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CourageCourage 2"It takes a  great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends."    Dumbledore, Harry Potter

"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."  ~Mark Twain

"People are made of flesh and blood and a miracle fiber called courage."  ~Mignon McLaughlin,

"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage."  ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca

"Sometimes the biggest act of courage is a small one."  ~Lauren Raffo

In order to accomplish just about anything in life, you need courage. Surprisingly, we all have varying degrees of it at any given time. When young athletes are anxious to play rather than always sitting on the bench, they must muster the courage to approach the coach and also be able to take the rejection. The important thing is they stood up for themselves. Speaking to a teacher regarding an academic issue can render the same kind of frustration and anxiety.

Teens who are forced to make decisions going against peer pressure require a lot of guts to do so. They likely don't receive the amount of credit they deserve in such situations. As parents, we don't stop to think of the multitude of situations that required our teens to stand strong against the coercion of friends or classmates.  In a similar incident, many teenagers are anxious to enter the dating scene and the demands and awkward situations that arise force some teens into  critical spur of the moment, decisions. Courage in making the correct choice is again a necessity. Even those teens attempting to request dates are wandering into an untraveled realm. It calls for a brand new type of bravery. ...continue reading "Courage"

Throughout our lives we are called upon to make choices that are really testing our mettle. As much as we want to be strong, succumbing to the demands of others can leave us wallowing in worry and  our failure to overcome the hassle from other people. Many of us resent ourselves  for surrendering our own decision to the hands of another. Parents beat themselves up over losing patience with kids. They never consider the times they held their patience.

As parents perhaps  it is crucial we observe the numerous pitfalls our teenagers face every day. They are heroes often even when we are not aware of it. Adulthood brings its own set of problems. A nagging wife or inattentive husband can cause spouses havoc at work. Other people searching for a good time or their own love, may find these vulnerable souls and set the stage for affairs. Probably it begins innocently but once started, may develop into a situation that eventually blows up in everyone's face. That is the crazy part. Sometimes we don't look to see where the decisions we make, will lead us until it is too late.

These kinds of circumstances demand our resolve which begins with courage and all the muster we can call upon. Most of us think of guts as running into a burning building, or facing an enemy in battle. We discount without a thought, the tremendous amount of moments in our lives that command guts and daring action. The moments we want to do the right thing like not eating the cake when we are dieting, require all the resolve we can muster. It takes courage to act in a moral way. It takes mettle to accept and deal with health problems of our  own or those close to us. It takes bravery to patiently wait for pregnancies, dates, jobs, money, and other mainstream desires. Guts is paramount in dealing with losing a loved one.

How about those times we lie to save our own skin, or when we blame others because we don't want to face the trouble. Times we want to get ahead so, we cheat in some manner. The list can go on forever but the fact is we compromise our values frequently throughout our lives. It isn't like we plan to do it. It just happens when we least expect it and we have no time to think things over so we fall. Picking ourselves up and trying again takes resolve. Forget about the mistakes, focus on the mindset of mustering the guts to do it better the next time.

How often do people get jobs based on who they know or the money they can offer through grants. Some people in small towns as well as cities, influence those who make the decisions to hire their sons and daughters for jobs beating out other candidates who may be more qualified. Nobody sees this as cowardly. I look at this as providing strength to those who have no connections so they  work even harder to enter through the front door.

The courage it takes to ignore the petty behaviors of others makes us stronger. At the time it may not feel like that. There is courage in receiving as well as in giving. We admire those who have the audacity and daring to speak up about the wrongs committed. It is also courageous to be able to sit down and listen to the reasoning and woes of others. Those seeking understanding and peace are not as impressive in their actions. There is still just as much bravery in speaking up about injustices at any level in society and for any group, large or small. Even one person's pain makes it worth the effort.

There is courage in all of us.  Most if not all of us muster our bravery daily. Our countless acts perhaps are performed without much thought. We likely take no notice of those moments we decided wisely. I know we exhibit so much more bravery than we give ourselves credit for. Courage is within all of us. It is an unique attribute of the rich, poor, powerful or needy. It is within everyone great or small young or old.

At any given moment we have the capacity to make a difference in our own lives as well as the lives of others. Lives are changed by our ability or inability to use our courage. The fact that we refrain from speaking or doing the right thing during one episode in our lives, cannot render us incapacitated to demonstrate audacity and nerve in another situation. Life takes courage to survive every day.

Fear is not something to be ashamed of. It may always be present, but it should not deter or defeat us. Fear just makes us more resolved and alert to problems. Without fear animals don't survive. The smart animals are full of fear, which technically fills them with the courage to successfully survive another day. At times, fear may win over courage, but just search again for your bravery and let it take root.  Remember the countless times you may have forgotten, when you exhibited great strength against the odds. I would guess that may have been today.

"The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy."  ~John F. Kennedy

"One man with courage makes a majority."  ~Andrew Jackson

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if you have to dig a little."  ~Tori Amos

"If there's one thing that I pray for, As I live my daily life, It's that I may be courageous When I'm faced with bitter strife!... So, I humbly pray for courage To be with me morn and night,  Through the coldness of the Winter And the Summer's bright sunlight! "   Gertrude T. Buckingham,

"In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned.  When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot."  ~Mark Twain

"Courage ought to have eyes as well as arms."  ~H.G. Bohn

"Perfect courage means doing unwitnessed what we would be capable of with the world looking on."  ~François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Kids Blossom With Love And Two Parents“My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.”     Joyce Brothers

“But in the real world, you couldn't really just split a family down the middle, mom on one side, dad the other, with the child equally divided between. It was like when you ripped a piece of paper into two: no matter how you tried, the seams never fit exactly right again. It was what you couldn't see, those tiniest of pieces, that were lost in the severing, and their absence kept everything from being complete.”    Sarah Dessen

“The problem of unmet expectations in marriage is primarily a problem of stereotyping. Each and every human being on this planet is a unique person. Since marriage is inevitably a relationship between two unique people, no one marriage is going to be exactly like any other. Yet we tend to wed with explicit visions of what a “good” marriage ought to be like. Then we suffer enormously from trying to force the relationship to fit the stereotype and from the neurotic guilt and anger we experience when we fail to pull it off.”    M. Scott Peck

“Those who divorce aren't necessarily the most unhappy, just those neatly able to believe their misery is caused by one other person.”    Alain de Botton

There is an onslaught of advice regarding parenting skills. If one attempts to find information, they will likely be inundated with more than they wanted. Sifting through all of this information is next to impossible. I must admit it is interesting and it provides so many interesting views on discipline and nurturing and ways one should go about it. The limitless supply of help leaves one confused regarding the implementation of any of it. ...continue reading "Kids Blossom With Love & Two Parents"

The problem is we have so many "experts" in the field attempting to promote their own version of good bad and indifferent. They have many degrees, years of providing information, and a following so numerous one would immediately including myself, agree they are truly experts on the subject. They are book learned and many work with families. However, at times they forget to rethink old ideas and incorporate new ones instead of constantly standing by the delineated modes.

Many perhaps could find one of these "experts" to agree with your discipline rules and your nurturing abilities. You might also discover many who disagree with your actions. There are many things and notions that we have in both categories of good and bad. On any given day, perhaps we have a mixed variety of both types of conducts. Who do we trust? How much advice is overload?

From my own perspective, I throw in my own take. I have raised four kids and have many grandchildren. I have taught for many years and have always held jobs related to children. I have observed and listened to a tremendous amount of children's stories and sufferings. I have shed tears with some, encouraged others, offered comfort and hope, and guided all with love. I even wrote a book on the subject because of the overwhelming hurt I felt inside. It is strange but I never considered myself an "expert yet my college credentials likely match up with most if not all of the educated people on the subject.

There are Hollywood stars and media people willing to confess their understanding of any situation pertaining to kids. It amazes me that if anybody truly had the answers, we would find a decline in negative parenting and a rise in positive skills. The opposite appears to be true. We have more children that are physically, mentally  emotionally or spiritually abused within the family environments. Somehow all the advice is going nowhere. I ponder the poor outcome as a result of too much information combined with losing focus on whose welfare is mostly at stake. I realize criticism is not what anybody wants. I also understand that if we fear facing or hearing the truth, nothing good will be accomplished or changed.

Probably we spend too much time on adult needs. Yes many will say you must love the parents to help the kids or you must treat the parents so that they can deal with their own children. I softly mention there is some truth but the crux of the problem is ignored. That is the most confusing part for me to come to terms with. Why we never attempt to proceed in a different fashion especially when our previous attempts have failed miserably.

I know truth hurts but without it there is no moving forward. Pretending it doesn't exist or focusing on other items that also need attention is a ploy that has been used for too long. I strongly believe we have to listen to our kids and find out their stories. They are the ones living it along with the parents. They are the people without a  say and the ones who are the guinea pigs for the various ideas or skills promoted by experts in the field. This likely appears helpful on the surface. However, although it is relevant to learn new ideas for disciplining  and nurturing, unless we add in the emotional pain and issues kids endure, and are related to it, we will not see any improvement. Coming up with yet other ideas is pointless. Our actions and choices on a daily basis impact our kids for better or worse.

We can't teach kids like we are training a dog. They are not robots and actually what works for one child is not successful for another. Parents are varied and have various modes of behavior attitudes skills temperaments burdens and original homes they were raised in. Their previous knowledge impacts their current behaviors.  Parents have their work cut out. Parents may be required to have insurmountable patience and tolerance. Some kids are tempermental and need encouragement while others are insecure. The premiss is kids are as divergent as snow flakes. So to are parents. They are just as much a diverse group of people. They bring a wide-ranged background  to the marriage.

None of us has degrees in multiple fields or there are few who do. It renders all of us at the mercy of working together to find solutions. I have my own answers which never rule out other critical thinking and support from others. Cooperation and collaboration help us achieve more than holding the belief, we have all the answers to questions we haven't even asked yet.

It isn't easy to manifest these qualities when we are at the end of our rope. We all fail at times but how we react to it is paramount to finding healthy relationships with our kids. If we feel shamed and refuse to accept our indiscretions, we will not work on improving them. It is far better to acknowledge our mistakes, no one is perfect, and work on improving them. Hitting of any kind in my opinion should be ruled out. Listening to our child everyday is important. Our kids know more than they appear and acknowledging their attentiveness is important.

I know how deeply kids are hurt emotionally when parents ignore their physical, mental or emotional needs. Kids are also  devastated when parents argue and fight consistently. Divorce brings anxiety to all kids.  They have a realistic fear as they watch  their worlds tumbling. Many of us are dealing with our own pain and are unaware of the trauma occurring in our kids lives. With divorce extended family is obliterated. The world becomes full of fights and taking  sides. Parents insult each other and form new relationships while the kids are left agreeing to whatever terms the parents decide. Life is Topsy turfy and parents are busy. Kids observe about  the new people in the parent's life. They have learned to hide their feelings and agree with the parent they are with at the time.

Kids accept step brothers and sisters as well as half siblings on both sides. They have four disciplinarians eventually, who have varying amounts of patience and ideas on discipline. Nurturing is many times overlooked due  to parental exhaustion. I realize it is extremely difficult for parents but kids can't wait. They must be nurtured and disciplined regardless of whatever else is going on in our lives. Yes we might take a short break here and there but basically constancy in caring for kids is critical.

Kids are expected to be happy when the parent remarried and when they have another child with a person the child hardly knows. Kids are jealous of their step siblings who get to enjoy mom or dad's company all or most of the time. They feel replaced and lost. Their grades go down and their misbehavior increases. They are insecure and crave attention. Probably none of this information is relayed to the parents. Kids hide their feelings and emotions.

The idea is if we focus on truths we might have better solutions that are meaningful. Teaching parents to respect their marriages is helping kids. Unless there is an impossible situation that is harmful, parents ought to seek counseling and be taught the implications their choices may inspire. Believing life goes on as soon as the parents are happy and settled is like believing in Santa Claus. Remember, if you left your husband or wife for an insignificant reason, kids won't trust that one day you might stop loving them. This is not my idea or rule. It is a fact. Just connect the dots.

By understanding, the vital job we have in raising kids, perhaps we will work harder on our marriages and let the trivial  go. Every couple  has those times when they feel like tossing in the towels. Overcoming and working through those difficult moments is crucial. Teaching parents parenting skills is vital but along with that is the necessity of teaching the pitfalls of endowing our kids with the pain of divorce. Never take a marriage break-up as transforming your life to something better. Many times it becomes the opposite. Divorced parents can do a good job provided they choose to work together in harmony without criticism of each other. It is not easy but it has been done. If one can alleviate having to go this route it is even better.

In order to teach parenting skills, one must teach life through the kids eyes. We must venture to observe what the kids see when they look through the lens at the home environment. Kids may pretend they don't notice anything but actually they miss nothing. Listen and keep communication open.  Don't be afraid to hear words you did not anticipate. Give kids the freedom to freely state their honest thoughts. Love your kids and tell them so every day. Don't compete with a divorced spouse and never degrade each other. It only diminishes your child. Think about the extra  time energy and money involved when the decision of dissolving the marriage is considered. List your pros and cons and see clearly by taking off the rose-colored glasses.

Kids only come with the instruction to love them and nurture their minds hearts bodies and spirits. Be gentle with them in speech and action. Recognize their frailty. Kids cannot wait for us to decide we are ready to be parents. They need our attention from day one. They need nurturing and positive discipline from the start. Whatever issues we accumulate are our own burdens. Don't place them on your kids shoulders. By spending time and discussing things with your kids from the beginning, you will create an atmosphere of trust that will not be easily broken. There is no magic solution or rule book to follow. You must love treasure and enjoy your priceless gifts. The absolute crucial, key item to remember is love your kids unconditionally. Regardless of anything else, that is the one thing that cannot be denied. It is above everything.

“When mom and dad went to war the only prisoners they took were the children”     Pat Conroy

“You don't know when you're twenty-three.
You don't know what it really means to crawl into someone else's life and stay there. You can't see all the ways you're going to get tangled, how you're going to bond skin to skin. How the idea of separating will feel in five years, in ten - in fifteen. When Georgie thought about divorce now, she imagined lying side by side with Neal on two operating tables while a team of doctors tried to unthread their vascular systems.
She didn't know at twenty-three.” ( Nor did she know the effect on the kids)    Rainbow Rowell

“The remedy for most marital stress is not in divorce. It is in repentance and forgiveness, in sincere expressions of charity and service. It is not in separation. It is in simple integrity that leads a man and a woman to square up their shoulders and meet their obligations. It is found in the Golden Rule, a time-honored principle that should first and foremost find expression in marriage.”  ― Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes

“It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced - when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination.”    John Irving

Approachable Person"The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention." Anonymous

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”    Desmond Tutu

“See the light in others, and treat them as if that is all you see.”    Wayne Dyer

“It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that they'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”    Mahatma Gandhi

“If you are ever in doubt about which way you should travel, make a choice that contains the essence of goodness and love and then go in that direction. This way, you can have absolute faith that you made the right decision.”    Molly Friedenfeld

I search all the time for goals and objectives. As soon as I reach one goal or tire from the effort and accept defeat, I begin the search for a new goal. Many people have confessed to me that they feel lost and close to worthlessness in their lack of contributions to society. They research highly motivational undertakings. Many attempt wild and difficult activities. I respect and admire that such effort.

The actions at times turn out negative results. Many people can't keep up the pace or are overwhelmed with their being no end to the work and possibly no thanks for the effort and work. Some call it burn-out. No matter how lofty our ambitions might be, they can leave us in disarray. All our good ideas are dashed and we can feel ineffective. This perhaps can lead to our being immobilized, defeated and unmotivated to do anything at all. ...continue reading "Strive To Be An Approachable Person"

Probably we bite off more than we can chew or we attempt to perform miracles and become disappointed when they don't occur. I have found at times that I have barely made a dent in helping to alleviate anything. I sense my hands are tied. My ability is  hampered by rules regulations and insurmountable problems I observe everywhere and on every level of society. It can overwhelm the mind with thoughts of helplessness to transform and change things for the better. Nothing appears to change.

This kind of thinking led me to travel down a different road and an alternate plan of action.  I suppose it is not so glamorous when we  offer to shovel for our injured friend. Nobody appears to want to pat us on the back. We may not be looking for praise but it is even hard for us to commend ourselves.  I totally believe that simply being an approachable person is likely the best course of action we could ever take. If we reflect on this long enough we just might conclude what an awesome transformation in the world we would create. The world would have to be a better place from the amount of goodwill promoted.

Perhaps we all think too big when we are looking for goals. We also likely think unnecessarily beyond the parameters of our own worlds. Why we have lost the ability to acknowledge those within our vicinity who require support is confusing. Many times our objectives can be found in our own backyards. Maybe it appears too easy  and unassuming to come to the rescue of a neighbor. We consider world aid, and needs of those far-reaching places. I suppose it is not so glamorous to work with people we know.

It is at these moments we must question our motives for aiding anyone. If it is to assist someone in dire straits, then we don't have to look far. Although it is admirable to help anyone who needs it. Wherever we attempt to do good, is generating love and peace all around us. It is not as if only certain people and places are in the category of requiring help. Our corner soup kitchen, school, fire department, thrift shop, church or community center accepts offers of help.

I also consider it commendable for just being there for those who want support. The neighborhood person whose door is always opened, and who quickly jumps in to assist others is such an asset to the neighborhood. The person who keeps peace with family members and overlooks transgressions and hurts is praiseworthy. I admire family members who aid and support each other even when they may not be on the best of terms. I also cherish those who forgive us when we are upset and recall better behavior and moments of helpfulness. They manage to see beyond the present us. We are not viewed in our current position but loved for the whole of us.

What does it take to see these people as saviors and helpers in pushing dark clouds away. Why don't we acknowledge what a tremendous boost to the family, friends, community and society at large when such people throw in their energy. I feel sad at the amount of effort given to others, that is not valued as priceless. Many people do not recognize themselves as world changers yet they truly are. People offer ways to do things that make life easier or give a better way of living. It appears to be such a simple thing, yet the time and effort that was made for such a small action, may produce a large result of positive energy.

The next time we begin to believe we have nothing to contribute to others think again. We should review our lives and check on our many kind and worthy actions towards others. Even a phone call or visit to a friend can cheer someone up. When one builds a house they start with one brick or piece of wood at a time. When finished the product is a gorgeous house. The same is true with our many kind unnoticed actions. Every one of them that is added up on a daily and weekly basis, eventually creates a huge beneficial and positive miracle sent out to the world.

If we frown every day at others we send negative energy.  If we smile at someone, even a stranger, I guarantee they can't help but smile back. Somehow I know they understand we have acknowledged them as a meritorious member of our society. Through our simple smile we have spoken a speech. They know they are in sense connected to us through that smile. We have gently brought them into our circle if only for a moment and they sense the feelings of love and joy. We have dashed loneliness from their minds and bodies long after we walk away.

Never underestimate your ability to find fulfillment everyday in daily living. We all hold so much power within to create a finer world. If we are looking to promote change and positive alterations to our world we have no further to look than within ourselves. We ought to be able to sleep calmly every night knowing we have made a difference in the world through our daily actions. it won't ever be necessary to question our goals and objectives. If we all work towards being a good and approachable person, the repercussions will present themselves.

As they say, we can all find problems with each individual we meet. There are imperfections in all. It is easy to find fault and blame. It is a bit more challenging to search for goodness in others. Perhaps it relates to jealousy. It doesn't matter. If we start a new path for ourselves which involves an objective of finding goodness in everyone, it will make it easier to love and cherish all. Carry that further and you have world peace. It is accomplished by striving to be an approachable person.

"When you choose to see the good in others, you end  up finding the good in yourself." Anonymous

"What you do everyday matters more than what you do every once in awhile." Anonymous

“How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.”     William  Shakespeare

“There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth.”    Leo Tolstoy

“Perhaps, if you weren't so busy regarding my shortcomings, you'd find that I do possess redeeming qualities, discreet as they may be.  I notice when the sky is blue.  I smile down at children.  I laugh at any innocent attempt at humor.  I quietly carry the burdens of others as though they were my own.  And I say 'I'm sorry' when you don't.  I am not without fault, but I am not without goodness either.”    Richelle E. Goodrich

Always see the good in everyone...learn to see through God's eyes no matter what...remember, the tables may turn tomorrow. You just never know!”    Kemi Sogunle

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Never Give Up“If we would just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel and be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before. If we treat each other with  respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while. So when your eulogy is being read with your life’s actions to rehash would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?” Linda Ellis, Mac Anderson

Many young families need two incomes in order to make ends meet. This inevitably leads to both parents working. Tired parents may not always have the stamina to focus on their children. The truth is, how difficult it is, to find the endurance through some sort of compromise. It might be possible for each of the parents to have set nights to take care of the children. It might also suffice to take turns tucking children into bed. Whatever the system one chooses, children can’t be ignored nor neglected.  Balancing our schedules,  and making it work, without any compromising of our children s’ needs is a tough task to accomplish.

We should refrain from feeling guilty when we can’t always act our best. At times, if there are not enough resources to muster, then we must put in what energy we can. Involved parents need to take breaks and not have uncomfortable thoughts that they are an incompetent parent. Our best effort is all that anyone could ask for. Knowing that we love our children, take care of them, and attend to their needs is conduct well done. ...continue reading "Never Give Up"

Stress inevitably finds us. The fact remains that working for our children’s welfare and interests leaves us blameless. We can only have twenty-four hours in a day. None of us can give any more than that. Parents without jobs are stressed, to say the least. We can ask for assistance from schools, towns, churches, and communities. Even if we haven’t been to church, we shouldn't hesitate to ask for financial sponsorship. Community resources are readily available and willing to come to our assistance. If a church or community cannot assist someone they most definitely know of the resources available and will readily give a person in need the resources for livelihood.

If we resort to drugs or alcohol as an escape from our difficulties, we won’t ever solve our troubles. If we really want provision and are serious, we can find those who are skilled at sustaining. Searching for the service we require is not a dauntless task. Aid is out there and we just need to find it. choosing crutches of any kind serves only  to extend our problem. Perhaps our question might be how committed we are   about straightening out our lives. Drugs and alcohol cost money and money is what we do not have. Many young children are privy to discussions about drinking and drugs. They appear to know more than they should . Never underestimate your child's interest in whatever you say or do. Much is seen on television and some  is questionable.

Drugs and alcohol eat up our money. They destroy our minds and our family bonds. They help us to forget about commitments and responsibilities and leave us with a job loss. Drugs and alcohol promote our involvement with another person, due to mixed-up judgemen. This renders our marriage in dissolution. We lose the respect of our children as well as our friends. We render ourselves in limbo until making the decision to straighten out the mess we ourselves have created.

It is not only ourselves who suffer. We cause pain to our spouse, children, parents, and friends. The pain reaches those who attempt to help us in maybe the earlier stages. Our money is gobbled up, our home is terminated, and probably the last person we hurt, so badly, is ourselves. We cannot bear to look at ourselves in a pane of glass walking down a street.

Many parents possibly choose to refrain from working. This is their choice. If at least one parent doesn't try to get work, perhaps they are setting a poor example for their children. Without any goals we have no zest for life and no challenges to instill us with enthusiasm. Without a purpose we can become erratic. Mothers or fathers who choose to stay home with their children have that option. We can’t and shouldn't condemn their choices. We might put more effort into guiding our child’s school work while being an at-home parent.

Our children need roots. They need trials and purpose. If they are given none through our modeling, it is probable they will not choose goals, or they may set some that are not admirable. Kids, like adults, are unsure of their faltering steps. They require guidance more than imbalance. If we can’t steer straight forward for ourselves, we must attempt to do it for our children. Our children need objectives and aspirations. Every human being needs dreams.

Parents should never get into the area of who is doing more or less work. When that happens, a dividing line is drawn and everything is written down and accounted for. This is not a compatible way of compromising tasks. There are highs and lows in everyone’s life, and highs and lows in everyone’s job. If we come home from work with more stamina than our partner can muster, we should take over the largest piece of the work. Another day or time, our partner can reciprocate when our days are not flowing smoothly. The give and take in a marriage varies on any given day. One cannot predict a headache or a leg pain or sickness. Being accommodating to each other allows us space to chill. We are less stressed to perform our duties. It becomes a bit more relaxing. If we have reached our limit with the child on a particular day, our spouse may take charge of the parenting.

When we have a job to do we can do it with a pleasant attitude or with an angry attitude. It is our choice. If we have to do the job, regardless of our disposition, it appears the easier choice is a pleasant manner. Life is about caring for others. It is not about keeping track of whose turn it is. With co-operation, we might cherish the moments we spend with the children. It becomes more about enjoying our time with our children than it is about doing our duty. Days pass quickly. Nobody should wish their time or life away. Enjoy all the precious memories you are making with your family.

No question, raising children is hard work. They bring a different dimension to one’s life. They also bring a huge, mountainous load of work. In the end, the love we gain truly outweighs any work we must accomplish. Children can be taught to be accountable for many things. We must teach them and support them until they are ready. Caution, in regard to solicitously remaining attentive to our children, is extremely vital. They are fragile and have much to learn.

Although children might spend a great deal of time in daycare facilities, they will still be influenced a vast amount more by their parents. One need not worry, as long as parents are interactive with their children when they are with them. Children will always be influenced by many surrounding activities. Whether these influences are good or bad remains inferior to the effect parents have. It is relevant that we inspire our children to do the right thing.

“Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second.” William James

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” William James

“The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.” Ring Lardner

“In the depths of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” Albert Camus

“Not in the clamor of the crowded street, not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves are triumph and defeat.”    Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“A man, who removes a mountain, begins by carrying away small stones.” Chinese Proverb

“May you remember that love flows best when it flows freely and it is in giving that we receive the greatest gift.” Kate Nowak

“Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.” Chinese proverb

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.” Alex Haley

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; No need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” Dalai Lama

“Not he who has much is rich but he who gives much.” Erich Fromm

Accepting Others“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”    Deborah Reber

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”     Ann Landers

Don't you just hate the game playing we go through at any gathering of friends or relatives? I know I do. No matter how many times  I try to keep it at bay, it appears again in my life. I am resolved to acknowledge, there is no end to it until we all stop. I call the petty irritating things we do to each other, the game points. Some of us perhaps plan for the tournament, and enter the environment or arena, ready to do battle. There are those days when we are not ready, willing or able to do any engaging at all.

If I haven't totally confused you, I am discussing the parties as well as the everyday happenings and interactions we have with others. At the end of any day, if we were to tally our encounters, and decide if they were good, bad or indifferent, most of us perhaps would wonder, how to rate ourselves. These seemingly insignificant minutes of our lives, are the reality of our lives and our key learning phases.

Every family has a variety of members who may approach us with love, hate or indifference, depending on their mood, stresses and attitudes. I am not saying we don't act in similar fashion, but studying these facts, perhaps is critical. We can appreciate that it is a great feat, if we survive  a get-together intact, and still on speaking terms. There are those instances, you know right away, if it is going to be an easy atmosphere or a demanding temperamental dance. We probably have to side-step problems. The distressing part is we don't always understand why there is the switch in attitudes. At those moments, we search our brains for answers. Probably we hurt them in some way at the last meeting. We attempt to figure it out, but we are still left confused.

A happy occasion should be so much easier to navigate, so we are left questioning why the snags are present. The last thing we should be expected to do is be on guard. Although I work hard to keep my temperament on an even keel,  I am not frequently successful. After many years of listening to and pleasing others, I realized it wasn't always beneficial for my own plans. Now I confront people and accept the way they arrive. If I sense they are distracted about anything, I attempt a bit of support. But if I suspect I am disturbing them in any way, I depart from their vicinity. I always feel better about this, as it keeps me calmer and out of the target range. When any of us are in a foul mood, we do tend to zero in on someone. This person likely, takes some of our frustration. ...continue reading "Accepting Others"

I make mistakes like everyone, but I am so conscious now of other people's' feelings, that it makes me more cautious about making anyone's situation worse than they believe it already  is. I will  help anyone, but I retreat just as quickly, if I perceive someone is perturbed with me. So what about those individuals who we exasperate, just by showing up at the party. That is a hurtful situation. When you are mindful of how much you rattle another individual, and you never understand why, it leaves you puzzled regarding a  solution. I just keep my distance until I can think of a solution for that particular event.

Intrinsically we can't change who we are, so if we talk a bit too much, cry a bit too long, laugh a bit louder, argue a bit stronger, there is nothing we can do. If we are quiet so be it. Some people prefer a certain type of individual, and unfortunately if we don't fit their standards or criteria, we are ostracized for the most part. How painful that is to observe others engaged in a conversation, in which you are peripherally involved. You can't leave politely while people are engrossed in conversation, yet no one looks at you or encourages your opinion. You are no more than the baby sitting on the mother's lap.

It is demeaning. Perhaps departing from this painful situation, might be one answer. I believe  we get caught in many uncomfortable scenarios, but then it is up to us how we react to them. We  might refrain from causing a commotion, but certainly we should not be expected to tolerate discomfort. Likely the people making us feel this way, are possibly unaware. They might also see the slight as pay back for a past injury. We all look at things with our own looking-glass.

Maybe we all get so caught up in what others are saying, and how they are viewing us, that we forget about our own actions and the effect they have, on the people surrounding us. For the most part we are all vulnerable, and the most boastful among us can be brought to their knees, by an uncaring attitude of another. It would be one ting if it ended at the gathering, but it doesn't. We take our wounds home, and nurse them, possibly for days.

I am attempting to release troubles quicker than I did in years past. I recognize that often it is the other person's struggle. Perhaps they have a jealousy or insecurity problem. Maybe they have a low self-esteem, or  burdens that weigh on their minds. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, instead of believing they are purposefully causing me tribulations. We certainly suffer enough complications throughout our lives, without tossing added struggles to anyone's shoulders.

It might be easier to begin each function with a little speech and pep talk. We might begin with the words we preach to our kids. You should include everyone, speak kindly to others, give everyone a chance to talk, take  turns, respect everyone and  most importantly, show  love  towards everyone here. Maybe if we are given  a reminder, we will be scraping off our tough skin armor, allowing our bright lights of love and mindfulness to filter through. We would all enjoy the occasion so much more, without the added silly walls, that serve to only keep us apart, from sharing each others company and love.

“Nothing brings down walls as surely as acceptance.”    Deepak Chopra

"Dignity is the moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself."     Shannon Alder

"Reputation is what others think of us; character is what God knows of us."    Anonymous

"When you have spent what feels like eternity trying to repair a few moments of time that destroyed the view others once had of you then you must ask yourself if you have the problem or is it really them? God doesn't make us try so hard, only enemies do.”    Shannon Alder

“There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. It is a fact that we all must face. However, if you realize that God is a best friend that stands beside you when others cast stones you will never be afraid, never feel worthless and never feel alone.”     Shannon Alder

Voice Transformation“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.”    Aristotle

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”    Ambrose Bierce

“The best fighter is never angry.”    Lao Tzu

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.”    William Arthur Ward

I was listening to a young friend talking the other day and couldn't help but smile. His voice which normally had an air of youthful authority, was suddenly direct even and just a tiny bit faster than normal. Of course he had an important message to give so I could see why his words were swift.

What surprised me was how different he sounded. You could hear his maturity in his speech. There was no need for his usual pushy and aggressive attitude. His voice had changed to a deliberate straightforward mode. I smiled just recalling how just a few years had passed and he had definitely matured.

It made me understand how our tone, loudness, tempo, infractions, emphasized letters, drawled words and pitch made any sentence more than a sentence. It was as if it told our thoughts, age dilemma fear and mood. I believe that is why computers and technology in general will never replace the human voice. Somehow feelings, emotions attitudes and thoughts go into our every monologue and spoken interaction. We can't hide our emotions.

Children know immediately when parents are angry about anything. The stern clipped sentences that range a bit louder than normal,  at least at the beginning of the episode, tell the kids to scatter. Dad or mom is searching for something or upset about anything and they don't want to be the unwilling victims of a parents' foul mood. ...continue reading "Voice Transformation"

When parents review a bad report card they hesitate and one can envision the anger rising up their necks and into their angry red faces. Of course the child is waiting for the explosion. The parent may begin with an even slow voice but the pace picks up quickly as fast as the loudness increases. Within seconds like a rocket the words tumble out so fast the child is unable to comprehend the meaning that is being delivered. What the child does know is to simply listen and refrain from interruptions. This is accomplished and the child is at times punished grounded and sent to their room.

I remember listening to the arguments between my older brother and our father. Of course my brother had the mouth that would not remain still. As much as I admired his courage, to this day I never understood his inability to learn the importance of silence. I would watch my dad's face sternly focus on my brother while words of wrath tumbled from his mouth. Whenever there was a pause my brother chimed in with some sort of retort then blast off, my dad was furious.

I could observe my brother almost chuckling at the power he had to send his dad to the moon so easily. I on the other hand held my breath and hoped the incident would be short-lived. Otherwise life would be difficult for all of us until the next day. I remember my father's almost breathless words stumbling out.  The voice was almost inaudible. My dad's body was always rigid at this point and his neck muscles stood out pulsing. How my brother thought this was funny is beyond my comprehension.

I recall being at the beach one day and watching a family in front of us interact. The young teen was asked to get a drink for his father from the cooler. The boy went to retrieve the item. When he came back his father was enraged. The boy had brought a soda rather than a beer. The man swatted the boy on th back of the head almost sending him crashing to the ground. The man snarled like a dog at his son. I remember not understanding the words but the snarls came through loud and clear. The tone was strong and gruff. I remember glancing up at the man from my head down position. I was afraid to make eye contact with this man. I was young but he instilled fear with his voice.  In one quick motion the teen scrambled back to the cooler and grabbed a beer. He handed it to his father having to stretch his arm to be within reach. I couldn't blame the young man because he didn't want another hit on the head.

One day  as I walked to school in Boston, I was behind a young mother and her two young girls hardly more than four or five. The mother was in a hurry. Her sturdy fast paced steps, swinging arms, along with her grip on her handbag gave one the impression of someone on a mission. The kids were obviously having trouble keeping up. The woman kept urging them to walk faster and she increased her rate of speed. Her voice was loud and her words were curt.

Inevitably the youngest child slipped and fell on the concrete drawing blood to both knees. The mother was angry and started to scream at her youngest daughter. The crying child immediately clammed up while the older child stop attempting to help her sister to her feet. The three continued their walk with one change. The youngest child was limping and trailing behind. I had to make a turn and lost site of the three individuals. I won't forget the intense look of the mother and her terse words spilling through her clenched teeth. No wonder the child just got to her feet and continued to move on.

I wonder at adults who are parents or work with kids. I hope they realize how much of an impact both good and bad, they have on  kids. The impressions  they leave are carved into the spirit in a good or detrimental way. Children are the helpless recipients of anger frustration, regret, and much more. They have nowhere to run and no escape. Living in fear for some kids is a normal state of affairs.

We put people in jail for simple infractions yet we allow serious harm to happen to kids before we  step in as a society. I will never understand this. At the sake of embarrassing parents, we should come  to the aid of families in need. Unless we find the root of problems there will be no remedy. If one requires an antibiotic but is only given cough medicine, the infection continues. Answers at most times are simple.

I know the voice has the power to crush, disintegrate, relieve, or bring comfort and love. The words are not as important as the tone, loudness tempo distinctness emphasis on words and expressions on the face of the person delivering the message. Perhaps we should think about the messages we are sending to our kids and to other people. Probably we never thought about the changes in our voices nor the facial changes and bodily changes expressed by our built up emotions.

After growing up with a multifaceted person I have learned how to  read most people. I get a sense of their mood. We all get angry but  allowing it to take over our minds is inexcusable. The next time we feel our fury rising,  we might think about the changes taking place in our own bodies. Take some deep breaths and count to one hundred if need be. It might help us to better control our own rage. It is  always within our power to change things. We simply need to be aware of how we affect others and the impact of our anger. Making happier and brighter days for our own families and those of others is crucial to everyone's well-being.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”    Mark Twain

“Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.”
Leo Buscaglia

“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”    Shannon Alder

“Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.”    Shannon Alder

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are.”    Cherie Carter Scott

“Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.”    Shannon L. Alder

fragmentation"Divorced from the cosmos, from nature, from society and from each other, we have become fractured and fragmented."    Daisaku Ikeda

“If I don't understand you, I may be angry at you, all the time. We are not capable of understanding each other, and that is the main source of human suffering.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh

“In modern society most of us don't want to be in touch with ourselves; we want to be in touch with other things like religion, sports, politics, a book - we want to forget ourselves. Anytime we have leisure, we want to invite something else to enter us, opening ourselves to the television and telling the television to come and colonize us.”   ― Thích Nhất Hạnh

“We have negative mental habits that come up over and over again. One of the most significant negative habits we should be aware of is that of constantly allowing our mind to run off into the future. Perhaps we got this from our parents. Carried away by our worries, we're unable to live fully and happily in the present. Deep down, we believe we can't really be happy just yet—that we still have a few more boxes to be checked off before we can really enjoy life. We speculate, dream, strategize, and plan for these "conditions of happiness" we want to have in the future; and we continually chase after that future, even while we sleep. We may have fears about the future because we don't know how it's going to turn out, and these worries and anxieties keep us from enjoying being here now.”   ― Thích Nhất Hạnh

I am so aware of how confusing life is. I observe that all of our lives are replicas of a disorganized family, society and world. If one looks up the word fragmented, we are given such meanings as existing or functioning as though broken into separate parts. We are also told it is living in a state of disorganization or being dis-unified. If we are a fragmented personality then we create a fragmented family and the result is a fragmented society and world.

Have we ever felt misunderstood, under-appreciated, confused about what to do, anxious, helpless and unworthy? Those are perhaps qualities of feeling broken off from the world or detached from other people. It is easy to fall into such a situation. Every day we are concerned with so many important, but trivial matters. Those unimportant issues can leave us drained to the point of being broken into tiny pieces like a drinking glass.

We are burdened with so many things we must attend to that we forget about the vital areas of our lives. At the end of the day we are just happy to have completed the must do  items at the expense of our physical, and mental health, not to mention the deprivation of our spiritual being. Somehow we are enslaved to the world's list of things that are relevant. Everyone around us is conforming so we must also dance to the tune. We don't stop to question why we do it or to what benefit our running in circles will achieve. ...continue reading "Fragmented"

Basically we have become swallowed up in a world of busy work. This nonsense eats our time and energy. How many times have we stated our surprise at a new month beginning, or a new season approaching. We are not really living our lives  but simply existing and running our lives across the land and into the ground. The faster we work, the more pieces of ourselves break apart.


We are scattered in our thinking and become unsure of who or what we are. We at times don't see our purpose or point in life. We are never positive that we are doing anything right yet we never alter or question our course. We have lots of companions, traveling the same route. That gives us a false sense of security. It must be correct because so many people are going in the same direction. There is no time for thought or reflection. There are many things to accomplish.

In reality we are isolated from others. The more people we attempt to connect with, the more incomplete we become. Perhaps it is time to be us and slow down the pace. We can't  keep trying to be and do what others are being and doing. Where is  the understanding in that situation. That only carries discontentment and more confusion. As much as we attempt to fit in with others, we only succeed in losing ourselves. Probably we don't really even know ourselves.

All of us are incomplete and searching for love peace and acceptance. The dilemma is that we always seek it from others and without rather than searching within. We will never receive love peace and acceptance from the outside world until we find it within ourselves. That comes with understanding. People may love us and offer acceptance but there are times they offer us rejection. It is at those times we must come to an understanding of who we really are. We can't be diminished by such treatment, when we have the knowledge of who we are within. We are enough.

The family is a fragment of our lives as are jobs. Appreciating the family without being absorbed and controlled by it keeps the love from collapsing. We fragment it when we make demands,  promote guilt become possessive to the point of allowing no other sunshine but our own to nurture the object of our possessiveness. Reflect on the amount of time we spend protecting what we deem as our own. By attempting to be everything we promote our own disintegration.

Competition, jealousy, envy and many more detrimental thoughts, are all conflicting energy absorbers that relentlessly fracture us. Listening to others who constantly try to control and lead us is futile. They are as mixed up as we are. We place such useless tasks on our shoulders that it gives us little free time to think for ourselves. Now the big trouble is that without thought, we can never find truth. We remain in a dream state of division of the self.

Our need to fight for our rights, get even, take revenge, trounce the enemy, triumph in all situations, come out on top, feel fulfilled, become the world's version of happy, control, have power, prove we are right, be more intelligent, be the martyr, be the good person, or a zillion other fantasies is a perpetrated falsehood. Observe the stores and their tremendous amount of false items to enhance us in a variety of ways. What is wrong with the real us.

Look at the media promoting a better us by doing wearing or acting in uncertain ways. We are practically told what to like, wear and do with our free time. It is in vogue to prefer certain items and music and heroes. Whatever is in fashion is brainwashed into our minds. We don't question maybe because we are too busy with those menial tasks.

Most of us are doing things out of duty rather than love. It looks like the correct thing to do and people are observing. We Think we must sympathize because the world is watching. In the meantime we haven't time to think about the sympathy and why it should really be given. We behave in a robotic way. Empathy and caring should come from within us not from the demands of the outside world. We need to understand more about what is behind caring, loving and compassion. If we don't really comprehend it then we are not really learning how to be a better person.

Unless we want to continue being divided into factions within ourselves and throughout the world, it is pertinent we become unified within. So many of us are misunderstood, under-appreciated, and lonely. It pushes us into following false ideas and people. Truth is within. All we have to do is pay attention and listen with or hearts to the intuitive thoughts attempting to manifest in our lives. Remember it is no competition and anger is left outside the gates.

"To know what you don't know is the beginning of knowing."    Confucius“If we take something to be the truth, we may cling to it so much that when the truth comes and knocks on our door, we won't want to let it in.”  Thích Nhất Hanh

“Our notions about happiness entrap us. We forget that they are just ideas. Our idea of happiness can prevent us from actually being happy. We fail to see the opportunity for joy that is right in front of us when we are caught in a belief that happiness should take a particular form.”  Thích Nhất Hạnh

“Be Yourself. Life is precious as it is. All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just Be.”  Thích Nhất Hạnh

When you begin to see that your enemy is suffering, that is the beginning of insight.”  Thích Nhất Hạnh

 

 

Baggage"You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”    Kahlil Gibran

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.”    Kahlil Gibran

"We are all like the bright moon, we still have our darker side.”    Kahlil Gibran

“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.”  Cherokee Indian Proverb

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”  Buddha

I not only need  to stop packing so many items when I go on vacation but I also must release so much of the mental baggage I carry with me from year to year. Whenever I am feeling defeated, I hopelessly recall the numerous hurts of the past. That would be fine, if I could eventually lay them to rest, but that isn't how it works. I just feel more saddened, and I review these same issues, again and again. Now it appears to be time to learn, how to let them go forever, and not just until my next depressing day.

I am seeing this as excess baggage, that I drag along and look through whenever the downtrodden mood incites me. It is such a useless thing to do, and I am resolved to release the unnecessary burdens. Appeasing myself of these issues, only puts them off for another miserable day. Taking an honest brave look at them, perhaps, will give me enough courage to stop their aggressive hold on me.

I equate the hold of these unresolved issues, to the need to maintain a chain around another. In a way it is like not forgiving them and instead, piling up the resentment. As the years go by, I have more and more to add to the pile. I have a hefty load to wallow in misery, when I am in a foul mood. Questioning this attitude, and path, is paramount to overcoming the chains that bind me to it. ...continue reading "Baggage"

I really am tired of the grief, and pain, I cause myself. It is time to dump the garbage. That is likely, a good way to put it. All the crazy resentment, that has built up in my mind, is rubbish. After  time the garbage smells stronger, so it compels us to release it. I say this with anxiety, because letting  go of pain can be difficult. We expect to experience misery, on certain days, and it almost becomes comfortable. There is solace in recalling hurts. We somehow make ourselves the martyr.

When we get angry with someone, we immediately think about other  times they hurt us, and it gives us permission to recall them with impunity and disgust. They were wrong, and totally deserve our wrath. We confirm our beliefs, by the number of times they have wronged us in the past. As the list increases, we can go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds.

It appears when we are in a foul mood, for whatever the cause. We practically don't want relief, as much as we want to blame someone, and be upset. All of us must find someone at the root of our problems. It can't be us that takes any blame. The first thing we all think about, when something happens, is why did it happen, how did it occur, and who made the mistake. Fault-finding is what we search for.

If you watch the news, and hear of a car accident, shooting, poor test results at school or lost football games, the last words always have to do with investigating the cause. Everyone reviews the reasons it happened, and then they attempt to fix the problem. As humans, we hate to admit that at random times, dilemmas occur, and it is not always possible to find the reason or the culprit.

Probably if we find reasons, and people to blame, it makes us feel like we have control. If we can't find someone at fault, it is scary, because things are not under control. I also believe we feel better, when we can assume it is another person's fault. We place the burden on their shoulders, rather than be accused of any wrongdoing. Perhaps that is why we gather all the extenuating circumstances, so we have our proof of guilt.

For sure I am tired of carrying the heavy load. I want to let it go. In reality the burdens weigh me down, keep me from seeing clearly, and destroy my ability to reason. I want clarity regarding not only my own actions and words, but the other person's actions and words. A clearer picture arises when I am able to encompass all the variables, occurrences, and final results. If I am honest with myself, I share the fault. I see my mistakes and my heart is full of remorse or forgiveness.

I have not figured out why we, at times, wake up in a bad mood. I can't comprehend why we interpret in a negative way, what others say or do on  one day, yet we overlook any negativity on other days. People's tone of voice tells an honest story.   Perhaps they are stressed themselves on certain days. Body language is another problem, that at times we manage to  shadow.  Whatever the causes or reasons for our sensitivities, we should recognize the errors of tucking our hurt feelings away. Rehashing painful experiences again and again,  is detrimental to health and relationships.

How can we ever be sure anyways, of truth when we have so many variables involved. Attempting to argue it out with another, is usually a losing battle. We both see it from our own perspective, and some of us enjoy drama while others enjoy embellishing the truth, and others have bad moods now and again. The variables continue to mount.

Letting go of past issues is a good thing. With the passage of time, most problems are not totally recalled clearly anyways. How does a person bring up past hurts when we are in the present moment. It is difficult if not impossible to remember all of the feelings, impressions, and burdens and worries of that past, particular day. The external and peripheral areas that impacted the day of reckoning, are not so easy to recall. They did play an important role at the time of the upset.

Learning how to agree to disagree is a good undertaking. It may not be simple advice to follow, but it is easier than carrying luggage around with us. We drag baggage physically, and nurture it mentally. Now my saddened mood is less painful. I prevent the past from overshadowing the present. I deal with the current situation which is certainly enough to handle. I am also aware, that as much as I am learning how to cope and forgive, perhaps I need to give credit to others who are also living their lives in similar fashion. They to are learning. Although we may never be at the same point on our path, we may be experiencing similar life lessons. Trust that we are on the same road, working towards connectedness and love. It is less complicated to deal with one incident, than it is to reflect on a multitude of problems that we are attempting to assimilate and then accommodate.  It is without any doubt, easier to love than hate.

“An eye for an eye, and the whole world would be blind.”     Kahlil Gibran

"When you reach the end of what you should know, you will be at the beginning of what you should sense.”     Kahlil Gibran

"To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the ocean by the frailty of its foam. To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconsistencies.”    Kahlil Gibran

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Maria Robinson

"If you bury the pain deep down it will stay with you indefinitely, but if you open yourself to it, experience it, and deal with it head-on, you’ll find it begins to move on after a while.”  Greg Behrendt

"Keeping baggage from the past will leave no room for happiness in the future.”  Wayne L. Misner

“Forgiveness is the cleansing fire that burns away old regrets and resentments.”    Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Confusion“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”    Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one”    Rumi

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field. I'll meet you there."     Rumi

How is your life going? It appears I have said, "When things settle down, I will accomplish much."  more times than I can count,  The problem is, things never settle down but are allows in a state of chaos. It seems I must live with this idea, or pretend there is serenity in the near future. I am sot sure why most of my life appears to be mixed up, but I have lived it this way for so long that it is all I know. The pot of something must be at the end of the rainbow.

I decided to dwell on this and made another conclusion. The only time I can meditate, is when I am falling asleep at night. I try and sometimes I am successful at keeping myself alert, for a short while. Of course many times sleep takes over quickly. Why is it we have lost the ability to relax. Then we fool ourselves into believing that at some future date in time, everything will change and we will find peace.

Perhaps when we find some quiet free moments, we tend to fill them up with more actions. We are almost jubilant to discover we have a few hours, to do what we want. Of course we never choose quiet contemplation. We simply keep busy. It is probably like being addicted to constant movement. To relax almost feels boring as well as giving us a sense of laziness. Our culture adores the achiever of anything. ...continue reading "Confusion"

All we  need to do is inquire about the tremendous amount of awards available,  to anyone who can do  anything. The bubble blower or pie eating person may just set a record. Whatever record any of us attain, makes us proud. Obviously we have not meditated enough on what perhaps denotes a worthwhile effort on our part. Is it the glory that drives us, or the one instance of fame?

We must ask ourselves, what are our goals, and why did we make them our goals. Most likely we have numerous goals in case some fails. It seems necessary to attain goals, in order to feel accomplished. But then what does it mean, to be fulfilled. I am questioning the analogy between what we choose as goals, and our constant scurrying and initiation of new goals. We anxiously achieve our objectives, and then we create new ambitions to work towards.

In this mess, I know, I for one, sense I am going around in circles, and not really accomplishing anything worthwhile. The silly items I yearn for, or actions I take to please others, seem futile. I am number one with someone, as soon as I do something for them. However, number one is short-lived, as I am immediately ignored when I haven't anything to give to this same person. It appears almost a useless activity for me. I must do things for others unconditionally.

If I am looking to be first place with anyone, I should give up the challenge instantly. There is no first place, lasting glory, or benefits of any kind that last longer than a blink of the eye. You see we are all striving for the honor and appreciation, but it doesn't ever come. Perhaps most of us are too busy striving towards other objectives, so we forget about those kindnesses that were rendered to  us along the way. Our schedule is loaded with perhaps nonsense, but who is going to tell us that.

We live in a world of heroes, and seekers of honor. We all want to count for something, best somebody or at the least, be important to someone. Many of us never get any of it right down to the broken marriages and dissolved relationships. Spouses can't keep it together, siblings probably tolerate each other, parent child relationships perhaps are strained and friendships decay quickly while new ones begin. Our need of refinement and connectedness is vital. Many or most people resolve loneliness, by instigating another relationship.

I believe in connectedness and bonds. They are what make the world and life relevant. Sometimes I just feel that we don't spend enough time working on what we have attained. Instead we drop it, and move to the next conquest. It appears we suffer at the hands of our own schedule. Probably it materializes as more work to keep a relationship intact, than we want to give the relationship. Maybe it occurs to be easier to let the current one drop, and move forward to the next.

It boils down to learning how to appreciate and hold dearly to heart, those unexplainable senses that emerge from our being, and somehow provide us with the serenity, we are searching for. If we take the time and initiative to discover these priceless people, we may understand what goals and objectives have already manifested for us. In our search, we have a constant desire to do better, find better discover more, and be greatly fulfilled. In the meantime, we overshadowed truth.

We all need love, respect and serenity in our lives. Perhaps we assume it is just over the next horizon, only to be disappointed again. Most likely it has more to do with our attitude of bigger and better, than to the honesty of what is in front of us that is immeasurable. If we could only put on the brakes, if only for a short time, we might be able to view our surroundings with new eyes.

We can't keep tossing people away, without thought or reflection. They perhaps are our treasures not yet discovered. We become too busy with scheduling and surface searching for something new and exciting. It is time to ask ourselves what we value. If it is love, then take a look at those people in your life with new eyes. I tossed many people aside until it  dawned on me one day, how much they had given to me, that made my life worthwhile. The petty nonsense that caused me to let them go, practically hit me with full force. The injustice I was handing out was preposterous. Upon making restitution, I became whole again, and had a deeper understanding of the meaning of love. It makes unconditional demands on a person.

We are never totally fulfilled by others. Contentment must be found within ourselves. We are never without issues to solve or resolve. On any given day we can make resolutions, objectives and goals. Some are playful while others should be soulful. The more we stretch ourselves to become more than we ever thought was attainable, the more at peace we become with ourselves. We  might begin with searching for glory, and end up with accepting with gratitude, the serenity that comes with our connections and love for the people in our lives. The honest truth is, we have to make the time to reflect on what we have. That alone calms our life and affords us peace.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”    Rumi

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”    Rumi

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."    Albert Einstein

"I always wanted to win the lottery. But tonight I looked around at my beautiful family and realized I already have!"    Anonymous

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