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worrthy parenting“A man is ethical only when life, as such, is sacred to him, that of plants and animals as that of his fellow men, and when he devotes himself helpfully to all life that is in need of help.”                  Albert Schweitzer

I have worked with children my entire life up to this point in time. I have raised four children, and at present, have seven grandchildren,  I was a children’s librarian, worked at a day care facility, pre-schools, private school system, and many years at public school systems. I have a dual certification in special education and elementary education. I have been a witness to the upsets and stresses placed on our children. When so many children are hurting, it is time to ask ourselves why. Speaking for the children is important to me.

Many educational books have been written. Many parenting books have been written. All of these books that give excellent advice have been ignored, because things are worse, not better. Words have not reached or penetrated anyone because the problems keep increasing. It is time to look at this dilemma with new eyes. We can’t fix it with the old way of thinking. Our challenge as parents is to look at the facts. The facts do not lie.

Witnessing what is missing in our homes might promote an aggressive attempt at a new approach. It is essential that parents be included in this new endeavor. For too long society has left out these key ingredients: mother and father. Success comes from the love and nurturing at home. Teachers can’t teach without parental support. Society can’t reteach or rehabilitate broken children easily, or possibly ever, without parental involvement. Against all odds, some children grow up in poor circumstances but rise to become superstars. The difference in their home environments was love, encouragement, and support from their parents, or another caring adult. The power of love has been greatly underestimated. Although we all love our children, demonstrating this with hard work is paramount. This means placing our children’s needs first, constant watchfulness, and guiding them with integrity and righteousness.

Mnds will be open to an alternative way of thinking and solving our academic problems. Functional problems at home result in most of the academic and behavioral problems at school. I am devastated and diminished from the hurts and emotional scars children endure daily I hope to reach parents, administrators, and authorities on an emotional level, by sharing my own experiences, and those of others. Stopping the unconscious mistreatment of children is my goal. By stopping some harmful choices we make, children improve emotionally and academically. It certainly is worth the determination for all of us to make an effort.

The stories in the book are what grasp the reader and expectantly inspire remorse. The book is not selling the rules of parenting. Instead, it dares one to observe the pain through the eyes of a child. We are on a quest to question our own style of parenting. All of us make mistakes, but not all of us admit it to ourselves. All of us can improve, but not all of us will attempt to correct what is wrong. Telling someone to improve, or encouraging someone to make progress does not usually work if that person cannot believe or see they are deficient.
This book hopes to demonstrate, through a child’s eyes, the pain we are inflicting on our children. It’s up to each individual to take the challenge and reach for the goal. We will never have a more difficult trial or a more rewarding achievement if we aspire to achieve our target. We can become the parent we wish we had. A baby step here and there is all that is required, along with an understanding of what is really at stake. Dare to be better than you ever thought you could be, attempt to do more than you ever thought was possible, risk more than you ever thought you should, and in the end you will rejoice more at the results of your efforts. We should pick up the ball, and stop passing it to others, and then call a fumble.

Most people worry about their own sense of importance. We constantly compare ourselves to others and fall short by our standards. I think it is because we are measuring the wrong things. Parenting has taken a back seat the length of a mile. It is not even considered something we should contemplate. Good Loving parenting promotes huge feelings of success. Parenting is fulfilling rewarding and happiness producing. It is a worthy goal to accomplish and the highest goal any of us can ever achieve. Again I say "don't ask yourself if you are happy, instead ask yourself if your life has meaning and if you are a parent It most definitely does have tremendous meaning.

“I Regard (Parenting) the hardest, the most complicated, anxiety ridden, sweat-and-blood producing job in the world. Succeeding requires the ultimate in patience, common sense, commitment, humor, tact, love, wisdom, awareness, and knowledge. At the same time, it holds the possibility, for the most rewarding, joyful experience of a lifetime, namely, that of being success guides to a new and unique being.”           Virginia Satir

 

challenge authority"The price of greatness is responsibility."  Norman  Vincent Peale

I am challenging the mighty although we may be a part of that group at any given time. The influential are those people who have such a following that you cannot get to voice an opinion or change the infrastructure. It doesn't make a difference whether you are a liberal or a conservative. We have stopped thinking and reflecting on issues that are extremely important. Those people running the project be it PTO leaders, cub scout leaders, coaches or a  government official may at times appear to lose their heads or their brains when they achieve such positions of control. The good ideas of making a difference fade away and  are replaced by the powerful one in charge.

I know we don't mean to evolve into a tyrant but it happens too many times for us to ignore because in the process key problems get overlooked and we are derailed. Any person who is in charge assumes they took on the burden so they get to decide for everyone. When rulers review problems in conjunction with the members they have their own closed countenance. Unless you are a special member your input is disregarded. The leader leads the rest into what they want. All go along becaue the "friends" add power to the leader. Maybe the friends don't always agree but tthey are too afraid to challenge or veto what the ruler has said. In this way the mighty tell the people what to say and do. It works for them and the rest of us allow them to lead us blindly down a path without any reflection.

What I see is anything but thoughtful interaction. Regardless of our love for the leader, that shouldn't influence our vote. I must admit the buddies of the leader get to have some control so it is a system that stays in place. The difficult problem is when one is always on the outskirts. They never have their voice heard.

If you downsize this thinking to include the family structure we get a bird's eye view of what ails us. I believe the family is the most important teacher in anyone's life and the most widespread source of imitation of the attitudes, examples love hate principles values and morals that you will find in the society. Whatever is lacking in the home, will filter through to the society. When the home devalues kids, so will the society. Many are  thinking they do value their home and kids. I am not so convinced.

After working with kids my entire life and teaching for many years I have determined kids are ignored, disregarded, second  rate citizens and placed after our material, physical  and emotional wants and needs. I would add th divorce as a primary ignitor of such behaviors, although many homes with two parents are lacking in parenting skills. We have evolved from encouraging parents to stay in horrible marriages for the sake of the kids, to divorcing  without thought while disregarding the effects on kids.

It is politically okay to  damage kids because they don't vote. They cannot challenge the mighty. Kids have their emotional scars hidden. Adults see what they want to see and turn their heads from the ugly truth. Divorce hurts and at times destroys kids in many ways. It will leave scars even in the best situation. It will divide families. It will cut the roots of the kids and leave them like tumbleweeds which is where I got the name for my book. A plant with cut roots struggles to survive.

People  in power won't question such an issue because they need votes. They will instead provide money for food to feed the now disseminated family which lives in two households having less money. Parents blame teachers schools lawyers and anyone else who deems a valuable source of accusation. Of course there are those in every walk of life who are less than desirable but those are the exception. We need to stand for responsibility and accountability for our children. They deserve to have a loving atmosphere.

many are afraid to  challenge divorce when they hear the news from a friend. We all  offer comfort but  we may not agree with it.  We don't feel we have the right to step in anymore than we step in when we see a child being struck in a public place.

I am definitely not suggesting all marriages stay together but we have to check our reasons why we want the divorce and  realize the affect it will have on our kids. Like playing chess, there will be numerous repercussions  from such a major decision. This has bothered me for a long time. To be a witness to thoughtless quick divorces and thoughtless quick  remarriages. I know I might have very few people who acknowledge this truth about  divorce but without a doubt  the kids are with me. The best thing any couple can give to their kids is a stable home environment with lots of love. Everything else is superficial.

"Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open and the rules are flexible-the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family." Virginia Satir

5

"Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight." Albert Schweitzer

children cryingHaving worked with kids for more than twenty five years, has given me insight into their hearts and thoughts. More than sixty-five percent of the kids in certain classrooms are emotionally abused daily. This abuse occurs from the hands of parents or step parents. When so many children are hurting, it is time to ask ourselves

Why. Speaking for the children is important to me. Family life appears to be deteriorating. This has created a domino effect. To fix society we must fix the schools. To fix the schools we must fix the child’s home environment. It is time to look at this dilemma with new eyes. We can’t fix it with the old way of thinking. Our challenge as parents is to look at the facts. We might promote an aggressive attempt at a new approach. Success comes from the love and nurturing at home. Society can’t reteach or rehabilitate broken children easily, or possibly ever,

Against all odds, some children grow up in poor circumstances but rise to become superstars. The difference in their home environments was love, encouragement, and support from their parents, or another caring adult. The power of love has been greatly underestimated. Although we all love our children, demonstrating this with hard work is paramount. This means placing our children’s needs first, constant watchfulness, and guiding them with integrity and righteousness. Stopping the unconscious mistreatment of children is my goal. By stopping some harmful choices we make children improve emotionally and academically. It certainly is worth the determination for all of us to make an effort.

"Each day of our lives we can make deposits into the memory banks of our children." Charles Swindoll

excuses"Act as if what you do makes a difference, it does." William James

 Yes on any given day I can come up with a million excuses to avoid doing anything. I would venture to say I am not alone. It is clearly a problem because it keeps me from interactions with others, accomplishing jobs I had set as goals for the day, completing and making deadlines set by others, and living up to promises I made to friends and family.

I don't intentionally plan on skipping things I should do. Now that is a pardon for me to feel better. There are definitely times when our justifications are real and not so much a coping out as an they are a real obstacle preventing us from doing what we should do. No criticism intended but gaining a handle on excuses allows us to accomplish so much more. We don't call the friend because we are watching a good TV show or checking our e-mails or sitting on the couch without having to think or talk about anything. At work we find something boring or so difficult it is impossible to begin.

At home, our tasks always take longer than what we think and we know this and simply don't want to get started in the first place. The luxury of doing nothing seems to be given only at times when we are sick. Of course at these times we can't enjoy this free time because we don't feel well. Some of us use others to escape work effort and responsibility. A divorced father can escape his obligations by acknowledging his wife doesn't permit him to see the kids which may be true. what a relief. No lost time or effort on his part and no guilt. A headache or cold ought to alleviate our helping with the household tasks even if we are feeling a bit better. We can take another day. I am guilty of many of these affairs myself. I know I would be further along with my jobs if I tackled them without thought just responsibility.

Some tasks are important like our kids. We need to separate what counts from counting what tasks are waiting. Kids can't wait. They desperately need us and after all we are their parents. So if I can't bend over as much due to a leg injury I can still kick that ball back to my kid and let them toss it again. I can still be there to talk or listen or watch the world around us evolving. That's final no exoneration, I need to go and take care of what matters most.

"Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things which matter least." Johann Van Goethe

 

Balance "We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give."  Winston Churchill

 Day after day we toil and sweat to do   the things we must in the time given. At the end of the day we lie back in bed and think of how much we did not get accomplished and how poorly we did the things that did get finished.

We grade ourselves so poorly that it is a wonder we attempt to work on anything the next day. I think we forget about the small nameless acts of kindness we perform randomly on a given day. The friend who needs a listening ear, the family member who calls for aid, The neighbor whose car broke  down, the friend who requested company while doing a difficult task, the donuts and coffee we picked up for our co-workers and the mail we dropped off to a sick friend..

The works are not of importance but the accepted task and time is. Most of us simply forget to add these daily occurrences into our list of "accomplishments for the day". Most if not all of the kind acts are done without any expectations of a favor in return. We do these things often yet sit back in our chairs and think how little I am doing with my life.

We worry and fret and wonder if we should start running the local soup kitchen or charitable organization. Although these are awesome and worthwhile ideas, for most of us such a commitment is not one of our choices. Small things are actually just as important if they are done on a daily basis.

All those nameless  mindless acts of charity add up. if we could total them and bag them we would most likely not be able to carry our bags. Most of us would have a monster of a bag at our feet. We are not aware of it because there is no way to measure our actions. So many people believe they do nothing to impact the world. The truth is everything we say and do impacts people which in turn impacts the world. Insults and harsh words spoken behind the back of another brings lots of negativity into the world. Likewise, praise, kind words and actions bring lots of positive energy into the world. It is all within our power to alter a person, people, society and the world. Our good modeling brings goodness.

Never underestimate your power or tremendous amount of  offerings given to others daily. The best of your life is made up of the many small kindnesses, not necessarily the one large performance. It is what we do that counts not what we didn't do. That milk you just got for your spouse will be added to your bag of kindness. When you can't sleep because you believe you didn't contribute enough good, simply pull your kindness bag over your body as a reminder and calmly drift off into a peaceful sleep of serenity.

 "It's not your position in life  that matters but choosing to do what matters most in life that counts." V.J. Smith

change is rapid recovery gradual"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding." Albert Einstein

I noticed how many of us get fired up about things that are aggravating or upsetting. We tend to dwell on those issues that anger us. The more we think about it and ponder it and discuss it, the stronger the fire gets. It makes us want to correct the problem or so we think. The way we choose to correct an incident can make a difference in the outcome. If we lash out at the person of our perceived frustration, throwing all of our frustration at them, we escalate the blaze and difficulty. We are left with the options of watching our antagonist burn to ashes or we can walk away.

After the altercation we come back to our sanity and convince ourselves the competitor deserved it and made us do it. Now we attempt to convince ourselves we were justified to retaliate. Have you ever noticed that after our storm, we have an uneasiness that won't go away? We review all the things the person did to us in order to justify the correctness of our angry actions. Guilt is what appears to be creeping into our minds and we fight to eliminate it with a deeper examination of past upsets and injustices. Validating our actions is paramount.

We begin to talk about the person and the incident with others so that we can acquire support and approval for our behaviors. In the end it doesn't work and the restlessness won't cease so we confront the object of our irritation again because now we blame them for the uncomfortable feelings we are having. It's their fault we got so annoyed. Our actions now color our mood which isn't the happiest. We snap a quick retort at others, feel tired and drained, and begin to have a cold or illness coming on. Sleep is restless and the irritation and resentment towards the person of hatred increases.

Does this sound familiar? We have all been in that place at one time or another. Viewing it from a faraway place, and a distant time makes us realize it gained us nothing, and cost us an assortment of damage. We feel emotionally and physically drained by our actions. Our opponent is likely experiencing the same feelings. The effect is a smoldering fire that simply won't be distinguished. It almost consumes our thoughts. We might ask if there was a better way we could have handled this whole anger situation.

By talking through various scenarios, we can reflect on a healthier answer to the circumstances. If we accept 10% of the blame, sit down, and honestly share our feelings, a more favorable outcome may be attained. When we acquire back and forth feedback that is clear and concise it keeps everyone’s ego intact. It is comforting to know that our opponent is accepting a piece of the guilt regardless of the percentage. It may be unimportant to give ratios if we are attempting compromise and peace.

We may consider the fact our opponent may have some deep rooted questions, or may be going through a difficult time in their lives. Even if their fear is unfounded, it can be just as immobilizing. Their carelessness or thoughtlessness might have been their own worries. One moment of stepping back, reflecting before reacting, compassion before retribution might have saved both of us a multitude of heartache. None of us in honesty is without blame. We should never let a small smoldering fire inside of us, increase to the point of no return. In the end it consumes both of us.

By the simple art of discussion, we can put out the fire. With verbal communication we may understand, accept and tolerate transgressions against us. We may eliminate sleepless nights of doubt and worry. We can learn to have a positive open attitude towards everyone we encounter. Even when another does not respond to our overtures of reconciliation, we can keep peace within ourselves. Rather than allowing fury to burn us into a blaze of ashes we can be a light of comfort for another in their moment of darkness.

"He who angers you conquers you." Elizabeth Kenny Australian Nurse

"There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." Booker T. Washington

"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." Thomas Carlyle

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