Skip to content

Have you ever noticed that when you have a sense of confidence and self-worth your sense of self is enhanced and you feel and see things more deeply? It feels like you can conquer the world.

Young people, especially children, leap from all kinds of heights having faith in their ability to do the impossible and land on their feet. Many times they are successful as adults look on in astonishment and thankfulness that they didn’t break any bones in their efforts.

What is it that makes children overflow with confidence in their ability to do whatever it is they imagine? When did we replace our confidence with insecurity? How do we get back our confidence as we age through life and living?

Those Days of Insecurity

When we are sad it feels like we don’t know which way to go or what to do. The lost feeling creeps in and we begin to question every decision we make. Not only that, but we doubt so many of our past decisions that we think contaminate every area of our lives.

Most of our decisions are final and there is no going back. We question our choice of a life partner because they don’t live up to our expectations. We expected to gain a supporter and cheerleader along with a shoulder to cry on, but that didn’t happen. We receive a lot less than that and wonder how our life may have been different.

The Truth About Choices and Living

Our desire for children and excitement gets lost in the insurmountable days and nights of giving without receiving. What were we thinking?

Our job was supposed to be exciting but got boring in a few short years. We don’t like the boss very much and would like to change jobs. The fearful thought of a job change, with a spouse and children to think about, makes it difficult to do. Will we jump from the frying pan and into the fire as our ancestors used to say?

We stress but hold back on making a decision. Were we the child who made the leap first and worried about the broken bone later? Nobody tells you about responsibility and the cost not only of living but also of loving.

Our children can be monsters and our spouse – annoying. We are unsure, sometimes, if we should retreat or stay the course, but we care about them and love them despite their flaws. Do they see our flaws?

Evolved Person

We were the free-spirited child who made the leap of faith but are now the dependable mom, dad, co-worker, friend or grandparent. What happened to that daring child? We are the same child, but life has, hopefully, taught us to be kind, compassionate, loving and mindful beyond ourselves.

If we try to live life with these attributes in mind, we become a bit confused because they sometimes go against our desire to set ourselves free of responsibility, duty and even love. It actually takes that carefree spirit to encourage us to see another person and not just ourselves.

That is what makes us take the leap of faith towards something that may hurt us but is worth our time and effort. It is harder to take care of children with love and tenderness than it is to simply walk away, and let someone else do the job.

It is harder to stay with a relationship of any kind and work it through than it is to just give up and stop trying. No one likes to apologize and admit they messed up. When that happens, one person must apologize–which is not easy, but the other person must be strong enough to forgive. Only the strong make those kinds of leaps.

Doubts about Our Lives

Having doubts about life is part of living. We want perfection and think we can get it with our choices. If we are let down by a choice we made, we believe a different choice might have made things better.

This is kidding us because every part of life is a mixture of blessings and work. If you don’t expect perfection from choices, you won’t ever be disappointed.

The choice we make is the childhood leap of faith that we will gain much more than the cost of the leap or choice. As a child, the fall is worth the attempt. There are always costs to living, so have faith that living a life not only for self is worth the cost.

Learn to Be Mindful

We leap as kids to spread our wings and choose freedom to pick and dare. As adults, we must make the choice of letting ourselves live and love even when it hurts. What we get is worth our time and effort. Life lets us in on secrets as we mature. That should make us appreciate our lives at any age.

There are new people and new things to discover and to do all around us. We realize that money and things don’t make us happy or bring us peace as much as people and nature.

When we age and gain more time to use as we please, it is a blessing to be able to see, hear, sense smell and feel the world and people in it. We are not too busy working for money. We can now work for the love of life. People, animals, plants and nature need us to pay attention to them.

Forget About Regrets

There are no regrets unless you owe apologies. If you do, then reach out to the people you want to apologize to. It makes no difference if they are receptive or not. This is your life and understanding. You owe the apology, and they owe the forgiveness.

It is difficult to understand which weight is heavier. We are all up to the task of performing either gesture with grace. If it is too late to apologize to the person, a silent prayer within our hearts works.

I don’t believe we are judged for our bad acts but for our lack of not seeing or ignoring what life offers us. The lessons come through our living with mindfulness or thinking of others as much or more than we think of ourselves. We can’t ignore a need of anything or anyone if we can provide the answer or aid.

Live at Any Age

We can live our lives at any age with constant leaps of faith, trusting that we have made the right choice. We are never too old to have a purpose. We are living human beings with so much love to give, and love is what is lacking in our world today.

Children need love and some don’t get it. Older people can offer to read to kids or rock babies or visit the sick elderly or poor and offer advice or simple human contact.

Some people need a friend or advice, or even a job. High school kids can shovel, clean yards or babysit. Churches need help with people confined to homes or others who need food or clothing or temporary shelter.

Animals need homes and love. Sometimes, what seems like a “give” to us is a gift for others. Life has meaning, and every moment has the potential for a person to make a positive difference in our world.

Trust in those words and make the leap to come to the support of others in any area you can and in any way that you can. Your wisdom is priceless, your time unmeasurable, and your kindness ripples throughout time.

Overcoming Obstacles

A person I knew, who was diabetic, had a heart condition and other problems and was confined to her home and unable to work or walk. Her life consisted of weekly trips to the hospital.

She would tell me about her talks with the medical people and how she made them laugh with her jokes. If they messed up her tubing or anything else, it became a joke. She wondered why she was still alive because she considered herself useless.

I now understand that watching her smile and joke amid such endurance of her pain made other peoples’ complaints about simple annoyances seem trivial. She taught us to be stronger and jump over the obstacles knowing everything is as it should be.

She had faith in life at any age. She always made a huge impact on other people and unknowingly brought love and grace into her own heart. She had the confidence to leap with faith even when her legs did not move, and she landed gracefully every time.

You are never too old to make a difference in the lives of others. Take back your confidence and look around because the world needs you – especially when they don’t even know it.

Do you want to understand your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law then read my new book “THE PRINCESS AND THE QUEEN”. It is a unique book with universal appeal for all women. The book uncovers the secrets of the relationship. It spans two generations and will bring comfort and insight long after the wedding is over. Brides, mothers-in-law and bridal party as well as people marred many years will discover ways to improve their relationship.

I began it as a daughter-in-law and finished it as a mother-in-law. There are over twenty stories about real women who shared their stories with me. I surveyed and/or interviewed hundreds of women for many years and wrote my book based on these findings. It is never too late to improve this relationship! Please contact me at my e-mail below if you are interested.

2 Books in 1 about the Hidden Secrets

In the Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law Relationship

The Princess and The Queen by Pamela Reynolds

is now published by Blooming Twig Books

 

It is available on Amazon.com.

This double-sided book (one half for the mother-in-law the other half for the daughter-in-law) answers these questions:

  • Do you know what your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law  thinks?
  • How our individualities, environments and life changes affect the relationship.
  • Ideas and techniques to keep the relationship on track.
  • Learn how to solve problems before they appear or increase.
  • You can do a makeover of an existing poor relationship.
  • Uncover the words and actions that improve the relationship.
  • Learn how you manage the interference and changes in a positive way.

This book helps create a happy atmosphere for both the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

  • The book promotes relationship harmony for all women.
  • When the daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law communicate the families are happy.
  • The content stories and reflections from the book promote a positive relationship.
  • Real women discuss their stories.
  • I began the book as a daughter-in-law and finished it as a mother-in-law. It spans two generations of meaningful research.

Contemplating marriage or married any number of years, this book, The Princess and The Queen, entertains enlightens and is a great Wedding or Shower gift.

 

As we grow and mature – mentally, physically and spiritually – we evolve into a unique individual. We want to grow up quickly and become an adult as fast as we can. Adulthood is scary but full of wonder and experiences. Everything is new and exciting.

Most of the changes are encouraging and we enjoy the exploration, intensity and newness.

Life is far from boring and we look forward to the next adventure. We ignore any problems that come with change and delight in the new adventures and challenges. Boring is the depressing word we use to encourage ourselves to move on and embrace something different.

Maturity and Middle Age Bring Their Own Challenges

As we age, we discover our stamina drains faster and we realize our need to take care of self. We slow up a bit and reflect on the activities we choose. Thinking about limitations is not something most of us consider. We are healthy and strong and our vitality is secure. Once in a while we encounter a back ache or leg pain but we don’t let it stop us from enjoying life.

We hold down a job, contribute to society and enjoy whatever titles are bestowed upon us. We define who we are by the job titles we receive. We have a sense of purpose and people who depend on us. The world acknowledges our contributions and our sense of purpose is secure. Visits to doctors may increase but we mechanically go, accept prescriptions and attempt to follow the doctor’s advice.

The Age of Retirement

Retirement looms with a huge amount of confusion, anxiety and happiness. Most people look forward to having the free time while others fear the sense of loss and lack of purpose. People who have worked in their careers for a very long time have a right to fear the unknown place of being a retired person.

We feel empowered when we can talk about our job and reply we are nurses, teachers, engineers, city workers, construction workers and more when asked about what we do for a living. Now we hate the question and our response.

We deserve to enjoy retirement yet feel embarrassed to state our current position in life. We may even feel that we have left a job that has become meaningless as well as monotonous but it may not be easy to admit this. We wanted to retire despite the stress of where it would lead us.

How to Enjoy Retirement

We may flounder a bit and have the need to get our bearings before we stand up to the new experience. I remember feeling the loss of my identity and purpose upon retirement. If we believe we have no purpose to life and living, we should think again.

Retirement means you have switched jobs and you steer in a new direction with a renewed sense of purpose that only you can fulfill. It takes time to appreciate the new path but it is filled with everything exciting and new, just as it was in our growing years. We don’t have to fear transformations.

We are just evolving into an even better version of self. We now have the time to embrace those things we never made the time to see or do. It is exciting to be able to pick and choose what one would like to experience.

Life Always Has a Purpose

We are still the person who laughs at silly jokes, smiles at strangers or offers others a quick helping hand. How do we know how much our simple forms of words and actions help another on any given day or time?

Those who are busy working or raising families may not have the time to leisurely give a hello to a neighbor or call on a friend. Nobody reflects on how important those small acts of kindness are in making the world a better place.

I remember an older retired woman in my own neighborhood who offered an open door for my children if I got home late from work and missed their school bus. It gave me such relief that she was on duty to be my backup.

Another elderly woman commented that a neighbor was washing the woman’s sheets every week because she didn’t have a washing machine and had to go to the launderette. They became great friends and the woman with the washer got to meet new people. An older man shoveled a women’s driveway and she rewarded him with baked cookies every time.

Share Your Gifts with Others

There are as many jobs to perform as we are willing to do. There is as much to learn as we are willing to observe and as many people in need of love as we are willing to give love to. Our personal self is alive and well within us.

We are capable no matter what condition we deal with. There are young people who have health issues and older people who are fit and strong. Our life as a retired person allows us to see the world even from our windows and enjoy the new in every situation we encounter.

Age Is Only a Number

Age really is only a number. Health issues arrive at any time and emotional issues must be cleared time and again throughout our lives. We don’t have to keep focusing on the negatives in our lives but rather, embrace the positive.

There are negatives at any age and as we age we forget about the problems we encountered at a younger age. Older does not mean life stops. The same world is visible to all of us and most options are available with some tweaking when necessary. We don’t want to excuse ourselves from life due to false beliefs. We are never too old to learn something new and curiosity is always part of our nature.

Plan adventures and if you have to change them a little, just do it and continue. Remember – there were perhaps many changes made with young children. Life is not a competition but a beautiful ride through adventures that foster learning,  encourage peace and endow us with love for everyone and everything we take notice of in the world.

Being retired means you now have the chance to take your time as you venture forward in your many journeys throughout the world and opportunities for making new friends. One cannot underestimate the new knowledge we gain in our new found freedom.

 

Do you want to understand your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law then read my new book “THE PRINCESS AND THE QUEEN”. It is unique with universal appeal for women. The book uncovers the secrets of the relationship. It spans two generations and brings comfort and insight long after the wedding. Brides, mothers-in-law and bridal party as well as people marred many years will discover ways to improve their relationship. I began it as a daughter-in-law and finished it as a mother-in-law. There are over twenty stories about real women who shared their stories with me. I surveyed and interviewed hundreds of women for many years and wrote my book based on these findings. It is never too late to improve this relationship!

2 Books in 1 about the Hidden Secrets in the relationship
The Princess and The Queen by Pamela Reynolds
Published by Blooming Twig Books available on Amazon.com.

This double-sided book (one half for the mother-in-law
The other half for the daughter-in-law) answers these questions:
• Do you want to know what your mil/dil thinks?
• How personality, environment and living affect the relationship.
• Ideas and techniques to keep the relationship healthy.
• Learn how to solve problems before they appear or increase.
• You can makeover an existing poor relationship.
• Uncover the words and actions that improve the relationship.
• Learn how to manage interference and changes in a positive way.
• Create relationship harmony.
• When the daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law communicate families are happy.
• The content stories and reflections promote a positive relationship.
• Real women share their stories.
• I began the book as a daughter-in-law and finished it as a mother-in-law spanning two generations.

 

1

Are you trying to improve your relationship with your daughter-in-law? Do you want to create a better understanding and reduce tension? If these are a few of the questions that frequently enter your mind, then read on for some answers.

Mothers Are Always Mothers

I’d like to attempt to answer the question about why there is tension within the relationship. Mothers are always mothers, even when they become grandmothers. When our son marries, we often feel relegated to the back seat, second place and total background of his life. The sad truth is that this is the way life unfolds and it is a natural, necessary process. We cannot change this and must accept it.

The good part is our son will always have a place in his heart for us and he will always love us. If we accept his love, no matter how it filters our way, then we are not going to be as bothered with the changes.  

Change is a Huge Issue

At a time when our children are getting married, we are going through menopause. We are experiencing the empty nest syndrome, and the reality of retirement. We deal with illnesses we have acquired along our life’s path. The frosting on the cake may be our feelings of loss.

Transformation is difficult. However, life is not over and when we get through the thickets we see relief and a new existence unfolds. Like the butterfly, we must peel off the cocoon to make life alterations. We fear this because even new changes are difficult to cope with. We are comfortable within our current existence and don’t want to move forward, although we realize changes happen throughout our lives and are at the core of our existence.

I remember being at one son’s apartment helping him hang up curtains one week and within a short time, I was told to call before coming over. It is a part of life’s alterations even if I or others don’t like it.

Start the Relationship with Your Daughter-in-Law Early

Trouble begins at the start of a son’s relationship if a mother does not recognize the potential girlfriend as a possible future wife and daughter-in-law. Even if you have gotten off on a bad start to the relationship, it is still possible to rekindle it and evolve the bond into a happy relationship.

As difficult as letting go can be, a problematic relationship with your daughter-in-law is painful and full of stress and anxiety. I choose peace.

Respect the Boundaries

Mothers-in-law have a new playing field. They need to refrain from disregarding boundaries, respect rules – even if they don’t agree with them and think they are ridiculous. Your son loves this person. She is now his family. Stepping back a bit and recognizing the importance of his union and the onward cycle of life is crucial.

Mothers give their children strong roots of stability and growth. No one should cut those roots nor break them down. Daughters-in-law give their husbands wings to fly to new places and experience new beginnings and life itself. We do not clip the wings. How fortunate is the man-in-the-middle who is able to keep and nurture both wings and roots.

I have been studying this relationship for over 20 years and have found some things to be true. My surveys and investigations span two generations. I began my books as a daughter-in-law and finished them as a mother-in-law. It allowed me to discover both points of view, not only through my mind but through my heart.

animals

Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” C.G. Jung

“We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy’s fabled beggar who spent his life sitting on a pot of gold, under him the whole time. Your treasure–your perfection–is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the buy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.” Elizabeth Gilbert

“The most introspective of souls are often those that have been hurt the most.” Shannon L. Alder

How important it is to be more introspective before we say and do those simple things that wound others so deeply. I can’t count the number of times I feel like some of the things I am doing are so trivial and unimportant. I actually  think I am wasting my time by stopping to chat with another person for a few minutes. Now it is clearer to me that most if not all of those inconsequential happenings are some major life events.

I suppose this sounds trite and sort of ridiculous I guess.  I am trying to be introspective  because I realize the importance  of those trivial days filled with conversations and encounters. I do not have the time to think more about them with my busy schedule yet they hold more meaning and consequence than I can believe. I remember how awesome I feel when I speak to some of my neighbors who fill me with cheer with just their smiles. ...continue reading "The Introspective Habit"

It is easy to hurt another person with our simple exchange of talks or actions. Clearly it explains how relevant those words and actions actually are. I hear from numerous people about the rudeness of others whether it is the clerk at a store, a co-worker, friend or relative. The hurt is genuine. I am too stunned at first to offer a reply and by the time I think of something the opportunity escapes me. Of course the wound is carried with me for a long time and the frustration of not having  retaliated and defended myself lasts a long time.

Worrying about the many jobs and plans I have for each day leaves me little time to be introspective. I have to accomplish so much and I don’t have time to breathe never mind rethink what I am going to say or do. I can’t take the time to think before I speak. Who does that? It is more honest to speak your mind and state the facts I tell myself. If someone can’t take the honesty then isn’t it their  issue not my issue? Am I responsible for the world’s  feelings? Is it my fault if some people  are thin skinned? Shouldn’t they toughen up?

Actually the world has toughened up and allows the mental processes and physical processes to overtake any emotional concerns. I review my own encounters and wonder if we are going down the wrong path. Although it is important to get our work completed and make money to provide for the family, I believe it is more important to remember to take care of the emotional needs of children and adults.  By neglecting to do this we place more and more people into emotional states of emergency.

Now it seems like I am overreacting or sympathizing with the weaker members of society who must toughen up. I need more introspection on this for sure. If our choice is to wipe away empathy sympathy and compassion for others we  suffer the consequences. If one falls on the universal treadmill they will be stepped on walked over or tripped over. Many people step along without any offers of help. We can justify our actions because we have too many things to do.  should they have known better right? We do not take off the outer shell that surrounds us.

God help the kids who don’t fit in or conform to the norms of the society. They are ignored or tossed away. Honestly  we put little stock in the daily happenings of our world. Child abuse spousal abuse and drug abuse is on the rise. More people commit crimes of physical abuse.  There are so many disputes between people that  it gives rise to or egos. Every exchange we have with another person becomes an issue of winning or losing so we fight.

Our egos outmatch our hearts in every manner. As the ego gets bigger, the heart grows smaller.  If we are a bit introspective we discover that crushing another in a physical or verbal manner does not always make us the winner. We are full of anger and hate. It overflows and at any moment we attack  and it is not always justified.

There is perhaps more time spent on winning battles about who is right or wrong than spent on getting along and finding peace. If our child comes home from school and complains about a bullying issue we send them back to school in fight mode. Do we attempt to explain the right and wrong of the problem which takes more time? Introspection is required here unless we want the shorter route of time and then encourage our kids to fight back.

Now I am seeing why those simple little meaningless acts of care and concern are not so simple. They are holding the world in their hands. Whether or not the world is dropped depends on the words and exploits we exhibit. Doesn’t it appear to be important to use some introspection once in awhile or every day? If people reach the end of their rope when dealing with minor issues then why is it not plausible to see the world doing the same thing?

Becoming  more introspective enhances our intuitive knowledge by teaching us how to be more compassionate, empathetic and mindful of all people. The simple thoughtful conversations and manners that generate from that attitude bring more enlightenment to the world than all the plans of the greatest of people. Introspection, kindness and love take care of more problems without the need of experiencing guilt or the need to forgive. Introspection also leads to a slowing down of our expectations and an enhancement  of our patience.

“The inertia of the mind urges it to slide down the easy slope of imagination, rather than to climb the steep slope of introspection.” Marcel Proust

“If the whole universe can be found in our own body and mind, this is where we need to make our inquires. We all have the answers within ourselves, we just have not got in touch with them yet. The potential of finding the truth within requires faith in ourselves.” Ayya Khema

“Judgmental heart has lack of introspection.” Toba Beta

“God whispered, “You endured a lot. For that I am truly sorry, but grateful. I needed you to struggle to help so many. Through that process you would grow into who you have now become. Didn’t you know that I gave all my struggles to my favorite children? One only needs to look at the struggles given to your older brother Jesus to know how important you have been to me.” Shannon L. ALder

understand-the-defensive-egos“Be careful not to mistake insecurity and inadequacy for humility! Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate! Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!” Joy Bell C.

“There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. It is a fact that we all must face. However, if you realize that God is a best friend that stands beside you when others cast stones you will never be afraid, never feel worthless and never feel alone.”    Shannon L. Alder

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.”    Shannon L. Alder

Have you ever had a disagreement with a friend and felt  the defensive egos rising to the  surface? We fault the other person for the majority of the encounter? I have a sense that all of us like to believe we bear the lesser of the blame. Our minds can twist and turn any words said or gesture so that it fits the scenario we perceive as the truth. They spoke unkind words and gave no care for our feelings. They deserve our retaliation because they started it. I am so guilty of this myself but recently for some strange reason I began to rethink an incident and realized that they did say the words I accused them of saying but I recalled their face gestures. I remembered the softness of their face as well as the quietness of their voice. They had not actually been ranting at me nor accusing me just stating what they perceived as the truth. I was the one who was upset and unwilling to give in because of the words spoken even if those words were not in malice.

What I took from the encounter was the fact that it was my own insecurity that made me feel vulnerable and under attack. I lacked the confidence to state my position in a clear manner instead of lashing out negatives. It made me think about other times and situations in which arguments got a little tense or even heated from either side misinterpreting what the words or disagreement was all about. There was obviously an underlying issue which neither party was aware of. How strange this seemed to be. ...continue reading "Understand The Defensive Egos"

I wondered if all arguments were meshed within deeper anxieties and resentments. It also made me comprehend how fragile we all are especially when it comes to our egos. As much as we defend the fact that we don’t have big egos, without a doubt we have fragile ones. Is that just as worrisome? I believe it is. Big egos make huge crashes. Small egos make constant mini crashes. It is something worth pondering. It makes one realize that perhaps a healthy ego that has confidence in itself will not be full of a guarded sense of defending itself.

I trust that a healthy ego is important because it has to do with respecting one’s self which I consider to be relevant. It is only an unhealthy idea of ego that brings about the crash landings in one form or another. I have crashed landed myself and of course had to go back for the apologies. Neither in cases like these we can never be sure the incident is actually forgiven nor if it will be forgotten. I suppose it depends on who and what happened and how secure the forgiver is. Knowing self and having a sense of others brings enlightenment along with a generous heart for forgiveness.

Discussing why a fight or argument gets out of control has more to do with our frail egos than what the subject matter is. When it is over we tend to forget what the discussion was about but remember the crude or hurtful remarks more. Being called names means nothing. Just because someone says we are stupid, a bigot, fool, jerk or other unmentionable words does not change us in any way. We are still who we are no less. The problem can become an issue when we allow it to thrive by perseverating on it for days. It is a waste of time. It might even be better to think about why the comments that were made brought us such anger and pain. That is the true problem.

We are not old fat ugly or any other negative connotation unless we keep that word in our hearts. We live with ourselves so it is important to recall how we see ourselves. If it is in a negative manner then that is the dilemma we must overcome. Tell yourself every day how good you are and how much you do or can give to the world. Every person counts has importance deserves respect and adds to the movement of humanity as a whole. Don’t take affronts as insults because they are most times not meant to be interpreted that way.

You might offer help to one person who perceives this as your acknowledgement of their inability to do the job. To another person it is extremely appreciated because they desired the support. You can’t always be sure so offer it to all and let the negativity slide. The truth hurts most times but those who ask for it or need it will come to realize one day that it was important to have received it. Kids are a prime example. Many times the rules enforced by parents appear to be harsh. It is only when they are grown that they can perceive the truth. Parents therefore must be strong in their teachings regardless of the complaints of their children.

Once one understands that the anger and insults are primarily frustration and insecurity on the other side, one can see through this and tone down a possible quarrel. As much as we all talk and enjoy talking we leave the majority of our truths hidden along with our sensitivity. It makes it difficult for everyone to wade through the waters of life and living. What works for one person does not work for another. The person yelling at another also has feelings which are obvious. The person remaining quiet is manifesting all their ability on maintaining their sensitivity in avoiding a battle. Hopefully in the end we all learn to get along, excuse an outburst of anger and accept each other on a higher level of tranquility.

“I am convinced that the jealous, the angry, the bitter and the egotistical are the first to race to the top of mountains. A confident person enjoys the journey, the people they meet along the way and sees life not as a competition. They reach the summit last because they know God isn’t at the top waiting for them. He is down below helping his followers to understand that the view is glorious where ever you stand.”    Shannon L. Alder

“A man’s spirit is free, but his pride binds him with chains of suffocation in a prison of his own insecurities”    Jeremy Aldana

“The older you get, the more you understand how your conscience works. The biggest and only critic lives in your perception of people’s perception of you rather than people’s perception of you.”      Criss Jam

“When you look at the past without God’s eyes, you subject yourself to deception. The past no longer exists and God doesn’t linger there. However, Satan will show you whatever you want to see and believe, so you will be trapped in an emotion that cannot communicate truth, beyond what you want to remember.”    Shannon L. Alder

“True confidence is not about what you take from someone to restore yourself, but what you give back to your critics because they need it more than you do.”   Shannon L. Alder

e2qG9e2aVF_1400538757449"if we tell them the brain is an app maybe they will use it." Anonymous

“So far, about morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after “Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.”
Leo Tolstoy

“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.” Augustine of Hippo

Focusing more on what is honest mindful  and right about our lives and behavior sends what is dishonest immoral and wrong in our lives fleeing in despair. I know  we should focus on the good but are we pretending there is no bad in our midst? Is the fear of offending anyone keeping us from truth and reality? I can't help but wonder that in all of our thoughts regarding freedom and democracy we  have lost the spirit of honesty, mindfulness, and conscience. We  all want to belong so much we have given up our right to see any problems in our speech behavior or attitude towards others. There is no amount of rules truths or guidelines that we do not bend in order to fit in or ease our conscience in some way. Whatever we do we can find a reason or excuse for our actions and free ourselves from blame and guilt.

How is it  we don't see what is in front of our eyes. The brain washing needs to end and we need to stand up for what is of value to our souls and spirit. We are melting into one huge blob of unthinking creatures and should break  away from the brainwashing and wake up to the reality of truth. Are we content to let the family structure dissolve? Is it beneficial to promote the hero as someone who can defeat and crush everyone else? Is control power and strength what we really want or need?

The path we are on focuses on speaking up to others in a belligerent way. It is praiseworthy to knock others down or get revenge. We have leaned how to be the bully in every area of our lives and laugh at the losers who are "Left in our dust". Have we really won? Have we asked what we have won? I see this as mindless thought and actions. It hurts people riles them up to get revenge and hurt back. The end I guess is when the last few of us are left standing. What a dreary world to look forward to. ...continue reading "Right And Wrong"

I was thinking recently and it led to my thoughts of right and wrong and positive and negative actions. We have the freedom to think and act and speak the way we want regardless of the pain of the words. We can dress and be rude to others at will. We can step on others in order to get what we want while disregarding the cries of others. We are losing our humanness in place of power. Money fame and control lend power. The ones wielding the power can manipulate us bend us coerce us or sell us a fairy tale in order to gain and use our trust.

We see and hear bad language, immoral movies, crude dressing on young innocent kids that the surprise or shock factor is gone. We wonder at the crimes committed  yet we don't look to ourselves and the world we are creating. It is time to  wake up smell the coffee and consider our spiritual self and where it is at. If one wants to fill their minds and brains with gruesome thoughts of all kinds then see it filter throughout society. What we are thinking of is what will be created. It is only a matter of time before killing will be accepted if the person doing it had a "GOOD REASON" to do it, such as revenge. Where is our moral  compass?

We have stopped attempting to lift people  up but instead have chosen to crush them into the ground. We are all vulnerable. I'm not sending out gloom and doom but truth and reality. Just watch television or read the paper or listen to the number of people or children killed all over the country. Does this bother us because I think it should. It is progressively worse and I feel like we are on a one way train towards a cliff. Enough of us have to get off and stop the train before we all crash.

everyone dies there is no escape and we all accept this. We don't take anything with us except our spirit and or soul. Have we considered in what shape it is in? Have we filled our minds with honesty mindfulness and empathy for self and others? Have we stopped to think of others or excused ourselves of blame? At our death will we be absolved of our wrongdoing? Have we thought of any of it as wrong, immoral or offensive? I feel that it is a crucial time to start recalling what is good and pure in our lives. It is time to defend honesty and stop compromising our values in order to fit in with untruths and unworthy living. There is something to be scared of. It is called the lies and perversions present in our society. Covering it up like it doesn't exist is likely the worse thing to do.  Just like the catholic church covered up child abuse with the false belief it was for the benefit of the church, people and humanity. I ask who's betterment. Truth is never a mistake. It cleanses things.

If you think something is wrong perhaps  you are right. If you  feel uncomfortable about something then maybe you should not do it. If you are  tempted when in the presence of some people or places or things perhaps you should avoid it. Wake up and stop pretending you were lulled into something wrong becaiuse it is at that moment you are being lulled into believing you had no  choice. You always have a choice and it's better to admit wrong and ask for forgiveness than to lie even to self and add to wrongdoings.

“The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.” Confucius

“Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are.”    Jose Ortega y Gasset

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Jiddu Krishnamurti

“The first principle of value that we need to rediscover is this: that all reality hinges on moral foundations. In other words, that this is a moral universe, and that there are moral laws of the universe just as abiding as the physical laws."     Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Finding Faith Within“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said. The art of reading between the lines is a life long quest of the wise.” Shannon L. Alder
“Be careful not to mistake insecurity and inadequacy for humility! Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate! Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!”    C. Joy Bell C.
“Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.” Shannon L. Alder
“There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. It is a fact that we all must face. However, if you realize that God is a best friend that stands beside you when others cast stones you will never be afraid, never feel worthless and never feel alone.” Shannon L. Alder

Have you ever noticed how easily someone can knock you off of your game plan and cause you to doubt yourself? All they need to do is plant those little seeds of doubt or give the quick retort that leaves you questioning what they meant for days. We all fall prey to these people who come in the form of friends, family co-workers and unfriendly ties.

Adding to this problem is when we jump in feet first to help someone who really needs it only to be shot down with a look, or words of anger. It is without any doubt hurtful and we can only wonder why they refused  our help which I repeat, they needed. I for one begin questioning why they must dislike or even hate me. They can accept the lift from someone else but not me. It renders me quiet  with so many questions about doubt. Of course I always blame myself and my inadequacies.

I realize that sometimes we want to do our own thing and simply be left alone. On the other hand why is it certain people are disliked for the good they try to do. I feel like there is a conspiracy to get the "Helpers" to stop helping those in need. No wonder we pass by the helpless on the streets. We are trained to be impervious to their plight. Have we become such a competitive society that we are nervous about allowing someone else to take the reins for us and give us a  break?

I can't figure it out. I suppose some people believe it belittles them to exhibit any inferiority. They must be in control or only let the ones they trust help out. Of course that means they don't trust us. Is it our attitude or are we disliked more for our virtues than for our faults? Seriously though one is less willing to offer assistance to another due to the rebuke. Now we might have a person believing we are not mindful because we did nothing to help out. We doubt our ability to  be f assistance.

Many  spend volunteer time working at churches, or town activities without any thanks. they do it because they enjoy helping people. However as I reflect further I am saddened that so many volunteers  complained about finding so much indifference that they did not even receive a hello. those working freely for the common good toss their indifference aside and willingly support those who need help. They are not looking for thanks or honors but it would be terrible if they get burnt out and walk away. It is awesome that many people are not gaining material worth but act out of kindness for humanity and that is enough. We understand that indifference rules our actions towards each other but every time  we act with mindfulness we turn the tides towards concern for others.

I suppose we worry about getting involved and having others judge us or peg us onto certain lists. As hard as we attempt to remain neutral there are those moments that erupt and cause us to defy our neutrality and stand for something. As Benjamin Franklin declared "You have enemies? That's good it means you stood up for something." We have gotten too complacent and comfortable in our ways. Life becomes a selfish existence as we are solely interested in our own comforts and pleasures. The needs of others are so far down on our list that most days  we don't consider anyone else.

Mindful is not a word commonly used in our daily speech, yet if it became everyone's way of living would send us all on a higher path. More love would be spread and less pain would surround us. Indifference would be the new ignored word. How awesome that would be.

I know we don't foster indifference but neither do we pack it up and send it away. A beautiful world of love and happiness can become a reality if we allow compassion into our minds and hearts. Once we begin thinking about others we begin feeling good about ourselves. It is a feeling that you can't really describe. That is why so many of those people who help others continue to do it even though they receive no thanks or any kind of reinforcement. The light is felt within and the sense of supporting humanity gets stronger.

If we could do one small act for another every single day we would understand the importance of that  action and be inclined to do more. If I need help I don't want the person who exhibits indifference daily. I want the mindful person who will notice my need and hear my cry and then come to my assistance. We can't say we are too busy, have too much work, need a break, need to do something for ourselves, or want a vacation from work. We can very easily respond with a yes I am here for you.

“The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize."    Robert Hughes

“I am convinced that the jealous, the angry, the bitter and the egotistical are the first to race to the top of mountains. A confident person enjoys the journey, the people they meet along the way and sees life not as a competition. They reach the summit last because they know God isn’t at the top waiting for them. He is down below helping his followers to understand that the view is glorious where ever you stand.”
Shannon L. Alder

“A man’s spirit is free, but his pride binds him with chains of suffocation in a prison of his own insecurities”     Jeremy Aldana

Let Go of Pretense“That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretense. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.”    Jim Morrison

“The heart of the world is breaking under this load of pride and pretense. There is no release from our burden apart from the meekness of Christ.”    A.W. Tozer

“Whatever is above will be managed by the powers above you. Don’t live as a man, pretending to be God. Do what you can do; leave what you can’t to God!”    Israelmore Ayivor

Likely we are all tired of being afraid to admit we are scared most of our lives. Presenting ourselves as capable human beings is the norm. Any of us that fall short of the mark simply hide the truth sometimes even from ourselves. Most of our frustrations deadlines jobs and burdens have more to do with how others may perceive us if we fall short of the time restraints.

Our spouses get upset with us when we haven't fulfilled an ongoing project. Our kids want us to do things or fix things or take them places. We  believe we fail as a parent if we haven't brought our children to places to experience this and that. It isn't so much where we find the fault but the fact that we find ourselves lacking most of the time.

Having the boss mention our name quickly at a meeting and then forgetting who we are the next day relates to us the insignificance of unworthy compliments. We might deserve the recognition but we can't believe that because we achieved anything that others believe we are somehow more important than they are. Nothing is further from the truth.

I have seen some people mention that a  person didn't deserve the credit so they were not impressed. My point is that we think a lot about how others see us yet none of us really care. We may feel the person deserves a pat on the back but when we leave the meeting that person is out of our thoughts.

Spouses of all kinds are temperamental. At times a task may be all important for them to see accomplished. Maybe they are having company and want to mention we finished the task. They worry about impressing another and we worry about pleasing them. The trend is that we are all seeking glory for  one moment in time and the glory is costing us lots of emotional pain.

Understanding those times when we are guilty of expecting too much of another is crucial in keeping the relationship strong. If we become unbearable in our demands of course the relationship is jeopardized. Our spouse sees only disappointment when they look into our eyes. That is wearing down the body mind and spirit. How long can any of us take mental stress?  Observing the amount of people who will lie or cheat to make gains is the proof.

We are being controlled by our own ego in its' desire for acceptance and pride. It is not always a bad thing to exhibit some pride in what we say and do but allowing it to  manifest at the will of others is becoming detrimental to our health. Just because the wife wants a task done so that her father will be impressed with her husband's  talent is silly. For the husband to take up the gauntlet to please his wife is also silly if he doesn't have the time to do the task. For a wife to be coerced into cooking a gourmet  dinner for her mother-in-law  to prove she is a  competent wife and cook is  crazy. It may not be the husband or wife pressuring their spouse. Sometimes the challenge might be picked up by the husband or wife simply to prove their worth to their in-law.

If we come close to delivering anything on time we get a sense of relief in having accomplished something. Of course all of the other achievements have been forgotten by us and others. As soon as one task is completed everyone looks towards the next. There really is no end to the tension and pressure.

The old pain of seeing ourselves through the eyes of other people is well established in our world.  That is perhaps why we  worry about what others think feel and see when they observe us. The trouble is that none of us have long memories. We live in a short-term memory world. Why would anyone define who they are by so many unimportant jobs they complete?

The challenges parents place on their shoulders regarding their worth as a parent is unending. Every parent they meet throughout the day is a potential competitor. The parent compares their every act to this other person. No wonder they say "misery loves company." My guess is that is why we like to see others fail because we fail and want to know we are okay especially because we know this other person is okay even thou they failed.

Most of us likely program our kids to compete and meet expectations. Sometimes placing  too much emphasis on achieving sends them  spirally in defeat. The competition begins early. The demands and challenges start early. The worry or fear begins at an early age and doesn't end until we die or decide on our own to stop comparing. When we reach that point our lives relax and serenity enters.

I am not suggesting we give up our tasks or duties. I am suggesting we rethink what we consider essential tasks with their timelines. Perhaps a more lenient view on needs and wants would  be a better consideration. pleasing others or doing jobs to prove our importance only  sends us worry and anxiety. Nobody wants to be under the wire to accomplish more than is feasible without breaking.

Consideration for others and working on tasks in a  reasonable atmosphere is calming. Those outsiders who find fault will forget about us the very next day.  They won't even remember what we didn't complete yet. If we change our attitudes we will discover burdens being lifted from our shoulders. We will have more time and more peace. We will be more accepting of our kids who come in all sizes, shapes and varying attitudes.

We all bear needless worries to prove our worthiness. Many of our jobs may not be necessary or not required to have a time constraint. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Removing all of the adorned and inflated egos makes room for the fresh air. We might even make a truce. I won't pretend to be what I am not if you will do the same. I will be who I am and that makes me special and unique just as you are. Without the tension we all have more time for loving and honest living.

“Character that is fruit-producing can be summed up in the mastery of these 5 qualities: morals, but a sense of humor; love, but respect for criticism; intelligence without pretense; humility without self-loathing; and a mind open, but with solid convictions.”    Criss Jami

“Cowardice is when you hide away from your real self, and wear another self in pretense. Be yourself; that is bravery. If yourself is not better for you to be, change yourself and live in that changed self!”    Israelmore Ayivor

 

4

Get Out Of Your Head“How terribly sad it was that people are made in such a way that they get used to something as extraordinary as living.” Jostein Gaarder

“There are people who are generic. They make generic responses and they expect generic answers. They live inside a box and they think people who don't fit into their box are weird. But I'll tell you what, generic people are the weird people. They are like genetically manipulated plants growing inside a laboratory, like indistinguishable faces, like droids. Like ignorance.” C. JoyBell C.

“I think that we are like stars. Something happens to burst us open; but when we burst open and think we are dying; we’re actually turning into a supernova. And then when we look at ourselves again, we see that we’re suddenly more beautiful than we ever were before!” C. JoyBell C.

I had to take a break from my writing due to family issues that needed my attention. Of course I never stopped observing and learning, even if I stopped writing. I noticed how tense it felt to let go of so many tasks I would normally accomplish when I have total concentration. Instead I sat back, worried and reviewed how far behind I assessed I must be. In reality I was only behind because I saw it that way. In actuality I might be and probably am exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in time.

How many of us believe or even think about why we find ourselves treading water at times or even going backwards at other times? Perhaps we view this as big problems  and ask ourselves why it happened to us. None of us would say "Well I am glad for that set back  because now I have time to review what it is I am doing."

I venture to say none of us enjoy obstacles of any nature and perhaps we question why obstructions had to happen to us. We do move and get beyond what occurred but we build up our anxiety over it, feel frustrated and angry, and basically either take it out on ourselves or those who are close to us. That leaves all of us burdened with issues of all kinds, because we are all dumping our dilemmas on each other constantly.

Suddenly light dawned as I observed a young three-year old messing around with toys. He worked hard to build something which eventually came crashing down. He observed it and then  laughed and proceeded to construct it again. There was no loss of activity nor tears of remorse. He was surprised that it had happened but to him the surprise was worth the destruction of his creation.

If adults could only accept the twists and turns in the road as the small child did our anxiety and fear would decrease.  As I continued to watch the child he began building the tower in exactly the same way and he watched again and again as it toppled to the ground. What was he thinking I reflected. I would be in tears and thinking how I could build something that would stand against any kind of destruction. He obviously was greatly amused and had discovered in his own mind, how to make the occurrence happen all over again. That was his reward. When he got tired of it he turned to a totally different activity and became engrossed again.

What I took from it was his ability to remain pleased and content with his world. He didn't try to control it but instead he let things happen at their own will. He was satisfied with every new discovery. He was the investigator of research even though he didn't likely know what that meant. Most kids do appear to use the hands on method of discovery until we guide them into ways of doing it "right" so we believe.

I wonder if adults lose the power to think not only outside the box but outside of their own heads. I know how much I re-examine everything I say and do and what others say and do. I spend so much time within the walls of my head that it allows me little time to be present in the moment.  Kids are our complete opposite. They simply tell you like it is right down to the fact that they need to poop in the middle of a movie. It is a fact of life and they are not ashamed to admit it.

Is it adults who begin blocking kids in with our taboos and ideas of right and wrong? Of course we should teach morals and values but do we actually teach it or just explain the repercussions of not obeying rules. Do we blindly follow guidelines everywhere and from everybody without questioning why we are even doing it? Kids appear to keep a simplistic version of behaving.

They are not afraid to tell you they don't like something,  and they will refuse to act on something that scares them despite our prodding. They quickly admit when they are afraid of things that we would assume they shouldn't be afraid of. Some kids  are timid in making friends. They are shy around adults, and close their mouths tightly when an adult is forcing food they don't want to try or medicine they don't like.

They keep it simple and trek forward at all times. They see the positive in things and will use boxes, dirt and a stick for a shovel when necessary. They make do and laugh at so many things we fail to see the humor in. An anxious expression on our face may send them into a roar of laughter. Hearing us say we have to go to the bathroom can send a  five-year old howling. Most times adults miss the humor and only smile to acknowledge the child's happiness.

How did we come to take so much so seriously. Are we teaching that to our kids? Are we flushing away love, life and laughter from our own lives and the lives of our children? We put up signs about living laughing and loving yet we don't follow it most times. Perhaps we appreciate what we should be doing but can't seem to go against the crowd and do it. Kids have no problem being themselves at all times. Adults ought to imitate the kids and do the same. If only we could admit it when we are hurting, disgraced at least in our own minds, unhappy, scared, sick and numerous other emotions we keep hidden from others.

We treasure strength, ability, power, and sometimes the skill to squash our emotions. We place humility, compassion, love and weakness under wraps as if it should be hidden. No wonder we can't be ourselves anymore. Kids will cry and then admit they can't do something. We stand in resolve to accomplish what we likely are unable to accomplish never asking for help which would be cowardly we believe.

I see kids as grouping together and running in all directions in happiness and squeals of laughter. Adults scurry to their jobs attempting to please a relentless boss and perhaps a spouse who is expecting more than we can possibly deliver. The camaraderie and cooperation we experienced as kids is slowly drained from us and we are left alone within our minds in doubt about how where and why we are navigating anyplace.

Now we re following silly rules we don't really care about. We have stopped attempting to understand the why's anymore and just do the jobs that need attention. We have in essence given up more of our own power of control than we should have given up. Understanding the reasons of life and living, is a more profound goal than buying a better home or trumping our friend or neighbor. We are not separate entities but actually one in our world. We  can help each other support each other and allow each other to be who they are. We can let go of the judgments and embrace the pleasure of each others company. This brings a profound enlightenment and a peaceful co-existence

I have faith that if we all opened up our hearts, our minds would follow and a deluge would ensue. We might find all the support and love that had been bottled up within each of us, spill out in all directions. The  falseness would disappear and the masks and costumes we display daily would fall. We would and could feel like the young child who could enjoy his blocks regardless of failure with the understanding that failure is a myth. None of us fail we just make mistakes that can most of the time be corrected. We can try again because nobody is keeping a tally and we can admit failure and victory because we are on the same team. We don't have to win alone. We actually don't have to lose alone. We can technically win all the time when we share the victories of life with each other.

Parents teach their kids, and siblings teach and inspire each other. Relatives of all kinds aid prompt and encourage each other at any point in time.  Friends are quickly here and gone but each leaves a mark on us regardless of the length of time of their involvement. Getting out of our heads allows us to live and begin each new day with high hopes of doing some awesome positive support for others.

Before we hang up rules or signs we should contemplate the reasons they inspire us. Understanding what it is about them that makes them valuable is crucial to our understanding life. Like a puzzle we have broken apart into a zillion pieces. The picture of our lives will become clearer as we place those pieces together and actually and finally look at the real picture. Alone we are a shining light for a moment until the light is turned off. Together we create an awesome bright luminosity  gathering all into the comforting serenity of love in action.

Kids love everyone and their love is unconditional. They  forgive everything and forget transgressions as they begin playing with a friend the next day after having fought with them the previous day. They don't judge who can or can't climb up the ladder they just send out the cry, "Let's do it." Together they work, play, live, laugh,  and love. There is a message here for us to witness.

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I'm not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” C. JoyBell C.

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” C. JoyBell C.

%d bloggers like this: