“Envy is a littleness of soul, which cannot see beyond a certain point, and if it does not occupy the whole space, feels itself excluded.” Wm. Hazlitt (1823)
Just as easily as one can take a cookie from a child, an adult can snub another. I have heard some say that the other person was so irritating and so they deserved the slight. Others mentioned reasons such as the dreadful qualities of pride and control which were exhibited in the other person. Still others ascertain a troublemaker quality in the ostracized person.
I did not dare mention that sometimes it takes one to see one. Second, When anyone makes us nervous or appears to maintain more control over a situation, then our jealousy and insecurity jump in. If the truth be told we sometimes dislike people because of their good qualities. When we feel insecure that is when we prohibit another from joining. We fear the loss of power.Any threat to our position in a relationship, place of work, or friendship will send out the barbs. It is often why mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have problems in their relationship. both are vying for a comfortable place with the man they both love. We all do it consciously or unconsciously. We hate to use the word but jealousy rears its’ ugly head. We are all good people we just don’t always believe we are or trust in our own abilities.
If resentment builds up because we don’t want the input, help or conversation from another, we snuff the person out by ignoring them. When with our own cluster of friends it is easier to gather group support making it a bigger statement of snubbing. Sometimes we may n ot realize what we are doing. At the time we’re gathering support for our low self-esteem. It is almost like a survival situation. We have the beed to squelch this person to maintain our position, or so we think.
The reality is that we have hurt another for not a legitimate reason. Probably we could not explain our actions if we had to. When threatened we fight. snubbing is a way of fighting. The more we ignore another, the more they lose their own confidence and security. It is as if we have transferred their esteem to ourselves. Notice how the snubbed person quiets, speaks less and many times leaves the assemblage or room altogether.
If it was award winning we could pat ourselves on the back. It was a nasty way to physically remove another from a situation. They were totally demeaned, gagged and depleted of self-esteem. Now the question is was it worth it? Did we really want that result in the first place? Some might say yes others might say they didn’t care and it meant nothing. We never know the truth of our tactics because we don’t follow people around nor do we have the ability to read their minds and measure the hurt within their hearts.
Most are experts at hiding pain and honest feelings. We can wear the smile and others assume everything is alright. The body facade may be paper thin but to outsiders it looks like steel armor. We’re embarrassed enough so we won’t allow anyone access to our pain.
Conversations going back and forth between two people while a third person stands bewildered wanting to jump in but having no opportunity are rude and inappropriate. If we enjoy another’s company we can arrange to meet at a different time. When others are present it is crucial to keep all in the circle. It is easy to slight the one older or younger person in the group. It is also easy to mount against the one person with differing opinions or ideas about anything.
Different makes for interesting and more rounded conversations. Controversial makes for lively discussions. We just need to agree to disagree and we just might hear something worth knowing. We also may learn that we don’t have the perfect way of doing something. Gathering all of the information allows us much to draw upon. Once we learn power is momentary even for leaders, we can conclude that there is no power or winner but only our minds creating such measurements.
We can make the difference about how a person feels for the rest of the day and maybe even longer in the way we simply congeal our faces with smiles or frowns, or use our words with disdain or encouragement. We can turn our heads away from or towards another and close our ears to their words while exuberantly professing our own thoughts. Lastly, we can allow jealousy free reign, or enclose any jealousy in steel and open our hearts in love.
That is our power and control because we frequently have that choice.
“Is there one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one’s life? The Master said is not Reciprocity such a word? What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” Confucius