Skip to content

Animals10"Good intentions  are not enough; commitment and sacrifice are necessary." Laurence G. Boldt

"Just because I am strong enough to handle pain doesn't mean I deserve it." Pix

"When our actions are based on good intentions, our soul has no regrets." Anthony Douglas

"No man ever steps in the same river twice cause it's not the same river and he is not the same man." Heractitus

"Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking." C. S. Lewis

Our intentions regarding any matter are mixed and hidden because we are trying to fathom ourselves and others. It may not make sense but if you ask someone why they performed a certain act of kindness or meanness they usually give a group of responses for the one question. It made sound like, "I wanted to help them and they supported me and I felt like  I owed them." The list continues in a confusing way and you wonder why you asked the question in the first place.

Does this mean we don't know ourselves? We perform kind acts due to payback? We support others because we feel others are  watching us? Lastly I wanted to Help. I surmise that the majority of us would rather not think about it and just take the credit. It makes us feel better if we can say this person helped me in the past and I owe them or I helped them in the past so they owe me. I wonder if we hate  to feel we owe someone in any way. I am always on watch myself to come to the aid of a person who helped me at another point in time.

It is funny how it  weighs on our conscience to settle the bill. We worry about settling a bill yet we don't worry about settling an unkind word or action. It seems unsettling to think this person somehow is above us because they performed a kind service to us. We want to come to their aid  even if they don't want it nor request it. I had a friend who needed to repay any  service I did for her immediately. It didn't matter if I did not want the repay at that moment or ever. In her mind if she did something for me the debt was paid and her conscience was clear. Another friend I had done something for repaid me far into the future at a time when I truly needed help. I appreciated the second repay far more because she obviously noticed my need and jumped in versus the first repayment of helping when there was no demand.

I thought to myself maybe that was the crux of the issue. It is easier  to avoid facing the necessities  of others with a myriad of  excuses than to observe someone's hardship and requirement of help. As usual, I am as guilty of this as anyone. If I don't stop to think over my intentions then I might overlook someone in need. I might choose to ignore someone who requires support and ignore any possible good intentions of helpfulness on my part.

There are times when we do things at work in order to get the promotion or the eye of the boss. We like to receive the great reputation so we extend to others out of our wants rather than the other person's privation. There is also the guilt factor which leads many of us to repay a debt because it looks good or aids us in some way. So many times good intentions are must do things. Being coerced into doing things happens every day. There are those people who volunteer to do something and force others to jump on the wagon. Of course these actions are many times worthwhile but again the good intentions may not be present.

I sometimes wonder if by going along with good actions we are picking up good vibes and learning to care. I certainly do hope so. It would be nice to see a world of compassion where all of us thought about the next person and their welfare. If every intention was compassionate and full of empathy we would have a better world to live in.

There are times others let us down because they  are thoughtless to our needs and feelings. Recalling those times we did the same to  others helps us to overcome the self pity. I am not saying to stop loving the self as most of us find little time to think about self yet we should. I am saying how easy it is to hurt others without intending to do so. The wrong look, remark, laugh or action can send us reeling for cover. The intention wasn't there to cause pain but the hurt rang through loud and clear. I suppose we could wear some armor.

Our hope is to always have the best intentions. If we can't do that perhaps we might attempt to think about others in a sincere way. When we come to realize we are all people with feelings maybe we will stop to think before we do or say something that is painful to another. There are those times our intentions are hurtful and we are now remorseful. There are also times when our intentions were totally honest and without any harm meant.

We don't have to analyze every word or action done. We just have to try to do our best and observe any need we see that can be fulfilled. The kindness may never make the newspaper but it is always felt within the heart. There is nothing more revitalizing than experiencing that feeling, especially when it is performing an action that likely will never be repaid. That is when it is unconditional and not ever meant to be repaid. That is an unconditional act of love that will endlessly travel around the world.

"Think the best of each other especially of those you say you love. Assume the good and doubt the bad." Jeffrey R. Holland

"Your wings already exist. All you have to do is fly." Anonymous

"I will not die an lived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me. To make me less afraid and more accessible. To loosen my heart until it becomes a wing a torch a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom goes on as fruit." Dawn Markova

When It Isn't Enough“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” Haruki Murakami

“Sometimes life knocks you on your ass... get up, get up, get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.” Steve Maraboli

“In everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in a very few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.” Haruki Murakami

So we are feeling really low and our spouse or close companion doesn't appear to understand the depth of our sadness. There is no place to begin to explain how awful we feel. With every attempt we become mixed up in our thoughts and the words tumble out in a confusing fashion. The spouse gets annoyed with our attempts and we get off course in relation to what we are trying to explain. In the end we attribute it to their inability to understand how deeply we are hurting inside. As a matter of  fact, nobody quite gets the angry depth of our despair.

This perhaps resonates with many or most of us at any given time in our lives.  Sadly, we may give up trying and hide ourselves  away into the gravity of our sorrow. It is as if the world is against us and has never before seen the horrendous situation we find ourselves immersed within. Perhaps we haven't noticed that those we love are functioning  in their own spheres at the moment and unless we relinquish more of our sentiments they will continue to remain on the outskirts of our pain. As much as we desire to have our loved one involved with our dilemma, we tend to push all people away. Likely it has more to do with trying to outrun our problems. If we venture down another path, try a new activity, go out with friends our issue might disappear. Of course that never happens  but we had to try.

Observing it from the other spouses' view we see confusion about why their special someone can't shake what is bothering them. Even when we have all of the facts we assume they can overcome the obstacles in time and we sit back and wait. When the waiting produces no results we attempt the discussion which leaves us with more items to think about and a lecture on our insensitivity. Even if we believe this is far from the truth, our ability to  change the way things are unfolding is fading.

...continue reading "When It Isn’t Enough"

I find that when I need to find someone to blame for my despondent feelings I accept no support  from others. Then I fault them for not  helping me find a way out of my emotions. I am clearly trying to come to terms with my own thoughts about my family, my world and my life. If it appears to be crumbling for whatever the reason, I refuse to take any part in the blame. Of course this is a mistake but at the moment I may not be willing to deal with any blame.

There are those moments when life is not as clear or straightforward as we would like it to be. Perhaps we have visions of the perfect day which ends up being a confusing mess. How many times have any of us gone home from work thinking how did I create the dilemma I am currently finding myself in. It may be due to poor decisions, the need for attention, a cry for help or being overwhelmed with burdens. Of course we believe the world revolves around us so everyone we care about ought to notice how desperate we are feeling. In reality nobody sees nor hears our voice.

Probably most of our friends or family are involved with their own problems and are focusing on that. If we openly asked for help we might receive it but when we hope for another person to notice our pain it is very possible we will not be acknowledged. If we come to understand why we sense that we are alone, it makes it easier to cope. I believe we care about each other but we get caught up in our own lives. Even those closest to us can become shadow figures when work, health or family issues get a hold of us.

Sometimes people willing to commiserate with us are dealing with their own problems. Now that I understand that it is not from carelessness or neglect that others take no notice when I am hurting, it provides me with more optimism. So many people on any given day find so much to feel sad about that it can render many motionless as well as emotionless. After all, if we can't cope with ourselves, how do we help others cope?

My point is that when we are quick to notice someone's negligence towards us, we are just as quick to not notice when they are giving or offering support. Perhaps those who are offering the aid are not the ones we want to receive it from. I see this as rejecting what God sent. If we look for  aid we must be willing to accept it from those earth angels who come our way. Maybe this one time our spouse or special friend has too much on their own plate to play our hero. Blame will not get us anywhere. The times days and problems are so different that comparisons of any kind make it impossible.

Wounds of the body cause tremendous pain depending on the deepness of the cut. Likewise those injuries to our spirits and emotions also promote enormous pain depending on the depth of the slice. Our bodies scar and so do our spirits. Most times we survive injuries of all kinds and we are left with the scars. I sometimes look at body injuries with pride as I recall how difficult they were to overcome yet I conquered them. Nobody else could heal the injury except for myself. I know that although we depend on the support of others for our emotional healing, there are many times when we must look at it with our own eyes and then allow  ourselves to heal. It is ludicrous to assume another should do it or understand our pain. That is asking the impossible. A close friend can feel like a sister while a sister can feel like an acquaintance. The dimensions of connections can leave all of us guessing as to the extent of the pain. Certain times can make things more or less difficult than other times. Spouses can be nervous about any attempt to alleviate pain when they are not sure how to do it, what the extent of the pain is, or where it is. Being angry at others for failing us is something we need to get over and forgive. Keeping someone at arms length for something they could not fix is a terrible place to put someone. If we haven't dealt with a long term illness we can't understand the aftermath of it. Dealing with abuses of all kinds can diminish a family. Divorce, death, critical conditions of all kinds and more render us helpless in many ways. None of us would choose to have any of these problems in our lives.

The best any of us can do is offer support and understanding as best we can and forgiveness for ourselves when we fail to provide what the hurting individual needs at the moment. When they are back on their feet, they will reconnect with us but perhaps forget the pain they caused us when they were in agony. There is not one person walking among us that does not require forgiveness. At our lowest or highest points in life, we are the most vulnerable at creating a situation that will render us needy for forgiveness. It is at those points that we cause the most heartache for others.

I know that the more attuned we are to others the more we can jump in and offer help of any kind. If we can alleviate someone's pain we have altered the course of a life. Although we will never be superheroes, we can be someone's hero for a day. Relief of any kind is always a blessing. Comparing pain or wounds is always a mistake. There are too many variables to consider. It isn't necessary to compare. The next time we are the giver or receiver of help, remember to accept the apology or say thank you when the situation is over. We all have various paths to tread but we are all traveling in similar directions so have mercy always on each other. none of us want more stones tossed in our pathways.

“The key is this: Meet today's problems with today's strength. Don't start tackling tomorrow's problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow's strength yet. You simply have enough for today.” Max Lucado

“After every storm, there is a rainbow. If you have eyes, you will find it. If you have wisdom, you will create it. If you have love for yourself and others, you won’t need it.” Shannon L. Alder

Rippling Affect Of Stress 3“It is another’s fault if he be ungrateful, but it is mine if I do not give. To find one thankful man, I will oblige a great many that are not so.”

"Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost." Khalil Gibran

How underrated kindness is. It feels like we expect others to place us first on their agendas but we never reciprocate. Yes we are thinking, I am good to others all the time but truthfully, how quickly we forget about what others do for us. We do recall when someone lets us down. The pain hurts and the emotional scars we endure are sometimes of our own making.

 Like many others, I expect my family and friends to recognize and know when I  am over my head and require their help. I don't of course, mention my needs. I assume they should be aware of my desires. This rarely happens. I am let down and quite annoyed with them. After all, I believe, I am thoughtful regarding their plights, and I pay attention to what they want and crave. How come they can't do the same for me? ...continue reading "Rippling Effect Of Stress"

Perhaps this rings a chord with many of us. There are those times we need help but don't ask for it. There are other times when emotionally we require support, but very little comes forward. Why does this occur we ask ourselves as we nurse our wounds. Of course we might retaliate by alienating this person who is actually oblivious to the duress we are  under.

I think  we are so busy  scheduling and nurturing our own lives that we forget to notice what is going on in another person's life. We are not unkind, disloyal, heartless or without concern.  We are simply too busy dealing with our own problems. I am not saying this is the right thing to do, but we are not thinking deeply about it. I endeavor to say that most of us at times, rarely think deeply about anything,  because we just don't have the time or energy.

Stress is a killer in more ways than one. Perhaps when we are on overload, everything appears to be a tremendous task for us. Even the simple job that requires  very little time, can become the insurmountable  job that breaks our spirit. Somehow we have learned how to be hard workers but we haven't learned how to take the time out to chill. That appears to be too easy but actually, how many of us even know how to relax.

Our response might be that we take a vacation. Now we spend seven to fourteen days relaxing, and the rest of the year we are in fast drive.  I honestly think that in my case, that has some effect in my overlooking the quiet call to notice another's cry of despair. We wonder how so many people slip through the cracks in one way or another. Perhaps by the time we notice, they are traveling down the fast lane, and are ready to collapse.

I don't say any of this is our fault. I do believe that we could likely be in the same position as our now, off track friend. We all have different breaking points. It is hard to  say at what stage, we can't bend anymore. Seeking and observing what fork in the road we go off track is useless. It isn't planned but when we review an event, it is so easy to see the mistakes that were made. Perhaps we all should get out of the fast lane. It leads to nowhere.

We are expected to be strong, to make a good living, to protect the family, to help the family and neighbors, to be the thoughtful spouse, and to be willing to share whatever time is left over, with others in our community. How often do we receive mailings to give money or time to others. Of course once we start giving we are bombarded with more and more. The guilt jumps in and we are left with choosing the most sincere mailing with the saddest displayed picture. We run and promote causes but sometimes are left with little comfort and we ask ourselves are we doing enough? We all want to give but our distrust of the managers running the cries for relief funds overshadows our heartstrings.

Likely the numerous causes are beyond the human touch and although I would recommend supporting such causes, we still must watch that we don't deplete our own physical mental and emotional energy. We can stretch ourselves beyond the limit. Perhaps those people who are willing to give, can become the hardest hit emotionally, when they leave little time for themselves and their own immediate families. Work takes a huge chunk of our time.

Each spouse who is on overload, contributes to the end result of bickering, fighting and alienating each other. Maybe with a small amount of "me" time and together time, things will work out. Breaking our own sense of balance, for the sake of going overboard for others in demand,  is not necessarily a good thing. We are left with more people, including us, who desire attention. It really is okay to take a break. We all need it. Just because some of us are blessed with more material items and more supportive people does not mean we don't crave some down time. We will break as easily as the frailest in society.

On an airline, they tell you to put your mask on first, then your child's. This makes sense. If you are struggling to breathe, you won't be able to place the air mask on your child, if your air mask is not applied first. The same is true for your mental, emotional and physical body. If you don't take some time out for you, then you will be of little support to others.

When we have had enough we melt down. Then  we wonder, why those closest to us haven't taken account of our predicament. The trouble is that so many of us compensate, for such a long period of time, as well as keep the pain inside while  hurting silently.  That makes it difficult to notice someone's hardships. Immediately condemning others for their lack of kindness is a mistake. At those low moments all we can think about is what others have done wrong. We forget about how many times previously, they might have come to our rescue.

Focusing only on the slights, gives no room for the many kindnesses extended to us over the years. All we readily remember is the disregard we received. How sad is our focusing and recollection. Now we make another enemy of someone who used to be our friend or close relative. I always wonder at our lack for remembering the good, and our ability to readily recall the bad.

It appears to me that it is so important to take a break when needed and to ask outwardly for aid when support is required. Playing the "waiting game," or the "they should notice me game," always seems to backfire. Even in marriages, when partners don't readily state their feelings or ideas to each other without prompts, they are not given attention. Then what follows is anger at the partner, for not noticing their plight. Many of us do have a problem stating what we want or what is bothering us. Perhaps we are too independent.

I highly recommend helping others as much as we have the ability to afford to do in money, time and effort. I also highly recommend that we take numerous breaks for ourselves, so that we are not found in a similar position as those we are attempting to help. It is not weakness to accept help. Emotionally, physically and spiritually it happens to all of us. The reasons are numerous. Whatever succeeds in shedding light on our basic  requests is irrelevant. What is vitally important is that we recognize what we need, and we ask for it. In doing so we can breathe a sigh of relief for our genuine reprieve. The future will allot more opportunities to help others.

I don't think God ever wanted us to wear ourselves out. He expects us to nurture ourselves along with others. We are not supposed to build others up at the cost of tearing  ourselves down. No one wins and we resent those we attempted to support. Toss guilt aside and remember there are times in our lives when we have more problems and less time to give. There are other days when we have less problems, and more time to offer to others. Take notice of where you are at, and take charge of your life by asking and accepting help when needed. Reciprocate when you are asked in return. In that way everyone comes out a winner.

"And since the Law of Reciprocity is strong there is another upside. People will feel like giving back to you. And so the two – or more – of you keep building an upward spiral of positivity and happiness."     Seneca

“Life’s like a play: it’s not the length, but the excellence of the acting that matters. Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power. Wisdom allows nothing to be good that will not be so forever; no man to be happy but he that needs no other happiness than what he has within himself; no man to be great or powerful that is not master of himself.”   Seneca

"God said, "Love your enemy." "And I obeyed him and loved myself." Kahlil Gibran

“You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link. This is but half the truth. You are also as strong as your strongest link. To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of ocean by the frailty of its foam. To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

RUNNING THROUGH DAYS & LIFE"Optimism is a kind of heart stimulant — the digitalis of failure."~Elbert Hubbard

Optimist: "Okay, we all realize that the situation is temporarily hopeless." Robert Brault

"If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want."    Oscar Wilde

"After 5000 years of recorded human history, you wonder, What part of 2,000,000 sunrises doesn't a pessimist understand?"    Robert Brault

Everyday I fight the urge as well as the attention towards racing through my day. As I look around at other people, listen to their quick speech, I realize they are probably doing the same thing. None of us acknowledge it likely because we are so unaware of it happening. Most times I become more conscious of it when I slow down and quiet myself for a few moments.

As usual I question why I and perhaps others, waste our precious present time for the unknown. Most of us are perhaps locked into the "good times" to come. This may happen especially when the present times are not so wonderful. In the end we are wasting the present when we don't attempt to filter out the good stuff. Even when our day is not fantastic, there are still moments that are worth recognizing.

So many times we skip over some happy minutes of our day, and basically forget about them in favor of recollecting some future event. Likely the affair could turn out to be a disaster, but we are not presently mindful of that. I'm not sure why our alertness is always about the future. Perhaps we do this out of disappointment at our current situation, or because the unknown always appears to be enticing and exciting. Whatever the reasons, we are truthfully running through our days. I plan weeks ahead, and then wonder where my time vanished so quickly. ...continue reading "Running Through Days & Life"

One answer might be to think more about what appears to be wrong with our present. Are we bored, disappointed, angry, upset, unsure, doubtful, anxious or fearful? Are all of these present in our reflective thoughts? At times the lives of others gives us the impression that we are not focused enough to make our own lives more worthwhile. It seems that if we contend with our own minds, send the vibes of contentment through, we sense a feeling of pleasure or accomplishment.

Comparing our lives to others only adds displeasure to the mix. Most people exaggerate their good times, and downplay their problems. A skiing tip, fishing experience, or hiking event may appear more awesome than it actually was. Likewise, a simple picnic or day at the beach may emerge with more tears of laughter than we ever imagined possible. How would we explain, that our happiest moments were simple events. Perhaps there are situations that are too perfect to put into words and must be experienced with the heart.

One could say by keeping the daily expectations lower, we might find more satisfaction. I don't see this as a great answer. I think we can keep our goals high but maintain a positiveness to every situation. By doing so we always see the goodness in all our endeavors, and we find gratification in every experience. Anger, fear and anxiety are alleviated due to our focus on the ease we have regarding the results.

It isn't necessary to continuously feel like we are floating in the clouds. It is vital for us to emerge intact and satisfied. Life is a mixture all of the time. If we thought long and hard we would remember that even the wonderful events had moments of displeasure and anxiousness. We relegate those ideas to the back of our minds and turn towards the happy memories. Likewise when we are having a bad or difficult day, we must make our focal point the happy moments, and concentrate on that.

Control is constantly in our own hands. perhaps it is time to acknowledge the power of the mind to sway our thinking towards pleasure in our daily occurrences, or throw in some negativity and seek the displeasure. The choice is ours alone. Leading with our minds, allows the body to follow. Skip the leadership of the body over the mind. I think the body can get us into more trouble. The reflection of the mind is in communication with the soul.

Changing the way we look at things, perhaps might alter our attitudes and opinions about the positive and negative attributes. If nothing else, it eases the burdens and lightens the mood, permitting us a softer review of our days. Letting the light shine forth instead of closing the shades, brings a new awareness to any occurrence. Basing our happiness on the future, leaves us emotionally and spiritually deprived in the present.

As we anticipate a happy occasion in the future, we must ensure our being attuned to the present moment. The gathering at a friend's house may be exciting to think about but the laughs and joys experienced with random encounters with friends, must never be underestimated, nor taken for granted. Perhaps if we reviewed our days before closing our eyes at night, we might find much gratification and serenity within our existence. There is tremendous gratification in helping others. If our day is spent in such an endeavor, perhaps it brings a very high level of contentment.

I don't want to race through the small stuff which actually may be the big stuff of which I will forever recall and remember for all of my days. The smudged kisses of a toddler, smirks which evolve into smiles from our teenagers, random hugs from our spouse, thinking of you phone calls from our parents and siblings can never be underestimated. You have today, but perhaps not tomorrow.

By focusing our attention on the present, we might have fewer times when we question where our years went. It seems to pass by so fast. Yearning will not bring the years back to us. Regret is useless as well as detrimental to our health in every way. What is done is done. Forget about blame. Think about forgiveness and move on by paying heed to your present. It is never too late to develop a positive attitude. After all is said and done, we still never know about tomorrow but we do have today and that is enough care and concern for the day.

Anticipate a happy occasion in the future, but never rely on it to make you happy or bring you serenity in the present moment. Count your daily blessings. Life's problems dissipate, worries evaporate, today's pleasures increase, and best of all your life becomes full of peace when you seek the positive in all situations. Today is satisfying and loaded with love to go around, if we observe it with our hearts and quiet our busy thoughts.

 "A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all — he's walking on them." ~Leonard Louis Levinson

"The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser — in case you thought optimism was dead." Robert Brault

“Life is a bowl of cherries. Some cherries are rotten while others are good; its your job to throw out the rotten ones and forget about them while you enjoy eating the ones that are good! There are two kinds of people: those who choose to throw out the good cherries and wallow in all the rotten ones, and those who choose to throw out all the rotten ones and savor all the good ones.” C. JoyBell C.

“A positive attitude may not solve all our problems but that is the only option we have if we want to get out of problems." Subodh Gupta

Acknowledgement 2Acknowledgement 3“We value virtue but do not discuss it. The honest bookkeeper, the faithful wife, the earnest scholar get little of our attention compared to the embezzler, the tramp, the cheat.”    John Steinbeck

...What makes us who we are should be glorified personified and sung unto the stars!”    Muse

Perhaps we begin with the phrase, "I never wanted nor asked for anything in return." It is familiar to me. As much as any of us want to pride ourselves with our giving from the heart, without concern of any repay, we still like and enjoy some acknowledgement. Perhaps at times it is not necessary but at a Acknowledgement 4Acknowledgement 6 low point in our lives, or moods, we may search for some kind of acknowledgement of who we are and what we have done.

Most of us would be appalled to admit it bothers us when another doesn't consider our contributions. I have come to realize it has to do with a couple of things, which I know I am as guilty of doing as anyone else. My confidence level on any given day fluctuates. It drives me crazy and I am sure it makes others wonder just who I am. Another item to consider is our time, patience and effort given to another. That can't be given back so easily. Exhaustion plays a role in our attitude, when no appreciation is given.

Decidedly I believe as much as I might offer to help someone, I assume they understand just how much I am giving. Of course when they don't, and practically appear to ignore my good efforts, it leaves me wallowing in self-pity and sometimes anger. When we have put others first, supported, and comforted, then we might feel we deserve at least a thanks. We were needed and we came through. So now what?

Most of us look for the appreciation that may never come. For me to say it is a compliment, might sound absurd. But in a way, I have deduced that it is a compliment. Likely we need to rethink what our own feelings are regarding this dilemma. If it is important that we get the proverbial thank you, then perhaps we might consider picking and choosing what we want to do for others. It isn't an insult as much as it is knowing our own ability to give and not receive. ...continue reading "Acknowledgement"

It is one f the most difficult tasks to accomplish. Giving without receiving is weighing on a person. Many continue giving for a very long  time, until they break and crash. This occurs when one reaches the limit, and wants and deserves acknowledgement. At this point the  commendations are usually fruitless, because the receiver believes they had to ask for a thank you.

I see it as a break time. If we have reached our limit of doing thankless jobs, then perhaps we should relax a bit. The true idea of giving is when it can be done without any acknowledgement. I like to receive a thank you as much as anyone. What I reflect on now, when the pains of being unappreciated rise, is the reasons why I am doing whatever it is I am doing. When the reality of the situation roots in my heart, I realize that I don't require the thanks, and if I do need it, then I must immediately stop whatever it is I am doing. If one doesn't refrain from doing unacknowledged work, that they feel is worthy of acknowledgement, then it leads to major frustration, anger and a dislike of the person we are attempting to please. There is no winner in such a situation.

It isn't hard to believe that we might simply need a break. Perhaps we have placed ourselves so high on the pedestal of perfection, that we hate to admit we like a simple thank you once in a while. It isn't difficult to consider this. Being human we get caught up in our thoughts and our mind's take on issues. The further we go down that road, the sooner we reach the end of our endurance. If we want to continue, we must turn around our thoughts and go back to the original plan of aiding another without return.

It is a simple solution, yet it almost requires super human strength. There is no insults or degradation in our desire to not be taken advantage of. So many people in this world, are taken advantage of. Likely praise is not freely given and thanks is infrequently exhibited. Sometimes it is reasoned that this one has so much so they can afford to help me out. I find this perhaps the saddest answer. For anyone to think another should spend or give to them is absurd. The rich person, who spreads his wealth for the benefit of others, is extremely kind. They don't have to do such jobs.

Being thankful is as vital, as being aware and willing to support those in need. Both dispense of grace. The one acknowledges the empathy of the other through grace, while the doer is encouraged through thankfulness, to continue their good deeds. In the end the world is a better place with less frustration and anger. Tolerance is renewed and understood on a deeper level. Probably our ability to endure without thanks will increase to the point of not being necessary.

There are countless ways we help others daily. Few receive thanks. Children are too young to comprehend the tremendous amounts of help they receive from parents. The parents are giving many times without receiving. We all share those times when we were underestimated in our value. Accepting this without anger makes us stronger.  Continuing this attitude makes our world more compassionate.

We just have to get over our need of thanks. We must accept that the thanks is in the finished product which never really goes unnoticed. Take a break when you need to and settle your thoughts about receiving praise. You yourself know what a great job you have done. In the end it is how we view ourselves anyways. What others think of us is trivial compared to what we think and know about ourselves. We are the ones who must live with ourselves.

Stand strong, know your heart, mind and body have pure ideas, honest motives, and not looking for rewards or glory. When your mind heart and body work together, you become more god-like than at any other time. Accept those times you fail by remembering the numerous times you made a difference in the life of another person. After all, our thoughts have always been about giving, and have never been about getting anything in return. Trust that it has been acknowledged in more ways than we could ever imagine.

Remembering how far a simple thank you spreads compassionate healing,  is well worth mentioning. It triggers one to continue the path they are on, and persist in their work of providing for others. If that is all that is needed to inspire another, perhaps we should all frequently use the words "thank you" more often.

"Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well."    Voltaire

"Appreciation is the highest form of prayer, for it acknowledges the presence of good wherever you shine the light of your thankful thoughts."    Alan Cohen

"The more one does and sees and feels, the more one is able to do, and the more genuine may be one's appreciation of fundamental things like home, and love, and understanding companionship."    Amelia Earhart

"The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness."    Dalai Lama

When You Can't Give

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." Albert Schweitzer

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."    Albert Schweitzer

"I have always held firmly to the thought that each one of us can do a little to bring some portion of misery to an end."    Albert Schweitzer

Have you ever been at the mercy of your emotional self? You want to help, give, be attentive to and support others but the stamina is low or non-existent. Of course so many of us hide behind walls and refuse to share our deepest hurts and frustrations. This keeps others at bay and also any support. If someone doesn't know how much we are hurting, then they can't begin to understand or help us.

There may be all kinds of happenings and crises in other people's lives. Without a doubt, we might be left incapacitated for the moment. As much as we feel regret at our inability to help someone, we must remember that at that moment, it is best to nurture ourselves. Why this becomes so difficult for us to do is strange. Our need to be caring and compassionate makes us overlook our own needs. The problem is, if we stop caring for ourselves, we can become useless, in coming to the aid of other people. ...continue reading "When You Can’t Give"

It is paramount that we watch for stress and worry, within our lives. This can overpower us and cause fear of all kinds. Many times  fear and worry lead to frustration and anger, which serves no one. As much as we like to feel needed, and as much as we want to aid another person, we owe attention to our own minds, bodies and spirits. The guilt we feel is unwarranted. Ignore the emotional guilt, and know that it is vital for us to take a much needed break.

It might be unfortunate if our need for relaxation comes at a time when others need us. If we venture forth to help, even though we are at a low point ourselves, the results could be disastrous. We can't always plan when the desire for solitude permeates our being. Issues that arise in other people's lives, are also not planned or expected.

Many times we have those people who judge us for the extent of our vacation time away from issues, or they assess our actual problems as not so bad. I equate this to nonsense. After all, what one person perceives as a little problem, another may consider it a crises. We are different and can't all fit into the same mold. The extent of the feelings of pain, or burdens beyond our ability to face, are intrinsic to each of us.

A screaming child to one adult may be just extra patience to rock and comfort the child. To another adult it may be reaching the above and beyond boiling point. If that mom or dad requires some aid and comfort, it is certainly recommended. Our breaking points change on any given day. If we are dealing with the same issue day after day, our tolerance is likely going to deteriorate. We don't have to justify our feelings to those who really don't understand. When anyone has not walked in our shoes, how do we believe they have the right to judge us. Of course they don't.

Perhaps it may become necessary for us to turn a deaf ear, and close our eyes to adults who offer no mercy, only criticism. Has anyone ever listened to or observed a person in agony over their inability to deal with an occurrence in their lives? Maybe we have experienced the same happening, and perhaps we sailed through it. On the other hand, maybe they are sailing through it but we did not. So many issues we have that are similar, result in various  performances and endings.

I sympathize with the people who look for attention, mercy and empathy, only to receive rebuffs. I appreciate that there are likely those who have experienced worse. That never makes a poor situation feel any better for the people involved. Pain is pain and hurts are hurts. We should never measure the quality  of hurtfulness,  for accuracy. A little trust and understanding goes a long way.

For those who suffer in silence, there is a greater need for attention and acceptance. They almost believe in their super hero powers, until they crash and fall down hard. They are likely the ones we most totally ignore. They appear calm and together on the outside, yet may be suffering on the inside. Viewing someone who is able to take it on the chin, makes us overlook their need for attention. It necessitates our being mindful of the strong, who won't ask for aid.

I suppose if we simply were mindful of others, and their moods, there would likely be far less fighting, and more comfort for everyone. Our need for kindness would be satisfied, without sensing a loss of control or pride. Allowing egos to defeat us is sad. We are humans and therefore thinking and feeling, and loving beings. We all need love and care. Even the cranky, lonely, and miserable people enjoy love and empathy.

Perhaps if we could muster some sympathy for those who need it, we might build up their confidence, pride and energy a lot faster, than if they receive no help. I like to treat myself and accept what comes my way in a controlled manner. What I have found is crushing defeat. By the time I accept some help, I am low, without ego or confidence, and incapacitated to the point of leaving some jobs unfinished. I now accept another person's advice and support. I reconcile the fact that I can be wrong and another may be correct. I accept my pain and the pain I discover in others, without judgement. I comprehend that we all have dilemma's to deal with, but we have each other to help us to achieve, the hopeful, confident attitude and environment, we  all like to enjoy.

“I have learned to be a friend to myself Great improvement this indeed Such a one can never be said to be alone for know that he who is a friend to himself is a friend to all mankind”     Seneca

“Fire tests gold, suffering tests brave men.”     Seneca

“that you would not anticipate misery since the evils you dread as coming upon you may perhaps never reach you at least they are not yet come Thus some things torture us more than they ought, some before they ought and some which ought never to torture us at all. We heighten our pain either by presupposing a cause or anticipation”     Seneca

“Everyone prefers belief to the exercise of judgement.”    Seneca

2

Never Give Up“If we would just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel and be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before. If we treat each other with  respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while. So when your eulogy is being read with your life’s actions to rehash would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?” Linda Ellis, Mac Anderson

Many young families need two incomes in order to make ends meet. This inevitably leads to both parents working. Tired parents may not always have the stamina to focus on their children. The truth is, how difficult it is, to find the endurance through some sort of compromise. It might be possible for each of the parents to have set nights to take care of the children. It might also suffice to take turns tucking children into bed. Whatever the system one chooses, children can’t be ignored nor neglected.  Balancing our schedules,  and making it work, without any compromising of our children s’ needs is a tough task to accomplish.

We should refrain from feeling guilty when we can’t always act our best. At times, if there are not enough resources to muster, then we must put in what energy we can. Involved parents need to take breaks and not have uncomfortable thoughts that they are an incompetent parent. Our best effort is all that anyone could ask for. Knowing that we love our children, take care of them, and attend to their needs is conduct well done. ...continue reading "Never Give Up"

Stress inevitably finds us. The fact remains that working for our children’s welfare and interests leaves us blameless. We can only have twenty-four hours in a day. None of us can give any more than that. Parents without jobs are stressed, to say the least. We can ask for assistance from schools, towns, churches, and communities. Even if we haven’t been to church, we shouldn't hesitate to ask for financial sponsorship. Community resources are readily available and willing to come to our assistance. If a church or community cannot assist someone they most definitely know of the resources available and will readily give a person in need the resources for livelihood.

If we resort to drugs or alcohol as an escape from our difficulties, we won’t ever solve our troubles. If we really want provision and are serious, we can find those who are skilled at sustaining. Searching for the service we require is not a dauntless task. Aid is out there and we just need to find it. choosing crutches of any kind serves only  to extend our problem. Perhaps our question might be how committed we are   about straightening out our lives. Drugs and alcohol cost money and money is what we do not have. Many young children are privy to discussions about drinking and drugs. They appear to know more than they should . Never underestimate your child's interest in whatever you say or do. Much is seen on television and some  is questionable.

Drugs and alcohol eat up our money. They destroy our minds and our family bonds. They help us to forget about commitments and responsibilities and leave us with a job loss. Drugs and alcohol promote our involvement with another person, due to mixed-up judgemen. This renders our marriage in dissolution. We lose the respect of our children as well as our friends. We render ourselves in limbo until making the decision to straighten out the mess we ourselves have created.

It is not only ourselves who suffer. We cause pain to our spouse, children, parents, and friends. The pain reaches those who attempt to help us in maybe the earlier stages. Our money is gobbled up, our home is terminated, and probably the last person we hurt, so badly, is ourselves. We cannot bear to look at ourselves in a pane of glass walking down a street.

Many parents possibly choose to refrain from working. This is their choice. If at least one parent doesn't try to get work, perhaps they are setting a poor example for their children. Without any goals we have no zest for life and no challenges to instill us with enthusiasm. Without a purpose we can become erratic. Mothers or fathers who choose to stay home with their children have that option. We can’t and shouldn't condemn their choices. We might put more effort into guiding our child’s school work while being an at-home parent.

Our children need roots. They need trials and purpose. If they are given none through our modeling, it is probable they will not choose goals, or they may set some that are not admirable. Kids, like adults, are unsure of their faltering steps. They require guidance more than imbalance. If we can’t steer straight forward for ourselves, we must attempt to do it for our children. Our children need objectives and aspirations. Every human being needs dreams.

Parents should never get into the area of who is doing more or less work. When that happens, a dividing line is drawn and everything is written down and accounted for. This is not a compatible way of compromising tasks. There are highs and lows in everyone’s life, and highs and lows in everyone’s job. If we come home from work with more stamina than our partner can muster, we should take over the largest piece of the work. Another day or time, our partner can reciprocate when our days are not flowing smoothly. The give and take in a marriage varies on any given day. One cannot predict a headache or a leg pain or sickness. Being accommodating to each other allows us space to chill. We are less stressed to perform our duties. It becomes a bit more relaxing. If we have reached our limit with the child on a particular day, our spouse may take charge of the parenting.

When we have a job to do we can do it with a pleasant attitude or with an angry attitude. It is our choice. If we have to do the job, regardless of our disposition, it appears the easier choice is a pleasant manner. Life is about caring for others. It is not about keeping track of whose turn it is. With co-operation, we might cherish the moments we spend with the children. It becomes more about enjoying our time with our children than it is about doing our duty. Days pass quickly. Nobody should wish their time or life away. Enjoy all the precious memories you are making with your family.

No question, raising children is hard work. They bring a different dimension to one’s life. They also bring a huge, mountainous load of work. In the end, the love we gain truly outweighs any work we must accomplish. Children can be taught to be accountable for many things. We must teach them and support them until they are ready. Caution, in regard to solicitously remaining attentive to our children, is extremely vital. They are fragile and have much to learn.

Although children might spend a great deal of time in daycare facilities, they will still be influenced a vast amount more by their parents. One need not worry, as long as parents are interactive with their children when they are with them. Children will always be influenced by many surrounding activities. Whether these influences are good or bad remains inferior to the effect parents have. It is relevant that we inspire our children to do the right thing.

“Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second.” William James

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” William James

“The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.” Ring Lardner

“In the depths of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” Albert Camus

“Not in the clamor of the crowded street, not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves are triumph and defeat.”    Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“A man, who removes a mountain, begins by carrying away small stones.” Chinese Proverb

“May you remember that love flows best when it flows freely and it is in giving that we receive the greatest gift.” Kate Nowak

“Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.” Chinese proverb

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.” Alex Haley

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; No need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” Dalai Lama

“Not he who has much is rich but he who gives much.” Erich Fromm

Superficiality“I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.”    Douglas Pagels

"People in this world of superficial communication find themselves isolated and lonely and have difficulty in talking about personal things that really matter to them."    Theodore Zeldin

Perhaps, there are many of us losing our way, and confused about our purpose and meaning in life. This is almost becoming a trend. Of course we all might feel like that from time to time, but when it becomes a habit, perhaps we should discover some truths behind the scenes of  our lives.

I believe it is extremely difficult to maintain positive attitudes. Problems and stresses mount while answers are not forthcoming. We want to be good do good and behave in acceptable ways, but then we fall down into tantrums like a child. Life gets too complicated to figure out, and we want to run away from our responsibilities. You can't blame someone from desiring to set themselves free. Unlocking the chains of duty and commitment, brings a sense of freedom.

Of  course the sense of release is short-lived because our duties and indebtedness to others, remains strong. If we could just take a quick vacation from our accountability, maybe we would be happy to return to them again and keep up our original promises. That is never an option for the most part, but mentally we might sit ourselves down, and ruminate options for improving our situations.

There are times in everyone's life, when we feel overwhelmed. There appears to be no relief in sight, and discouragement, anger and frustration creeps in. Young couples with babies or young children, cope with the drudgery of work for low pay. They work for their needy kids, who appear to relentlessly want and need attention. Bills never appear to be caught up, and a prevailing tiredness won't diminish. Relief is non-existent, and burdens keep pressing us down. The longer the situation continues the deeper into despair we get enmeshed. ...continue reading "Superficiality"

This  probably sounds like a no-win situation. The truth is,  many times it is how we are seeing, facing and dealing with our lives. If we look for quietness, when we have young kids, we will likely not find it. If we search for happy  smiles, laughter and craziness, we came to the correct household. If we want to have money at a young age, perhaps we  should forgo having kids right away and devote endless hours to our jobs. Then we will come home to an empty quiet adobe. To have a life without duties is practically non-existent. Certainly if we refrain from buying  things like boats houses cars and skip vacations, we will have more money in the bank. By forgoing marriage and family at a young age, we may have less bills and responsibilities.

I suppose we forget that when we purchase an item, it comes with attachments. When we create bonds with others, it comes with promises. Everything about our lives encourages, mental, physical and emotional agreements. As much as we believe we can leave them all behind if we choose, we sadly find that down the road they come back to bite us in one way or another. All things come with a price. The hardest of all situations to walk away from, are the emotional attachments we have with others.

Some of us may require a short mental recess from the burdens. If we are given the  support when necessary, it helps us to face the negative aspects of our duties and overcome them by focusing on the positive benefits. We find we have so much more to be grateful for. This is not acknowledged when we are feeling unsupported and downtrodden. We can't see between the murky water, how much we have to appreciate.

Everyone has those times when the road seems too rocky to travel down. We stop, throw up our hands and collapse to the ground. At that point we don't care what others think of us. We don't care what we think of ourselves. It is almost like a survival instinct. I sense that once the panicky mood has passed, we should attempt to gather as much of the resources available to us.  look with new eyes upon our situation. By engaging the support of others, we might overcome our battle with our various  stresses. When we win the fight, we gain back our strength, and can renew our faith in our obligations.

So many people believe, that they are the only  ones fighting anything difficult. If the truth were known,  there are many people dealing with situations out of their control. Perhaps only a little help,  comfort and understanding brings enlightenment to an unhealthy dilemma. Most of us can't loosen up, unwind, and discuss our problems with the openness needed. We keep feelings locked up until they explode. We are left immobilized regarding what we can, or should do. It is always better to speak before the explosion but nevertheless, we can still ask for help at anytime.  Once others are aware of someone's lack, they can offer their support. Perhaps by becoming the leaning post, will be enough to give the courage back to those in need.

When all we see from the media is material gains, we can miss the intangible gains and the huge benefits they provide. In this scenario, our material acquirement might be low, however our mental, emotional and spiritual gains might be high. Faith in our ability to draw good into our lives is vital.

  Remember that we all face setbacks of one kind or another. Perhaps our patience  needs to kick in. In due time we might see the whole canvas rather than focusing on the tiny bit of the picture. Decide today to examine the positive and dissolve the negative.

There are as many assessments of our lives as there are people who choose to critique our lives. Even when we require a vacation from our daily actions, it doesn't mean we are giving up or retiring. It also doesn't mean that things are not working. It simply means space is necessary at the present moment. Reflection is needed, and appreciation must be found.  We are not perhaps lost, just confused.

Kids and people make our lives significant. We can't lose sight for a moment of that key factor. Our life is purposeful. We need playtime and recreation. In the scheme of life we can't ask what makes us happy, but what makes our life have purpose and meaning. That is what will finally bring us the contentment we are searching for. Anything less is superficial.

“Our lives are mere flashes of light in an infinitely empty universe. In  12 years of education the most important lesson I have learned is that what we see as “normal” living is truly a travesty of our potential. In a society so governed by superficiality, appearances, and petty economics, dreams are more real than anything in the actual world. Refuse normalcy. Beauty is everywhere, love is endless, and joy bleeds from our everyday existence. Embrace it. I love all of you, all my friends, family, and community. I am ceaselessly grateful from the bottom of my heart for everyone. The only thing I can ask of you is to stay free of materialism. Remember that every day contains a universe of potential; exhaust it. Live and love so immensely that when death comes there is nothing left for him to take. Wealth is love, music, sports, learning, family and freedom. Above all, stay gold.”
Dominic Owen Mallary

“Constantly exposing yourself to popular culture and the mass media will ultimately shape your reality tunnel in ways that are not necessarily conducive to achieving your Soul Purpose and Life Calling. Modern society has generally ‘lost the plot’. Slavishly following its false gods and idols makes no sense in a spiritually aware life.”
Anthon St. Maarten

The Need To Be Understood"In the past there were people who were not rich but contented with their living style, laughing and happy all day. But when the new rich people appear, people look at them and ask, 'why don't I have a life like that too, a beautiful house, car and garden,' and they abandon their values."    Thich Nhat Hanh

"People suffer because they are caught in their views. As soon as we release those views, we are free and we don't suffer anymore."    Thich Nhat Hanh

~ "Mindfulness helps you go home to the present. And every time you go there and recognize a condition of happiness that you have, happiness comes."     Thich Nhat Hanh

Here we go again attempting to explain what we meant by our recent discourse. The person misinterpreted our meaning. I would not doubt for  a second, how many times we are caught in such a situation. We just don't grasp the implications from our interactions with others. The result is bewildering and hurt feelings. Misunderstandings and long time  rifts of one sort or another are inevitable.

How do we complicate the meaning of what others are trying to say and how do others misinterpret our words and bring doubt and mistrust into the relationship. We grasp what we want in any of our conversations. Our misunderstanding of the  encounter, causes us to  choose a negative review of the incident. We dwell on the tiniest insult while ignoring any praise. We have set ourselves up for failure.

For sure we don't plan to be downbeat, but we sometimes have an attitude of what a person believes,  before they begin explaining something. In a way we have already selectively decided their points of view, which we usually deduce is contrary to our own.  We argue on cue. It leaves the accused, clarifying their thoughts. Accusations tend to trouble most of us, so to attempt elucidating our reasoning only confuses our accuser and ourselves. When anyone is on the proverbial hot seat, it is difficult to think clearly. ...continue reading "The Need To Be Understood"

Pondering why so many of us deliberately recall exchanges with others, in such a manner disarray, is confounding. Perhaps some of us enjoy the uncomfortable position we placed another individual. Whatever the causes we likely have experienced both sides of such a situation. There is no winner only wasted time, effort and exacerbated feelings.

Delving more deeply into such occurrences, you find how needy we are for love, attention and to be understood. Perhaps we are angrier at someone's lack of appreciating, our time and effort for doing something. Probably they don't quite acknowledge enough empathy, for the situation we find ourselves in. Most likely we have a sense of being misunderstood, or under-appreciated for who we are, or what we do.

Exchanges in disagreements, allow us to continue in a more controversial manner. We are able to add our own agendas, and issues to the mix. Past hurts and unfinished business, sheds even more shadows onto the current dilemma. At best, when the argument has finished, we find how far we have ventured, from the original renditions of opinions. We find it further from the subject, that originated the controversy.

Most definitely we are all influenced by our obstacles in life. We see the world with different glasses, and our deductions are blurred and muddied by our past and present hindrances. We can't always scream out, "Well it is easy for you to say that because you have more money, more support, a husband that listens, adult kids living close by or whatever else bothers us. Instead we ream the person who antagonized us,  for things they perhaps are not even guilty of. Our pain is hidden, but unresolved, and left to fester. We have the added burden of a broken relationship.

How does one compare lives or problems. Suffice it to say we all have our own challenges to overcome, and our battles to fight. We admit this up front, but then we proceed to lay it all out, and unravel and decipher our grasp of the situation. If we could see this from a child's perspective, it would be like comparing who has the better toy truck. Does it matter?  It really doesn't help either of the combatants.

Forgiveness is without a doubt, the most obvious solution to finding peace. The problem is at times, we still withhold it in our hearts. The words are spoken, but not deeply felt. It takes some compassion, and mindfulness to appreciate the depth of the hurt, and the unclear enlightenment attempting to filter into our thoughts and hearts.

Let's face it, at times we are not always impressed with another person's issues, because we deem our own to be so much worse. We try so hard to decode and decipher our problems, and it leaves us little time for sympathizing with others. Honestly, when we make time for another, we gain time for ourselves. Somehow the answers to our problems are possibly hidden in the obstacles another faces. It sheds light on our unclear thoughts and questions.

It is so unnerving to be in the position of clarifying, and elucidating our gist and intentions. Especially noteworthy is the perplexing insinuations, we sometimes unconsciously imply with our words. We want acknowledgement, attention, and love. We  want respect, and understanding. Our need to be noticed, is relevant in our desire for worth, for being of value, for receiving love in this whole wide universe.

What we perhaps hear at any given moment, is our own heart's calling for love. We really are not so different nor separated in our wants and desires. Understanding how similar we are, ensures our ability for mindfulness. If we can get out of our heads, for a little bit, and get into our hearts, we will easily understand the unspoken words. Peace is attained, when we find more answers to the questions  we haven't yet asked. Reflect in the silence, and discover serenity.

"Breathe in deeply to bring your mind home to your body. Then look at, or think of, the person triggering this emotion: With mindfulness, you can see that she is unhappy, that she is suffering. You can see her wrong perceptions. You can see that she is not beautiful when she says things that are unkind."    Thich Nhat Hanh

Let us fill our hearts with our own compassion - towards ourselves and towards all living beings.    Thich Nhat Hanh

"To be loved means to be recognized as existing."    Thich Nhat Hanh

"We are all the leaves of one tree; we are all the waves of one sea; the time has come for all to live as one."    Thich Nhat Hanh

"Say NO to the demands of the world. Say YES to the longings of your own heart."   Jonathon Lockwood

"Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. Your job is to simply do your work...Sacredly, Secretly, and Silently...And those with 'eyes to see and ears to hear' will respond."    Unknown

Continually attempting to please others, is likely the most difficult job we all work at constantly. All our boasts about  not caring if someone likes it or not, are just nonsense. Deep down we want to make others happy. All of us work at making the grade, and becoming number one, in the eyes of another. What I have found is that it becomes impossible, to be the number one for any length of time. As hard as we work at it, eventually it wears us down, and I am not even sure others are totally aware of the game we are playing. They are too busy playing their version of it.

Most likely it begins at childhood, when we compete against our siblings for attention. Some of us find it easier to be people pleaders, but we all do it to some degree, even if we don't admit to it. If our parents like something special for dinner, then that is what we cook when they are coming over. We bask in our ability to please them, and we beam, when they compliment us. Of course we get a bit  rigid when we hear about their  pleasure at another siblings house. How petty of us we think, but the feelings creep in, or is it the threat of losing love.

Young kids depend on mom and dad, and so the ability to accept sibling rivals, is important. Maybe we never evolve out of that position. Instinctively we continue to strive to please.  This perhaps continues with our jobs and the boss. Technically the boss is also a provider for us, and important figure in our lives. Husbands and wives play another role, and without knowing it,  demand more of our attention.

We all like to satisfy, receive praise, and feel that we make a difference in the lives of others. I know it is probably impossible to be in first place, all the time. It is extremely difficult, to  maintain a level of denial, in order to cope with the pleasures of others. Simply stated, we can't be the perfect child forever. Finding our own lives is relevant. We can't be the need fulfilling spouse every second. Our own needs must be taken care of. We are never the perfect parent, sibling or friend. Those times when we fail, are the times we beat ourselves up, for not satisfying another.

Perhaps it is time to ask if it is so important to always gratify. Likely we have degrees of how much importance we place on this attitude. It is paramount to accept the fact, that we cannot always placate those we love. If we only see ourselves through the eyes of another, then we lose ourselves in their perception of us. How they view us is how we rate ourselves. Now we are under pressure to come through. It is far better to appreciate  who we are. Our version of self, is the most important measurement we can accept.

Most of us probably are not aware of the importance, another person places, on what we think about them. As much as we attempt to keep parents happy, our children are doing the same thing with us. Every time we produce a guilt ridden situation,  we have endorsed a "striving to please" job. It only leaves us distraught at our attempts to gratify. Perhaps parents are not placing such burdens on us. It may possibly be us, who desire to constantly gratify those we love.

I honestly believe that in the end, we are so beat down that we give up. This is sad, but sometimes a blessing. After coming to terms with the limits of our capacity, we begin to discover ourselves. We also realize that we start doing things for others out of love, real love, rather than to attain a false belief of love. Most likely parents are not forcing kids to please, and may not be aware of the power they hold over their children. Adult children might become aware, that their parents are also not theirs to control. Kids need to learn independence, and thankfulness for the favors parents bestow.

Once this is accomplished, we can live our lives in honesty, and in a more relaxed state. We stop striving to constantly delight, and begin paying more attention to needs and support. It perhaps also gives us time to aid others, outside our circle of family and friends. If we dwell constantly on what we must do for someone, in order to maintain a tenuous sense of position, it allots  little time, to helping another, out of charity.

I know there were many times in my life, that I did things out of duty. There was some love intertwined, but for the most part, it felt more like being compelled to do it. Maybe it was my own sense of duty, or maybe it was guilt put on my shoulders. Likely it was a bit of both. I guess it is a good thing when a person comes to the realization sooner, rather than later, because pressure is relieved and living begins.

We strive to be the perfect parents, or grandparents. Then we discover how effortlessly, another parent or  grandparent assists our child in a profound and important way. Accepting this is crucial, to our own peace of mind. We all want what is best for our kids and grandchildren. If we love them truly, then there is no problem in accepting and being grateful, for the support of others. Loving can mean allowing our most treasured gifts, the freedom to be liberated. Letting go is difficult, but upon release,  peace is acquired. We also might find the loved one returns often. There is a comforting revisit, due to the lessening of restrictions.

The more we hold on tightly to what we perceive as ours, the more they struggle for autonomy,  and to please us. We leave them in turmoil. The expectations others have for us, as well as the ones we place on others, can consume our lives. It is so strange to have the independence, and knowledge of the love of others, without strings attached. Love is so gentle, that it is without physical attributes, and thus can only be felt within the body and mind. It is impossible to enclose, or keep love confined to oneself. By allowing love the freedom to expand, it draws back to us and gives thanks.

Even at work, there can be many who deserve credit for their abilities. We are one of many on the job. In no way are we depleted by someone's fullness. Mothers and wives can love sons and husbands, without jealousy. Sisters-in-Law and brothers-in-law can love each other without competing. Siblings can understand that their parents love can be divided many times without any loss of love to them. Friends can accept the differences between each other, and the needs each individual fulfills. Grandparents can give unconditional love, without envy. I for one comprehend that letting go of demands, and competition, brings serenity. The empty space left from the lack of worry, is filled with more love. Serenity is far better than constant striving to please others. Life won't always make you happy, but living a meaningful life will bring you happiness.

Strive For Happiness"PEACE It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things, and still be calm in your heart." Unknown

"When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow  bring out the best in ourselves."    William Arthur Ward

"We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude."     Cynthia Oziek

 

%d bloggers like this: