“Shallow men believe in luck Strong men believe in cause and effect.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Happiness is not a when or a where; it can be a here and now. But until you are happy with who you are you will never be happy because of what you have.” Zig Ziglar
A surprising number pf people live with bitterness. We were wronged and in order to get past it we must voice it to a lot of people. We need justice and an apology which gets bigger with time. It is difficult at first to accept the loss of a family member or close friend but as soon as they apologize we will resume the friendship. Our friend or family member is feeling the same way and they are not swerving from their position.
We avoid each other and attempt to discuss the situation. As time passes we begin to live with our own rules. We must save our pride so we let the relationship disintegrate. Now we miss this person but can’t admit it in any way. Our bitterness keeps us locked up and more resolved to keep our stand. We think of the other person as ridiculous to keep a stupid thing going but we refuse to budge and make the first move.Time passes and we can’t believe it has been years since we spoke to this person. Sometimes we recall some funny things and then the anger steps in because we can’t understand why they keep this going. It never dawns on us that we are also maintaining our position. We have survived without them and avoided them often enough even when it was difficult. They tried to do the same so it became easier.
As the weddings and showers ended and the kids on both sides are married we begin to reflect more about life. Now we really miss our lost contacts. We regret losing contact with the friends we simply didn’t call as well as the friends we had the disagreements with. We’d like to call them all up. We can’t because we believe we would be the last person they would want to hear from.
We are bitter at times and concede that they are probably bitter at us. We cope with the ones we fought with but the rest are untouchable because we missed so much that happened in their lives, that we honestly believe they will never wish to talk with us. So now we are anxious about seeing any of them because it will be awkward. We were not there for their parents death or illness. We reflect, what kind of friend is that. We lose confidence in going any further and we also refrain from approaching them in a store when they were shopping at the same time. It would have been so easy to walk up to them and say hello. Our heart began to race and our limbs wouldn’t move. We bowed our heads lower than needed and walked the other way.
We feel horrible. Why couldn’t we just saunter over. Quickly our thoughts reply they would have ignored you and you would then have looked like a fool. Our hearts are about ready to burst with sadness. It would have been so nice to see them again and spend some time with them. It occurrs to us that it is our loss as well as their loss.
how is it that when we lose contact with family and friends even unintentionally we find it difficult to rekindle the relationship. In life we get busy working and raising kids. We have our own share of obstacles as well as others have their share. We all like relationships. Human beings are not sole survivors. As much as we wanted the contact, it is probable that our friend would have relished the renewal of the relationship also. Most people are so surprised at seeing a long lost friend or relative that they fling arms around each other and have the biggest smiles.
It isn’t an unusual reaction. We don’t care that the last time we saw them we were arguing. It matters little little who was wrong. It only matters that we are getting a hug from a past connection in life. The same is true for a relationship that kind of extinguished as the light went low and into the wax. We just sort of got busy with others and duties.
We are so glad that they are as happy to see us as we are to see them. We make plans for the upcoming weeks. What a surprise we say when mentioning it to our spouse. We keep grinning and regretting not making contact sooner. Why did we wait. We were bitter and angry with the old friend we disagreed with. We were ashamed fearful and anxious about any attempt at creating a bond with the long ago friends. We regret doubting our friendships.
All of this doubt was created ini our own minds. The longer the time passed the more secure we were in our thinking. We did not go with our heart which was pleading with the brain. We mulled it over too long in our minds so that the answer was deeply buried. When you learn the hard way that friends are friends and family is family you try to profess this truth to others. You hope to spare them extra grief and grant them more time with those they cherish. Look up that long ago friend who sort of fell by the wayside. They will be pleased to hear from you. They were never mad at not hearing from you. Like you they just got so busy. It is never too late to make contact or mend fences. Toss the nervousness aside and reach for something real rather than something we perceive to be the truth. When you reach out to others you gain more love and happiness for yourself as well as for them. It is a reciprocal sort of happening.
“Caring about others, running the risk of feeling and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.” Rabbi Harold Kushner
“Just as treasures are uncovered from the earth, so virtue appears
from good deeds, and wisdom appears from a pure and peaceful
mind. To walk safely through the maze of human life, one needs the
light of wisdom and the guidance of virtue.” Buddha