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“Scars fade with time. And the ones that never go away, well, they build character, maturity, caution.” Erin Mc Carthy

“It is hard to be defensive toward a danger which you have never imagined existed.”
John

Most of the problems in life are because of two reasons: WE ACT without thinking *or* WE KEEP THINKING without acting. pinterest

"The discontent and frustration that you feel is entirely of your own making." anonymous

Has anyone noticed the numerous road signs of life? Does anyone proceed with caution? I should be the last person to talk about this subject because I am always going full speed  ahead. I crash into walls all of the time and then regroup and reflect about where I went wrong.

I tell myself the next time I will think before I talk or walk. That does not happen. The one thing I acknowledge is the truth about thinking and being cautious. I just have to listen to my inner voice before I crash.

Making decisions before reflecting is asking for trouble. I agree that none of us asks for trouble. Why do we end up in dilemmas? I say it is due to wanting to do the right thing but taking the short road instead of proceeding with caution. The long road is always more difficult. I like things done quickly without pain and aggravation. I usually get lots of frustration and mounds of extended work. Why do I repeat this time and again? I need to find an answer for that question. Many of us don't see ourselves falling into the same  pattern but we repeat  similar actions everyday.

Somehow, the rush causes us to spill things which makes extra lost time  to pick up. I am always reminded of my grandmother's caution of "Haste makes waste". I hate recalling those words when I am cleaning up an unnecessary mess. ...continue reading "Watch Life’s Road Signs. Proceed With Caution"

Some people rush their kids into a car only to have one child fall down  and require a band-aid. If we are really annoyed, we blame the child for not watching where thy were going. There are things we forget to take with us like our  lunches. When we scoot out the door forgetting our lunch the blame goes to the wife or husband. We may come close to running over the neighbors dog with our driving skills. Why do they let their dog out at such an early busy time of day we think?

We curse the person who poured the last cup of coffee at work and left us none. We made the coffee yesterday and did not expect to do it again today. Our co-worker asks for help on a project but we have no time to give at the moment. Their kids are grown,  so what is their excuse we think. They do have kids in college and moving day but I just got through dropping my two and three-year old off at day care and as usual they cried and made me feel guilty. The kids don't understand the fact that bills  and clothes  cost money. The washer is fading fast and the car has a lot of miles. My father had surgery  and I have to visit him tonight so fixing the handle on the door is going to have to wait. Oh no, I left the kids lunches at home on the counter. I have to call the daycare and ask them to feed the kids for today.

I pick up the kids and before we get home one of them is throwing up in the back seat of the car. I drop them off to my spouse  and head off to the hospital. I hate the smell in the car and gag as I drive. How did I reach this point in life?  I ask and  wonder. When I  finally reach home I am so tired I don't feel like eating and my spouse is annoyed because they made the dinner.

How can they have no feeling?  I think, I am not in the mood for talking so I drag myself to bed and shut my eyes even though I am not asleep. I don't want fifty questions about my job, dad or smelly car. I need to get up early and clean the car or I'll  toss-up my breakfast before I get to work.

Here are the questions for the quiz. Can we slow down? Can we speak with the kids and  implore their help? Maybe if we took more notice and listened to what our child was saying we would have heard they had a tummy ache. Would that make us consider working from home that day? Two trips to the car is the cautious way of bringing the stuff I need to work but I was trying to save time. I don't consider the cost of time it took to pick up the items I dropped because I was trying to save time.

The calmness that we overlook and ignore results in our being annoyed. The frustrations cause us to blame others. The other people get angry and fight back. The battling makes us anxious and self-righteous. All our self-righteous results in standing our ground and faulting everyone around us. We argue with co-workers, scream at the kids, fight with the spouse and endure a rising of the blood pressure within our own bodies. At these points, we consider running away from the problems, divorcing the wife and changing jobs.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius

“Distress is the moment you realize that life will hurt more than your death. While existing, we're forced to become acquainted with sadness. There's no antibiotic for the ridding of distress, and no alleviation of these intervals of pain we must encounter. Behind our eyes, are all these things: our stories, our dreams, our deficiencies, and our scars. Today would leave a scar.” Crystal Woods

“One's suffering, one's melancholy is, in itself, really only looked upon as failure or as punishment, as detestable or sinful or socially unacceptable in the eyes of man; but this is not so in the eyes of God: for He is close to the broken-hearted.”  Criss Jami

I am in distress about hearing another child is injured by a parent or someone they love. The frustration runs rampant through my  head because I have no answers. If we are upset it triggers less appreciation for what we have. How can we give answers when our security is threatened. It is painful to worry about our sense of well-being when threats are part of our world. Such is the case for many children.

Are adults  boxed in without any choices? Are we facing a dead-end to our lives on the road we are traveling?. Is this what results in distress which leads to rage? It is easy to feel this way in life. I am no exception but predicaments and stress are not our leaders. Our levels for overload differ and burdens strain us into crazy unthinkable actions. There is no excuse for anyone. I do not condemn anyone because I am not God. But deep within us we bury the truth afraid to admit our own fears. When we arrive at a  challenging place of chaos help seems out of reach. That is when we lose control.

Our next step is the panic button. The  answers are elusive. We   losw and say and do anything. Human thoughts and emotions are overruled and animal instincts  overtake reason. A person is motivated by anger hate and revenge while he searches for ways to take revenge on anyone near him. Like an unthinking  machine actions are mindless. Reason is obliterated with all the distress and feelings overshadowed. ...continue reading "End A Child’s Distress with loving discipline"

Focus is to relieve the emotional anguish at any cost. The price is not important because one believes their life is too demanding and they are trapped. The torment and distress makes a person cause pain to others who are in close proximity.

the first ones hurt are children because they are the easiest and most vulnerable targets. Kids are swallowed in an ocean of pain. This scene replays  often and leaves desolation in its' wake.People use children to hurt their spouses, aunts, uncles or grandparents in divorce situations. Few people consider the state of mind and emotional toll distress confers on children. We acknowledge children as creatures who don't have  feelings, opinions or desires. We consider the child's worth inferior to  the adults value when we fail to protect them from the bullies of the world. We may be their first bully.

I know we don't live in other people's homes but we can be watchful towards all children. Some live in fear and others have given up. If parents don't protect kids but instead  become the culprit then society should step in. How do we do that is a key question. Maybe it is time to restructure our child protective system. More workers may be placed in home environment areas. With counsel and support within the homes  more parents learn how to care for their kids with love and attention.

Some skills must be taught. If we have no knowledge about how to go about  feeding or nurturing a child then it is important to have available counselors taking on that role. Giving someone food and clothes is kind but teaching someone how to find and earn food and clothes is better. When anyone is in distress it is okay to sympathize but to support them with other options is more productive. When a person  is willing to work  but can't find a job perhaps more effort should be made to help him or her find the job rather than locking them up for stealing and then paying  for jail time.

Maybe as a society we can think of improved ways of teaching someone how to survive in our society. As one professor once said to me, "If you lived in a rich society you would not know how to go about calling on those people who would take care of you and drive and buy items for you. Likewise if you lived in an extremely poor society you would not know  which places or rubbish cans had the best left over food and which places were safer to bunk down for the night. The more I thought about it  the more it made sense. We can't throw anyone into any place and expect them to get the rules and norms of the society. We must teach them more than just giving without thought. One learns to value themselves, fend for themselves and take pride in their work. Starting from the bottom may promote better outcomes instead of pretending we have systems in place which obviously don't  work.

When  people are desperate they do desperate and despicable things. People who are frustrated or without options behave erratically. This lends itself to other areas in their lives that become unstable. If one divorces there is turmoil and loss of family friends and security. Kids again suffer the most. Parents move on but kids  are caught in the middle. Parents are likely dealing with so much they sense the need to find themselves first but in that process the kids can become lost.

If a friend or family member is in need pay attention and help out. Give a hand at least short-term. Attempt to stop the negativity and find peace. kids didn't fight with grandma or aunt Amy so keep it civil and allow as many family members into your life and your child's life as you can. Support comes in many sizes and ages. Working on any job with others brings greater security and serenity. Going alone encourages distress a lot faster. Take a look around and find those people willing to be your friend and forgive family and friends who have disappointed you. Even if it was a  serious thing forgiveness brings peace and love. Just try it for your kids sake and see if your life and your kids situation improves.

Distress leads to heartache and problems while love brings comfort and joy. Why find yourself with greater  problems because the law has no mercy. Before you reach your limit take the needed break and let the ego go which insists on being in charge even when traveling the wrong road. Work towards compromising and collaborating with others.

Sharing workloads babysitters and material items can improve each others situation. Learn how to love more and always treat your children with respect. They are your gold and worthy of love. Too many have died needlessly or been injured. It is time we stop the pain kids endure and show them a different world that is not full of  pain and isolation but with love and respect.

“Anger is distress. Life is an individual race of endurance.” Lailah gifty Akita

“When you are wronged and your heart and feelings are hardened, do not be distressed, for this has happened providentially; but be glad and reject the thoughts that arise within you, knowing that if they are destroyed at the stage when they are only provocations, their evil consequences will be cut off, whereas if the thoughts persist the evil may be expected to develop.” St. Mark

“The Lord's mercy often rides to the door of our hearts on the black horse of affliction. Jesus uses the whole range of our experiences to wean us from earth and woo us to Heaven.” Charles H. Spurgeon

“Perhaps ultimately, spiritual simply means experiencing wholeness and interconnectedness directly, a seeing that individuality and the totality are interwoven, that nothing is separate or extraneous. If you see in this way, then everything becomes spiritual in its deepest sense. Doing science is spiritual. So is washing the dishes.”    Jon Kabat Zinn

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” Jiddu Krishnamurti

“We are all hypocrites. We cannot see ourselves or judge ourselves the way we see and judge others.” Jose Emilio Pacheco

“People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves.”  Albert Camus

“No one truly knows what they will do in a certain situation until they are actually in it. It's very easy to judge someone else's actions by what you assume your own would be, if you were in their shoes. But we only know what we THINK we would do, not what we WOULD do.”  Ashly Lorenzana

Over the years I have slowly lost my ability to have all the answers. I discover that I can forgive myself for the times I don't have answers or responses for problems. I can't always make someone feel better or find solution. I lost my ability to know what should be done but I think I have grown up.

Are there answers or is truth an illusion? At times we believe we know what someone should say or do to make things better. We have faith that our answers are the remedy. We  never consider why we might be wrong. We are sure we have all the answers. Have you ever considered your truth was false along with your perspective? When two people are fighting they are both wrong because they only see their own side.  The truth is found when both parties accept the fault without the percentages. ...continue reading "Having All The Answers Is Impossible"

So  much gets lost in the translation as days and even years pass. A past remembrance is not considering the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual state of the person at that moment in time. How does one recall the issues and burdens they  were experiencing? How do we know the influences we had? How was our judgment? How mature or immature were we? What were our beliefs jobs living arrangements? There are so many unanswered questions that lead us to consider it is fruitless to trust our recollection of past events. We don't understand the state of mind and body. People have answers at a later point in time but may be clueless during the event.

We believe we were less guilty and deserve less blame. We believe the problems were started by the other person. That is human nature. Do we place too much emphasis on appearing perfect? Can we show weakness? If we allowed weakness perhaps there would be less lies and secrets. We praise only winners yet it is harder to admit defeat than state winning. Do we think  our ideas are correct?  find out in time that we don't have all the  answers all of the time. We discover how much information is required before we can conclude anything.

It is a human desire to support another with advice. It is human nature to judge another's choices when they disagrees with our own. Each person picks  for themselves. Our answers are personal. Past events are recalled with our perception of the past. It doesn't make us right or wrong. We use our own lens  to discern truth. Guilt is unnecessary, The past is over. The past shouldn't dominate the present. We chose past answers based on an array of mental physical and emotional health and needs. Perhaps someone else would choose differently. We can only walk in our own shoes and learn from our own mistakes.

We never had all of the answers and we never will. The best we can do is never deliberately hurt another individual. We can live our own lives and try to move forward each time we learn a lesson. The lessons can be harsh and hurtful. Instead of blaming anyone for our pain we must be thankful for the lesson which helped us to grow beyond what we were. We have choices always.  We can learn from hurtful past events and become a better person or we can stay linked to them and be afraid to let them go. We don't have all the answers, cannot control others nor blame them for our predicaments. Moving forward means letting go of guilt and blame and embracing the future. Life teaches us lessons about living and living teaches us how to let go and love.

“When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.”     David Brin

“When one experiences truth, the madness of finding fault with others disappears.” S.N. Goenka

“Often people that criticise your life are usually the same people that don't know the price you paid to get where you are today. True friends see the full picture of your soul.” Shannon L. Alder

“We practically always excuse things when we understand them” Mlikhail Lermontov

“When we make judgements we're inevitably acting on limited knowledge, isn't it best to ask if we seek to understand, or simply let them be?” Jay Woodman

6th pic presentationThis is an article my daughter wrote about breast cancer which touched my heart. It is worth reading and better than anything I could ever write. It was written from the heart. It is important to remember that the hurts we bear and suffer are not always obvious. We will perhaps never know or understand fully what another person endures because we don't walk in their shoes and never will.

""Dignity is The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad Pinterest quotes. It is the moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom. Dignity is the moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter."  Shannon L. Alder

I read another post about the poison of GMO, corn syrup, baby formula.  One more post in an extensive news-feed.  It is opinion, and I can scroll past, but it feels like another not so subtle reminder of the “breast is best” undercurrent that permeates everything baby related.   As a physician I feel that breast feeding is ideal.  When I was a third year resident and I had my first baby I was adamant about exclusively breast feeding.  I cried when my milk didn’t come in right away after a long induction.   I also relished the fact that my newborn grew into a chubby, giggly infant and it was due to my own body.  I pumped and breastfed, it was a blur of insomnia knowing that I would have to go back to work.  I took time off and managed to keep a freezer full of breast milk in case my supply dropped off when I did go back.  As a resident with overnight calls I knew I couldn’t be sure how often I could pump, pagers go off, codes happen, patients, admissions, rapid responses, they don’t wait for pumping.  I was determined, I continued to pump, overnight, sometimes in bathrooms, call rooms, it depended on how far of a walk, and which were occupied.   I was determined to make the one year mark. ...continue reading "My Issue With Breast Is Best"

With my second child I was an attending working part time and it definitely went more smoothly.   Somewhere around the fifth month I noticed my supply dropping.  I did everything I could but I had to supplement and I remember stopping around eight months. I was disappointed and heartbroken.  I resigned myself to formula feeding and when I felt lumps in one breast I chalked it up to milk ducts.

That was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  The fear was overwhelming and paralyzing, I could only think about my babies, a nine month old and a two year old.  It was biopsy after biopsy, ultrasound guided, stereotypical, MRI guided.  They saw abnormalities on the other side, and I had additional biopsies.   I was waiting for surgery for final staging.  I thought about how precious our time is and our health is.  I opted for the bilateral mastectomy. It was a personal decision.

Fast forward almost four years, past a stage one diagnosis, a year of treatment and we were blessed with another beautiful healthy baby.  It felt like a gift, directly from God, I have living breathing snuggly, proof that a very difficult time was over.  Like all parents, I want the best for my baby, and I opted for formula.

The baby is happy, healthy, and then I have to question why the articles about poison formula make me so angry.  Why do I want to wear a sign that says “I breast fed two babies and had breast cancer.”  Why does it need an explanation, an excuse? Is it because I’m around educated moms that tend to exclusively breastfeed? I couldn’t figure out why I felt so much guilt taking out a bottle.

I thought about a particular conversation I had with a friend after diagnosis and her comment was “wow, I just couldn’t do it, make a decision and choose to have a mastectomy like that.”   That was when I realized that this wasn’t something I chose.  Everything was secondary to my family and health.  So much worse happens to wonderful people who didn’t “choose” the situations they went through.  With breastfeeding we need to stop shaming women for situations that are beyond their control.  So many women I know keep tally lists, they track things like how long they breastfed, if they supplemented, was it exclusive breastfeeding, bottle feeding , natural births, c-sections, epidurals, and the list could go on.   Being a mother is hard work and no one chooses less than their best for their babies.  Why do we compare so much? I doubt that fathers are asking each other how many games they attend, how many times they read before bed, or if their kids still crawled into their beds at night.  Yet it’s “best” to read to children before bed, and it’s “best” to have a sleep schedule with children.   If we want more moms to breastfeed, instead of assuming they made the choice to do less than “best”, and making them feel guilty for it, maybe we should analyze the barriers to breastfeeding. The majority of mothers in this country start off breast feeding and over time that number significantly drops. Why? Are there places to pump privately? Is there time off for breastfeeding, or does the day simply get extended? Is there maternity leave, paid time off, uninterrupted time, is it convenient at work?

How do we counsel moms in the hospital? Is it a one size fits all approach? Maybe a little formula before your supply kicks in, is really okay. Maybe nipple confusion isn’t as large of a problem as it seems.   I had a mother who breastfed for years, and if it wasn’t for her support I might not have breastfed as long as I did.  The singular statement of “breast is best” has finality to it that any alternative is giving your baby simply less.   What if you don’t have breasts? I might be a minority but there are numerous reasons a mother might not exclusively breast feed, medications, work schedules, supply issues, surrogates, mental health issues.  I still think they’re doing their best.  Not smoking is “best”, an hour a day of exercise is “best”, a healthy BMI is “best”, do we adhere to it?  So why are we making so many mothers feel guilty if they don’t breastfeed?

I know lots of great moms taking awesome care of their kids, free-range, tiger moms, gluten free, dairy free, formula feeding, stay at home, working, helicopter, paleo, vegan, breast feeding mothers.  I know they love their kids, I know they are doing their “best” everyday.

“When you think yours is the only true path you forever chain yourself to judging others and narrow the vision of God. The road to righteousness and arrogance is a parallel road that can intersect each other several times throughout a person's life. It’s often hard to recognize one road from another. What makes them different is the road to righteousness is paved with the love of humanity. The road to arrogance is paved with the love of self.” Shannon Alder

"There are no coincidences in life. What person that wandered in and out of your life was there for some purpose, even if they caused you harm. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense the short periods of time we get with people, or the outcomes from their choices. However, if you turn it over to God he promises that you will see the big picture in the hereafter. Nothing is too small to be a mistake.”  Shannon Alder

“Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, "What else could this mean?” Shannon Alder

“Reputation is what others think of us; character is what God knows of us."

 

Choosing To Live 4"You don't always  have to defend yourself in words. Silence gives people the clue you have better thoughts in mind." Pinterest (anonymous)

"Anyone who has never made a  mistake has  never tried anything new." Albert Einstein

"An old man said "Erasers are made for those who make mistakes." A  youth replied, "Erasers  are made for those who are willing to correct their mistakes!" Attitude matters. Anonymous

How difficult it is to discover the self and uncover some hidden truths about  the ways we sabotage our life. I suppose we are thinking that is not true. I know I attempt to discover who I am all the time and understand myself. If I discover a problem I try to fix it or if I discover something worthy I work to make it better. I don't want to waste my time on falsehoods but the truth in my attempts is I want to discover what makes me who I am.

It is almost impossible to face our anger, fear, impatience, distrust and so many other negative emotions. It really is easier to find our goodness when we have just helped a friend or co-worker expecting nothing in return. I believe we need those moments in order to accept some of the things about ourselves that might need some work. I don't wake up in the morning thinking about what it is I should work on or improve unless it is the garden.

It feels like we hide from the self as if we really don't  know who we are. Likely we all know our faults better than our virtues and most of us myself included,  discover so many faults that we stop searching for anything good believing we are just not that good of a person. Even the boastful people  may be simply covering  their honest beliefs about self and boast so they can cover-up the truth.

I am thinking that unless we choose to discover how many good things there actually are within us and our lives we won't have the guts to face what it is that needs some fixing or tuning up. Nobody is fully bad or good at every second of every day. There are some happenings that cause us to offer assistance in some way and throw out positive vibes in our words or actions.

I think  we try too hard and we don't take notice of baby steps forward. We only recognize the huge steps of progress made. There are many days when such progress can't be achieved and one can feel like an underachiever. At times it isn't that the bar is too low or too high but that we are so busy and lost in our thoughts. There is so much on our brains that we think it is a waste of time to reflect on anything.  I have said it myself to others that I don't have time to reflect.

If one takes a moment to let that statement penetrate the brain we understand the significance of that statement. What are we doing that is more important than thinking which is what reflection is all about. If we give up thinking we give up our humanity and become robotic.

There are days that appear to verify this belief. Reflecting makes a person come to understand what is more important to accomplish. The value of someone else's needs becomes prominent and altruism begins functioning. Can we jump to the point of understanding that this altruism is what makes a person consider another to the point of giving up their life if necessary for that person. That is mindfulness at it's best.

Many people falsely believe that they would probably act cowardly if in a position to choose. Nobody knows how they would react. Granny may be the person who leaps to the rescue for all we know. So many of us are not sure and we don't actually know nor have we tried to discover the real person inside of us. A real person is weak and strong. A real person makes mistakes but learns from them and attempt to do better. A real person sees the good in others and is not afraid to praise that good because it doesn't bring him down in any way by praising another. A real person makes the time for others when she doesn't have any time to give. All of these are forms of altruism. It is placing others before self  and it applies to family friends and strangers.

Perhaps if we witness and discover some good in us we will search to fix what is wrong without fearing it. As long as we refuse to face any blame in self, we continue making those same errors. If you want change then you must do things differently. If we want improvement we can't be afraid to face what we don't want to see or discover within ourselves. Those small areas of blame can be reworked only if we observe them and work on them.

I know I hide a lot and I am trying to change that. When there is a disagreement with someone I tend to review all the things I said and did that were correct in attempting to improve a problem. I view the other person's mistakes in what they did to make things worse. In the process, what I did to make things worse is ignored and what the other person might have done to make things better I overlook. Neither of us end up seeing eye to eye. I go away pretending I was right and they were wrong but in my heart I know the truth. Now the problem is covered a bit deeper so it will be tough to look at it and resolve it.

Now if one plays this game throughout their life you can appreciate why nobody makes amends or peace with siblings parents children mothers-in-law or daughter-in-law or friends. We just make connections to different people rather than face the issues. To self discover means you get the urge to transform yourself for the better regardless of what you will discover along your path. It is the ultimate path of discovering truth and transforming.

It isn't scary to look at the self and there is nothing to fear when one finds the real person with all of his faults and virtues. It makes life easier to live when you can let go of the worries and fears brought on with hiding and doubting who we are. We do have items to alter but we have so much hidden goodness that we never discover because it is covered up. Let yourself out and let the real you emerge.

"Anyone can love your looks but it's your heart and personality that makes someone stay with you." Anonymous

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." Aristotle

“It takes courage...to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” Marianne Williamson

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”    Ralph Waldo Emerson (Invisible Man)

Animals11“Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” Rumi
“The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure.” Stephen Richards

“The battle you are going through is not fueled by the words or actions of others; it is fueled by the mind that gives it importance.” Shannon L. Alder

Power struggles are painful and stressful. I wonder how we get ourselves into a power struggle and why. I hate to say this but again I sometimes think our egos get us in the middle. We don't have to have big egos either in order to have it throw up its' head in arrogance. Perhaps our egos just hate to always lose and on any given day we are apt to appear more prideful than we actually  are or believe.

I venture to say the power struggle seems to be caused by our inability to respect ourselves. That may seem an absurd answer but  really if a person valued themselves they would not have to prove they are great by winning everyday battles that are nonsensical. Have you ever recalled an argument and wondered why you or they kept such a stupid disagreement going?

Most of us don't like fights but we manage to get into disagreements of all kinds because  we like to win or justify our own opinions on everything. Sometimes others always seem to have the best answers or appear to be most educated. They are the people we hate to always have to back off from. Just once in while we would like to win the discussion no matter how ridiculous it is. I can laugh at some of the issues I know of that went back and forth for over an hour or more. I am almost ashamed that I spent so much time in a silly argument. They weren't giving prizes for the winner and no one was privy to the happening except me and the other person. Now it appears to be so childish that it happened.

When we listen to our child complain about a disagreement with another child we console them and question why it hurt them so much or why they had to continue the fight. We can't see ourselves doing the same things yet we do. If our child argues because they are having a bad day and just don't want to be considered inferior in strength or intelligence then perhaps we are doing the same thing on an adult level.

There are those who irritate us on a good day yet on a bad day they might be intolerable. You will always have those people who know everything and must have the last word and prove their intelligence with proof and sometimes degrees. They attempt to make it impossible for the other person to have an argument that holds water. That is when both may dig in their heels and be determined to win at all costs.

Why is it so important? I am the same way and I think it has something to do with confidence or insecurity. Those of us with little confidence get tired of always being the "child" in the disagreements. Sometimes we would just like to be considered the adult. We never give ourselves the credit we deserve for playing the adult role so often by simply allowing others to profess their self-aggrandizement. I have a lot of respect for those that don't advertise but rather exhibit their achievement by what they do for others.

Within a marriage you have one spouse who may sense they are the smarter one and can buy what they want when they want. There is the other partner who believes they must always run things by their spouse because they don't trust their own opinions. Maybe it should be mutual in the asking and decision making. It seems that many of us don't value ourselves. It is so important to stop placing everything that makes us the person we are available for evaluation. What are we measuring? Are we stronger, smarter, book learned, or life learned? Do we have more compassion, mindfulness, empathy hope or faith? Can we see things through, suffer the long run without giving up? Do we give in quicker, forgive faster or compromise or are we apt to fight for our own desires stand by what we want and hold others accountable no matter how sorry they are? So many more questions that don't always have answers can be added.

If we wanted to understand any one of us we would take a lifetime to find out. I suppose that is why so many people wake up one morning after a few years of marriage and wonder who they married. We are complicated and unique to state it bluntly. Discussing who or what we are is unfathomable especially when you throw in a miserable day or period in our lives along with stress and burdens and work.

Sometimes we have our fill and are determined to keep our own counsel and stand by what we believe to be the truth even if we stand alone and are laughed at. Of course those are likely the days we laugh later at ourselves. We have breaking points, sadness and anger thresholds   and emotional limits. We are also kind enough to give in to the mighty the strong and the intelligent. How is it we recognize the importance of letting some things go while these considered exceptional people walk all over others without any thought. I must question  a person's emotional intelligence when a person has no regard for the life in front of them except to constantly best them.

Exceptional people treat everyone with respect regardless of their backgrounds, education or position in life. They see all people as relevant and important and don't make distinctions. When we don't see  a color but a man, and we don't see a gender but a person,and we don't see a degree but an intelligent thinking person, and we don't see a bank account but a kind individual with a heart for sharing whatever he does have whether it be money, talent or time then we are truly exceptional.

Then we don't have to win an argument, or fight because of our pride or ego and we can be comfortable sharing the limelight with others and we can banish winners and losers and stop the assessments and judgements. We may all have more peaceful days of happy contentment safe in the arms of all people. Our world would be brighter. There would be no need to fight or win arguments because there would be none. All people would be empowered to live without fear or any kind of measurement. Our respect of self and sense of self-esteem would remain intact. Just remember that you are important and definitely more than you can imagine.

“Judgment is a negative frequency.” Stephen Richards

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” Ramana Maharani

“Write it on your heart you are the most beautiful soul of the Universe. Realize it, honor it and celebrate the life.” Amit Ray

 

 

high and lows"All the elements for your happiness are already here. There’s no need to run, strive. At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it."    Thich Nhat Hahn

"By listening with calm and understanding, we can ease the suffering of another person. Obstacles can be a form of liberation. Difficulties are required for success." Thich Nhat Hahn

All of us have so many fears but perhaps the biggest one is the fear of failure. It kind of groups all the other fears together. Whether it is our spouse, parent, child boss friend or enemy we hate to drop the ball and be considered a loser. The trouble is we can't really define just what a loser is or what it means. We have bad vibes about failing and never consider that there might be a bright side to failing.

What do our parents expect of us? Maybe they think we will forever be indebted to them and strive to please them. Most of us do appreciate our parents but there is a limit to what we can do for them and still be able to live our own lives. Failing to some of us is letting others down. If our parents expected us to be the engineer but we became the business guru, our parents are disappointed and they don't have to say anything. We can sense it in their look or frown or words.

Parents bring on the first of the fears of failing. They push kids to accomplish goals that may  not even be something their child wants. What parents consider important is sometimes not on the priority list of their kids. Seeing eye to eye on this is next to impossible. Even agreeing to disagree does not bring peace to the one who believes in their heart that they let their parents, people they love and cherish, down.

Likely the trick is to figure out why we sense a feeling of desperation when we have not done what another wants us to do. Somehow  a perso we love gets into our heads and makes us believe we should be what they desire us to be. In the end we and they are disappointed. It comes down to the fact that we must love each other for what we are and not for what they want us to be or become.

I know most parents want kids to be kind good and successful. Perhaps we should place compassionate, mindful and loving as some of the ways we delineate success. We  can all choose to be compassionate and thoughtful towards others. We can love others with a kind heart. Working on those attributes is worthier than forcing our own goals and attitudes onto others.

Parents wield a lot of power. If they choose to pick for thie child and demand success in the way they see it, likely everyone is going to live in stress and pain. Grown children expect parents to continue indulging them in ways that are invalid. When we have grown and matured we must take responsibility for ourselves even if it means failure at some points in our lives.  We can and must grow from failure rather than succumb to it and feel defeated.

Failure never brings permanent defeat unless we give up and stop trying. Failure should teach us where we went wrong and therefore how we can do it better than before. Somehow our ideas are that once one has failed give up, leave, walk away, try something or someone new. The stress caused by failure is full of anxiety, rage and fear. We see the disappointment in the eyes and we can't bear to witness it again so we stop and give up our objectives.

Husbands rarely live up to their wives anticipations. The wives hardly live up to the husbands expectations. The marriage road is rocky, demanding and full of potholes. None of us can win and most of us lose and switch up the game because it is painful to keep playing it. We sense how hard we try and we are actually more disappointed in ourselves for the failure. Likely we blame ourselves but we still walk away.

It is easy for friends to disillusion us. There are so many possible friends out in the world that we move on. The same is true with relationships. We find someone new and begin again. We assume we will get it right the next time so life goes on. How many of us question what we are doing and why we are doing it. We believe perhaps that it is for the best because we can't satisfy someone. I suppose that is true pleasing others is an impossibility.  What is also true is that our opportunities appear to be boundless until we discover the let downs are similar. We might even yearn to go back to the original problems or situations and try again,  although we usually can't do that.

We all need space to grow at our own pace. We need love the most and fear and stress the least. I find that the truth is we place the fear, stress and anxiety on ourselves when we believe we must please our parents, spouses children friends or boss. If we think it over we understand that if we disappoint anyone once in a while, they will get over it. If someone disappoints us we get over it. We have a hard time getting over ourselves and our own disappointments of failure.

Failure is not like the end of a road. It is more like a stop sign that slows us down. Perhaps that is a good thing because we get to review what we are doing and why. This may send us down a different path and also help us to engage the people we love in an alternative manner. We need space and encouragement. We need a sense of value and pride in us. If we please us then perhaps we won't be as wounded when we don't always please others. What we think about us when we look in the mirror is what really counts.

A sense of self leads to valuing others. If we are mindful of others we will likewise support their endeavors to be who and what they are. The freedom it endows us with is enlightening. Somehow we all win and we have not failed anyone especially not us. We have our own lives to live, goals to reach and problems to accept and overcome. People can best help us with support of all kinds and refraining from interfering in our choices.

Establish your own self esteem and move forward with courage and strength. Don't be swayed by what others say because they are seeing life through their eyes and we must open our eyes and see what it is we want. Stop judging so much and start living. We learn from mistakes and the learning sticks because of the pain of the error. If we can accept each others mistakes we can increase the relationships love and enthusiasm to do better the next time. Perhaps transformation from within is more of an answer than always attempting to alter outside of ourselves and our surroundings. Put the fears to rest and start living in serenity.

“I know you won't believe me, but the highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others.”     Socrates

“What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of what it's supposed to be.” Socrates

“If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.”     Socrates

Happy"Happy people don't have the best of everything. They make the best of everything." Anonymous

“It does not matter how long you are spending on the earth, how much money you have gathered or how much attention you have received. It is the amount of positive vibration you have radiated in life that matters,” Amit Ray

What does it mean to be happy? If you asked a million people their answers would likely be different. Happy means to be pleased joyful cheerful blissful exultant ecstatic delighted and content. I know the number of people I talk with within a week and they have numerous adjectives to describe their moods and few would mention ecstatic lives. The adjectives used perhaps are more like tired, upset, discouraged, stressed-out, fearful, over-worked, sad, anxious and over-burdened take your pick.

It makes one wonder what happened to living and meaning within our lives. How did we reach the road where we are in a dilemma bout which way to  choose. All the roads appear to lead to unhappiness. We almost take it for granted that it is normal to be unhappy but is it? Sometimes it is difficult to find one decent occurrence throughout our day that made our life worthwhile. I want to ask where did the world go wrong?

We all have problems and events to deal with and that we can all accept for the most part. But why is it most of us if not all of us feel so burdened to the point of being exhausted and ready to give up? If we rated our days as good bad or indifferent perhaps we might see a lot of bad or indifferent kinds of days. I believe this is very sad and anything but happy.

I wonder if we focus too much on what needs to be done, what is missing and what is wrong? I never saw anybody at work come in smiling and saying wow my life is so happy and things are great and my spouse and kids are so awesome! Most people unfortunately come to work complaining about every little thing that went wrong at the breakfast table. Those listening politely slip away thinking their own problems are more difficult than their co-workers complaints.

I must admit that these folks send our brains down the road of finding similar problems in our own lives. We contemplate a worse day and unhappy moments in time. Sometimes those who stay and listen to the employee's grumbles wait their turn to best the protester with their own tale of woe. It definitely starts off a competition and a marathon about who has the most grievances. Who wants to be the winner of that competition?

Bosses complain about workers who are slackers not bothering to ever be interested in their home lives. Spouses criticize their significant others not having any mercy about other circumstances and divorced people grieve the deadbeat parents who never send alimony. Workers  resent being overlooked during promotion time and parents hate teachers who assume too much about the home environment and the lack of whatever. Teachers lament the uninvolved parents, daughters-in-law detest the whining controlling and complaining mothers-in-law, while the mothers-in-law can't understand the gossip behind her back about the things she said except the words were twisted and changed as well as the perceived actions. Most of the issues appear to be untrue from the view of most people yet all of the words and actions of others are constantly being reviewed and analyzed for the worst.

Parents stop seeing their kids as cute and fuzzy when they are out of the baby stage and basically getting into mischief. Most parents are already looking forward to the time the kids will be grown up. They don't realize how much time they have wished away. Nobody seems to be happy yet there is a lot to discover and enjoy about life and the people in it. I wonder if it has to do with our attitudes and the way we see ourselves and others. Obviously we pay attention to faults over virtues, complaining times over joyful ones, and we focus on what is wrong but never what is right.

Perhaps so much attention given to the negative has trained all of us to focus on that instead of the positive. Honestly  we can be thankful we are  not hungry, cold or without someone or something to love. That may sound corny but it is taken for granted. At a young age we are taught to be and do the best. Maybe we leave no room to have breathing space to grow. It is expected that we succeed the first time and accomplish so much in a certain time frame. It genuinely leads many to give up because the goal  appears to be so far away.

No wonder we are always so discouraged. If we were suppose to clean the yard, fix a fence and change a tire on the car then anything less almost allows a spouse to feel no need to say thank you for doing that. A woman who tends to the kids while her husband does the jobs and manages to get in some laundry but not able to cook a big meal may believe she has failed somehow and didn't get everything done that she should have. I know we are getting into goals here but technically we are also understanding the tremendous burdens we have set up for ourselves. Where is the time to appreciate anything including our own worth?

I don't believe anyone is as bad nor as good as others speak about. Kids are not horrible and unlovable. How is it we give nobody any leeway and we receive no latitude for ourselves? Let's face it most people change the way something was said or done. Words denote one thing but the tone can so totally change the words for the better or the worse. Taken out of context anything can be made to sound better or horrible. The fact is we never know how anyone chooses to interpret what we say or do so that leaves us all vulnerable.

Until we stop thinking that we are only as good or strong or capable as the products we produce or tasks we complete we will be disappointed with ourselves and others for their completions. We will also keep missing the goodness surrounding us and the positive facing us every day. I bet most of us go to bed contented if we completed some huge task we had set our minds to do days weeks or months ago. We take pride in that and feel so relieved and happy. I am not so sure it is happiness as much as a sense of "I did it." So what are we left with? We only have peace when we complete something for the house or workplace?

Being able to understand the many ways we can find peace and contentment brings us an escape route from our problems and draws attention away from how many times we failed or how long it took us to complete. We don't always mention a task done or get praised for it with our own blessing, because we feel it took us too long to do. For sure if we stopped seeing the work the complaints the obstacles and the time it takes to get to the job perhaps we would enjoy the daily things we do see and enjoy.

If the basement must wait so what. If we spent the day walking and investigating with our kids we likely produced more than if we painted the room. At a future date in time the memory of a beautiful spring day looking at birds and insects and rocks will remind us of an awesome experience and put a smile on our faces. The day spent painting will not be remembered any more than the day we cleaned the house. Of course the house needs cleaning but to focus on that rather than the more important things places us at the mercy of pressure stress and an unhappy mood.

We can get up and choose to be happy the first thing in the morning. We can put the complaints to the back of the mind and focus on the gorgeous day. Even rain is wonderful because it fills a bird bath and feeds the flowers and bounces off our noses and makes us smile. Kids splash through puddles because they know how to bring on those smiles. As adults we have forgotten. We fill our minds with thoughts about our work list and inconsequential things that sometimes don't matter. How we treat our kids and spend time with them is more important than how well we cleaned up or fixed their room.

Every day can be joyful and pleasant even if it comes with a few glitches. It still brings a tremendous amount of good things if we uncover the blanket of have to do's. Look for the good in every day and focus on the happy funny words and actions. Remember to compliment others for the tiniest things they do for you and that includes your spouse and kids. It would serve all of us to stop seeing what we lack and what we didn't do and notice those important unnoticed things we do manage to accomplish.

“Life has a positive and negative side. Happy people ignore the negative side. A smile a day keeps trouble at bay. The mind's health depends on what it feeds on. Avoid thoughts and conversations that kill your soul.” Bangambiki Habyarimana

"This we can all bear witness to, living as we do plagued by unrelenting anxiety. It becomes more and more imperative that the life of the spirit be avowed as the only firm basis upon which to establish happiness and peace." Dalai Lama

 

 

Rippling Affect Of Stress 3"You are good enough smart enough and beautiful enough, strong enough believe it and stop letting insecurity run your life." Thomas D.

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." Steve Furtick

"Sometimes our thought are backed by so much insecurity that they create lies we believe." Anonymous

How sensitive we all are without exception when egos are threatened. Even those of us who remain calm in hurtful situations perhaps carry the pain well into the future. Some people say I am cutting my connections to this person or that one. Others say I am finding that person so annoying that I need to get some space between us. At other times we choose to place these people into the background of our lives and have some chance meetings or some few and far between planned get togethers.

I find myself doing the same things and using the same tactics. No matter how good someone has been to me, if they start irritating me or upsetting me I turn away from them and sometimes cut them off. I must truly admit that down the road I am sorry that it happened and I wish I could rethink my original thought and plan. I know why. It is because sometimes they were right about something and I didn't want to listen or believe what they were saying was correct.

How many times I can remember myself or someone else stating "You don't get what I am talking about. You don't know what it is I am trying to say. You are just thinking in the past and comparing this situation with something that happened in your own life." Of course there are those times when either one of us has proven to be right or wrong. So why do we hate advice and think someone is wrong before they begin.

I tend to think it is ego and pride. Who likes to be wrong? I believe we get disappointed with ourselves and we cling to our egos and pride in the hope of feeling better. I know I can hardly believe I have such little faith in me. I question everything I do and second guess myself. However if someone has offered advice, depending on the person, I will or won't follow it. I simply cannot admit this person who I already deem as a worthier individual, is now about to best me to my face. I now see it that I can't accept help unless I feel secure in the knowledge that I don't have a competition going on.

Those people who help us but then never claim to anyone else how much they helped us appear to be the ones we trust. It isn't that they give or have better advice, it has more to do with pride in that they don't harm our egos. Our frailty is safe in this person's hands. That is why we like people who don't compete or compare us in any way. They don't keep a record of being right or wrong and they don't  care. They are only concerned with supporting us.

Most of us trust this kind of person because we see them as no threat yet why do we observe others who are trying to help us as a threat? Our egos should not be so fragile. If we had confidence in us we could weather the damage to our egos. I think people who don't ask for directions exhibit this lack of security. Somehow it appears to them that they should know how to navigate a destination. To let someone even a stranger think otherwise is folly.

The situation that bothers me the most is how all of this makes us more like enemies than friends. We worry so much about our sense of worth that we protect it at all costs. Do we believe someone else is better than us just because they never get lost? Do we see someone who requests advice on a home project as incapable or less capable than we are? If we answered no to these questions then maybe we are all kidding ourselves. None of us may actually put down others yet that is the situation we believe is reality.

If all of us are bent on proving how much we know, how much we can do, and how much we have over another then it may be proving how we are wasting our time on inconsequential concerns. This is not to mention the stress of searching for answers far and beyond when the answers are close at hand. So our hidden reality is that we had to find an answer and keep others in the "Dark" regarding how we accomplished our task. Does anyone care how fast or how long it took us? We may care but I doubt someone else cares. Do people go to an assessment book and write down how we got lost while driving? Are they planning on reporting us? It does sound silly.

We keep so much hidden and sometimes believe that if another person saw how vulnerable we actually were they would either not like us or feel we were beneath them to keep as a friend. There is not one individual I surmise, on this planet who does not have faults, weaknesses and fears. I laugh at how many parents lament that their young children crawl into their beds at night. They are afraid of the dark. Many adults at weak moments, admit that they hate the dark. Kids honestly up front will admit it and jump in with mom and dad. Adults at times turn on their lights, get a dog or an alarm system or move in with someone. The most information on this subject that one usually gets from an adult is, " I don't care for or like the dark. I keep my night light on."

Letting go of our inner battle of pride and courage is the first step in finding serenity. Kids that made fun of us because we couldn't climb the ladder or jump as far or skip or run or play games well don't matter to us anymore. It only matters if we let it matter. Those that couldn't jump perhaps are the people discovering the games of tomorrow. Those that couldn't play games are the ones organizing groups for collaboration to find answers to world questions. It doesn't mean those that can jump or play games are not world leaders it just means it makes no difference.

At any point in time there are those ready and able to help and make an impact in our lives. The authority figures change according to the circumstances. The gift one has may not be noticed even by the person who owns it. I view it like this. Whenever one is capable of coming to the aid of another individual in any manner and degree then you have done well and made a difference in the world. There is a kindness going around rather than a hidden fearful agenda.We would definitely have more time for other things if we just stopped contemplating how we are perceived.

The next time we think about how busy our schedule is we should remember that other people are busy thinking about their schedules. Let go of pride and ego and embrace the real you with faults and awesome abilities too numerous to count. Stop judging them if you do judge, and perhaps they will return the favor.

"Don't let insecurity push away the person God sent to you." Anonymous

Ego is the only requirement to destroy any relationship so be a bigger person. Skip the "E" and let it go." Anonymous

"Relationship never dies a natural death... They are murdered by EGO, ATTITUDE and IGNORANCE." Anonymous

"Stop being offended. Let go of the need to win. Let go of the need to be right. Let go of the need to be superior. Let go of the need to have more. Let go of identifying yourself by your achievements. Let go of your reputation." Sue Fitzmoris

2nd pic for presentation"It is often easier to become outraged by injustice
half a world away than by oppression and discrimination half a block from home."
Carl T. Rowan

"He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty, he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself." Thomas Paine

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform." Theodore H. White

"You don't have the power to make life "fair," but you do have the power to make life joyful."    Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I recently heard someone discussing  oppression and they became quite animated as they discussed their viewpoints. I  considered this topic in light of the world. All countries have their own ways of cruelty and tyranny. I was amazed at the other terms covering the meaning of oppression. Subjugation and persecution also fall into this category. Likely most of us might say we don't persecute anyone nor subjugate any person.

Although on the surface this is likely true, somehow it gnawed at me to consider this a bit deeper. I focused on the word harassment because it also  falls under the term of oppression. Now that is a controversial thought because just about all of us have harassed someone to some degree. Perhaps we have done it with words or actions or both. When we are angry with someone we tend to minimize what they have to say or ridicule them in front of others. Anyone who is not a quick thinker nor fast on their feet is fair game for an onslaught.

We likely don't consider this cruel and we excuse ourselves of blame. After all if their opinions are any good then they can offer them just as we did. Again we are not considering that we might have come to the occasion prepared for battle while they came and were innocently ambushed. I can understand that many times when we are hurt we let it fester inside of us for awhile  until we get the opportunity and immediately seize it.

Previously I would never have considered this cruel but I appreciate that it is possibly falling under persecuting another individual. Harassment is seen throughout society. People who want their own way in anything or everything simple become tyrannical in their manner. Husbands and wives may play this role when it suits them, in order to have their own way. Kids at times coerce their parents into obliging them against the parent's better judgement. Coercion is another form of persecution and oppression.

I honestly see this now as dominance in negative ways in order to achieve our own desires. Parents may continually subjugate their kids with fear. Threats of physical punishment send a clear and powerful message. Intimidations in the form of scare tactics and emotional threats also work even better on innocent children. Perhaps we don't consider this so much when we are under so much pressure ourselves and anxious to just get through the day.

Bullies are those who harass, intimidate and oppress others. Any person or chld who is afraid to speak their mind is being bullied. Swaying others to think or act the way we want through the demand of threats is another form of oppression which is called domination. In the animal kingdom the strongest fastest and smartest animal rules the rest of the group. In the human kingdom we pride ourselves at being above all of that. We choose to rule for the betterment of all. We respect the young and the old and allow everyone to have a say. On the surface  this sounds awesome but if we don't really abide by these rules then perhaps we are kidding ourselves.

I suppose it was my searching for the definitions of the words for persecution and oppression that led to my surprise at the rest of the meanings which we ignore myself included. Coercion is another that falls into the category and it is nasty to think we pressure others to bend their ideas. Some of these others are the young, old and helpless.  Of course any person forced into a subjugation of any kind is at the mercy of another more dominant individual.

I am reminded of instances at work when we voted for simple things like what we might want in our tiny cafeteria. Those with the power decided and those without control obliged them.  I never considered this as subjugation but perhaps it was. Few were asked for input on the matter. It goes far back to our childhood days of demand and receive. If we never grow out of that pattern we continue believing we deserve to have what we want at the expense of others.

I don't think the people who have dominion over us are necessarily cruel. I  am sure that most are not even aware of their oppression. Perhaps they never meant to  be so controlling and basically perform like a bully who can't be stopped. Fear  anxiety and stress are cruel ways to deal with others and teach respect. That kind of respect is not respect but harassment which leads to domination. Love needs to be a part of  respect.

I venture to say from my own experience that when another person shows no respect for me, it diminishes my respect for myself. That should not be the case but the truth is it does impress on self-esteem. I would encourage others to cultivate their own respect for themselves and keep it strong and untouched by the insults and bullying surrounding them. I would also hope that as much as we want and deserve respect we are willing to bestow it on others. Then we would have no need to oppress anyone.

Most of us have a lot of  respect for those we admire.  It is important to have respect for those we don't admire. Respect has nothing to do with liking someone but everything to do  we cherishing another's rights to live peacefully. By not confusing respect and like we can learn how to respond to others who appear in all degrees of loving and liking.

"Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience." George Washington

"People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong...Why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom?"    Thich Nhat Hanh

"You don't have the power to make life "fair," but you do have the power to make life joyful."    Jonathan lockwood Huie

"When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness."    Joseph Campbell

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