Monthly Archives: February 2015

Courage

CourageCourage 2“It takes a  great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.”    Dumbledore, Harry Potter

“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.”  ~Mark Twain

“People are made of flesh and blood and a miracle fiber called courage.”  ~Mignon McLaughlin,

“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”  ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca

“Sometimes the biggest act of courage is a small one.”  ~Lauren Raffo

In order to accomplish just about anything in life, you need courage. Surprisingly, we all have varying degrees of it at any given time. When young athletes are anxious to play rather than always sitting on the bench, they must muster the courage to approach the coach and also be able to take the rejection. The important thing is they stood up for themselves. Speaking to a teacher regarding an academic issue can render the same kind of frustration and anxiety.

Teens who are forced to make decisions going against peer pressure require a lot of guts to do so. They likely don’t receive the amount of credit they deserve in such situations. As parents, we don’t stop to think of the multitude of situations that required our teens to stand strong against the coercion of friends or classmates.  In a similar incident, many teenagers are anxious to enter the dating scene and the demands and awkward situations that arise force some teens into  critical spur of the moment, decisions. Courage in making the correct choice is again a necessity. Even those teens attempting to request dates are wandering into an untraveled realm. It calls for a brand new type of bravery. Continue reading

Kids Blossom With Love & Two Parents

Kids Blossom With Love And Two Parents“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”     Joyce Brothers

“But in the real world, you couldn’t really just split a family down the middle, mom on one side, dad the other, with the child equally divided between. It was like when you ripped a piece of paper into two: no matter how you tried, the seams never fit exactly right again. It was what you couldn’t see, those tiniest of pieces, that were lost in the severing, and their absence kept everything from being complete.”    Sarah Dessen

“The problem of unmet expectations in marriage is primarily a problem of stereotyping. Each and every human being on this planet is a unique person. Since marriage is inevitably a relationship between two unique people, no one marriage is going to be exactly like any other. Yet we tend to wed with explicit visions of what a “good” marriage ought to be like. Then we suffer enormously from trying to force the relationship to fit the stereotype and from the neurotic guilt and anger we experience when we fail to pull it off.”    M. Scott Peck

“Those who divorce aren’t necessarily the most unhappy, just those neatly able to believe their misery is caused by one other person.”    Alain de Botton

There is an onslaught of advice regarding parenting skills. If one attempts to find information, they will likely be inundated with more than they wanted. Sifting through all of this information is next to impossible. I must admit it is interesting and it provides so many interesting views on discipline and nurturing and ways one should go about it. The limitless supply of help leaves one confused regarding the implementation of any of it. Continue reading

Strive To Be An Approachable Person

Approachable Person“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.” Anonymous

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”    Desmond Tutu

“See the light in others, and treat them as if that is all you see.”    Wayne Dyer

“It’s the action, not the fruit of the action, that’s important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that they’ll be any fruit. But that doesn’t mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”    Mahatma Gandhi

“If you are ever in doubt about which way you should travel, make a choice that contains the essence of goodness and love and then go in that direction. This way, you can have absolute faith that you made the right decision.”    Molly Friedenfeld

I search all the time for goals and objectives. As soon as I reach one goal or tire from the effort and accept defeat, I begin the search for a new goal. Many people have confessed to me that they feel lost and close to worthlessness in their lack of contributions to society. They research highly motivational undertakings. Many attempt wild and difficult activities. I respect and admire that such effort.

The actions at times turn out negative results. Many people can’t keep up the pace or are overwhelmed with their being no end to the work and possibly no thanks for the effort and work. Some call it burn-out. No matter how lofty our ambitions might be, they can leave us in disarray. All our good ideas are dashed and we can feel ineffective. This perhaps can lead to our being immobilized, defeated and unmotivated to do anything at all. Continue reading

Never Give Up

Never Give Up“If we would just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel and be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before. If we treat each other with  respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while. So when your eulogy is being read with your life’s actions to rehash would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?” Linda Ellis, Mac Anderson

Many young families need two incomes in order to make ends meet. This inevitably leads to both parents working. Tired parents may not always have the stamina to focus on their children. The truth is, how difficult it is, to find the endurance through some sort of compromise. It might be possible for each of the parents to have set nights to take care of the children. It might also suffice to take turns tucking children into bed. Whatever the system one chooses, children can’t be ignored nor neglected.  Balancing our schedules,  and making it work, without any compromising of our children s’ needs is a tough task to accomplish.

We should refrain from feeling guilty when we can’t always act our best. At times, if there are not enough resources to muster, then we must put in what energy we can. Involved parents need to take breaks and not have uncomfortable thoughts that they are an incompetent parent. Our best effort is all that anyone could ask for. Knowing that we love our children, take care of them, and attend to their needs is conduct well done. Continue reading

Accepting Others

Accepting Others“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”    Deborah Reber

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”     Ann Landers

Don’t you just hate the game playing we go through at any gathering of friends or relatives? I know I do. No matter how many times  I try to keep it at bay, it appears again in my life. I am resolved to acknowledge, there is no end to it until we all stop. I call the petty irritating things we do to each other, the game points. Some of us perhaps plan for the tournament, and enter the environment or arena, ready to do battle. There are those days when we are not ready, willing or able to do any engaging at all.

If I haven’t totally confused you, I am discussing the parties as well as the everyday happenings and interactions we have with others. At the end of any day, if we were to tally our encounters, and decide if they were good, bad or indifferent, most of us perhaps would wonder, how to rate ourselves. These seemingly insignificant minutes of our lives, are the reality of our lives and our key learning phases.

Every family has a variety of members who may approach us with love, hate or indifference, depending on their mood, stresses and attitudes. I am not saying we don’t act in similar fashion, but studying these facts, perhaps is critical. We can appreciate that it is a great feat, if we survive  a get-together intact, and still on speaking terms. There are those instances, you know right away, if it is going to be an easy atmosphere or a demanding temperamental dance. We probably have to side-step problems. The distressing part is we don’t always understand why there is the switch in attitudes. At those moments, we search our brains for answers. Probably we hurt them in some way at the last meeting. We attempt to figure it out, but we are still left confused.

A happy occasion should be so much easier to navigate, so we are left questioning why the snags are present. The last thing we should be expected to do is be on guard. Although I work hard to keep my temperament on an even keel,  I am not frequently successful. After many years of listening to and pleasing others, I realized it wasn’t always beneficial for my own plans. Now I confront people and accept the way they arrive. If I sense they are distracted about anything, I attempt a bit of support. But if I suspect I am disturbing them in any way, I depart from their vicinity. I always feel better about this, as it keeps me calmer and out of the target range. When any of us are in a foul mood, we do tend to zero in on someone. This person likely, takes some of our frustration. Continue reading

Voice Transformation

Voice Transformation“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”    Aristotle

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”    Ambrose Bierce

“The best fighter is never angry.”    Lao Tzu

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”    William Arthur Ward

I was listening to a young friend talking the other day and couldn’t help but smile. His voice which normally had an air of youthful authority, was suddenly direct even and just a tiny bit faster than normal. Of course he had an important message to give so I could see why his words were swift.

What surprised me was how different he sounded. You could hear his maturity in his speech. There was no need for his usual pushy and aggressive attitude. His voice had changed to a deliberate straightforward mode. I smiled just recalling how just a few years had passed and he had definitely matured.

It made me understand how our tone, loudness, tempo, infractions, emphasized letters, drawled words and pitch made any sentence more than a sentence. It was as if it told our thoughts, age dilemma fear and mood. I believe that is why computers and technology in general will never replace the human voice. Somehow feelings, emotions attitudes and thoughts go into our every monologue and spoken interaction. We can’t hide our emotions.

Children know immediately when parents are angry about anything. The stern clipped sentences that range a bit louder than normal,  at least at the beginning of the episode, tell the kids to scatter. Dad or mom is searching for something or upset about anything and they don’t want to be the unwilling victims of a parents’ foul mood. Continue reading

Fragmented

fragmentation“Divorced from the cosmos, from nature, from society and from each other, we have become fractured and fragmented.”    Daisaku Ikeda

“If I don’t understand you, I may be angry at you, all the time. We are not capable of understanding each other, and that is the main source of human suffering.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh

“In modern society most of us don’t want to be in touch with ourselves; we want to be in touch with other things like religion, sports, politics, a book – we want to forget ourselves. Anytime we have leisure, we want to invite something else to enter us, opening ourselves to the television and telling the television to come and colonize us.”   ― Thích Nhất Hạnh

“We have negative mental habits that come up over and over again. One of the most significant negative habits we should be aware of is that of constantly allowing our mind to run off into the future. Perhaps we got this from our parents. Carried away by our worries, we’re unable to live fully and happily in the present. Deep down, we believe we can’t really be happy just yet—that we still have a few more boxes to be checked off before we can really enjoy life. We speculate, dream, strategize, and plan for these “conditions of happiness” we want to have in the future; and we continually chase after that future, even while we sleep. We may have fears about the future because we don’t know how it’s going to turn out, and these worries and anxieties keep us from enjoying being here now.”   ― Thích Nhất Hạnh

I am so aware of how confusing life is. I observe that all of our lives are replicas of a disorganized family, society and world. If one looks up the word fragmented, we are given such meanings as existing or functioning as though broken into separate parts. We are also told it is living in a state of disorganization or being dis-unified. If we are a fragmented personality then we create a fragmented family and the result is a fragmented society and world.

Have we ever felt misunderstood, under-appreciated, confused about what to do, anxious, helpless and unworthy? Those are perhaps qualities of feeling broken off from the world or detached from other people. It is easy to fall into such a situation. Every day we are concerned with so many important, but trivial matters. Those unimportant issues can leave us drained to the point of being broken into tiny pieces like a drinking glass.

We are burdened with so many things we must attend to that we forget about the vital areas of our lives. At the end of the day we are just happy to have completed the must do  items at the expense of our physical, and mental health, not to mention the deprivation of our spiritual being. Somehow we are enslaved to the world’s list of things that are relevant. Everyone around us is conforming so we must also dance to the tune. We don’t stop to question why we do it or to what benefit our running in circles will achieve. Continue reading