holding-grudges

Time passes unhindered. When we make mistakes, we cannot turn the clock back and try again. All we can do is use the present well.”  Dalai Lama

“An open heart is an open mind.” Dalai Lama.

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves”  Dalai Lama

“The goal is not to be better than the other man, but your previous self.” Dalai Lama

“One problem with our current society is that we have an attitude towards education as if it is there to simply make you more clever, make you more ingenious… Even though our society does not emphasize this, the most important use of knowledge and education is to help us understand the importance of engaging in more wholesome actions and bringing about discipline within our minds. The proper utilization of our intelligence and knowledge is to effect changes from within to develop a good heart.”  Dalai Lama

Grudges is a nasty  word to begin a post but if we are hoping to let the grudge go then it is a post full of hope. I like everyone else have carried my grudges like trophies in my pocket. In a way I am proud of them because it denotes suffering and endured pain. It proves I have endurance and stamina to  have put up with such situations. I have instilled in myself all the reasons I was right and I absolve myself from any guilty feelings. If I must give myself any blame I go with 10 percent. Somehow that appears to be an acceptable amount.

There are times when others  lose patience and end up out of control. I don’t care what their complaint is they have no  right to treat me poorly so I shut them off and refuse to listen to them. It proves my point that they are totally in the wrong and I am in the right. I also get the sense that I am slightly protected from the next person who wants to  take advantage of me. I am armored and the hurt they toss out at me doesn’t penetrate so easily. In a way I see this as a win for me. ...continue reading "Holding Grudges"

These thoughts have kept me safe but also removed from other people. I calm myself with the thought who wants to be friends with them anyways. I suppose I shut out some people too  quickly but I don’t want any suffering. I am cautious now and as soon as I discover  anything I dislike in another person  I remove them from my life. It works for me and I have constructed a thicker coat of armor with every removal.

One day I was thinking about nothing in particular and my mind began to wonder. The more I reflected the more curious I  became. I recalled someone telling me to look at the dark within myself if I was really so brave. Of course I thought they had a nerve to imply I was dark inside. They hardly knew me so to say such a thing made me immediately cross them off of my friend list.

Well as I had no special things to  think about this particular day I began to open the door to the dark room of my mind. At first I was uneasy in a way I can’t explain. I felt confused about what I was searching for. Was it faults and guilt? I was annoyed at what I was doing and almost closed the door but the sense of “It’s too late”, crept into my thoughts. I ventured to study my role in the many negative happenings of my life and discovered to my dismay that in most negative  transactions I had plenty of blame. I began to sense that I was totally at fault most times. I then calmed down accepting the knowledge that there was blame all around. I went from innocence to total guilt  to enlightenment.

Nobody is faultless and we all have much to learn. Unfortunately the lessons are the most profound when they are the hardest and most painful to experience. If we don’t choose to accept fault and truth we lose the lesson. If we want to fault others the poison of our unclear thoughts filters throughout our body and drags us down. To honestly live you must let go of the grudges. When you judge others you discover you are part of the judged people. Learning to forgive relieves you of judging expecting and assuming. This will set you free to live a life of compassion.

I never wanted to peer into the darkness but I discovered the need to let go of grudges. We all spread pain along our life paths. We require as much forgiveness as the next person. In order to understand this one must open the door to their dark side. It isn’t to find out how much guilt you have but to let go of it. It is there but we don’t look at it. Once we do, we understand let go and let God move us in a better  direction of forgiveness and peace.

“Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you. However, if it taught you to hold onto grudges, seek revenge, not forgive or show compassion, to categorize people as good or bad, to distrust and be guarded with your feelings then you didn’t learn a thing. God doesn’t bring you lessons to close your heart. He brings you lessons to open it, by developing compassion, learning to listen, seeking to understand instead of speculating, practicing empathy and developing conflict resolution through communication. If he brought you perfect people, how would you ever learn to spiritually evolve?”  Shannon Adler

“Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.” Dalai Lama

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”  Dalai Lama

“The true hero is one who conquers his own anger and hatred.”  Dalai Lama

“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.”    Cris Jami

“When you hold a grudge, you want someone else’s sorrow to reflect your level of hurt but the two rarely meet.” Steve Maraboli