Tag Archives: duty

Rippling Effect Of Stress

Rippling Affect Of Stress 3“It is another’s fault if he be ungrateful, but it is mine if I do not give. To find one thankful man, I will oblige a great many that are not so.”

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” Khalil Gibran

How underrated kindness is. It feels like we expect others to place us first on their agendas but we never reciprocate. Yes we are thinking, I am good to others all the time but truthfully, how quickly we forget about what others do for us. We do recall when someone lets us down. The pain hurts and the emotional scars we endure are sometimes of our own making.

 Like many others, I expect my family and friends to recognize and know when I  am over my head and require their help. I don’t of course, mention my needs. I assume they should be aware of my desires. This rarely happens. I am let down and quite annoyed with them. After all, I believe, I am thoughtful regarding their plights, and I pay attention to what they want and crave. How come they can’t do the same for me? Continue reading

Finding Faith Within

Finding Faith Within“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi
“Your vision will only become clear when you look inside your heart…Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakens.”    Carl Jung

I have been doing my own soul searching and discovered so much of life is filled with not only inconsequential things, but also trivial talk. I attempt to meditate, or my version of it, and frequently attend church services for the benefit of the sermons. Of course they are not always enlightening, but often offer wisdom to carry me through the week. It is most often a message worth hearing, and carrying it with you.

Sometimes it is frustrating when the ministers go off about issues, not relevant to a person’s life. They are so off base. I wonder about why these preachers can’t see how important it is for them to concern themselves with the sermons. That is what people listen to, and attempt to base their current circumstances in life, on. If ministers profess a haphazard speech, then they shouldn’t wonder why they lose the people. We all want to be inspired. It is worth a priest or ministers effort, to produce a worthy sermon.

I’m not down on church people, but they have lost the ability to recognize their own power. Maybe they are so caught up in making money to run the church, that they are giving less attention  to what has the most meaning in peoples’ lives. I know they attempt to minister to the home bound, teach the young members in their parish, attend to the sick and aid the mourning and the troubled. There are still a great many souls searching for enlightenment.

I equate this to constantly giving all of the resources to those who are failing at school. The children who are just passing get few of the benefits, and thus barely pass. We almost drag everyone down, by not helping the average and the top students. I am not politically correct to say that, but the truth is we should serve all of the kids. By focusing on the failing few, we alleviate the responsibility from the home and the parents. In the end result, we have just fair grades from everyone, if even that much.

Likewise religion appears to be doing the same thing. they are attending to the  pursuit of nice things, such as the grounds and gatherings, but they have forgotten to face the actuality of life’s mixed bag of confusion. It becomes another area where some people are left feeling unfulfilled and ignored. There are those middle ground followers who don’t have a marriage crises, or money problem, yet things are not always perfect either.

There are many who face problems within a marriage, and they work it through. They bank their money, as best they can, while saving some for college and unforeseen issues. They don’t ask for help, but they worry constantly about their finances. They do their share, but perhaps they are not the front runners of leadership roles. They come through many times in minor roles, so their contributions are  not as vociferously honored, within a religious system.

Whenever I hear of an institution giving praise to certain individuals, I question their reasoning. The people  who do it out of the goodness of their hearts, do not need praise for it. I would just like to see more effort placed on spiritual matters. How are any of us doing soul wise. We face our problems sometimes alone.  After all, there are only so many ways we can spend our time. If Churches sponsor bazaars and a suppertime get-together that is very nice, but these things should never be at the loss of time to the crucial  benefits of support groups. Sermons that benefit those middle of the road attendees, who need to be inspired, are vastly underestimated.

I have to admit, I hate to see the rules bent in order to keep attendees coming. It is as if we make the rules as we go along. If we are not politically correct perhaps we might lose the parishioners. How ludicrous is that. Churches should be challenging us to think about our souls. They can’t be afraid to say it. When we meditate, we are reviewing our spiritual side, and working on becoming a better person. Leading an improved life is our goal. The same is true with attending church. We are aspiring to build up our souls, to face the challenging issues, they will confront, on a daily basis.

I don’t envy the ministers task, but I do have faith that they should reflect a lot, perceive the issues of the world around them, and rather than attempt to change their own platforms, try to evolve the inner spirit of the people towards good. It is a tougher job, but the product of it is honest virtue and integrity. We all search for truth and meaning. We can find it within ourselves if we look hard enough.

I know that churches fight their own battle to keep their flocks, but in such a demanding and temptation filled world, I think the focus should be on the spiritual neediness of the people . We understand and recognize our imperfections, but we are looking for the encouragement to do better. We are acknowledging the dignity of leading a virtuous life. All of us want to do our best and become the best we can. With solid unbending support we are uplifted. I don’t want to bend the minister to a lower level, I  want to be lifted up above where I started.

As much as I like the idea of ministers offering blessings to sports teams and governments, I must admit it feels like a waste of my time to listen to a drawn out production. I would prefer it done in a private, swifter fashion, and devote the leftover piece of time to those of us who attended church services for inspiration, to lead a worthier life. With everyone and everything else getting uprooted, it becomes more necessary to stabilize our beliefs in love, empathy, virtue and forgiveness. I want to be fortified to face the week, without compromising my integrity. In this world that is not an easy thing to accomplish.

In the end I must admit, it is up to us to take the responsibility, to nurture our own souls. Deep down we know what is right. We like to ignore it because it is not an easy way to follow. If we allow reason, instinct and spirit to blend, we will find our truest answers. Who is there better to trust and have faith in than our own instruction. We have always had the choice, and we can choose wisely. We simply lost our enlightenment amongst the brightness of the false attractions calling out to us. It is time for us to take control of our own destinies.

The world is full of people who have stopped listening to themselves or have listened only to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are they should be living for.” ~Joseph Campbell

“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.”    Carl Jung

“Spirit, like God, denotes an object of psychic experience which cannot be proved to exist in the external world, and cannot be understood  rationally.”    Carl G. Jung

Choosing Truth Over Group Mentality

group mentality“The human race is a herd. Here we are, unique, eternal aspects of consciousness with an infinity of potential, and we have allowed ourselves to become an unthinking, unquestioning blob of conformity and uniformity. A herd. Once we concede to the herd mentality, we can be controlled and directed by a tiny few. And we are.” Unknown

“What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.”    Sigmund Freud

“Happy will the house be in which the relationships are formed from character.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

To lead an honest and powerful life, one really must do more decision making, and collaboration with others. That means at times, we will find ourselves in smaller groups, or maybe even in a group of one. How much easier it is to be  part of a whole. It relinquishes the necessity of decision making. If we go along with the crowd, we are accepted, feel safe, and have time to do whatever we want. We are also exempt from thinking. How is it so many of us  choose this state of affairs.

Maybe it is by accident that we get into ruts, and want to give up the burdens, and work that needs attention. It takes time to review both sides of issues. It demands courage, to have the strength to overcome pressure, to swing the way others want us to. Perhaps that is why we end up getting lost, within the grid of twists and turns. It is too difficult to figure, so we stand by others we have an admiration for.

Being politically correct, allows us to abstain from truly comprehending the situation. We have faith in the few chosen key words, that sound correct at the time. We can’t perhaps  voice what we think, because others would not agree with us. If they did we might be motivated, to pick up the lead. The unsure faith in our leadership ability, reduces us to a follower. It renders us to be    cautious, regarding who we choose to follow.

There  is no exertion, when we trail another. We don’t have to think, reflect, decide, discuss, or shake up the crowd. We may not be held accountable, nor admired, but we fall in with the safe crowd. We may be more like a cow, sheep, or pig being led to a slaughter. It perhaps is fruitful, to wake up, and start looking at things as they are. We must check things out for ourselves, by checking with our own heart, mind, and intuitive process. We may know what the truth is, and what we should do.  Overcoming our nervousness, and tiredness, while rousing ourselves to attempt the work,  promotes independent thinking.

I believe we are good people, who have lost the ability, to pay attention to where we are heading. We want to be good but we also yearn to get along. We want to be kind, and we don’t want to make waves. We choose to be righteous but  don’t want to step on the toes of others, who think differently. In the end maybe that is why we choose the dream state, so we don’t have to face our real selves, or the truth about our world.

It becomes harder to find answers, likely because everyone is so used to permitting truth, wisdom and virtue to be stretched beyond recognition. We just can’t say things are wrong, or right anymore. I despised  the phrase, “I don’t go along with that thinking, but everyone can choose for themselves.” We could change it to “I believe that is wrong but I can’t tell you what to do.” At least we are stating our own position rather than taking the asleep route.

A good healthy discussion, tolerates the consideration, of various ideas. It also grants people, to feel secure about professing their thoughts. We crave for more insightful notions and reflection. Killing, stealing, cheating, lying, and brutality in any form is not acceptable. There are no compromises. There  should be no fear in mentioning these facts. Morality should never be outdated. Honesty, integrity, empathy, kindness, and wisdom probably needs to be put back up on the shelf. There it can be admired and taught.

If we refrain from teaching anything to our kids, then we have done as much damage as teaching them the wrong way to live. There are plenty of people willing to lead kids down the wrong path, so it becomes essential for us to lead them down a worthier route. Pretending things will get better on there own, or perhaps assuming others will do the job for us, is ludicrous. It won’t get done. It is time to step up to the goal and kick the ball in, or shoot the puck in. Our job is to be a conscientious member of society. Teaching by example, while modeling  worthy behavior, is a priceless gift to offer anyone.

“Gradually it was disclosed to me that the line separating good and evil passes not through states, not between classes, nor between political parties, but through every human heart.”    Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

“It is difficult to bring people to goodness with lessons, but it is easy to do so by example.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

“A life in harmony with nature, the love of truth and virtue, will purge the eyes to understanding her text.”    Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mothers And Daughters

mothers and daughtersThe formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery. The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests.” ~Author Unknon

Mothers and daughters begin with the closest friendship.  There are many times the dad might feel pushed aside. Within a few years, as the girls approach their teen years the trouble begins. I think at first moms attempt to deal with it as they encounter the hurts from their daughters. If or when it continues for a longer time the father usually steps in and the problems expand. All of this takes a toll on the mother especially. Solving the dilemma will take patience, love, a listening ear, open mind and loving heart along with a firm attitude.

Moms should try not to get involved totally in the drama to the point of screaming or yelling. Parents are always the directors not the actors. Even when hurtful things are said or done by their daughter, it still necessitates that mom hang in there and continue with her guidance understanding and love. Never resort to shame or insults. Teens require more love at this point in their lives, perhaps than they ever needed before. They are being judged constantly by others so they don’t enjoy more assessments from the home. Life is full of alterations. This is one of the great transformations and requires lots of attention and discussion.

Daughters are not little girls anymore and they require discipline with love and patience but also with greater understanding of where they are coming from at this present moment. Parents must see through the upheavals, and the cries for help from their child, as they sift through the upheavals. Understand the playing field has changed. Although I am a firm believer in having respect for kids of any age, I especially think it is important during the teenage years. The confusion and muddled sensitivities of their daughters are persistently evolving. The extent and depth of their pain is real. As insignificant as their problems may appear to us, they are critical to our daughters. Demeaning their attitudes about the importance of their dilemmas has the power to cause rifts of insurmountable complications. Being on constant watch as well as being available to listen is vital.

Perhaps we consider the teen years as the time to remain uncompromising and to strong arm the kids. It is actually the reverse. One needs to be more receptive to the child’s cries wants and requirements and to bend without breaking. The mood swings attitudes and pains are difficult to encounter but remembering the changes taking place on the outside are not even close to the changes taking place  on the inside of the child. Staying connected to the inside but physically remaining on the outside helps to control being overtaken by the dramas that present. Many teenage girls are mouthy. Most likely their sassy words are flowing before they have even thought about what they are saying.

Moms may attempt to discipline through necessity due to the disrespect in their child’s words and actions. It reaches the point of no return regarding any compromising when they believe the daughter has overstepped too many times and things are falling apart.  Most parents believe at this point they must hold the line. Not so. At this point it is time to review and rethink your rules and parameters. It is time also to use your instincts to understand what the surrounding issues are. See through the daughter’s façade and discover the actual issues. Reconnect with your daughter which may require you to have a thick skin with the potential onslaught of hurtful words. Daughters are angrier at themselves than their mothers. Attempt also to keep voices low. Speak calmly and slowly because believe it or not you can unwittingly change the volatile atmosphere with these tactics.

Kids think parents don’t understand them and don’t have a clue about how they are feeling. Of course saying, “I understand” won’t cut it either.  When they fire criticism at you it should be taken in and reflected upon before you retaliate with your own negative response. You must show that you get it by offering to listen. I am not suggesting you break any of your own rules but stating your rules to them bluntly is in their faces and it won’t work. They see themselves as approaching adulthood. They want independence. Offering them as much as you can without giving in to your restrictions is best. They yearn for power even though they are not ready for it, so giving choices to them is sort of a compromise. You get to choose the selections but they get to feel empowered with the choices.

With your attentiveness, you might be able to offer choices which is always a good thing. A child of any age does not feel as controlled when they have some power and influence over their own lives. Blame is never an option but it is easy to express it when in the middle of a confrontation. If you react with calmness, understanding, respect and love you will probably receive a better outcome. You can’t retaliate even if the child does which is what usually happens. They have hormones rising which they can’t control and probably they are not even aware of the effects. You are the parent and the adult in this situation. The child can lose control but the parents must keep things under a certain tempo no matter how much you assess as wrong, deliberate or mean. You need to get through one battle at a time. Kids are confused and perhaps don’t even intend what they are saying. They are angry and need to take their fury out on someone which happens to be their mothers.

As you learn how to make progress in these altercations by remaining composed, the next argument ought to be of a lesser nature. You will find yourself using your skills of speaking softly with love and openness and directing the drama so it stays as neutral as possible. In all of this the child wants to be heard, understood, and like a toddler get their own way. You can listen and attempt to truly understand and then compromise when possible. When you speak to them at your turn, do some explaining yourself. Don’t discuss how poorly they treated you because it isn’t about you at the moment and you will lose the battle as well as the chance to improve anything. Try to alleviate any problems for them that you can. At the very least keep the communication open always. Maintain a truce.

A lot of times parents get confused about the fighting, believing it is an attack on them. The truth is the kids need to fault someone and take out their frustrations, and that means you are going to be the scapegoat. Any attempt on your part to defend yourself will perhaps cause a set-back. Don’t try to contain a problem that doesn’t likely exist. Keep on topic. It is folly to enter into a shouting match or verbal argument about who did or said what. Getting into the blame game only makes everyone feel guilty and it is a no win situation for all involved. Moms may end up on the defensive which is a difficult place to be. You never want to be offensive. When dads are called into the discussion, the battle gets vaster and the parties are now fighting for a cohort to build up their side of the issue. Fathers are angry at their daughters for upsetting the mother. Dads may also defend their daughter causing more rivalry to ensue. Fathers might attempt neutrality.

Kids don’t lose the advice we give them even though it might appear so in the heat of discussions. It is easier to say, “I am sorry you feel that way. It is not how I meant you to feel.” Or you might say, “I am sorry you interpreted what I said in such a way. I meant to…. not hurt you in any way because I love you too much to do that.” Now as corny as it may sound, kids like and need to hear us say we love them especially when they know they don’t deserve it. You may have the discussion more than once and you may have to revisit old wounds or situations but you will conquer. As long as you continually acknowledge and state how much you care and love them, you will break their walls and win their hearts. This is true with boys as well as girls.

Disregard their hurtful words and actions and comprehend that they are having their own temper tantrum just as you observed them at a two year old level. When things are calmer never accuse them of behaving like a child or toddler because you will alienate them. They want to be taken seriously and in an adult fashion. It is important to acknowledge their maturity and respect them.

Daughters need their mothers. They also need to be their own counsel. It all takes time. Always remember that unconditional love means you love without any conditions in return. Although we all like love returned, at the moment your child can’t give it. They still love you but won’t display it in the middle of a fight. When they do calm down at some point, don’t make them uneasy by reminding them how awful they made you feel. They probably know that what they said was mean. They will most likely be harder on themselves than you are on them. Someday when they have their own child or children, they might be better able to deal with the problems using you as their role model. Your handling of the situation can have a huge impact and a profound rippling.

You want your child to be open and honest with you, so treat them with respect. Your non-judgmental manner during any discussion with you will encourage their trust and feelings of safety. It allows you better communication and stronger bonds. I think if we can understand it is not about us but our kids it will keep us from wallowing in our own wounds. You have done a great job and must continue having confidence in yourself and your ability. You are the parent, not the friend, the director not the actor. Accept your role with dignity and calmness.

“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.” ~Honoré de Balzac

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” ~Washington Irving

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” ~Linda Wooten

Mother’s love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.” ~Erich Fromm

Family Rifts

castle_hill_1“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.”  Khali lGibran

“The tragedy of life is in what dies inside a man while he lives – the death of genuine feeling, the death of inspired response, the awareness that makes it possible to feel the pain or the glory of other men in yourself.”    Norman Cousins

Everyone has some issues within their families. Many parents are separated, which causes its’ own set of problems even for the married children. Some siblings are not speaking to certain other siblings. Some siblings dislike the new sister-in-law or brother-in-law. Cousins get angry with cousins. Fathers and sons clash on a regular basis, while mothers and sons or daughters  find themselves in ongoing arguments. Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law disputes are almost glorified. It leads one to wonder why the rifts  and battles continue, and to question why nothing usually changes even with time.

I thought about some personal experiences and concluded, we are simply seeking love, admiration and acceptance. Many believe an answer is not that easy, but actually fact is obvious to find. As a matter of fact, I have found that many problems are easier to solve than they appear. For instance, if we want to make amends with anyone, the simple reply of I’m sorry let’s be friends, would likely turn some things around for people.

I appreciate how difficult it is to be sorry to someone who has hurt us, or who we believe has hurt us. We seek revenge or at the very least, satisfaction in their suffering a similar fate. The trouble increases with time. We don’t heal the wounds. They fester instead, and the truth is unclear, making it impossible for those involved to figure it out.

It is so overwhelmingly sad, to observe kind wonderful people in such a dilemma. We want to make things better, and some of us offer the listening ear. Most people in pain only want the soundboard, and so nothing changes. Unless hearts are willing to alter their stance, everything remains as is.

I venture to say that actually things get worse, because as we all live our lives, we have problems surface in all areas. We don’t have the support from the distant opponent, and we miss it in a way. Instead of calling the person, and attempting a truce, we fill our hearts with more anger. Now we can add to the growing list of their negligence. They didn’t care when we were ill, and they never called. We completely forget to acknowledge they probably didn’t know about our situation. It doesn’t matter to us. All that matters to us is that they dropped the ball, and didn’t help us. How sad is this for both participants.

I see the bonds of dislike, or even hate, growing stronger. Of course the reality of the past gets altered in the process. Now the involved individuals gossip to friends, and other family members, about what happened. How awful this makes the other person appear to be. As neutral as others attempt to be, they are drawn into the drama with words of agreement, or support. If they try to clear the atmosphere, they are criticized. The quarreling person raises their voice, and continues with a tirade of wrongdoings, to confirm proof of their correctness in the argument.

My own decision is to let others talk, and say little myself. if I do speak. I most likely will regret it. I liken this to those who love to take pictures of those in the wrong. We see one side of the landscape, but not the other side. So perhaps all of the judgments we render, should be amended.  Listening and showing a calmness regarding the matter, may be a great thing to apply.

So many people miss communions, graduations, birthdays, mother’s day, father’s day, showers weddings and more, because of ongoing battles with others. The more the omissions pile up, the more we solidify our hate. On Holidays we blame the other accomplice, for not attending  family functions. We don’t see our fault in the unhappy atmosphere, that we helped to create.  The rest of the family is disappointed with the absence of either member. We refuse to admit  our own pain. Instead we boast how well we cope, and can do without the friend or relative. We ignore our aching heart because our pride is ruling our ego.

Time passes swiftly and years might leave us bitter. We might ask why we held on so tightly to our angry position, and caused ourselves so much pain. The answer is probably our need for love. We want and need love. If we don’t receive it, then like a plant in the closet, we die. Even if the plant gets soil and water, it won’t survive. Without the sun, or love, they die. So to do humans. We do it slowly, and some of us wilt, but many of us go out battling.

I guess my idea is that we have a responsibility to take notice. It isn’t worth ignoring and having people, or yourself, suffer a lifetime of pain. Tune into the signs and see through the rage, flying insults and even physical actions. Whether it is us, or another, we must get involved enough to render our apologies, if we are the erring party. If we are not I would still recommend a peace offering, because the days and years pass quickly, and it is not worth it, to keep the  fight  going.

What we must deeply investigate, is the factual truth in the situation. We all need love, so we should never withhold it, under the guise of standing strong. If we ever loved this person, we must search for a piece of it in our hearts, and attempt reconciliation. We might be adults, but our hurts and scars are as painful as a young child’s.

All parents are encouraged, to accept and love their kids. Never allow competition to be the game you play, in terms of a child’s intrinsic qualities. All kids deserve to be a winner in some aspect, and receive attention and love. All kids need praise to feel worthy and important to their parents. Find something worthwhile in your child to praise. Recognize the jealousy in the battles between people. It is most likely, the jealousy of wanting more love, and attention, than they are receiving. Never assume you have given enough care. Some of us need to hear it, or get more love than others might think is sufficient. I hate to use the word jealousy, because we believe a jealous person is an insecure person. Perhaps we fear losing something we need. When we lose it, we react by pushing it further away. I notice that when someone appears out of control, and angry,  love will stop it quicker than more anger and battles.

“From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.”    Socrates

“One who is injured ought not to return the injury, for on no account can it be right to do an injustice; and it is not right to return an injury, or to do evil to any man, however much we have suffered from him.”   Socrates

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”    Mark Twain

“Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.”    Mark Twain

The Power To Influence Others

influencing others“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.”  Albert Einstein

“Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.”    Albert Schweitzer

How we wish we had the power to influence  others. We’ve all thought about it. We would fix this and that and restructure things and be considered the greatest man or woman that ever lived. We would be more wonderful than spider man or any sports hero. People would wait on our every word. The issues we would transform and the huge number of people we would change.

The  odd thing is we do inspire others every single day. We just are not aware of who or when or where. Sometimes we talk something over with a friend and  of course we believe we made a difference and we are happy with ourselves but most of the time we would admit that others really don’t listen to us. Again I’d reiterate the fact that every one of us offers a role model for others to follow.

It is like placing more on our shoulders than we probably want but the truth is we have that power we just choose at times to refrain from using it. It is difficult to know when it is advisable to offer advice or help of any kind to another. I agree. There are times when others flat out refuse any help and are almost offended if we offer. I must admit there are many times when I have refused another’s offer of aid because I had to prove I could do it myself. Most of these times I had to go back and fix it using the othr person’s suggestions. Sometimes I even admit I was going to attempt their advice next.

Why we refuse help must have to do with ego. We  don’t want another thinking we are less than they are. We’re  always trying to  prove our worth. How sad that we can’t see our value. In all situations we can effect another, especially if we believe in what we are saying or doing. Maybe that is the key. People know if we mean what we say and have faith in what we are doing. That is when they are willing to follow us.

It doesn’t have to be in big things and maybe that is why we miss the signs. We suggest a product to buy based on our past use of it. We suggest a place to  visit or a restaurant based on our happiness and the good food we received. We forget about these small instances and we don’t count them as anything. They are important. they reveal to us the fact that this person trusts us and our judgments. Of course the real nitty  gritty stuff such as who to date or steer clear of  is another story. The truth is our advice or suggestions will not go unheard. They stay deep in the background of our friend’s mind, to be pulled out at a later date if needed. That is inspiration and trust. Maybe we are wrong about the situation but if we are correct our friend will come to that knowledge and follow our advice.

It isn’t wise to drink when we are teenagers. I remember one young man who walked his freind who happened to be a girl, home from a party when she had too much to drink. There were many others  who were disappointed because they had hoped for a different outcome. I was impressed with this act and thought what a fine person he is. He had a bearing on my life but he  was never aware of it.

A young seven year old gave up her balloon to my three year old daughter who had been crying about not getting one. The entire class had one and she was upset. The remarkable courage and benevolence in a young child was impressive to see. I know parents put themselves last on a daily basis and this is remarkable. They may not think of themselves as examples but they are. So many of us who have been there and done that are aware of how tired and frustrating parenting can be yet parents give until they are ready to collapse.

Parents may encourage other parents who are at their wits end and without any patience left to hang on a bit longer. This saves the family from what might have been a nasty situation.  Whenever we keep our patience one minute more, forestall our anger one more time, forgive again or refrain from judging another who we believe deserves it, we have offered a grace filled example of courage and goodness. Maybe it is strangers who  are watching or othr relatives and friends it doesn’t matter. The idea is our goodness resonates forward as much as any good deed.

I always recall a friend who believes she does nothing for others yet she will never say no. This doesn’t appear to her to be commendable yet I find it so worthy of mentioning. I guess what I have finally figured out was the importance of our everyday actions which motivate others without a doubt. Hopefully they will always be meritous activities because dreadful actions are also being observed. Children are the biggest mimics of our actions and words.

I remember one school day at the end of the year how a young girl saw a spider walking along the floor and yelled “eek there is a spider”. Another young boy yelled “I will step on it.” At that moment two of the kids including the young girl shouted, “No, we will put him outside.” I was so pleased because in my classroom we always put the insects outside without harming them. I was impressed that they corrected each other and respected the life of the bug. They had learned a lesson well.As you hear the familiar words tumbling from your child’s mouth it makes you remember to keep your words and actions gentle because you actually wield a lot of impact.

“Parents must lead by example. Don’t use the cliche; do as I say and not as I do. We are our children’s first and most important role models.”    Lee Haney

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.”    Albert Einstein

“True religion is real living; living with all one’s soul, with all one’s goodness and righteousness.”    Albert Einstein

Tolerance Towards Humanity

kindness“What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature.”    Voltaire

“I learned that very often the most intolerant and narrow-minded people are the ones who congratulate themselves on their tolerance and open-mindedness.”    Christopher Hitchens

I was discussing tolerance with a couple of people the other day, and discovered our views were so varied. I think we were all basically correct, but narrow-minded in our scope. For instance, we had no mercy for those who had  great material wealth. We all felt sympathy for the poor, but would ignore the rich. If we were cut in line by a poorer looking person, we likely would say nothing, because we would feel sorry for them. If a wealthy person stepped in front of us, we would be quicker to defend ourselves. It is as if the wealthy person conjures up in us, feelings of being treated in a less than worthy manner. We almost feel guilty for the person in a lower economic bracket.

Just as we measure babies heights, and weights, among other things, wealth is a measurement of adult worth and accomplishment. The majority of us are not money wealthy, so we are sometimes jealous of those who are wealthier. Nobody ever sees this as intolerant. The wealthy are one group that can be treated poorly, in a variety of ways, yet people don’t recognize this as intolerance.

It is easy to be tolerant of the obvious groups of people. It is a different story to be tolerant of those who annoy us, challenge us or are impudent to us. It might be why it is difficult for some parents to deal with misbehaving kids. They are aware of how much they give to their kids and resent the attitude they receive in return. Kids are judgmental of their parents and tolerate little. Mom and dad might have worked hard for their gains in lifestyle, only to be met with a child’s insults of being a money monger. They forget their free manner of speech, was the result of an expensive education.

We just can’t choose what days times or people we will tolerate. It must be a blanket tolerance for everyone. That is why it is so hard to express our level of tolerance, because we perhaps are not in the least exhibiting that virtue. It is difficult, but again we don’t walk in another shoes. We have no idea the struggles anyone suffers and endures. The people  who complain about their issues are easy to identify, but those who hide their troubles, are harder to observe, and so feeling compassion for them is never easy.

To appreciate tolerance, one must do away with judgments of all kinds. We must take each person as they are, and accept them without exception. That means the grumpy older  person, who is always complaining about our ill-behaved kids, should receive our gentle smile and kind words. That is hard I know. It is almost impossible, but by setting the goals of inclusion for all, we set high standards.

I realize most of us are probably thinking it is a  stupid way to tolerate others. Why should I tolerate the bratty child, who insults my child every day. Well suppose you found out the misbehaving child was receiving little love, attention and direction. We need to turn our thoughts from a negative thinking, to a  positive reflection. Again one might reply, they get more than I can give my kid, and they are always going someplace. My answer would be, but maybe they receive little attention, guidance, time and love. We can never assume that because a child has less money, they have less love and attention. The opposite perhaps is true.

Trust me, I break many of my own rules, and go backwards now and again, when I am attempting to reach my goals. I sit down and acknowledge my errors. My first step in proceeding in a forward motion, is to think about the person  involved. At those moments I can reflect on a variety of truths, regarding this person, rather than focusing on the surface. My perception can be deceiving. I cannot underestimate my ability to fool myself .

It allows me to muster some genuine pity for this person, as well as some understanding. It releases any anger and resentment I am holding against them. It actually presents the person in a new and softer light. My humanity is triggered, and my tolerance level is raised. The next time I hope I might achieve the level of tolerance a lot quicker, as I learn to refrain from my deep rooted resentments.

Every time we are discussing another person in a derogatory way, we might question our tolerance of that person. Have we dealt with the troubles they experienced? On the other hand, there are those people who want to vacuum up all of another person’s tolerance. They believe they have the worst of the world dumped on them. I actually pity and tolerate them the most because they have so much real or built up pain, that they have none to give to others. They should tolerate those, who may not understand their plight.

The more we review the need for tolerance in the world, the more we realize our circumstances are so different. It is complicated to comprehend the levels of burdens we all endure, at various stages in our lives. Acceptance is the key. By accepting diversity, we accept tolerance and the inclusion of all people. We take them as they are,  and move forward with ease, as we close in on our goal to be a tolerant person.

“Love is not just tolerance. It’s not just distant appreciation. It’s a warm sense of, ‘I am enjoying the fact that you are you.”    N. T. Wright

“The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.”    Ralph W. Sockman

“And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had more of a tendency to look for people who live by kindness, tolerance, compassion, a gentler way of looking at things.”    Martin Scorsese