“One learns people through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect.” Mark Twain
It might sound absurd but most of us hide behind smiles and words. Out of fear most likely or a lack of trust, we keep our true identities hidden. It seems sad that so many of us either don’t think another would like us if they knew “what we were really like,” or “how we were really feeling.”
Relationships would be deeper if we could get beyond our doubts and fears. That also means all of us need to stop criticizing others so that they may feel more secure in releasing their genuine feelings. Strong emotions bring out confusion. We might be unsure about what we should do. Others know this and most likely that is why most of our emotions are hidden. We present the smile and expected words of camaraderie. Inside the person may be feeling sad, tortured, sick, depleted, scared, unsure, and afraid to release these thoughts even to close relatives.
What have we become? All of us have a wide range of thoughts and emotions and an even wider range of fears. We leave the party intact along with everyone else and go home feeling alone in our depressing thoughts even more so because everyone else appeared to have a great time. Surprise! Most people at the gathering assumed you were having a great time even though they were not. We are almost thankful that we managed to survive the function and scene whole and our deepest thoughts kept secret.
If we weren’t so critical, we could all let our hair down. The most even tempered, together person, at times feels lost. That’s the craziness of this problem. We smirk at others for their happier mood. meanwhile we haven’t a clue about their real thoughts because we don’t ask and we are not mind readers. How sad we come to so many conclusions that are so not fact based.
We are human. We all have doubts and fears especially because we are making choices every day and facing problems to solve every day. Our decisions don’t always fly well with others yet we know they are the right choices to make. Life is full of distrust anxiety and pain. Let’s turn it around and realize we are triumphant in treading down the difficult path. It’s difficult to accept and deal with challenges.
The older we get the harder it is to accept responsibility and blame and children moving on from our homes. We face Job loss and diseases and sicknesses and empty nests. We acquire the burden of elderly parents. We want to stay involved with our kids and grandchildren’s lives and risk being accused of too little attention or too much. It’s funny but most people won’t agree to the right amount. It seems that most of us enjoy being unhappy and finding or searching for people to blame for our own unhappiness. It is time to turn that around. Again there is no correct or incorrect amount answer for the roots of sadness.
Sadness may arise when we long for the past. It appears to be inflated with more positive ideas than perhaps were actually present at the time. We build up past memories for comfort and possibly to escape the truth about our assessment of what went wrong. I’m not implying past memories were not awesome but every period has its’ pros and cons. It is fine to remember the past with love but don’t let it defeat the present of the good things to be discovered. The past should not overshadow what is. The present will be the past tomorrow.
Throughout our lives there are difficulties to behold. Childhood has its’ problems with less than perfect parents, friends who ditch us for others, kids who insult us ignore us and make us feel inferior. Teen years are full of disappointments and longings for friends, boyfriends and girlfriends. young adults strive to make ends meet, deal with babies, toddles, school age children. Middle age is full of parental problems and illnesses and dealings with our teenagers and college bills. As we move on and have more time and money we have a loss of self and a loss of energy. We also cope with illness. Life is TOUGH at any age.
One way to release burdens and frustrations especially those heaped on us by others, is to question our own motives. If they are sincere and without ulterior motives and free of conditions then forget what others feel about our actions or words. Let it flow right off of your back. It isn’t about you but the other person’s hidden burdens to solve. Don’t get caught up in an others conjured thoughts.
It’s okay to acknowledge in our hearts that we may not be as happy as our smile indicates. It’s also okay to enjoy the happy moments that come our way even when we are at a low point in time. It does not in any way diminish our feelings about personal issues. It should be okay to mention we are not in top form and at times sad or scared or angry or unhappy. We’re entitled to admit our own psychological pain. Assume that others are dealing with their own nightmares. It is not a question of being worse or better than another’s heartache. That would probably depend on who is doing the measurement.
Admit and accept everyone’s issues equally. Besides, who wants to win the battle of the pain index. How can we measure psychological pain and how unfathomable it is to try to seek out this pain in others. Some people can carry it their whole lives and not mention it. Gently agreeing we all share burdens both physical and mental is acceptable. The extent is only known to God.
By opening your heart for soothing, you release some or all of the burden. It’s like releasing it to the universe and accepting any positive feedback that results from this release. Others may understand us more than we think. We hide but not really. Some things are just mute but understood. We can’t be afraid to take off the covers of our true self and we can’t be so judgmental that we prevent others and ourselves from doing it. Then when we smile it will be real. We may also smile more because it really is okay to have a whole range of feelings inside of us going through us at the same time. It’s okay to be human.
“We only know of one duty and that is to love.” Albert Camus
“To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.” Ralph Waldo Emerson