Self-Destruct Is Not An Option

“Using guilt as a tool to coerce your son or husband diminishes growth in relationships. Your son/husband possesses the capacity to love both his wife and his mother.”

“Forgiveness is the final form of love.”  Reinhold Niebuhr

I was at a park the other day, and overheard a daughter-in-law, ripping her father-in-law to shreds. Her acquaintance appeared to be the unwilling victim, as she tried to diminish every incident the woman discussed. In between her angry testimony, the distraught woman mentioned, that she was at the moment, living with her in-laws, because she was having a house built. She also mentioned that she’d lived with them before, when pregnant with her, first child, because of the painting being done at her house.In all of this, it never occurred to her that the house of her in-law’s had been opened to her and her husband. They and their two children were welcomefor as long as they needed. Her The mother-in-law was barely mentioned, which I would say was a good thing. If we only see our side of any situation, we will never find the truth. It’s never easy to live with anyone, without having some disagreements from time to time. Living with ones’ in-laws may open a can of worms.

On the other hand, one must observe the situation in its entirety. If you are saving money, time and aggravation, you are well ahead of the situation. To accept with dignity, the small irritations which only become huge when one dwells on them too long, is a consequence. The rewards outweigh the minor failings. I say this all the time, but by walking in someone else’s shoes, we become more aware of the other side to an issue. The in-laws may not be relishing the situation any more than she was, but chances are,  they are not experiencing any appreciation in the matter.

Most likely they are doing it because they love their son and his family. It doesn’t mean they are not totally inconvenienced themselves. Making the best of a tough situation, as well as perceiving the gains and benefits to our children and family in general, should cancel out problems. Life is made easier when we come to realize, the world is not about us. There is a world of people totally self-centered. Many of us work at jobs we don’t like, but it puts food on the table, and money in the bank if we are lucky. We care for our family, even when we are tired and in a bad mood, because we love them. Everything has a price. We make the choice of the disposition. Look for the positive and be happy. Perhaps seeing only the negative causes us misery. The choice is always our own. What will you choose today?

“It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him.” John Steinbeck

“Gratitude conserves the vital energies of a person more than any other attitude tested.” Hans Selve

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