holding-grudges

Time passes unhindered. When we make mistakes, we cannot turn the clock back and try again. All we can do is use the present well.”  Dalai Lama

“An open heart is an open mind.” Dalai Lama.

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves”  Dalai Lama

“The goal is not to be better than the other man, but your previous self.” Dalai Lama

“One problem with our current society is that we have an attitude towards education as if it is there to simply make you more clever, make you more ingenious… Even though our society does not emphasize this, the most important use of knowledge and education is to help us understand the importance of engaging in more wholesome actions and bringing about discipline within our minds. The proper utilization of our intelligence and knowledge is to effect changes from within to develop a good heart.”  Dalai Lama

Grudges is a nasty  word to begin a post but if we are hoping to let the grudge go then it is a post full of hope. I like everyone else have carried my grudges like trophies in my pocket. In a way I am proud of them because it denotes suffering and endured pain. It proves I have endurance and stamina to  have put up with such situations. I have instilled in myself all the reasons I was right and I absolve myself from any guilty feelings. If I must give myself any blame I go with 10 percent. Somehow that appears to be an acceptable amount.

There are times when others  lose patience and end up out of control. I don’t care what their complaint is they have no  right to treat me poorly so I shut them off and refuse to listen to them. It proves my point that they are totally in the wrong and I am in the right. I also get the sense that I am slightly protected from the next person who wants to  take advantage of me. I am armored and the hurt they toss out at me doesn’t penetrate so easily. In a way I see this as a win for me. ...continue reading "Holding Grudges"

These thoughts have kept me safe but also removed from other people. I calm myself with the thought who wants to be friends with them anyways. I suppose I shut out some people too  quickly but I don’t want any suffering. I am cautious now and as soon as I discover  anything I dislike in another person  I remove them from my life. It works for me and I have constructed a thicker coat of armor with every removal.

One day I was thinking about nothing in particular and my mind began to wonder. The more I reflected the more curious I  became. I recalled someone telling me to look at the dark within myself if I was really so brave. Of course I thought they had a nerve to imply I was dark inside. They hardly knew me so to say such a thing made me immediately cross them off of my friend list.

Well as I had no special things to  think about this particular day I began to open the door to the dark room of my mind. At first I was uneasy in a way I can’t explain. I felt confused about what I was searching for. Was it faults and guilt? I was annoyed at what I was doing and almost closed the door but the sense of “It’s too late”, crept into my thoughts. I ventured to study my role in the many negative happenings of my life and discovered to my dismay that in most negative  transactions I had plenty of blame. I began to sense that I was totally at fault most times. I then calmed down accepting the knowledge that there was blame all around. I went from innocence to total guilt  to enlightenment.

Nobody is faultless and we all have much to learn. Unfortunately the lessons are the most profound when they are the hardest and most painful to experience. If we don’t choose to accept fault and truth we lose the lesson. If we want to fault others the poison of our unclear thoughts filters throughout our body and drags us down. To honestly live you must let go of the grudges. When you judge others you discover you are part of the judged people. Learning to forgive relieves you of judging expecting and assuming. This will set you free to live a life of compassion.

I never wanted to peer into the darkness but I discovered the need to let go of grudges. We all spread pain along our life paths. We require as much forgiveness as the next person. In order to understand this one must open the door to their dark side. It isn’t to find out how much guilt you have but to let go of it. It is there but we don’t look at it. Once we do, we understand let go and let God move us in a better  direction of forgiveness and peace.

“Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you. However, if it taught you to hold onto grudges, seek revenge, not forgive or show compassion, to categorize people as good or bad, to distrust and be guarded with your feelings then you didn’t learn a thing. God doesn’t bring you lessons to close your heart. He brings you lessons to open it, by developing compassion, learning to listen, seeking to understand instead of speculating, practicing empathy and developing conflict resolution through communication. If he brought you perfect people, how would you ever learn to spiritually evolve?”  Shannon Adler

“Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.” Dalai Lama

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”  Dalai Lama

“The true hero is one who conquers his own anger and hatred.”  Dalai Lama

“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.”    Cris Jami

“When you hold a grudge, you want someone else’s sorrow to reflect your level of hurt but the two rarely meet.” Steve Maraboli

 

animals

Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” C.G. Jung

“We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy’s fabled beggar who spent his life sitting on a pot of gold, under him the whole time. Your treasure–your perfection–is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the buy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.” Elizabeth Gilbert

“The most introspective of souls are often those that have been hurt the most.” Shannon L. Alder

How important it is to be more introspective before we say and do those simple things that wound others so deeply. I can’t count the number of times I feel like some of the things I am doing are so trivial and unimportant. I actually  think I am wasting my time by stopping to chat with another person for a few minutes. Now it is clearer to me that most if not all of those inconsequential happenings are some major life events.

I suppose this sounds trite and sort of ridiculous I guess.  I am trying to be introspective  because I realize the importance  of those trivial days filled with conversations and encounters. I do not have the time to think more about them with my busy schedule yet they hold more meaning and consequence than I can believe. I remember how awesome I feel when I speak to some of my neighbors who fill me with cheer with just their smiles. ...continue reading "The Introspective Habit"

It is easy to hurt another person with our simple exchange of talks or actions. Clearly it explains how relevant those words and actions actually are. I hear from numerous people about the rudeness of others whether it is the clerk at a store, a co-worker, friend or relative. The hurt is genuine. I am too stunned at first to offer a reply and by the time I think of something the opportunity escapes me. Of course the wound is carried with me for a long time and the frustration of not having  retaliated and defended myself lasts a long time.

Worrying about the many jobs and plans I have for each day leaves me little time to be introspective. I have to accomplish so much and I don’t have time to breathe never mind rethink what I am going to say or do. I can’t take the time to think before I speak. Who does that? It is more honest to speak your mind and state the facts I tell myself. If someone can’t take the honesty then isn’t it their  issue not my issue? Am I responsible for the world’s  feelings? Is it my fault if some people  are thin skinned? Shouldn’t they toughen up?

Actually the world has toughened up and allows the mental processes and physical processes to overtake any emotional concerns. I review my own encounters and wonder if we are going down the wrong path. Although it is important to get our work completed and make money to provide for the family, I believe it is more important to remember to take care of the emotional needs of children and adults.  By neglecting to do this we place more and more people into emotional states of emergency.

Now it seems like I am overreacting or sympathizing with the weaker members of society who must toughen up. I need more introspection on this for sure. If our choice is to wipe away empathy sympathy and compassion for others we  suffer the consequences. If one falls on the universal treadmill they will be stepped on walked over or tripped over. Many people step along without any offers of help. We can justify our actions because we have too many things to do.  should they have known better right? We do not take off the outer shell that surrounds us.

God help the kids who don’t fit in or conform to the norms of the society. They are ignored or tossed away. Honestly  we put little stock in the daily happenings of our world. Child abuse spousal abuse and drug abuse is on the rise. More people commit crimes of physical abuse.  There are so many disputes between people that  it gives rise to or egos. Every exchange we have with another person becomes an issue of winning or losing so we fight.

Our egos outmatch our hearts in every manner. As the ego gets bigger, the heart grows smaller.  If we are a bit introspective we discover that crushing another in a physical or verbal manner does not always make us the winner. We are full of anger and hate. It overflows and at any moment we attack  and it is not always justified.

There is perhaps more time spent on winning battles about who is right or wrong than spent on getting along and finding peace. If our child comes home from school and complains about a bullying issue we send them back to school in fight mode. Do we attempt to explain the right and wrong of the problem which takes more time? Introspection is required here unless we want the shorter route of time and then encourage our kids to fight back.

Now I am seeing why those simple little meaningless acts of care and concern are not so simple. They are holding the world in their hands. Whether or not the world is dropped depends on the words and exploits we exhibit. Doesn’t it appear to be important to use some introspection once in awhile or every day? If people reach the end of their rope when dealing with minor issues then why is it not plausible to see the world doing the same thing?

Becoming  more introspective enhances our intuitive knowledge by teaching us how to be more compassionate, empathetic and mindful of all people. The simple thoughtful conversations and manners that generate from that attitude bring more enlightenment to the world than all the plans of the greatest of people. Introspection, kindness and love take care of more problems without the need of experiencing guilt or the need to forgive. Introspection also leads to a slowing down of our expectations and an enhancement  of our patience.

“The inertia of the mind urges it to slide down the easy slope of imagination, rather than to climb the steep slope of introspection.” Marcel Proust

“If the whole universe can be found in our own body and mind, this is where we need to make our inquires. We all have the answers within ourselves, we just have not got in touch with them yet. The potential of finding the truth within requires faith in ourselves.” Ayya Khema

“Judgmental heart has lack of introspection.” Toba Beta

“God whispered, “You endured a lot. For that I am truly sorry, but grateful. I needed you to struggle to help so many. Through that process you would grow into who you have now become. Didn’t you know that I gave all my struggles to my favorite children? One only needs to look at the struggles given to your older brother Jesus to know how important you have been to me.” Shannon L. ALder