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understand-the-defensive-egos“Be careful not to mistake insecurity and inadequacy for humility! Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate! Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!” Joy Bell C.

“There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. It is a fact that we all must face. However, if you realize that God is a best friend that stands beside you when others cast stones you will never be afraid, never feel worthless and never feel alone.”    Shannon L. Alder

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.”    Shannon L. Alder

Have you ever had a disagreement with a friend and felt  the defensive egos rising to the  surface? We fault the other person for the majority of the encounter? I have a sense that all of us like to believe we bear the lesser of the blame. Our minds can twist and turn any words said or gesture so that it fits the scenario we perceive as the truth. They spoke unkind words and gave no care for our feelings. They deserve our retaliation because they started it. I am so guilty of this myself but recently for some strange reason I began to rethink an incident and realized that they did say the words I accused them of saying but I recalled their face gestures. I remembered the softness of their face as well as the quietness of their voice. They had not actually been ranting at me nor accusing me just stating what they perceived as the truth. I was the one who was upset and unwilling to give in because of the words spoken even if those words were not in malice.

What I took from the encounter was the fact that it was my own insecurity that made me feel vulnerable and under attack. I lacked the confidence to state my position in a clear manner instead of lashing out negatives. It made me think about other times and situations in which arguments got a little tense or even heated from either side misinterpreting what the words or disagreement was all about. There was obviously an underlying issue which neither party was aware of. How strange this seemed to be. ...continue reading "Understand The Defensive Egos"

I wondered if all arguments were meshed within deeper anxieties and resentments. It also made me comprehend how fragile we all are especially when it comes to our egos. As much as we defend the fact that we don’t have big egos, without a doubt we have fragile ones. Is that just as worrisome? I believe it is. Big egos make huge crashes. Small egos make constant mini crashes. It is something worth pondering. It makes one realize that perhaps a healthy ego that has confidence in itself will not be full of a guarded sense of defending itself.

I trust that a healthy ego is important because it has to do with respecting one’s self which I consider to be relevant. It is only an unhealthy idea of ego that brings about the crash landings in one form or another. I have crashed landed myself and of course had to go back for the apologies. Neither in cases like these we can never be sure the incident is actually forgiven nor if it will be forgotten. I suppose it depends on who and what happened and how secure the forgiver is. Knowing self and having a sense of others brings enlightenment along with a generous heart for forgiveness.

Discussing why a fight or argument gets out of control has more to do with our frail egos than what the subject matter is. When it is over we tend to forget what the discussion was about but remember the crude or hurtful remarks more. Being called names means nothing. Just because someone says we are stupid, a bigot, fool, jerk or other unmentionable words does not change us in any way. We are still who we are no less. The problem can become an issue when we allow it to thrive by perseverating on it for days. It is a waste of time. It might even be better to think about why the comments that were made brought us such anger and pain. That is the true problem.

We are not old fat ugly or any other negative connotation unless we keep that word in our hearts. We live with ourselves so it is important to recall how we see ourselves. If it is in a negative manner then that is the dilemma we must overcome. Tell yourself every day how good you are and how much you do or can give to the world. Every person counts has importance deserves respect and adds to the movement of humanity as a whole. Don’t take affronts as insults because they are most times not meant to be interpreted that way.

You might offer help to one person who perceives this as your acknowledgement of their inability to do the job. To another person it is extremely appreciated because they desired the support. You can’t always be sure so offer it to all and let the negativity slide. The truth hurts most times but those who ask for it or need it will come to realize one day that it was important to have received it. Kids are a prime example. Many times the rules enforced by parents appear to be harsh. It is only when they are grown that they can perceive the truth. Parents therefore must be strong in their teachings regardless of the complaints of their children.

Once one understands that the anger and insults are primarily frustration and insecurity on the other side, one can see through this and tone down a possible quarrel. As much as we all talk and enjoy talking we leave the majority of our truths hidden along with our sensitivity. It makes it difficult for everyone to wade through the waters of life and living. What works for one person does not work for another. The person yelling at another also has feelings which are obvious. The person remaining quiet is manifesting all their ability on maintaining their sensitivity in avoiding a battle. Hopefully in the end we all learn to get along, excuse an outburst of anger and accept each other on a higher level of tranquility.

“I am convinced that the jealous, the angry, the bitter and the egotistical are the first to race to the top of mountains. A confident person enjoys the journey, the people they meet along the way and sees life not as a competition. They reach the summit last because they know God isn’t at the top waiting for them. He is down below helping his followers to understand that the view is glorious where ever you stand.”    Shannon L. Alder

“A man’s spirit is free, but his pride binds him with chains of suffocation in a prison of his own insecurities”    Jeremy Aldana

“The older you get, the more you understand how your conscience works. The biggest and only critic lives in your perception of people’s perception of you rather than people’s perception of you.”      Criss Jam

“When you look at the past without God’s eyes, you subject yourself to deception. The past no longer exists and God doesn’t linger there. However, Satan will show you whatever you want to see and believe, so you will be trapped in an emotion that cannot communicate truth, beyond what you want to remember.”    Shannon L. Alder

“True confidence is not about what you take from someone to restore yourself, but what you give back to your critics because they need it more than you do.”   Shannon L. Alder

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