“We can grow by our questions as well as by our answers.””Our words are seeds planted in other people’s lives.” John Mason
“Nature is based on harmony. So it says if we want to survive and become more like nature, then we actually have to understand that it’s cooperation versus competition.” Bruce Lipton
Stop to reflect how we, at times, set up our own competition. If we begin boasting about our accomplishments, or those of our children, we set the wheel in motion. It may not be our siblings or mother or mother-in-law that begins the game. Simple factual information is more appreciated and recognized, than an onslaught of false words and bravado.
If you have been refraining from competition, then you may just get a few compliments. If you don’t receive any attention, then I would ponder the sadness of another s life at that moment. If one cannot bring themselves to praise you, due to their position in life at the moment, we might feel some pity. If we have nothing to give, Likely it is time to think about ourselves. Feel pity for those in need, rather than jealousy. If your the one never finding it in your heart to praise another, when it is your turn for honor likely others will not be enthusiastic.It takes a very big person, to praise and honor another, regardless of what is going on in their own lives. It is easy to be happy for another when we think we are better than they are. It takes dignity and a sense of self-worth, to praise others even when our own lives may be falling apart. When a person comments about how large their child is, or how tall, it makes me wonder if I missed something. Is tall better than short, or is large better than small? Are blue eyes better than brown, or dark hair better than light?
Where do these notions come from? Parents worry about sibling rivalry quite a bit, yet most of the time they create it. They don’t mean to do it and likely are not aware that they have done it. Perhaps it is time to look at the facts, and the everyday words we use frequently, when in the company of others.
If one pays attention from the beginning, you will observe parents immediately commenting on their child in contrast to other children. It is done so often, we don’t notice any of this, and it is almost accepted and expected. A quick review of topics, explains parents discussions, on how quickly their child does one thing or another. From size, weight, speech, walking and climbing which somehow denotes agility in the making. When kids go to school, it is academics and sports.
When kids get older, we race to get them a license, and have pride when we mention, their boyfriend or girlfriend. Numerous phone calls, and many places to be present on a Friday night, denotes popularity. I am not against sports or learning, but I really do dislike the competition. I need to explain that, because competition can be acceptable in certain situations. But continuously throwing assessments in people’s faces, and making them feel defeated and down trodden, is horrendous.
Now we come to the place in the road, where there is more than one child in the family, and kids are not the same. We are faced with understanding the differences, accepting the differences and without a doubt refraining from comparison. When we go down that road, we cause more trouble for ourselves and our kids. I would almost guarantee your kids will not be pals, if you or anyone in the family makes it a habit to contrast the kids. They are always listening, and the simplest of phrases can deeply cut.
Jobs our kids choose are so different. Being outgoing or totally introverted influences choices of friends. Some kids pick friends based on their ability, to further their popularity. A child without an education might hit lotto and become very rich. How do we know if the lawyer will end up with the most money, when all is said and done. How can we bet on the happiness any of our kids will experience. One thing is certain, if we refrain from comparing kids, each child will have faith in themselves and in our love for them. They will be less apt to believe they are less of a person, for any made up reason.
One other area is the way parents at times, blame the older child for any kind of a situation. We offer the rhetoric, they are older, know better, should be setting an example, and may have started the skirmish. Disregard all of this and think about the older child’s reasons, for behaving like a brat. Beyond the fact that they must make room for a new person, they never wanted, they must deal with someone, who has overtaken his or her parents adoration and attention.
Now we see their dilemma. They cherish our love and fear losing it. If we always side with the younger child, we confirm their suspicion that they are loved less. The age difference doesn’t matter. Possibly older siblings, may test parents, to verify their suspicions. They wonder if their parents will be angry and blame them. Parents need to handle this situation with care. if they don’t it will likely get worse. Begin by asking the older child to be involved with the baby. Even if they make some mistakes, don’t yell just instruct. That is important.
Older siblings are hurting tremendously, as they try to adjust to the invader of their home. It takes time for them to view this intruder as a loving member. It takes time and patience on the parents part, to work through this situation, keeping all feelings intact. Make them believe they are part of the team, and are loved as much as ever. Keep them in the loop, and a part of the team. Praise them for their service to you, for all of their aid. This allows them to get some honest praise for coming to your support.
Maybe the baby will be handled a bit more roughly than you wanted, but the older sibling will learn and be proud of how helpful they are. the rest takes care of itself, because as the baby matures, he or she will look up to the older sibling with admiration and love. Because the older child is not tainted from any competition, they will accept this love and the role of big brother or sister. You will see a life long friendship between siblings occur. At the least they will always be friends and that is important.
Competition is such a virtue, and everybody’s so busy competing, they have no time for compassion. Major Owens
“So long as the system of competition in the production and exchange of the means of life goes on, the degradation of the arts will go on; and if that system is to last for ever, then art is doomed, and will surely die; that is to say, civilization will die.” William Morris
“I’ve never felt any sense of competition with anybody, and we’re all friends; we’re all good friends.” Jim Henson