Monthly Archives: November 2015

Embrace the Moment

Embrace“Dignity is the moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad. Dignity is the moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom. Dignity is the moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter. Dignity is the moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself. Dignity is the moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all. If it is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it, need it or God prevented it.”

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a life-long quest of the wise.”    Shannon Alder

I know that many times I do not embrace the moment. I over think what everybody is saying and doing and neglect the reality of the people  in my vicinity. Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful and most of us would say  that we are but demonstrating it and actually feeling it in the heart is another story. I know of some people who say I enjoyed it but, I had a good time but, It was wonderful but. I would like to throw out the buts. It appears to be crucial for them to downplay the whole experience.

All of us are guilty of sensing contrariness all around us. The challenge is to override the negative and embrace the joyful present encounters. Of course all is easier said than done. I find most moments in time are significant and more meaningful than we could ever imagine. They have the power to generate a calming atmosphere or sometimes a  volatile atmosphere. They also end in repercussions of all sorts. That is the part we don’t anticipate and likely what causes us all kinds of remorse.

At a family gathering one day, there was a controlling member of the family who was helping with dinner. When another person challenged the way she was doing something the battle ensued. Of course the controlling individual wanted her own way while the other person was upset with the mistake. The frustration of both individuals rose and abated  when a third-party intervened and defused the problem.

Neither individual noticed how uncomfortable everybody around them was becoming. Nobody wanted to make a move at first. Picking sides is hazardous to one’s health. At long last someone did have the courage to stop the bad interaction and resolve the issue. I noticed as the general public renewed their inspiring  conversations the two involved insurgents of the mishap were noticeably upset. Their faces were drawn, their lips were tightly pursed, eyebrows were lowered and bodies were tensed as they took turns eyeing each other. No one dared to tread on the dilemma.

As time passed the mood lightened and everyone had a good time but the two warring people went home with a lot on their minds. I wondered how something so simple had the power to cause such a huge negative effect. The controlling person felt diminished and under appreciated while the other person felt upset that they had  unnecessarily voiced an opinion. Of course hindsight is invariably better but if the controller let up a bit and listened they might have gained some worthwhile knowledge. The interfering person should have let things go because they were not the one offering to help. The fact that both factions will likely bring their antagonism to the next gathering is sad. All guests are at the mercy of those who choose  to toss emotions around like fall leaves. The contrary person is also to blame because they did not have the confidence to accept another opinion.

We are all so good at finding the faults of others and I include myself. Perhaps we sense in them the faults we would like to fix in us. There are times when out of desperation we release our perceived truths onto another. Having been there I know we are always sorry. I now see this as a moment of discovery for myself. I believe those are the times I am forced to see  something I perhaps did not want to discover about myself. After the uproar and embarrassment I am forced to acknowledge if only to myself, how much pain I am carrying inside. All of the hurt gets released when we sense another person around us who somehow brings out the drainage of the infection.

In a way I am understanding the importance of the small  simple moments in time that provide a teaching moment. Another guest was thanked for helping  to clean up the table. With embarrassment they declared that they had not helped. At first I felt sorry for the person who had complimented one who had not actually aided in the jobs. Then I realized that likely they helped that person. The receiver of the undeserved compliment had some food for thought. Hopefully they will offer assistance at a future period in time.

When it all comes down to the final analysis we repeatedly learn from our positive and antagonistic interactions with others. All is really not lost. If we can appreciate the value of the unfavorable communication we can acquire information that is invaluable. By understanding this we will matriculate the knowledge with enthusiasm. Of course we can disdain the whole episode and receive nothing from our encounter but anger. The choice is ours.

The best situation is perhaps to discover our own inadequacies without reaching the pinnacle of lashing out at another. Facing imperfections allows us to improve. Without acceptance there can be no progress. Most of our issues seem to resonate with jealousy, competition and the  striving for love. We don’t believe in our own worth. The honesty is that we can and do love more than one person. Somehow being number one is relevant to us all. I  would  suppose that on any given day the number one varies in the minds of most people.

Another idea  we don’t think about is the fact that we hold others as hostages while we engage in petty misconduct. The  happy moments in our lives can be dissolved quickly  when others ensue with a battle of wits or insults. Attempt to reflect on the repercussions of such behavior. I know I am so aware of such transactions because I have been the inflammatory person as well as the  receiver of such destructive incidents. I would venture to say  most of us are guilty. It isn’t about blame but about discerning the truth in what  we say and do and why we say and do it.

By perceiving the truth we might choose a calmer path that leads to enlightenment without the regret. It does take some will power to refrain from immediate judgement and response. It takes courage and strength to acknowledge ourselves in those actions and words. It takes forgiveness towards  them so that we can forgive ourselves.

We all have much to be thankful for. We all  work hard to accomplish much and improve. We don’t see our accomplishments and we miss our gains. We might endeavor to be grateful for so much in our lives that we just don’t think about. There is probably so much we would not trade for anything in the world. Realizing what we have that can’t be bought ought to prove the priceless  treasures that we enjoy within our lives. Changing our attitudes may alter our lives in the most profound  ways.

On another note, for all the times we fail and fall down, we can still retrieve the knowledge acquired. There is never a loss as long as we take something positive from the occurrence. None of us is perfect. None of us would enjoy being judged. But as much as we all fall down, we all have the ability to rise to great heights. If we give up we will never soar. If  we are still attempting and failing we can rejoice because as long as we never give up we can make it happen. The possibility is there for us by having the faith in our ability  to be successful. It only takes the confidence to believe in self. The goal is just pushed a little bit further into the future but still within reach provided we get up after we are knocked down.

“Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.”    Shannon Alder

“An important decision I made was to resist playing the Blame Game. The day I realized that I am in charge of how I will approach problems in my life, that things will turn out better or worse because of me and nobody else, that was the day I knew I would be a happier and healthier person. And that was the day I knew I could truly build a life that matters.”  Steve Goodier

“They will hate you if you are beautiful. They will hate you if you are successful. They will hate you if you are right. They will hate you if you are popular. They will hate you when you get attention. They will hate you when people in their life like you. They will hate you if you worship a different version of their God. They will hate you if you are spiritual. They will hate you if you have courage. They will hate you if you have an opinion. They will hate you when people support you. They will hate you when they see you happy. Heck, they will hate you while they post prayers and religious quotes on Pinterest and Facebook. They just hate. However, remember this: They hate you because you represent something they feel they don’t have. It really isn’t about you. It is about the hatred they have for themselves. So smile today because there is something you are doing right that has a lot of people thinking about you.”     Shannon Alder

People Power

60 Quotes that Will Change the Way You Think“If you search the world for happiness, you may find it in the end, for the world is round and will lead you back to your door.”     Robert Brault

“Where the loser saw barriers, the winner saw hurdles.”
Robert Brault

“The little money I have – that is my wealth, but the things I have for which I would not take money, that is my treasure.”
Robert Brault

“There is an ongoing battle between conscience and self-interest in which, at some point, we have to take sides.
Robert Brault

Has anyone noticed that the more we fill up our lives with objects, things to do, shopping, and extra work for money the more we shove out love? It seems like a ludicrous statement to make and most of us might say I don’t do that and love always comes first  with me. I guess I am just challenging the concepts in our minds that we choose to believe against the reality of what actually appears to happen.

The best of us honestly believe that we must give our kids and families  more and better. Hence we add-on extra work to gain more money. We go places which costs money and do things as well as buy things so that we can please the kids and spouses. we think about expensive items  we can purchase that will be something of a surprise for our loved ones.

I honestly think that ones’ presence might be the best astonishment of all. I realize we do have jobs to do and places to be but we lull ourselves into believing they are more critical than the simple pleasures and people at home. Perhaps that is why we have created a society that is anything but content with who they are and what they have.

Likely if we reflected on who we actually are on the surface, we might find  our beliefs about truth are far different from what we actual portray. If we throw up a swing with a couple of ropes or even take our kids to the park, we feel we have somehow let our kids down. After all we should be able to afford to have the swing set in the back yard. Our kids don’t recognize that concept. They enjoyed us pushing them on the swing at the playground just as much.

As a matter of fact, when kids play in the backyard they are unattended on the swings depending on the age. If we had to physically bring them to the park we are more observant of what they are doing and how well they can climb and we are interacting with them more . If we compared  we might understand that  the kids at the park had mom or dad or both parents more mentally present. The parents probably interacted more with the kids in such situations.

We use objects at times as babysitters. We almost come to believe that more money will allow us to buy more material items that  will keep our kids busy.  No wonder we have those who steal and plunder in order to feel worthy or have their kids sense their own value. Our ideas are mixed up and possibly off the mark for truthfulness.

Maybe it is time to understand worth and exactly what it means. If items make us wealthy then there are a lot of us who are going to fail. Does it mean those with the most toys have made their kids the happiest? Are we lacking as a parent if we don’t provide some things to our kids?

Fulfilling more wants appears to  have the end result of purchasing too much. One must wonder if all of the stuff serves to keep the kids busy and allots us more time to do the things we want to do. I am not bashing those who can afford to give more gifts or presents to their children. All the games are wonderful provided we are spending time sharing those items with our children. If our kids are left to their own devices then perhaps the objects have become more like a babysitter or replacement of us.

So many people believe falsely that they have let their families down. They then spend more time at working two jobs so as to provide more material assets. In the end the kids see mom and or dad less. In these cases the kids have lost more of what counts rather than having gained what is not vital or crucial to their lives.

There might be a lot of talk about wants and needs but the truth is that all of us spend more time  doing jobs we don’t want to do so that we can buy more wants we don’t actually require. It probably isn’t our needs that have increased as much as our desires to have what some other people enjoy.

I find enjoyment is another false concept. Do we actually enjoy all those wants in our houses or have they become a nuisance and another thing to contend with in our already busy schedule. Even large objects create a capacity to steal away our time. This doesn’t appear to bother anyone. Time is our most valuable gift yet we hardly cherish it at all unless we have been threatened with losing it. It seems to be overshadowed and always available in the backgrounds of our lives.

Because it is more of a long-term item we hardly pay any attention to it. As a result we don’t notice how swiftly it slips away until we celebrate a birthday and discover how fast the years have gone by. I am not attempting to scare anyone as much as I am trying to shed light on the actuality of living.

I sense that most people have enough to enjoy their lives and live a worthwhile life. Perhaps those with less enjoy living more  because they possibly spend extra time with the family than working on outside jobs. The time we spend in the presence of others is far worthier than items that occupy our time. Time is perhaps  wasted on insignificant objects of all kinds. We have filled our lives with so many gadgets that it is consuming our love and identity.

If one asked us what we would want if we could have anything in the world, most of us might name an object. How sad for all of us that we would likely not think of asking for more time with our spouse or kids or people of importance to us. Those who are leaving this world may perhaps be the ones who would ask for more time. It seems so vital that we notice the treasures in our lives before we can’t have them.

I really do wonder how items began to replace people. It seems to have happened so insidiously. One minute families were gathered around a candlelight discussing the days problems and highlights. The next scene is the family spreading out in many directions to go to their own corners to do their own thing and play with their many devices.

The interaction of people and feelings and emotions is gone. The camaraderie of the simple problems of life being solved within the confines of small groups of people has ended. Now we must travel outside the home to strangers who have mastered degrees in such areas in order to help us with our emotional problems.

We are more anxious because the ability to wait for solutions has lessened so we expect things, people and time to work out quickly. Impatience is rampant. Objects keep us company in amusing us, finding us answers, and actually increasing our self-confidence through the facade of a machine bolstering our egos through notes. Those who can’t master the machine again feel neglected and on the outside of life.

I am not insulting technology or the enjoyments all kids love. I am discussing the notion that we have  replaced human contact which is the most profound functioning object we will ever find because it has emotions and soul tied into the thinking. I would not want my emotions and soul replaced with a more thinking object of any kind. I would always choose the human, with all of her or his detriments and frailties. There is no duplicating the human existence.

When all is boiled down perhaps we might generate a greater attempt at improving our lives through increasing our human interactions with others. Our lives might be greatly enhanced simply by appreciating those daily moments spent with the humans in our vicinity.

Home environments can be spacious or cramped, filled with toys or sparse filled with people or just a couple. The physical time, words and actions afforded to each other is what machines cannot replace no matter how large or small our group of contacts is. We just cannot replace feelings, senses nor our souls. Likely here is where our greatest concerns may be.

Those with so much less may be the winners in the end. They are not encumbered with objects. They rely more on people than things. Filling our lives with items removes pieces of us and others. It gives us less time to spend with others because we are too busy. Aging makes some of us attempt ways we can stop time rather than comprehending it. Maturing ought to have us focus on what is real and precious in our lives. When we come to that understanding, it demands we strive to make those people more prominent in our lives. It behooves us to allot them the time and attention they need.

Let go of some of the undesirable wants and useless items that only eat away your time and energy. Embrace actuality and find peace in an environment less complicated and demanding and less cluttered with senseless items. The serenity follows as well as the awareness of the power of people to change your life for the better. The mysteries discovered will never be duplicated. The love that fills your soul will never be matched. The joy and contentment rises from the slower pace and the time allotted to simply tapping into the lives of people. That is the real power that has been ignored

“In your quiet moments, what do you think about?  How far you’ve come, or how far you have to go?  Your strengths, or your weaknesses?  The best that might happen, or the worst that might come to be?  In your quiet moments, pay attention to your thoughts.  Because maybe, just maybe, the only thing that needs to shift in order for you to experience more happiness, more love, and more vitality, is your way of thinking.”      Quote and Picture by Marc Chernoff

“When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.” Marc Chernoff

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only – and that is to support the ultimate career.” C.S. Lewis

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” Robert Brault

“Everything we possess that is not necessary for life or happiness becomes a burden, and scarcely a day passes that we do not add to it.” Robert Brault

Hidden Truth

Hidden Assumptions“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”    Isaac Asimov

“They have the unique ability to listen to one story and understand another.” Pandora Poikilos

“Don’t build roadblocks out of assumptions.”    Lorii Myers

“Life is a series of events and sensations. Everything else is interpretation. Much is lost in translation and added in assumption / projection” Rasheed Ogunlaru

How sure we all are of what is the hidden truth behind everyone’s motives and frustrations. We think we know why a person said  what they said and did what they did. At least that is what we assume. Nobody lets us in on the secret that we  assume too much and most of the time if not all of the time we are wrong. I say this with belief  in what I know to be the reality beneath our facades.

At a function if I approach a couple of people who appear to be laughing but then stop when I approach, I am sure they are not likely fond of me. It is as if I have ruined their good time and exchange. If I could leave it there it would be okay but this is not the case. I dwell on the event throughout the night and observe them for more signals of their lack of interest in me. I realize everything doesn’t involve me but that s why I sense others are not impressed with me  so my confidence is shaken and I become quiet and start taking in the behaviors of others present. The more I see the more I begin attributing connotations for the words and actions of others. Of course my confidence is at an all time low.

It can be so devastating to the point of leaving the function with total insecurity. Of course the next day one of the two people may call me and begin stating their regret for having little time to spend with me. I begin thinking they are reading my mind. Of course I appreciate the basic apology and am happy to discuss the events of the previous day. Now it is the two of us discussing the events and that other person is on the outside.

Now I feel special, worthy and I realize I was mistaken in the belief that I was ignored and not liked. Now that I am older and have spent years observing and contemplating such situations, I comprehend how easily we are led astray in believing in our worthlessness. Another notion occurred to me. We are extremely fragile people. I suppose that must be why we fight and argue so much. Our feelings get hurt and we can’t even explain why so we hide away until someone comes to our rescue.

Our next step is to desert those who we perceive as having hurt us for those who came to our rescue. One can see we change friends like we switch our clothes. We perhaps might get around to the same set of clothes just as we do a turn around with our friends. I guess we are a people who never truly trust in each other. If we really had faith in each other we would know without having to prove anything that we mean something to others especially those we love.

Do we still love those who we think offended us or do we stop loving them? If we stop then we must question if we ever really loved at all. We search for the fault in others yet we are the ones making the assumptions, drawing conclusions from these assumptions and basing our decisions on what we see as the reality of our situation. Do we ever ask ourselves how good are our assumptions? How much faith can we have in any of them? Are we wiling to toss over a marriage a link to our kids, our sibling relationships and friendships on assumptions?

As serious as these questions are the answers are sad. Most of us do make decisions without having real facts or reasons. Much of our illusions are fabricated. Our minds run the reel and the movie begins with us playing the lead role, being damaged in some way and retreating for cover. Those who have pained us are cut from our lives. One has to agree that this will make the relationship difficult to maintain. If we choose to believe in the hurtfulness of another then it is easy to understand why we want to severe the connection.

I for one have trouble with severing. As angry as I get I begin to remember the happy times I spent with others and then I question why someone would now dislike me. I change my mind about the cutting but I am still  wary of this person who has now lost some of my faith. I find this sad. I might be the one causing the dilemma. Perhaps this person was never ever considering me in any way and here I have assumed they wanted me out of the circle.

Most of us let our feelings rule our minds. In such instances and without any breaks we go over the bridge. Now I put such thoughts to the back of the mind and leave them there unless of course similar happenings cause me to bring them forward again at a future date. Man is so fragile. Those among us who are self-assured are still at risk of sabotaging our sense of self. All that is required is suppositions.

Children always assume mom or dad loves a sibling more than them. Parents don’t have the time to perhaps even consider such a notion. They are to busy working and caring for the kids. Parents sense a feeling of loss when kids marry. They believe they are not loved as much because they don’t have the same time or access to their children. Adult kids likely love their parents more but are leading their own lives and without the time to hand hold and explain their feelings. This is almost impossible to do.

Siblings  are so close to each other even if they are at odds with one another. They are closely bonded yet the quickest to be estranged. The jealousy over parental love and support is tremendous. Siblings compete throughout their lives and most parents don’t even take notice. No one talks about it so the conjectures continue and truth is hidden. Friends engage in all sorts of rivalry for money position and jobs. They help each other but also like to outperform each other. People like to talk and anyone who is missing the discussions might likely be the topic of the discussions. When someone is absent they run the risk of being targeted.

Mothers-in-law assume their daughters-in-law are attempting to steal their sons away. Daughters-in-law assume their mothers-in-law want to control them and their husbands. No one gets the fact that nobody wants to be left out of this mix and all are bound by love for the other. Playing fields change but love always remains.

I am not suggesting we are mean and vicious. I believe we are opportunist and when a time approaches for us to get closer with someone we care about we take the opportunity.  It feels like we have enclosed ourselves in a tight circle and we sense the love and belonging. It brings such comfort. We don’t want anyone near it because we cherish it and want it all to ourselves. In the end we lose it if we hold on too tightly and make the conditions too difficult to abide by.

So in all of this I believe we all desperately want love. When we have it we fear losing it. We panic and worry so much that we assume too much and begin to believe false accusations about family and friends. Likely marriages fail due to jealousy and competition.Oother relationships break from too much tension. One answer might be to accept everyone into our sphere of love which will render no one alone and lost.

Maybe our fear of losing love is the reason for many transgressions. Some might lie because they believe the truth about themselves will not make them worthy enough. Some steal to enhance their lives which don’t appear to measure up. Some  are jealous because they have no confidence in their own value.Even marriages are threatened when we can’t believe we are good enough to maintain the love for each other. Believing there is always someone better around the corner gives us little time to enjoy and praise what we have.

If we could ever read each others mind we would be so surprised at what each one of us was actually thinking about when we are being accused of so many other wild ideas. A young woman is thinking if she is actually pregnant because she is late and so anxious to have a baby. She is a bit testy with worry and tense from her lost thoughts of wonder. A young man is trying to impress his new wife and her family by doing it all. He is becoming overwhelmed in the process and angry at them all who he perceives as being impossible to please. The truth is he is placing the burdens on his own shoulders.

Of course the in-laws are thinking wow, what a nice guy she married. He is trying to do everything. How impressive he is. The mother-in-law is thinking I must look stupid because I ask dumb  questions only because I don’t want to insult my daughter-in-law or do anything she doesn’t want me to do for the baby. The daughter-in-law is reflecting, how can my mother-in-law not know what to do? She raised kids why is she appearing so stupid? The wife is believing my husband has spent so much time talking with that woman. I bet she is listening to his work stories and I always have no time to do that. The husband is actually thinking, I wish she would stop asking so many questions. I don’t even know why this woman is so interested in my work and my wife has already given me the evil eye. The young woman might be thinking, I hope my boyfriend is observing how easily I can control a man’s attention. If he isn’t nicer to me I could leave him.

Trust is important in any relationship. Faith in who and what we are is paramount. By stopping our ruminating over what others think and feel gives us more time to enjoy the moment. So many moments are lost in needless worry about losing love. It seems like it is important to love during the moment and don’t let the time be wasted. What is crucially important is to love ourselves, because  we all appear to be having trouble loving ourselves. By observing our own merit keeps the filter system going so we won’t let our confidence seep out with our wrongful conjectures. We will save our loves, bonds and moments of enjoyment that could have turned into nightmares of our own creation.

“When dealing with critics always remember this: Critics judge things based on what is outside of their content of understanding.”    Shannon Alder

“We never look beyond our assumptions and what’s worse, we have given up trying to meet others; we just meet ourselves.”    Muriel Barbery

“Problems don’t actually exist. They’re just the hallucinogenic effects of people being weirded out on what they think life is supposed to be.”    Richelle E. Goodrich

Let Go of False Pretense

Let Go of Pretense“That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending – performing. You get to love your pretense. It’s true, we’re locked in an image, an act – and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you’re trying to steal their most precious possession.”    Jim Morrison

“The heart of the world is breaking under this load of pride and pretense. There is no release from our burden apart from the meekness of Christ.”    A.W. Tozer

“Whatever is above will be managed by the powers above you. Don’t live as a man, pretending to be God. Do what you can do; leave what you can’t to God!”    Israelmore Ayivor

Likely we are all tired of being afraid to admit we are scared most of our lives. Presenting ourselves as capable human beings is the norm. Any of us that fall short of the mark simply hide the truth sometimes even from ourselves. Most of our frustrations deadlines jobs and burdens have more to do with how others may perceive us if we fall short of the time restraints.

Our spouses get upset with us when we haven’t fulfilled an ongoing project. Our kids want us to do things or fix things or take them places. We  believe we fail as a parent if we haven’t brought our children to places to experience this and that. It isn’t so much where we find the fault but the fact that we find ourselves lacking most of the time.

Having the boss mention our name quickly at a meeting and then forgetting who we are the next day relates to us the insignificance of unworthy compliments. We might deserve the recognition but we can’t believe that because we achieved anything that others believe we are somehow more important than they are. Nothing is further from the truth.

I have seen some people mention that a  person didn’t deserve the credit so they were not impressed. My point is that we think a lot about how others see us yet none of us really care. We may feel the person deserves a pat on the back but when we leave the meeting that person is out of our thoughts.

Spouses of all kinds are temperamental. At times a task may be all important for them to see accomplished. Maybe they are having company and want to mention we finished the task. They worry about impressing another and we worry about pleasing them. The trend is that we are all seeking glory for  one moment in time and the glory is costing us lots of emotional pain.

Understanding those times when we are guilty of expecting too much of another is crucial in keeping the relationship strong. If we become unbearable in our demands of course the relationship is jeopardized. Our spouse sees only disappointment when they look into our eyes. That is wearing down the body mind and spirit. How long can any of us take mental stress?  Observing the amount of people who will lie or cheat to make gains is the proof.

We are being controlled by our own ego in its’ desire for acceptance and pride. It is not always a bad thing to exhibit some pride in what we say and do but allowing it to  manifest at the will of others is becoming detrimental to our health. Just because the wife wants a task done so that her father will be impressed with her husband’s  talent is silly. For the husband to take up the gauntlet to please his wife is also silly if he doesn’t have the time to do the task. For a wife to be coerced into cooking a gourmet  dinner for her mother-in-law  to prove she is a  competent wife and cook is  crazy. It may not be the husband or wife pressuring their spouse. Sometimes the challenge might be picked up by the husband or wife simply to prove their worth to their in-law.

If we come close to delivering anything on time we get a sense of relief in having accomplished something. Of course all of the other achievements have been forgotten by us and others. As soon as one task is completed everyone looks towards the next. There really is no end to the tension and pressure.

The old pain of seeing ourselves through the eyes of other people is well established in our world.  That is perhaps why we  worry about what others think feel and see when they observe us. The trouble is that none of us have long memories. We live in a short-term memory world. Why would anyone define who they are by so many unimportant jobs they complete?

The challenges parents place on their shoulders regarding their worth as a parent is unending. Every parent they meet throughout the day is a potential competitor. The parent compares their every act to this other person. No wonder they say “misery loves company.” My guess is that is why we like to see others fail because we fail and want to know we are okay especially because we know this other person is okay even thou they failed.

Most of us likely program our kids to compete and meet expectations. Sometimes placing  too much emphasis on achieving sends them  spirally in defeat. The competition begins early. The demands and challenges start early. The worry or fear begins at an early age and doesn’t end until we die or decide on our own to stop comparing. When we reach that point our lives relax and serenity enters.

I am not suggesting we give up our tasks or duties. I am suggesting we rethink what we consider essential tasks with their timelines. Perhaps a more lenient view on needs and wants would  be a better consideration. pleasing others or doing jobs to prove our importance only  sends us worry and anxiety. Nobody wants to be under the wire to accomplish more than is feasible without breaking.

Consideration for others and working on tasks in a  reasonable atmosphere is calming. Those outsiders who find fault will forget about us the very next day.  They won’t even remember what we didn’t complete yet. If we change our attitudes we will discover burdens being lifted from our shoulders. We will have more time and more peace. We will be more accepting of our kids who come in all sizes, shapes and varying attitudes.

We all bear needless worries to prove our worthiness. Many of our jobs may not be necessary or not required to have a time constraint. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Removing all of the adorned and inflated egos makes room for the fresh air. We might even make a truce. I won’t pretend to be what I am not if you will do the same. I will be who I am and that makes me special and unique just as you are. Without the tension we all have more time for loving and honest living.

“Character that is fruit-producing can be summed up in the mastery of these 5 qualities: morals, but a sense of humor; love, but respect for criticism; intelligence without pretense; humility without self-loathing; and a mind open, but with solid convictions.”    Criss Jami

“Cowardice is when you hide away from your real self, and wear another self in pretense. Be yourself; that is bravery. If yourself is not better for you to be, change yourself and live in that changed self!”    Israelmore Ayivor