Category Archives: forgive

Having All The Answers Is Impossible

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” Jiddu Krishnamurti

“We are all hypocrites. We cannot see ourselves or judge ourselves the way we see and judge others.” Jose Emilio Pacheco

“People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves.”  Albert Camus

“No one truly knows what they will do in a certain situation until they are actually in it. It’s very easy to judge someone else’s actions by what you assume your own would be, if you were in their shoes. But we only know what we THINK we would do, not what we WOULD do.”  Ashly Lorenzana

Over the years I have slowly lost my ability to have all the answers. I discover that I can forgive myself for the times I don’t have answers or responses for problems. I can’t always make someone feel better or find solution. I lost my ability to know what should be done but I think I have grown up.

Are there answers or is truth an illusion? At times we believe we know what someone should say or do to make things better. We have faith that our answers are the remedy. We  never consider why we might be wrong. We are sure we have all the answers. Have you ever considered your truth was false along with your perspective? When two people are fighting they are both wrong because they only see their own side.  The truth is found when both parties accept the fault without the percentages.

So  much gets lost in the translation as days and even years pass. A past remembrance is not considering the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual state of the person at that moment in time. How does one recall the issues and burdens they  were experiencing? How do we know the influences we had? How was our judgment? How mature or immature were we? What were our beliefs jobs living arrangements? There are so many unanswered questions that lead us to consider it is fruitless to trust our recollection of past events. We don’t understand the state of mind and body. People have answers at a later point in time but may be clueless during the event.

We believe we were less guilty and deserve less blame. We believe the problems were started by the other person. That is human nature. Do we place too much emphasis on appearing perfect? Can we show weakness? If we allowed weakness perhaps there would be less lies and secrets. We praise only winners yet it is harder to admit defeat than state winning. Do we think  our ideas are correct?  find out in time that we don’t have all the  answers all of the time. We discover how much information is required before we can conclude anything.

It is a human desire to support another with advice. It is human nature to judge another’s choices when they disagrees with our own. Each person picks  for themselves. Our answers are personal. Past events are recalled with our perception of the past. It doesn’t make us right or wrong. We use our own lens  to discern truth. Guilt is unnecessary, The past is over. The past shouldn’t dominate the present. We chose past answers based on an array of mental physical and emotional health and needs. Perhaps someone else would choose differently. We can only walk in our own shoes and learn from our own mistakes.

We never had all of the answers and we never will. The best we can do is never deliberately hurt another individual. We can live our own lives and try to move forward each time we learn a lesson. The lessons can be harsh and hurtful. Instead of blaming anyone for our pain we must be thankful for the lesson which helped us to grow beyond what we were. We have choices always.  We can learn from hurtful past events and become a better person or we can stay linked to them and be afraid to let them go. We don’t have all the answers, cannot control others nor blame them for our predicaments. Moving forward means letting go of guilt and blame and embracing the future. Life teaches us lessons about living and living teaches us how to let go and love.

“When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.”     David Brin

“When one experiences truth, the madness of finding fault with others disappears.” S.N. Goenka

“Often people that criticise your life are usually the same people that don’t know the price you paid to get where you are today. True friends see the full picture of your soul.” Shannon L. Alder

“We practically always excuse things when we understand them” Mlikhail Lermontov

“When we make judgements we’re inevitably acting on limited knowledge, isn’t it best to ask if we seek to understand, or simply let them be?” Jay Woodman

Judgements

“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.”
A. A. Milne

“We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.” Henry Ward Beecher

“If you didn’t grow up like I did then you don’t know, and if you don’t know it’s probably better you don’t judge.” Junot Díaz

“Can you look without the voice in your head commenting, drawing conclusions, comparing, or trying to figure something out?” Eckhart Tolle

We are all guilty at times of making judgments. It sounds simple enough when we are occupied with choosing paint colors styles of clothing or what we want to do, read, accomplish or study. We feel justified in making all sorts of judgments especially about people and situations. So what is the problem? Why worry about our judgments of people and situations? Is it harming anyone? The answers are that it does harm people, many issues arise from our uninformed judgments, we cause lots of problems for others and ourselves and we test the patience of friends family and co-workers. The trouble that gets stirred up many times results in major or minor fallout’s.

Reflecting on the reasons we have the need to judge is a conflicted task that many of us do not engage in. Our judgments are based on questionable information. The golden rule of thinking before speaking has been totally ignored in preference of “truth” as we perceive  it and that is the key. What we might perceive as truth is not what another believes is honesty. Our opinions differ and we can debate until the morrow who is more or less correct and never agree on the answer. Is it boiling down to allowing judgments to fall away? Is it time to rethink what we thought was working? Is it working when it suits our needs and desires? Do judgments appear to be elusive and up to the person doing the assessments? Continue reading

Right And Wrong

e2qG9e2aVF_1400538757449“if we tell them the brain is an app maybe they will use it.” Anonymous

“So far, about morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after “Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.”
Leo Tolstoy

“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.” Augustine of Hippo

Focusing more on what is honest mindful  and right about our lives and behavior sends what is dishonest immoral and wrong in our lives fleeing in despair. I know  we should focus on the good but are we pretending there is no bad in our midst? Is the fear of offending anyone keeping us from truth and reality? I can’t help but wonder that in all of our thoughts regarding freedom and democracy we  have lost the spirit of honesty, mindfulness, and conscience. We  all want to belong so much we have given up our right to see any problems in our speech behavior or attitude towards others. There is no amount of rules truths or guidelines that we do not bend in order to fit in or ease our conscience in some way. Whatever we do we can find a reason or excuse for our actions and free ourselves from blame and guilt.

How is it  we don’t see what is in front of our eyes. The brain washing needs to end and we need to stand up for what is of value to our souls and spirit. We are melting into one huge blob of unthinking creatures and should break  away from the brainwashing and wake up to the reality of truth. Are we content to let the family structure dissolve? Is it beneficial to promote the hero as someone who can defeat and crush everyone else? Is control power and strength what we really want or need?

The path we are on focuses on speaking up to others in a belligerent way. It is praiseworthy to knock others down or get revenge. We have leaned how to be the bully in every area of our lives and laugh at the losers who are “Left in our dust”. Have we really won? Have we asked what we have won? I see this as mindless thought and actions. It hurts people riles them up to get revenge and hurt back. The end I guess is when the last few of us are left standing. What a dreary world to look forward to.

I was thinking recently and it led to my thoughts of right and wrong and positive and negative actions. We have the freedom to think and act and speak the way we want regardless of the pain of the words. We can dress and be rude to others at will. We can step on others in order to get what we want while disregarding the cries of others. We are losing our humanness in place of power. Money fame and control lend power. The ones wielding the power can manipulate us bend us coerce us or sell us a fairy tale in order to gain and use our trust.

We see and hear bad language, immoral movies, crude dressing on young innocent kids that the surprise or shock factor is gone. We wonder at the crimes committed  yet we don’t look to ourselves and the world we are creating. It is time to  wake up smell the coffee and consider our spiritual self and where it is at. If one wants to fill their minds and brains with gruesome thoughts of all kinds then see it filter throughout society. What we are thinking of is what will be created. It is only a matter of time before killing will be accepted if the person doing it had a “GOOD REASON” to do it, such as revenge. Where is our moral  compass?

We have stopped attempting to lift people  up but instead have chosen to crush them into the ground. We are all vulnerable. I’m not sending out gloom and doom but truth and reality. Just watch television or read the paper or listen to the number of people or children killed all over the country. Does this bother us because I think it should. It is progressively worse and I feel like we are on a one way train towards a cliff. Enough of us have to get off and stop the train before we all crash.

everyone dies there is no escape and we all accept this. We don’t take anything with us except our spirit and or soul. Have we considered in what shape it is in? Have we filled our minds with honesty mindfulness and empathy for self and others? Have we stopped to think of others or excused ourselves of blame? At our death will we be absolved of our wrongdoing? Have we thought of any of it as wrong, immoral or offensive? I feel that it is a crucial time to start recalling what is good and pure in our lives. It is time to defend honesty and stop compromising our values in order to fit in with untruths and unworthy living. There is something to be scared of. It is called the lies and perversions present in our society. Covering it up like it doesn’t exist is likely the worse thing to do.  Just like the catholic church covered up child abuse with the false belief it was for the benefit of the church, people and humanity. I ask who’s betterment. Truth is never a mistake. It cleanses things.

If you think something is wrong perhaps  you are right. If you  feel uncomfortable about something then maybe you should not do it. If you are  tempted when in the presence of some people or places or things perhaps you should avoid it. Wake up and stop pretending you were lulled into something wrong becaiuse it is at that moment you are being lulled into believing you had no  choice. You always have a choice and it’s better to admit wrong and ask for forgiveness than to lie even to self and add to wrongdoings.

“The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.” Confucius

“Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are.”    Jose Ortega y Gasset

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Jiddu Krishnamurti

“The first principle of value that we need to rediscover is this: that all reality hinges on moral foundations. In other words, that this is a moral universe, and that there are moral laws of the universe just as abiding as the physical laws.”     Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Mercy Is The Other Side Of Love

Animals19“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
Oscar Wilde

“there is a God, there always has been. I see him here, in the eyes of the people in this [hospital] corridor of desperation. This is the real house of God, this is where those who have lost God will find Him… there is a God, there has to be, and now I will pray, I will pray that He will forgive that I have neglected Him all of these years, forgive that I have betrayed, lied, and sinned with impunity only to turn to Him now in my hour of need. I pray that He is as merciful, benevolent, and gracious as His book says He is.” Khaled Hosseini

I was looking up the word mercy the other day and discovered  so many words attached to it that it surprised me due to their different meanings like the words kindness, understanding and generosity. We might ask ourselves what does generosity have to do with mercy. Of course if you forgive someone who may not deserve forgiveness in most peoples’  eyes, so  perhaps you have bestowed mercy in a generous way. I had to think about it for a long time.

There are those people  who seem to constantly require  our forgiveness and we are not always in the mood  to be so generous or sympathetic which  are words for mercy. Extending mercy is right up there with forgiveness. It isn’t easy and can be impossible on certain days or situations. On the other side mercy and forgiveness can be extended on the most impossible day or situation if we see beyond our own pain and witness the hurting situation of another person.

Likely we are not always aware when we cause pain to others. We haven’t  walked in the shoes of a lot of people. To us in can appear that they are lazy, stupid, unkind and mean. Understanding their inner turmoil of unrest takes a lot of our time yet it is worth it. Even if we can’t fix their issues we can understand which is also a definition of mercy. Sometimes people don’t have the words for their pain like a toddler who can’t explain a situation beyond their comprehension. At times we only have our emotions which fire out of control. That will render us little  sympathy. (Another word for mercy)

Dan Skognes stated that, “Your greatest pain can give birth to your purpose.” If you think about that  you understand  how simple and complex that is. Many times we comprehend what another feels only by experiencing it ourselves. The impact ignites our desire  to shout this  knowledge to the world especially when we are surrounded by those who don’t get the core of the pain.

I believe that many times hurting people just want to be understood and acknowledged. They want us to see and understand or show mercy. The depth of one’s pain cannot be explained because we all experience situations in our  own way. However the reality is honest and the hurt others endure can be lifted somewhat and released. The hurt will be remembered at times but sharing it with others might dilute the pain.

On any given day we can extend mercy. It doesn’t cost us anything but a few words or simple act. The gift of compassion  or mercy is beyond measure and can set a person on a new path of love and life. I equate it to picking someone up from the floor. When they find love and relief they let go of  anger and fill themselves with love. That is when they can offer it to others and teach them how to let go of the negative by forgiving or showing mercy. That is also the point at which they might become the teacher rather than the rejected crushed unthinking or unfeeling  person. Their pain becomes a beacon to those who give pain without thought and those who are trying to resolve their pain.

My own childhood pain led me into teaching and working with children in need. I went back to college as an adult and got my undergraduate and graduate degree and certification in regular classroom instruction and special education. I blocked out most of my traumatic childhood but had an affinity for abused kids which I didn’t understand where it came from. Writing the book Tumbleweed Kid which will be published in the somewhat near future, came from the experiences of my classroom years of instruction as well as my own childhood.

I must admit my first copy of the book which is unavailable was anger and frustration at the parents. As I understood my own pain which was interfering with my sympathy or mercy I began to rewrite the book. I have forgiven  but the pain of childhood caused me to be intuitively aware of the feelings of kids and basically all people I am with. The sensitivity is sometimes overwhelming because I can’t let it go so easily. I worry about what I say and do so as not to offend anyone but of course it happens anyway. Now I tell myself if I have done so and know my intentions were never meant to hurt then I let go of any guilt.  It isn’t easy but it helps.

I’m all about relationships which get so muddled from insignificant issues. We just have to try to understand more with our hearts and stop analyzing so much in our heads. Even if you had a difficult childhood of any degree you can alter your own way of parenting. You can accept your pain and hurt but go down a different path. Have mercy on yourself and do better. Think about the kids and their kids etc. How many lives you will improve with your transformation. Understand where your anger is coming from or where your parents’ anger came from and resolve the issues. It isn’t easy but a conscious effort makes all the difference.

I never understood why I would freak out if my husband wanted to even slap the kids. I don’t  believe in spanking. I suffered when the kids at school told me home stories of suffering and pain. In the end I faced my own childhood issues and the problems in today’s home environments and hope to spread the idea of a better way of disciplining kids which begins with love first. Disciplining with love works the best. Parents are not bad just unaware of the damage they do when spreading anger fear and bullying. If society wonders where it comes from just check out the home environments of some children. We hate to look because it isn’t pretty and we don’t have the answers. Now the courage is necessary if we want to change the world for the better. Stop blaming others and look inside yourself for the answers. Don’t hate yourself instead put the energy into changing yourself to a more merciful person. Don’t forget what the definition of mercy means!

“I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.”  Abraham Lincoln

“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. (Psalms 116:1-2 NIV)”  Anonymous

“The world will give you that once in awhile, a brief timeout; the boxing bell rings and you go to your corner, where somebody dabs mercy on your beat-up life.”     Sue Monk Kidd

I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy. Og Mandino

“The Lord’s mercy often rides to the door of our heart upon the black horse of affliction.”     Charles Haddon Spurgeon

“Night is a time of rigor, but also of mercy. There are truths which one can see only when it’s dark”    Isaac Bashevis Singer

THINKING AND LOVING ?

Loving And Forgiving“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”     Martin Luther King, Jr.

“And you know, when you’ve experienced grace and you feel like you’ve been forgiven, you’re a lot more forgiving of other people. You’re a lot more gracious to others.”     Rick Warren

“It’s toughest to forgive ourselves. So it’s probably best to start with other people. It’s almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself.”     Patty Duke

I believe I am thinking a bit negative today because I keep believing nobody is capable of loving anyone especially unconditionally. I spend many hours attempting to figure it out but it leaves me questioning our human population. Parents love their babies until those babies begin to offer challenges and then the spankings and screaming begins. We all remember having disruptive days but usually we get over it and find peace again. Kids are wonderful until they speak their own mind and want to do their own thing as well as lead their own lives. That is hard on parents who want to continue to control their kids indefinitely. This can carry over into their child’s relationships of all kinds. Nobody is left out and everyone is at risk.

We may not care for our kid’s friends, boyfriend’s, girlfriend’s in-law’s etc. We never ask ourselves why? Maybe they are receiving a different slant on the world or about people. Perhaps they are introduced into a different philosophy that we don’t like. Whatever the reason, we like to keep the threatening people away from our kids even if it might be a good connection. It leaves one wondering how any of us can love anyone and maintain that love. Do you question why you love anyone? What is it that makes you like them? Do you forgive them? People who are just married will say I would forgive my spouse anything. I think if that were the case we would see fewer divorces.

Why are so many families messed up to the point of never speaking to each other? Do they hate each other or are they hating quickly  without thinking just as they love quickly without reflecting. I am not sure if I am superficial and not spending enough time on my relationships. On the other hand I question if I am doubting so many relationships. I don’t know about others but I sense I have not thought enough about what and why I consider or sense what I do care for and reflect about. It may  be easier to simply get along and live in a blissful existence of make believe.

If I haven’t lost you yet I want to explain if I can, what my take on this is. I believe we are expected to attain the impossible in the hope of soaring quite high. Every interaction we have with another person is hazardous to our tranquility. It drains us when we are the caretakers or the ones who are supposed to be strong and dependable. That role gets tedious and weighs on our shoulders. The martyr role is boring and makes no progress. The savior role is next to impossible because we all must play the biggest role in our own redemption. Perhaps we are disillusioned and defeated when we want to but can’t solve other people’s problems.  Being a person who requires attention can make one feel guilty. Nothing apparently brings us peace.

We may question our path and life frequently and we might try again but some insight into our own feelings must be added into the mix, especially if we want answers. I am sure we have all experienced those people who want sympathy, support, help of one kind or another. It can be mental physical or emotional support but when it happens consistently throughout our days it can render a person depleted. It is not a good state to find yourself  in. I know it is awesome to give of oneself but we can’t forget to take care of our own needs. If you feel overwhelmed then perhaps you are forgetting to care for self.

Loving others is the hardest thing we can do because on any given day we observe weaknesses and negatives in people. That is annoying or impossible to overlook. That is perhaps why we end up loving people conditionally. It is like you help me and put up with my annoying attitude or remarks and I’ll help you and put up with your faults and impatience. Now is that love? I question if there is a sense of forgiveness in our relationships because others  reflecting those horrible traits may be shining the light on those same traits found within us. Imagine if we discovered that we easily found bad habits in others to the extent we find them within our selves. Maybe that is the idea. If we see blame in others and notice then in us we can fix it.

I guess it gives us food for thought. Unconditional love actually means being able to love people enough that you can  forgive the person. It is the simplest thing in the world to love another. People likely could marry someone new every year.  Is that love or gratification for us? Does the person give us a positive sense of self? In the beginning it might be true but eventually we all need support of one kind or another and we all have those nasty traits we like to ignore. When  we discover honesty we just move on rather than confront the truth and the reality of living.

Many people that question long marriages or families that stay together never realize the amount of effort patience love honesty and forgiveness it took to keep the connections alive. Love is not easy and unconditional love is superhuman to develop. It means we tie into forgiveness. It means we accept another’s negative words, thoughts and actions and then wrap our arms around them and squeeze until our doubts are gone. That is forgiveness. We know they hurt us, we accept the pain and suffering and we hold on tight and release the injury. When our being is devoid of the wound and pain we can fill our hearts minds and souls  with love. If you cannot release the suffering you have no room for the love and the hurt continues  while the wound festers.

I am no expert at letting pain go but I work on it. I know it is comforting to  have love in my heart rather than suffering the wounds others inflict without regard. That brings me to mindfulness which is something we ought to encourage at all age levels. If we see others as beings of light and deserving  love then we can understand they deserve our regard. That might mean placing their needs above our own at times. Of course it maybe placing our own needs first at times when we are depleted.

Unconditional love is seeing and focusing on the good we see in another person and accepting their bad notions with understanding. It helps us in two  ways. Their wrongs may reflect ours and their wrongs may help us to develop more empathy and tolerance. Either way we are  stronger in the end. Babies don’t come with guarantees to love their parents unconditionally. Parents can’t always love their kids unconditionally. Marriages break p for the same reasons as do friendships and sibling bonds. If we were capable of loving without conditions we would have the freedom to see and improve  our own imperfections, rather than pretend others have blame but we are perfect.

It isn’t easy to forgive when you have been hurt. It isn’t easy to turn the other cheek as they say we should. Perhaps with reflection we might come to  a point of comprehending the magnitude of courage it takes to forgive and be thankful for the times others forgave us. It might help us to return the favors to others and learn to forgive other people. Love is not about perfection nor is it about who is more at fault than another. Love is caring compassionate and unconditional at its’ best. Love is needy demanding possessive and jealous at its’ worst. Strive for  releasing love so it can spread and gain us more love rather than caging it in attempting to keep it safe. We are capable of loving and in an unconditional way. We just have to add forgiveness.

“He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven.”     George Herbert

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”    Mark Twain

“Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to love.” Francis of Assisi

BEST BIRTH ORDER

cropped-Family.jpg“At some point we all look up and realize we are lost in a maze.”

“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?” John Keats

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”     Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I was talking with a few friends the other day and the discussion got heated when no one could agree on who had the worst birth order placement. It seems like a silly thing to argue about but try saying it to a group of friends and watch he discussion fly. I have thought about it quite a bit and I don’t like any of the negatives that go along  with any of the positions. When I was done recalling everyone’s complaints I realized we were just talking about life.

Like people tell you when you are young, “You have to put up with it because things happen in life that you must deal with it.” Nobody likes to listen to that speech. It does resonate back to us  when life throws difficult pitches our way. It is not easy to say if you are the oldest or youngest this is the way it is. One must think about the sexes, background of the mothers and fathers and number of kids in a family as well as the economics of it all. I believe nobody gets away scott free and once you accept that you can stop comparing. Have you ever heard people comparing who had the more aches, pains or health issues to deal with? I know some peoples’ complaints are worse than others but  there are emotional problems, mental health problems and spiritual issues tied into it all.

Some people are distraught their whole life worrying about what they “”Must” do for somebody. Does that make them less caring because they are not doing something out of love but duty? How about those who feel obligated or who want something in return? The list is long and complicated and so is the birth order. I don’t really care so much about the order of birth because it seems like everyone takes the “crap” in life. It is unavoidable. It is more important to figure out how they will deal with the crap. In a way it is our attitude regardless of how much pain and hurt we must endure. Having taught school I know the child in the classroom who cries a lot gets a lot of attention. Does this mean they have suffered more? Is  there another child who has been suffering but we overlooked them?

That is one reason why  the situation gets complicated when we are trying to figure out or compare anxieties fear or problems. We come from different places and homes and had a variety of personalities to cope with along the way. I am thinking we might believe others have no care because they appear to not notice our suffering or they don’t appear to have any. Does anyone recall saying, “I don’t know what they are complaining about because when I…? We measure our pain against others all the time. It doesn’t alleviate it but it increases the friction we have with friends and family.

Perhaps we should begin understanding where the pain  originates and why it won’t let us go. There is absolutely deep suffering that will stay inside of us forever but it does not help anyone  to believe they are the martyrs of the world even if they have the suffering of such a person. Viewing ourselves as a victim implies we are helpless and have given up. Nobody has the power to make us feel that way and we should not see ourselves as the sacrifice. When we do deem our pain is beyond the measurement of anyone else’s we lock ourselves in a cage and throw away the key.

On any given day there is much to cope with. Everyone has those moments in time that stay within the brain forever. The fearful moments scare us and make us want to run away no matter what the age. The crises we got through makes us proud of ourselves but sometimes less sympathetic because we may be of the opinion that no one else has suffered like us especially if they haven’t complained. I am not down on the complainers. Sometimes I think it is therapeutic to get things off of your mind. When people hold things in they tend to resent others who can’t imagine their suffering.

I don’t know about how other people believe  but in the end  I think we alienate a lot of people when we expect but don’t allow someone in. It appears to work against us and we end up jealous of their “Better Life” or we carry the pain inside and let it hurt us over again and resent people  who can’t see it even when we don’t let them observe it. I have turned my suffering inside and felt worse when no one appeared to understand. My belief was how can they not get it. Now I try to share more or at least not find fault with those who simply don’t know when I don’t share.

Life is not easy and that is an understatement. Life is more difficult if we compare our section of the world with other peoples’. We are putting up fences and keeping people out. It is better to take the fences down and let people in. I have found out that so many others have their own stories. It is kind to share in a positive way without the competition of having a winner. If we think we are worse off we send out no understanding or empathy to others. Instead we expect or feel entitled to be down in the dumps. Personally there are likely many days we might feel sad or even hopeless. We are asked to be stronger at that point than we were when we endured a heartache situation. It is at those moments we need to find the courage to get over the deep emotional feelings creeping in and overpowering us. We are almost forcing ourselves to relive the horrible time all over again.

If we can come to terms with the fact that we all suffer then maybe we can stop comparing and judging and learn to support each other any day we are in need. It takes away all of the conditional aspects of love and allows unconditional love to reign. Unconditional love says I love you no matter how you behave towards me and I forgive you for everything. It says I may not like what you do nor understand how you feel but I trust the reality of your situation and want only love and peace in your heart and mine. I know unconditional love is about as close as any of us can get to being more Godlike. Life is burdensome enough without worrying about the amount of good or bad in anyone’s life. Trust that we all suffer at times but we all have so much to be grateful for if we would check it out. What I like and you like may differ. What I consider pain or frustration may also differ. May we all live in peace and as a song says, “Love the one’s you are with.”

“The battle you are going through is not fueled by the words or actions of others; it is fueled by the mind that gives it importance.” Shannon L. Alder

“Fortunately, God made all varieties of people with a wide variety of interests and abilities. He has called people of every race and color who have been hurt by life in every manner imaginable. Even the scars of past abuse and injury can be the means of bringing healing to another. What wonderful opportunities to make disciples!”    Charles  R. Swindoll

“Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.”   Charles Dickens

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.”     Orson F. Whitney

DISBELIEF

Families30“Disbelief held me down inside my footsteps, making my body heavy but my heart wild.”  Markus Zusak

“A child has no trouble believing the unbelievable, nor does the genius or the madman. It’s only you and I, with our big brains and our tiny hearts, who doubt and overthink and hesitate.”    Steven Pressfield

“Humanity does not suffer from the disease of wrong beliefs but humanity suffers from the contagious nature of the lack of belief. If you have no magic with you it is not because magic does not exist but it is because you do not believe in it. Even if the sun shines brightly upon your skin every day, if you do not believe in the sunlight, the sunlight for you does not exist.”    C. JoyBell C.

I find it too easy to trust others and I end up hurt and then in disbelief regarding their honesty. I suppose that is what makes most of us become a doubting person. We might go to a party with every intention f having a good time and immediately  get hit with another’s angry mood or wrath thrown towards us. Maybe we go home wondering why and as much focus given we come up with no answers. The disappointment is huge and sometimes anger and disbelief creep in about their kindness towards us. Of course the sadness takes over and we are left with only unhappiness.

Sometimes I wonder if it is my turn to take the punishment so to speak. I go to a party with every intention of having a great time. The let down is tough. Instead of questioning the person who caused my disbelief I go home and relive the day and torture myself a little more. The only bit of pride left  is almost invisible and I look for answers in my own behavior. Perhaps I was mean to them in the past, or said something offensive to them unintentionally at a previous time. Their bad mood   caused them to lash out. The end of the reflection generates no new answers which is almost more painful because the truth might be they simply don’t like me.

It appears easier to accept but not really. When you truly care about these people even if they don’t reciprocate it is deeply humiliating and humbling. You believe in your heart without a doubt there is no recourse. Now  your  choices are difficult. If you choose the higher road you suck it up and try to stay out of the firing range just to keep your sense of self from being hurt. Some people no doubt choose revenge and they go after their target full force. There are two people feeling degraded. I don’t see that as a good thing and I can’t find any relief from one’s own humiliation by degrading another.

It feels necessary to withstand the onslaught to discover some truth. The reality is at times we believe we are owned by misery, problems, obstacles and painful histories. I prefer to own them instead. Yes I have had a painful past, I keep it close to my heart as a reminder of my endurance and strength. Moving forward doesn’t mean we forget the past as much as we overcome it and carry the sweet and sour pieces of it with us along our journey.

The hurts don’t have to engulf us and burn us up. Instead they can grant us the power to forgive and respect every person’s sufferings. Painful episodes remind me of my vulnerability and the defenselessness of others who do not see an ambush coming. The pain no longer owns us and we become  the owner of the wound. It is a wound of courage and defeat rather than an energy that forces us to crash and crawl.

Nobody is ever strong all of the time and it takes practice to refuse striking back at those who hurt us. I know there are times when I might strike out at another person because they said or did something I didn’t like. My nerves are frazzled and my pain is strong while my pity is weak. At those moments I have to avoid releasing cruel remarks or actions. The power comes from my ownership of my pain.

Hold back your disbelief of others. They have their own battles to fight and survive. Have faith in their ability to overcome obstacles and defeat careless insensitivity. I would bet we have all been there. Our power and control always comes from our ability to own  our moods, attitudes, words and actions rather than allowing disbelief mixed up feelings of pain, anger and ego to shamefully own us and cause us to damage another human being.

“There is a feeling of disbelief that comes over you, that takes over, and you kind of go through the motions. You do what you’re supposed to do, but in fact you’re not there at all.”    Frederick Barthelme

“Impossibilitarians are defeated before the battle even begins. The best attitude that accommodates failure is disbelief. You can’t do it because you believe you can’t! You can do it because you believe you can!”    Israelmore Ayivor

“Whenever you can’t balance what you see with what you believe you have conflict.”
Shannon Alder

“Hope greets your desires warmly while doubts insult your efforts bitterly!”
Israelmore Ayivor