t approve of or we move on.
It is our personal choice but the devastation and the power others have over us is intimidating. It can put one out of commission for a length of time. We haven’t change yet our courage and confidence in ourselves is challenged. We never ask ourselves why or if we really are an unlovable person. The veracity of life has a lot to do with how we view ourselves and how others assess us. If we assume certain conditions that another person doesn’t deliver, we are uncomfortable. If we can bear the raw pain we withstand the hurt, otherwise, we break the relationship.
I think sometimes we get confused about the real reasons we remain or stay. It might have more to do with us than with the other person. If we have a clear sense of who we are then we can actually tolerate more trash than if we are not secure. Being comfortable with ourselves permits us to see us as separate from the other person. We are not controlled or connected to what another is or is not. We are autonomous and pleased with us. When we answer to our own conscience only, we gain a confidence beyond measure.
If we doubt our merit we tend to mull things over more and question our own motives for staying in a relationship. Of course I am not talking about abuse of any kind. In such a situation the abused person should leave. I am talking about the perceived notions that we should adhere to because that is what people told us to do. Perhaps we can tolerate a situation with more endurance and survive with our self-confidence intact.
There is no need to explain why we do or did certain things in any given situation. We can’t fear our motives and actions. Never listen to the dictation of others. Take control of your own life and observe the person you are. When you are comfortable you will find it is easy to make decisions because you can trust yourself. Who better to depend on than you?
When we like someone we trust them. Now we must like ourselves and trust our own choices. Others have their own hang-ups for why they behave in certain situations and choose the way they do. By reflecting we comprehend the whole picture. It allows us to see the entire forest instead of one tree. After all we get a totally different view of a forest than just observing one tree. It is the same with life.
There may be times we induced our own misery. Doing what is best for us is more important than saving face or appearing to be something others perceive as worthy. Remember to be worthy in your own eyes because that is the person you will live with forever. You may see the bigger picture that is alluding others. As soon as I hear someone say to another, “You can’t be serious, you can’t give in.” I wonder what the discussion is all about. The actual situation is likely more convoluted and known better by the people involved. Being on the outside is sometimes not as helpful to others. If your heart and mind are working together on something, build your convictions.
We so underscore our own ability. We can be ourselves at all times having no need to prove ourselves in any way. We are beautiful on the inside and the outside and we know it or should know it. We are the best adviser we have. The waters get muddy at times and we get tired and confused but we can’t ever lose faith in ourselves. Lead your life with integrity safe in the knowledge that you have the stamp of approval from the person that counts the most and that is you.
“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson“
You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Louise L. Hay
“Be faithful to that which exists within yourself.” André Gide
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” Carl Gustav Jung