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high and lows"All the elements for your happiness are already here. There’s no need to run, strive. At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it."    Thich Nhat Hahn

"By listening with calm and understanding, we can ease the suffering of another person. Obstacles can be a form of liberation. Difficulties are required for success." Thich Nhat Hahn

All of us have so many fears but perhaps the biggest one is the fear of failure. It kind of groups all the other fears together. Whether it is our spouse, parent, child boss friend or enemy we hate to drop the ball and be considered a loser. The trouble is we can't really define just what a loser is or what it means. We have bad vibes about failing and never consider that there might be a bright side to failing.

What do our parents expect of us? Maybe they think we will forever be indebted to them and strive to please them. Most of us do appreciate our parents but there is a limit to what we can do for them and still be able to live our own lives. Failing to some of us is letting others down. If our parents expected us to be the engineer but we became the business guru, our parents are disappointed and they don't have to say anything. We can sense it in their look or frown or words.

Parents bring on the first of the fears of failing. They push kids to accomplish goals that may  not even be something their child wants. What parents consider important is sometimes not on the priority list of their kids. Seeing eye to eye on this is next to impossible. Even agreeing to disagree does not bring peace to the one who believes in their heart that they let their parents, people they love and cherish, down.

Likely the trick is to figure out why we sense a feeling of desperation when we have not done what another wants us to do. Somehow  a perso we love gets into our heads and makes us believe we should be what they desire us to be. In the end we and they are disappointed. It comes down to the fact that we must love each other for what we are and not for what they want us to be or become.

I know most parents want kids to be kind good and successful. Perhaps we should place compassionate, mindful and loving as some of the ways we delineate success. We  can all choose to be compassionate and thoughtful towards others. We can love others with a kind heart. Working on those attributes is worthier than forcing our own goals and attitudes onto others.

Parents wield a lot of power. If they choose to pick for thie child and demand success in the way they see it, likely everyone is going to live in stress and pain. Grown children expect parents to continue indulging them in ways that are invalid. When we have grown and matured we must take responsibility for ourselves even if it means failure at some points in our lives.  We can and must grow from failure rather than succumb to it and feel defeated.

Failure never brings permanent defeat unless we give up and stop trying. Failure should teach us where we went wrong and therefore how we can do it better than before. Somehow our ideas are that once one has failed give up, leave, walk away, try something or someone new. The stress caused by failure is full of anxiety, rage and fear. We see the disappointment in the eyes and we can't bear to witness it again so we stop and give up our objectives.

Husbands rarely live up to their wives anticipations. The wives hardly live up to the husbands expectations. The marriage road is rocky, demanding and full of potholes. None of us can win and most of us lose and switch up the game because it is painful to keep playing it. We sense how hard we try and we are actually more disappointed in ourselves for the failure. Likely we blame ourselves but we still walk away.

It is easy for friends to disillusion us. There are so many possible friends out in the world that we move on. The same is true with relationships. We find someone new and begin again. We assume we will get it right the next time so life goes on. How many of us question what we are doing and why we are doing it. We believe perhaps that it is for the best because we can't satisfy someone. I suppose that is true pleasing others is an impossibility.  What is also true is that our opportunities appear to be boundless until we discover the let downs are similar. We might even yearn to go back to the original problems or situations and try again,  although we usually can't do that.

We all need space to grow at our own pace. We need love the most and fear and stress the least. I find that the truth is we place the fear, stress and anxiety on ourselves when we believe we must please our parents, spouses children friends or boss. If we think it over we understand that if we disappoint anyone once in a while, they will get over it. If someone disappoints us we get over it. We have a hard time getting over ourselves and our own disappointments of failure.

Failure is not like the end of a road. It is more like a stop sign that slows us down. Perhaps that is a good thing because we get to review what we are doing and why. This may send us down a different path and also help us to engage the people we love in an alternative manner. We need space and encouragement. We need a sense of value and pride in us. If we please us then perhaps we won't be as wounded when we don't always please others. What we think about us when we look in the mirror is what really counts.

A sense of self leads to valuing others. If we are mindful of others we will likewise support their endeavors to be who and what they are. The freedom it endows us with is enlightening. Somehow we all win and we have not failed anyone especially not us. We have our own lives to live, goals to reach and problems to accept and overcome. People can best help us with support of all kinds and refraining from interfering in our choices.

Establish your own self esteem and move forward with courage and strength. Don't be swayed by what others say because they are seeing life through their eyes and we must open our eyes and see what it is we want. Stop judging so much and start living. We learn from mistakes and the learning sticks because of the pain of the error. If we can accept each others mistakes we can increase the relationships love and enthusiasm to do better the next time. Perhaps transformation from within is more of an answer than always attempting to alter outside of ourselves and our surroundings. Put the fears to rest and start living in serenity.

“I know you won't believe me, but the highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others.”     Socrates

“What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of what it's supposed to be.” Socrates

“If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.”     Socrates

failure"Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage."    Maya Angelou

"Don't let the incidents which take place in life bring you low. And certainly don't whine. You can be brought low, that's OK, but don't be reduced by them. Just say, 'That's life."    Maya Angelou

I would question why so many people worry so much about failing except I do it myself. One never plans on fretting but somehow it filters in. As children we attempt to do the somersault everyone has already mastered. We practice because it isn't cool to be the only one who hasn't done it. As children, we hide our grade if it is lower than a B or 80, in case everyone else did better. If we come in last while running a race, we blame it on a late bedtime or too much for breakfast. It can never be something intrinsic.

As we mature our attitude towards failing only gets worse. We begin comparing ourselves to everyone. Girls usually need to dress in a similar fashion to make the correct statement. Boys must pass the I am tough test to be included in the group. It could be the athletic group or the math group but having similar qualifications is important in order to be accepted.

As adults we don't stop. We still look for approval and dread anything less than that which is considered failure. If we think about it long enough and hard enough we find a pattern. No one wants to be alone or outside the circle. We all want to fit in somewhere or someplace. Crashing is just not part of the scenario.

What nobody is willing to look at is the fact that we all do fail and likely many times. To admit it would be next to God-like. Why do we feel like such a loser when we collapse? I wonder why. Sometimes we are forced to learn by falling down. It isn’t necessary for anyone, including ourselves, to make a big commotion about it. We all hate nose-diving, and probably attempt to hide our unsuccessful attempts, as if it was a reflection of who we are. Maybe we worry we will be stamped with the words FAILURE written on our backs. We will have to carry the stigma around forever so we think.

We might become almost close to fear at times. The doubts about overcoming our mistakes creep in and dominate our thoughts. As teens we worry if we will ever have a boyfriend or girlfriend whichever the case. If our friends are all involved it makes it so much worse. Again we feel diminished. We can't look our friends in the eyes because they might see our ineptness. Somehow as we go through life we find it necessary to complete all of the landmarks we find as rites of passage and entrance to maturity. Everyone expects it of us including our family. As we continue through adulthood it doesn't change much as we still feel the need to succeed at opportunities presented to us.

How important these opportunities are is not as relevant as accomplishing the tasks necessary. We never question what the reason is for the completing of the tasks. We never doubt how or why they have such a sense of importance to us regarding belonging. We don't ever consider what happens to all those who can't do something and basically fail. We just count our blessings that it isn't us. As adults, if everyone has a trimmed yard, we will toil in our yard.

The people who fail are hurt beyond compare and go through some soul-searching and if they are lucky they find how pointless it was to reach for the silly goals of being like everyone else. At some point we are all unsuccessful at certain things because we are all different. It isn't vital for us to run a fifty mile dash in a certain amount of time or become the hero everyone adores.

Missing the mark sends us into a period of questioning our motives and beliefs. Are we doing something we want or is it anther's wish. Falling down teaches us tolerance patience and humility. We learn to continue towards our goal. We take our time and begin to look at other people who missed their goal of becoming winners. Perhaps they and we just haven't made it to the finish line yet. Probably many of us cheer the failures on because we can identify with them on many levels. We likely see ourselves in them.

We would have to be very egotistical to imagine we could accomplish everything on a first attempt. When we fail we recognize our need to persevere in the task. We don't give up. Maybe we learn that we also can't give up on people in general. So what if they failed and let us down. They need another chance and we will give it to them.

If we learn so much from crashing I see it as a good thing. We don't have to look at it as something to brush under a rug. The lessons are greater than the ones that come from winning. Our status is not tied to a golf game or baseball or soccer game. It is not tied to our ability to knit or crochet. It is also not tied to how perfect we are as parents or how many times we did or didn't control our temper.

I view malfunctioning as a way to go back to the start and begin anew. We think defeat is a bad thing, because we view in terms of the intrinsic qualities of the person. A miscarriage simply means we have not overcome our challenges, whatever they may be. So what if someone buys all the correct foods for the baby. So what if some kids are totally disciplined. There is no correct way for anything. There are many ways to raise kids, discipline with love, nurture and take care of a home. Our method can be as worthwhile as anyone else’s. Having faith in our abilities is vital.

If we fret and question what we do in comparison to others, we will never trust we are doing anything correctly. We have our own ways. My mother had total control over her kids. The result was her adults kids were easier going and relaxed on discipline. The house was clean but not neat and life was flexible and the children were happy.

I wonder if she grew up in a home that was more flexible so she chose to be strict. I guess that proves parental rearing can go in many different ways and kids survive and thrive. Failure can be what we want it to be. It can make us realize we are in the wrong field, make us stronger and make us stretch beyond what we ever thought was possible. All it takes is a different name for what we call being unsuccessful at something we are attempting to do. Maybe we are not old enough just yet. Perhaps we haven’t learned enough about the subject. It is possible we have not persevered a long enough time. Whatever way you want to deal with it suffice it to say it doesn't define who you really are. It counts about as much as a game of ball.

Don't get cornered by failures. See them as life scars that have added dimension to your soul. You are more than your failings. Your many attempts stretch you beyond recognition into something far finer and more impelling. You have faced fear and overcome it in your demonstration of your survival.

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."    Khalil Gibran

Let us not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless when facing them.    Rabindranath Tagore

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."    Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

actions that avoid conflict"What you dislike in another take care to correct in yourself." Thomas Spratt

 "Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Oliver Goldsmith

Insecurity breeds contempt for any kind of boastful comment. Every time a person shares the most recent event in her young or older child's life, does not mean he or she is boastful. Size is not better. Learning is not intelligence. Athletic ability is not valor or prowess. Beauty never denotes inner quality. Why then do we fret? We cannot be insecure in our own hearts.

Pitting siblings or grandchildren against each other creates animosity and tension. Stop self-doubt. Each of us holds the potential for greatness. Maybe if we respond with a simple reply of acknowledgement to the parent, we will avoid confrontation regarding who is the superior person. We avoid making a memory we'd rather forget.

Our insecurity and competition, keeps us at arms length, away from each other. We cover up, hide, and embellish whatever happens, in order to compete against a perceived enemy. If we all partake in this game, none of us will win. We'll all go home defeated. Why are we really competing, or why is it necessary to prove we have a good life, or good kids. If another person doesn't care, and we don't care how intelligent or athletic somebody else is, then why are we constantly attempting to make assessments.

How is it we never learned to reflect on what we enjoy and  what gives us happiness. I love it when a child comes running into my arms to kiss  me, and blesses me with the largest smile. I love it when someone is kind for no reason, and expects nothing in return. I love it when I pour out my heart to another, and they say, "your okay, you just have to see it in another way." I find that I love people, and I admire their kindness. They innocently pour out empathy, without any  expectations.

When I observe this action in children, it renders me speechless. I admire the athlete who never gives up the fight, right to the end of the game. I admire the student, who works for hours studying, to gain the degree, and work at a job they desire. I admire the young graduate, who works hard to make a living, whle offering his time to others. I admire those who have little, yet give so much time and energy to others. I admire the rich, who share their resources, and business finesse, to help the unfortunate. I admire the willing helper who at any time, jumps  to the aid of another, regardless of danger. I admire anyone who notices a need, and makes it their duty to respond.

Kids who share, offer support, and even compliment another, are admirable. Many adults find it impossible to give compliments. I sometimes think this can go back to childhood. When parents hold up the goals they want their kids to achieve, it can leave the kids frustrated, and unfulfilled. Usually one or more of the kids will never accomplish such a goal, because they never accepted it as their own. I guess we can't set up competitions. Someone may notice the athletic prowess of a child, at a soccer game. If another adult chides in, "You should see this other kid play ball", they have diminished the original compliment. Why is it we all get caught in measurement.

If we searched, we might always find someone who can do better or worse. It isn't necessary to compare. All of the rivalry is the reason adults are in constant fear, doubt and worry, about any group situation. They need to hear about the new car, job etc. This in itself, should not bother us, but it does because it goes back to the contending. The real issue is if we are happy. What makes us happy? There is no fretting, if life is offering things that make you happy. I often think of the person with three or four homes, that have ten to fifteen rooms. How do they even enter all of the rooms within the month? How many  boats, or homes, or material things can anyone own? is their a certain number, that promotes happiness? The interesting fact is, we can be as happy as we choose to be. Honest  truth! Words and talk are just that. The person with the big fancy car may hate their life or worry about vying with those in his or her money bracket.

I think if people stopped comparing, we might find more camaraderie. Our first question may not be how long or big was the baby, but are mom and baby doing well. We wouldn't worry how soon they walked or talked, but rather that they were learning how to get along with others. How we got off track, is mystifying. We are like hamsters on a wheel. We can't stop or get off without help. Time to help ourselves. Everyone's child is special and perfect. They are so unique. You can see it when you observe them long enough. Their expressions are different, as are their smiles, movements, walk, talk, climbing ability and more. That is what defines them and makes them so precious. It is insulting to compare them with any other child, because that would be impossible.

I think whatever kids God  entrusted to you, he believed that you would be the best parents for such a child. If you believe you have a difficult child, be thankful for the trust God placed in you, to nurture and raise that child. Each child comes with their own set of inner and outer qualities. It is up to us to steer them. Nobody mentioned comparing. We are all in this together. Let's not make it harder than it already is. Time to see each other as supporters. We are and can be.  We just need to erase the idea of competition. We can still compete without the destruction of others. When the victor becomes a tormentor, he is no longer a winner. Look always at the size of a person's heart. Measure their love if you need to measure anything.

Viewing each other in a more vulnerable way, just might help us to accept each other. Appreciate each person's effort to live their own life. While at your gathering, look for and enjoy the good of the moment. Even if you are the recipient of boastfulness, smile and mention how proud they must be of their kids. Then mention how much you love, and feel the same way about your own family.

"The hardest thing for any young couple to learn is that other parents have perfect children also." Herbert Prochnow

"All kids are gifted, some just open their packages earlier than others." Michael Carr

“If you want to change the world, measure a person by the size of their heart, not the size of their flippers.”  Naval Adm. William H. McRaven

when envy activtes suspicion"Sometimes our candle goes out,but is blown into flame by an encounter with another human being." Albert Schweitzer

How are your days progressing? As one gets older the times seem to manifest bittersweet memories. We all remember people who were with us at past holidays. We remember a favorite dessert a certain someone loved to eat. We recall one's habits and rituals which bring tears to our eyes.

It tortures us to live in the past and it actually deprives us of creating special moments with those we are with at the present point in time. Even though it is difficult, we need to look beyond our hurts and even our desires and gain an inner contentment reflecting on the good things we have and the loving people that are currently in our lives. We really do have that choice.

One can choose to dwell on our injuries or rejoice in our loving relationships. Nobody can go backwards in time. I believe we must allow the pain to slip away on the wings of butterflies. The present is what is. Pain will always be remembered but reliving it hurts us over and over again. It depletes our energy, confuses our minds, and prevents us from allowing our hearts to open up to the surrounding love.

Being whole again is invigorating. Being intact again doesn't mean we forget or block anything away. We simply choose to focus on what is right and beautiful in our lives. If there be one individual or animal that loves us we are blessed. if we can't think of anyone then we can easily search and find another person who would so appreciate having a friend. We are not ever alone unless we choose it.

Let go of the fear of the unknown. Let go of the fear of embracing something new. Sometimes when we observe others having a great time at a gathering, we wish we could be some of those people. What we see is not always reality. Many of us at times feel alone in our hurts even amongst a crowd of people. It can become easy to feign happiness.

Step into your life and embrace it with open arms. See beyond your doubts, jealousies and reservations. Never give up. Never give up. It's just at the moment when you feel the worst, that things might just change for the better. We do have to help ourselves. So open your heart to others and don't fear the unknown. Seriously count your blessings. You might be surprised at how many there are.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain." Vivian Greene

what counts"You give but little when you give of your own possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." Kahil Gibran

We search for things all the time. We can never seem to get everything done by the end of the day. We think, maybe if I try harder tomorrow or give up some lunch time or get out earlier from work or get up earlier etc. We're all lacking time yet we are not so worried about time. It's as if we want all their is in the amount of time we get in a day.

If you ask a wife or a husband what they would like from their spouse it will most likely be time alone. Children ask parents to watch, look listen help and play. On the worst day at work we might be thinking about when it is time to go home and see our loved ones. The key word is time yet we abuse it misuse it and waste it. When we get time we forget all the good thoughts we had about what is important in our lives and instead begin to focus on what we should or need to do. So we understand the problem but what is the answer?

I think we need to pay attention to what we know is important. That is what we think about in our worst states of mind. People are what counts. One must begin thinking about people and how important they are to us.The sink, laundry, shopping housecleaning computer phone calls, texts and papers can literally wait. People should never have to place second to any of these devices swallowing up our time. If we lined all our items of ownership alongside the people we love, most people would likely choose the people they love if given only one choice.

We spend so much time doing all those other things. What never seems to get accomplished is TIME for PEOPLE. It's never too late to change our habits. Put those you love first in your life. If you only have a limited time never cut it from your loved ones. You will find relationships stronger and connections to your children stronger to the point that you may not have the problems you had with the kids when you didn't have time for them. Marriage problems ease, child issues get resolved quicker and somehow when you go to bed at night you don't feel guilty. Those unimportant things can wait.

You have taken care of the main things in your life. Suddenly you might discover that your life appears to be flowing smoother and you wonder why. Maybe it is because you have chosen wisely in the way you decided to spend your time.

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." Albert Einstein

roads that lead no where"Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley. But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us." A. J. Cronin

"You may encounter many defeats but you must not be defeated. In fact it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are , what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it."    Maya Angelou

I have recently been the recipient of 3 young peoples' cries for help. It seems to be an epidemic. Young people get so lost in their unhappiness and powerlessness that they spiral downward quickly. Maybe it is time for all of us to recognize the needs and implores of others. Sometimes through helping another, we can also help ourselves. So many feel trapped in an existence that they cannot control or change. Of course this isn't always the case but if one believes it to be true then for all intensive purposes it is. We need to break the spiral by recognizing the triggers sooner and intervening.

Life is almost impossible to take. At times many of us think it is too difficult. That is when we should ask for help. We need a listening ear, a comforting embrace outside intervention or a new frame of mind. It doesn't need to be life threatening but for those, who view the world narrowly, it might be. They can't see beyond the mountains they can't climb. One day they might fly over these mountains but for the moment they or we are trapped.

As adults we need to take cries for help from young people seriously. A young person laments not having a girlfriend or boyfriend. It may  to us appear to be meaningless. To them it is heartbreaking and diminishing. They feel like they are a loser and they turn to outside things to make the pain disappear if only for a short while.

Sometimes parents think in time they'll get over it and so little attention is paid to this situation. I am not blaming parents by any means and many times even with total intervention the situation gets worse. But for those situations that might get better with immediate attention, I suggest a focusing in on a child or teens problem. They may not whine or complain but they will appear unhappy and withdrawn. Pay attention.

Waiting is not an answer. Step in right away. Don't worry about appearing foolish. Better to be foolish and mistaken than lax and have a major problem. One needs to put other issues aside and deal with what is at hand. Partial or small attention to the matter will not get it resolved. Your full focus must be given. Place its' importance high. Talk talk talk with your child, and spend time with them. Don't assume they are okay  when they tell you to deal with your own business.  Continue to remain resolute. Keep your attention on them resolute.

Find groups or sports or community activities for them to be a part of depending on their likes. Join something together if you can. Work on a project together and discuss other options in their lives. Do a clean up of the town,  volunteer or coach a younger group of kids with them, encourage them to join a fire department explorer group or get them a job. The point is they need to feel wanted, appreciated and substantiated. They need to feel worthwhile. We all need to feel this. They are in crises at the moment so it is more important for their needs to come first even before our pleasures or downtime.

Search, ask questions, never say I've tried everything because you haven't and the stakes are too high to stop or let go. Diverting attention to a worthier cause or effort will redefine who they are. It might take a long time in the struggle and an abundance of effort on our part, but we will possibly have the results we strive for. If any person close to us, be it child or adult, is in an inner conflict, it becomes necessary for us to get involved in any manner that we can to remedy the situation. If it is ourselves that has the problem, recognize it and seek help immediately. Like clouds on a rainy day, it will pass in time and the sun will shine again.

We all have times when life appears to offer us confusion. If it overwhelms us then we find ourselves in a fog of confusion. It is difficult to find the right path even when we are searching. Our minds get clouded and our judgement is poor. At those times leave the big decisions for another day and consult with those you trust. If you are the recipient of the trust, consider yourself chosen to have such a powerful role in aiding another human being in their search to find peace security wholeness and most importantly their place in this big confusing harsh world.

"Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first." Frederick Wilcox

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." Calvin Coolidge

extinguish the fire"Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret." Lawrence J. Peter

"Whenever you are in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." William James

 When one feels the smoldering inside of them because another person has ignited some kind of fear, the first thing we might do is question ourselves. That may sound ludicrous but an immediate question may find the reasons why we begin to flare up in anger. I am by no means saying our annoyance is due to another person's agitation. Just because another person infuriates us does not give us the right to speed our temper. Controlling our anger is our problem.

To make sense of it we need to understand what triggers our irritation and then work on that. If another's tone of voice angers us ask why. Do we recall a parent's or spouse's or sibling's tone in that voice? Did they make us feel inferior or even stupid at another point in time? That would explain why we tend to overreact when we hear that tone from another. Understanding helps us  comprehend and let go of our quick negative overreaction.

Anger usually originates from fear. We fear losing control. We fear losing respect, an object, a person, power, friends, position etc.. The list goes on but the fear is basically the same for most of us just varying degrees of reaction. If we get cut off when driving a car do we begin to think, the other driver deliberately tried to do it and wanted to prove they were crafty. In our minds we visualize them laughing at us, making fun of us. The flame inside of us burns stronger until we feel the need to attack in some way. This might be verbally, causing a barrage of profanities in front of our family or worse we recklessly race to try and cut them off at another area of the road.

reasoning why it bothered us so much may explain the real truth. They were simply taking their shot to move ahead and get to where they were going. We as a person were not intricately involved in their thinking. Most of the time, road rage has nothing to do with an individual person. It's more to do with winning or getting ahead or trying to make time or a zillion other reasons that have nothing at all to do with us. Our reaction has everything to do with our insecurity at being bested. We are equally competitive with friends and family.

Why does it bother us when another person gloats about their vacation or job promotion, or new whatever? Does it make us think that they assume they are better? Can we remember a time when we gloated about something, anything? Did we want to bother or upset another person? If we can say no to that question, then we should acknowledge that most likely people are overjoyed about their current situation which brings them joy and happiness. They do want to brag because they feel good about themselves and their life at that moment.

Parents who pitted child against child during their growing years successfully created a competitive environment. The boasting may not harm us physically but it sticks in our mind that we just lost some kind of mind game.

Reflect on your anger when you have some time. Especially reflect when you get angry with your kids. Did they interrupted a movie or time with our spouse? Our kids may be acting in ways that reflect our own childhood when parents were admonishing us for a similar situation. We don't want to hurt our child but we lash out at the imitation of ourselves doing what we did when we were their age. The past events are now ingrained in us and considered immature.

If we are trying to fix something and it still doesn't work, will yelling at my wife, husband kids make the situation better? Maybe it is time to walk away from the thing and ask for help or work on it when our mind is refreshed. Don't fear putting plans off for another time when our mind is more relaxed and prepared. Nothing ever goes according to schedule. There really are no deadlines. When one realizes that our fear of not accomplishing goals and objectives in our chosen time frame is unavoidable the frustrations won't lead to anger. Ask yourself a few of these questions today before you fan your fire.

"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end." Denis Waitley

"Discipline is the habit of taking consistent action until one can perform with unconscious competence. Discipline weighs ounces but regret weighs tons." Jhoon Rhee

Hazards of Guilt “Why should we think upon things that are lovely? Because thinking determines life. It is a common habit to blame life upon the environment. Environment modifies life but does not govern life. The soul is stronger than its’ surroundings.” William Jam

I have decided to remove the guilt trapped in my mind. I am not sure how I will do it but after it is removed I will attempt to keep it at bay. I hope I don’t feel guilty if I fail. It appears that most of us on any given day can find numerous things to feel guilty about. Some of us even let others pile on the guilt as if we didn’t give ourselves enough to feel guilty about.

Stop allowing your mind to replay situations that transpired. Once you’re caught in such a situation you begin to admonish yourself about what you should have said or done. I do this all the time. Then one is left open for the onslaught of ideas creeping into your mind regarding better actions or words one could have done or said. I begin to believe that I was totally wrong because I didn’t cover all of my bases or didn’t have more thought for the other person. I immediately buy into the notion that others are correct in their horrible assessment of me.

The next time I try harder and correct my previous mistakes but then find myself making other mistakes. I believe I can make people happy, confident relaxed inspired tolerant and patient. Now I ask myself why I thought I was God. I can’t force someone to recognize their positive gifts and be thankful for what they have. I can’t make anyone be in a happy mood even if they alter other people’s moods for the worst. I can’t change someone’s low self-esteem, or confidence level. I can’t rip jealousy anger or a vengeful attitude from another’s heart.

Basically I can’t control others but I now know I can control myself and my attitude. I can make a difference to others by being myself that’s it. I can model demonstrate, lend an ear encourage listen and attempt to say and do the things I think another needs. I know it isn’t easy because every person I meet has varying needs. I can only do my best and accept the outcomes. I discovered that by doing this I can get up the next day clear in my thinking and ready to embrace a new day with its’ new challenges.

When I let poor outcomes in the guise of angry looks, remarks or actions influence and infiltrate my mind I am useless to all including myself. I am down an endless road. It leads nowhere. If I overcome my insatiable running thoughts of guilt I allow another’s mood to enter behind my constructed wall. I remain whole alive and well. I may continue my interest of others and their heartaches or misfortunes without being swallowed by guilt that I could have should have or failed to do more.

We don’t fail when we mean well. We may have made a difference that even the angry person may not have noticed. I must move forward and know I really did my best for the situation at the time, place mindset ability and my knowledge of the dilemma. Who could ask for more? Many people do but I know I am not God and I know God influences my words and actions and I therefore know I attempted to do my utmost to promote a happy situation or an uplifting moment.

In the end we all create our own reality and we can help others and not feel that we failed because we don’t get a total victory which will bring on the guilt. I will repeat myself and say that if I feel guilty now I know it is because I am allowing it to have power over me so I resist, close my eyes and say “I won’t go there. ” I am in charge of creating my own attitude and reality. It is my life and I am in charge of it. I quote a remarkable speaker, musician and writer,           “Your life can shrink or expand,” Kent Gustavson

 

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