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Rejection Is Complicated

Rejection is Complicated“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions.”    Harvey Mackay

“The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.” Dalai Lama

“All religions try to benefit people, with the same basic message of the need for love and compassion, for justice and honesty, for contentment.”    Dalai Lama

“Logically, harmony must come from the heart… Harmony very much based on trust. As soon as use force, creates fear. Fear and trust cannot go together.”    Dalai Lama

When we think about rejection, we recall friendships and boyfriends and girlfriends. Upon our loss of any kind, we review what we did and said and how others interacted with us. Many times we are left with feelings of guilt, remorse and we become determined to refrain from repeating what we perceive as the mistakes. How guilty we make ourselves believe. Even when others hurt us we somehow manage to turn it around and blame ourselves for the agonizing results.

Understanding the reasons for being rejected by anybody for any reasons is paramount to comprehending the complications of such situations. As early as childhood we face rejection from parents. Of course most parents love their kids but forms of discipline, and pain endured by parents who are attempting to avoid their own hurts get in the way of clear thinking. The result is rejection for minutes hours or days.

Children tend to be quick at rebounds and impulsive in their retorts and actions. It likely gets just about all of them in trouble with one parent or another. I suppose it takes tremendous thought on the parents part to understand the behind the scene reasons for such outbursts. A child who actually may want a parents’ love may forcefully reject the parent. Perhaps it gives the child control and probably the child wants to feel the parents love swiftly capturing him or her and sweeping them into their loving arms.

Of course a tired, weary stress ridden parent is unaware of the child’s hidden agenda and may carelessly misunderstand the behavior and resort to punishments and crying. Likely we have all been there. Viewing the situation from outside the circle allows one to notice that as upset as the parent is, the  child is more deeply affected. In this case one would say, the parent never meant to reject the child. The messages were not clear. The child might think, mom or  dad doesn’t love me, or I must do and behave in certain ways in order to keep their love. Love becomes conditional. Kids will accept the terms because love is so important to them and rejection is so horrible.

Parents likely assume the punishment worked but at times it has simply kept peace and control but perhaps not remedied the situation. Discussion brings understanding and enlightenment to a situation. The problem with discourse is sometimes we don’t have the time or the energy left after such an upsetting ordeal. Recognizing the signs of distress in kids helps to alleviate pain before it mounts. Realizing our own need for downtime and relief is also vital if we want to help ourselves in order to support our kids.

Dismissal from friends perhaps is the result of jealousy and envy. If one worries about weight, yet their friend is thin, it certainly can result in a crisis situation. Whenever we feel less of a person, in order to soothe ourselves we attempt to drag another down. We just can’t fathom our own worth. Making a friend believe they are not so great kind of keeps them under control. We don’t think about their hidden insecurities. At the moment we are concerned with our own.

Boyfriends who are jealous attempt to keep all other suitors away. In this way they confine their prize in order to keep it secure. None of us stop to think that such a manner of acting doesn’t work. At some future time perhaps our spouse will wander or attempt to leave. When the ensuing rage starts,  the results are seen in fights and sometimes death of one spouse at the hands of another. If we could sense or grasp the pain we all feel from rejection, we might figure out the power and deep pain we share deep inside. When we have love we fear losing love. Without love we search for any kind. Love does make the world go around.

Friendships thrive on sameness, compatibility and sharing of similar tasks and likes. New arrivals are not always welcome because it changes the mixtures’ texture. New friends who are added can rearrange things, cause stress and havoc and bring about jealousy and vulnerability. We might deny this or choose to ignore it but perhaps we do ignore our sensitivities too much. By accepting them and grasping them, we might lighten the anxiety.

Some people have a need to flirt with others when out with their significant other. Likely it is their insecurity that brings about the flirting. They need to feel wanted and desired by many so that they are built up enough to believe they would never lose the one they are with. After all they think, I am desired by others. I wonder sometimes at how much love we are lacking in our lives. If we love ourselves we can find love in our world. Real love is not mean, or unkind. It doesn’t hurt, cause  pain or brag. It isn’t boastful nor demanding. Love is gentle enduring and unconditional. It is free and returns of its’ own free will. It is never contained or hidden.

Siblings resent each other at times and perhaps by noticing the competition that started from childhood,  we can understand why sibling jealousy is prevalent. Siblings might have discovered at an early age that they are vying for their parents approval and acceptance as well as their love. Parental love might come at the price of a rejected sibling. The love lost between siblings is sad. So many devote their lives to avoiding each other or resenting the company of each other. The reality is they miss what they yearn for. they would cherish the love from each other but don’t know how to go about rekindling it and rediscovering the love they felt and had.

Perhaps the rejections are not always real. Kids push parents away when they want them the most. Parents walk away from kids when they are so hurt yet they love their kids so much. Parent and child are wounded. Spouses hurt each other with mistrust and doubt. As much as they want each other to make the first move and reach across the table with a loving hand, they become immobilized in their fear of rejection. In a sense we label the weaker person as the one who needs and wants the love. We will pretend we don’t care or need the love rather than admit our desire for it.

The significance of love and what love means is genuinely beyond words. Even animals choose love over food and warmth.  Humans have a necessity for love and we all hate to admit that need. All of us are connected by the universal truth of love making the world go around. We are so good at rejecting each other. We desire to be needed more than to need. Our requirements are basically  the same so there is no shame when the object of our affection hurts us with their rejection.

Guilt never works. It is negative and brings us down further than we already are. Guilt will separate us rather than bring us together. Let go of the guilt.  Choose to absolve yourself of guilt feelings. Punishing yourself doesn’t solve the problem. We might think in terms of deserving the pain that guilt  brings. We don’t. So let it go and trust yourself to move to higher ground with a better attitude. It is about improving not about guilt. We want our kids to do better and not be dragged down. We want to do better  so we shouldn’t spiral downward. Mistakes are not made to be reviewed continually. They are lessons learned. Forward movement is part of growth.

Perhaps when we can admit how wonderful and beautiful love is we will come to deal with each other in a more loving manner. It isn’t about power, control or chaining our loves. It is about understanding, acceptance, freedom, compassion kindness empathy tolerance and especially living, laughing and loving. We, after all, are more spiritual than human. Trust your loving intuition. While your mind is calmly reasoning, allow your heart to open the door to more loving responses. We all hate rejection of any kind. Discover and learn from mistakes. treat them as stepping stones to a better you.

“We can reject everything else: religion, ideology, all received
wisdom. But we cannot escape the necessity of love and compassion….
This, then, is my true religion, my simple faith. In this sense, there is no need
for temple or church, for mosque or synagogue, no need for complicated
philosophy, doctrine or dogma. Our own heart, our own mind, is the temple.
The doctrine is compassion. Love for others and respect for their rights and
dignity, no matter who or what they are: ultimately these are all we need.
So long as we practice these in our daily lives, then no matter if we are
learned or unlearned, whether we believe in Buddha or God, or follow some
other religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and
conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is
no doubt we will be happy.”― Dalai Lama XIV

Commitment Anxiety

Anxiety Commitments“Too many Christians have a commitment of convenience. They’ll stay faithful as long as it’s safe and doesn’t involve risk, rejection, or criticism. Instead of standing alone in the face of challenge or temptation, they check to see which way their friends are going.”    Charles Stanley

“When you encourage others, you in the process are encouraged because you’re making a commitment and difference in that person’s life. Encouragement really does make a difference.”    Zig Ziglar

“Love, above all things, is a commitment to your choice.” ―Rob Liano

“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”
― Steve Hal

Commitment always brings on the fear. Just the word will make most of us cringe. I think women as well as men, are nervous when they hear the word spoken. As much as I am a spontaneous person, and always willing to go along with someone’s agenda, I hate to be tied down to commitments of any kind. I even  end my doctors visits, upon receiving the card for my next appointment, with the words, “I’ll call and change it if I can’t make it.” I can’t remember many times I had to change it, but the  relief I feel, knowing I can switch it, is a stress reliever.

Because I spend a lot of time contemplating my feelings, and the emotions of others, I do think about why we all worry about commitments. Maybe it begins during childhood, when we have to clean up our room, or we don’t get to have a friend over, or we don’t go outside. Even adults recall the set times they had for homework, as well as the struggle to keep grades within the free of criticism zone, .

I get the feeling that obligations conjure  fear and worry that we might fail. As we  mature we are anxious about maintaining friendships, preserving bonds of love for our spouses and  marriages. Those vows  become even harder to maintain and the stress increases. Maybe that is the point of time we begin to mention the transgressions  of others, so that our own mistakes diminish. We convince ourselves, and attempt to convince others, that we are not really as bad as the folks over there.

Children are a natural add on and break the bank with stress. Now we really have to grow up and become an adult. I find that many times one is catching up on duties and responsibilities. We listen to others,  and get involved  with many activities, to ensure our kids will be pleased. There  is a lot of importance placed on their fitting in  with their peer groups. We turn to the media to discuss our problems, and receive more advice, than we could  ever have time  to read. It appears that as soon as one person hits upon an achievable and worthy solution, everyone  jumps on the wagon. We breathe a sigh of  relief feeling that the answer has been given. Of course there are times when nothing works for every situation.

When kids get into a predicament of any kind, we step back, reflect, and hope one of the solutions works. When it doesn’t, we must rethink. Now the stress which actually never left us in the  first place, renews itself and drags us down. I would venture to say that at this point we are discouraged and wondering what went wrong. We followed the  rules, and advice, to the best of our ability, and we took care of the kids and bills  etc.

Perhaps our spouse appears to have changed in numerous ways. When did this happen. Our kids seem ungrateful and disrespectful. Our parents are aging and  demanding. Our kids  are maturing and moving on, working or attending college. They hardly speak  to us. Now we are loaded down with responsibilities, which are the results of all of our obligations. We understand what promises  are,  what they mean, how they impact our lives, and why we hate them.

I can’t leave myself at this place, so I contemplate the  whole ball of wax, up to this time in my life. It was a surprise to discover, that all of it was the  result of my own expectations, and ideas regarding commitments. Promises are not chains to bind us, restrain us, force us to pay bills, or suffer consequences. Parents don’t have kids, so that they will be cared for in their old age. Marriages were never begun with a rule book, and consequences for failing to live up to expectations. Most of our vows or commitments were made out of love.

Now I am thinking what is the reality behind our lives, and how do we live, laugh, have fun, and find time for love. That almost  appears to be fantasy, but perhaps life is the way we see it. If we had absolutely nothing, the entire world would be a wonderful place, as long as  we  received love from others. Our hearts would be bursting  with pleasure and joy. We would feel care and empathy,  because the gift of love is without attachments. There is no necessity to repay. We perhaps keep our commitments to love, out of love and not force. It somehow makes pledges a pleasure to keep.

Basically,  by being more mindful of what we have, and what we receive, we increase our happiness. I suggest the importance of reflecting on what is right in our lives, and what is  precious and worth holding on to. Perhaps  we have forgotten the  real reasons our parents pressured us to study and do homework. They wanted us capable and ready to enjoy the world through our knowledge. Most likely a better job, or developing a talent, that would help us to survive in a difficult world, was high on their agendas.

I think when we fall in love, it provides us with the  profound feeling of worthiness. Another person convinces us that we are special, unique and worthy of love. Of course being spiritual beings should help us to be aware of all of that, but  somehow perhaps we lose the knowledge.  It can be rekindled, by someone who cares about us, and showers love upon us. We get so busy with our lives, we forget to nurture that fire of love. It is still there, but perhaps needs to be  rekindled, and stoked with compliments. Even children thrive on encouragement.

Kids are  awesome but they take our time, energy and love. Many times they take these precious gifts for granted. We accept the insults, because we love unconditionally and are loved unconditionally. As difficult as life can get, when we have kids, our life has great meaning. Raising kids is the most worthy, and powerful job, we will ever accomplish. We are sending our beloved children into the world, to spread more love. We have an awesome job. Love grows as it is given away.

Worry and fear make us dread sharing our friends. We believe they would prefer another over us. Deep down we must accept the truth, that we are worthy of another person’s love. If we believe this, then it allows our friendships to be free and opened. Releasing our bonds encompasses more individuals. Parents might unwittingly pit one sibling against another. Upon maturity we can consider the fact, especially if we are parents, that all kids are loveable. The pain and stress occurs, when parents compare their  children. Competition hinders the emotional security of children, and causes jealousies and rivalries to begin.

Marriages require attention. I don’t mean one must get  away for the weekend, although that might be nice. The small thoughtful gestures, and remarks, enhance the love. Money is not going to ever buy real love. Honest love must be cultivated, with emotional attachments of kindness through words and actions. Just being aware of someone’s hurt and pain, brings comfort to them. Being  mindful is important in marriage. If we are tuned into the one we love, we become concerned with emotional states and mannerisms.  It generates understanding from every movement. If we are too busy to notice the innuendos, love diminishes.

It is not always enough to simply say I love you, to parents, kids or spouses. Others must sense the faith in those words. This comes from paying attention to each other. When we have accomplished that, we will have improved all of our relationships in a deeper way. The stress, worry and fear, will dissipate somewhat, and the sense of contentment and security will strengthen. We might find we enjoy so much more, and our senses will become alive with the wonder of the surrounding world. Our lives may continue to be busy, but we will leave room  always, for the important things in  life, which are free.  Focus on love, serenity, and mindfulness, rather than commitments and obligations.

 “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” Thích Nhat Hạnh

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child — our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”  Thich Nhat Hanh

“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will  grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change”  Thích Nhất Hạnh

Turning Disappointment Into Acceptance

resentment“Family dinners are more often than not an ordeal of nervous indigestion, preceded by hidden resentment and ennui and accompanied by psychosomatic jitters.”    M. K. Fisher

“The man who is anybody and who does anything is surely going to be criticized, vilified, and misunderstood. This is a part of the penalty for greatness, and every great man understands it; and understands, too, that it is no proof of greatness. The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure contumely without resentment.”    Elbert Hubbard

I find the thing that brings the most heartache and pain is disappointment. Every day there is so much need to face discouraging situations. At home it is frustrating if we feel the workload is not fairly divided. At this time loading the dishwasher which wasn’t suppose to be  our job, gets irritating with every dish. Perhaps the job isn’t as hard as our anger at having to do it.

Our husband or wife are expected to be home early for a nice meal. Suddenly comes the phone call stating they will be late. All the plans are dashed and we are crushed. Our minds work overtime and we know, and believe they could have gotten out if they tried harder. I guess the danger is when we deduce they didn’t care enough about us to make the endeavor. After a long day we don’t want to be greeted by another persons’ bad mood. Maybe they have been cranky all week so it is our turn. So we reckon.

At work there are those people who never make the coffee but they make sure they get their share of everybody else’s pot. We think they pride themselves  on this accomplishment. We get unnerved when it is our spouse’s turn to bathe the kids and all we can hear is angry yelling and demands. We resolve not to go and relieve them because we know that must be their plan. Now we are mad that they are plotting such a scheme. perhaps they are not but we don’t question to find out the truth or reason why they feel the way they do.

The in-laws are coming again and the husband is not going to cook the meal. How inconsiderate. The last thing we want to do is listen to them deliver and dwell on a boring story idea or thought that really could have taken two minutes to deliver rather than fifteen. The night is ruined and it is their fault. They should be responsible for their own families we surmise. The negativity and resentment builds with each new incident until there is so much resentment that we imagine all kinds of motives our spouse or family member use to manipulate us. We determine not to be taken in.

When imaginations run wild they are similar to a fictional story with us as the author. We are the unfortunate person that everyone is taking advantage of. Other people become the enemy. We have our strongly held beliefs and we don’t have time nor do we want to put in the sweat to figure out our enemies point of view. In our eyes they don’t have any reasons for acting the way they do. They are at fault and we are just responding in kind.

The marriage and the friendships limp along in this fashion until they dissolve. It might not be what anybody planned but if the relationships are not given any air, they will burn to ashes. What we don’t always see is that once we are on the wrong track in any relationship, it cause double the problems. We notice more wrongs, have less patience and put no exertion into understanding them. We have finished with trying. Things become larger and more detrimental.

Perhaps some issues might have been solved if we had pursued some solutions prior to giving up.  Once we make a choice to abandon the relationship, we have pronouncrd it dead already, it is sad when this happens. Probably it didn’t have to happen. Being afraid to face the burdens with each other fosters a continuation of resentment that terminates the love. I am a believer in love. I know things can always or most of the time be worked out but prolonging the negativity cuts off the oxygen for a healthy relationship.

Perhaps if we might recognize our own limitations instead of clinging to our independence and capability so as to prove our self-sufficiency, we might salvage our bonds. Weakness is such a fearful thing. We would rather not give in to weakness and dissolve the union instead of admitting our tiredness and vulnerability. Along with these attributes comes the necessity of knowing how to get help using positive rather than negative means.

I have yelled and complained to no avail. If anything each person digs in their heels and shuts down their  listening skills. You just wait for your  chance to blurt out present past and future hurts. One wants to cover all of the bases. I eventually caught on to the fact that the arguments proceeded down the same path with the same ending. After years it occurred to me to switch up the response.

The hard part is coming to terms with my participation of wrong doing. Honestly nobody likes being wrong or admitting sorrow for mistakes. I tend to use the word but a lot. I am sorry but you weren’t listening, you started it, you didn’t take a turn, you never try. It sometimes led into another fight. I just didn’t want to take  all of the blame and my spouse was not interested in taking any of the fault. There I go again placing more on him than on me. In time we were both able to admit it when we were at fault. The strange thing was as soon as I admitted my blame in a situation, the quicker my spouse jumped in admitting something I would not have thought about. It became easier to find the truth and keep our feelings intact.

Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law disagreements are mostly misunderstandings. No one gives in and admits defeat. Sibling rivalry can continue forever without finding motives or forgiveness in each other. Family feuds destroy years of friendship and guidance. Reviewing a bad situation when we are relaxed and in a happy state of mind, allows us to get a sense of the craziness in maintaining a feud. Truly nobody comes out a winner but  everyone comes out a loser when a truce can’t be formed.

How important it is to mention the other people  unintentionally trapped in the disagreements we foster. They are the casualties of war and hardly get counted. We underestimate their pain, grief and  frustration. After arriving at this destination many times we sit back and reflect or at least some of us do. That is the point of enlightenment. It arrives the moment we come to accept our blame. It leads to a rougher path for ourselves as we face our own “demons” and become open to acceptance and forgiveness to self. The result is dramatic. Stress and worry are lifted and we become stronger and braver. After all we faced up to powerful accusations which originated in our own minds and hearts.  The reality was lit up in our awareness. The fuzziness  we encountered cleared giving us a clear picture.

It was so extremely hard to do the first few times but it is strange how much easier it got. There is no shame in wrongdoing when you admit to doing it. Honor is not just covered up but lost when we lie to  ourselves. We gain our sense of pride and honor upon admittance of guilt. After being locked up behind the bars of conspiracy, it is a relief to achieve release from the cage that surrounding us. Doing what we don’t want to do is painful, yet in the end it is actually a release from the pain. I encourage forgiveness to self and others. The mind must figure out the truth while the heart must work some feeling and sense of forgiveness to help the soul grow spiritually.

How much more time do we desire to give to fruitless anger and fights. How great is it actually to have the last word. If we can visualize the grave possibility of attaining inner and outer peace in the process it appears to be worth the time and effort. Of course unless we want to end up in a similar situation, we must begin to face the truth earlier in the game and not get caught up in another futile place. Changing our ingrained habits of the mind and heart requires commitment.

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.”    Buddha

“Emphasis on educational and vocational rehabilitation must not be allowed to overshadow the profound need that will exist for spiritual reorientation. Inevitably there will exist, to a considerable degree, psychological maladjustments manifested in disillusionment, resentment toward civilians, depression, and a sense of guilt. Spiritual therapy available in the resources of the Christian faith can accomplish most in overcoming these problems.”    John Bonnell

 

 

Yanked In Many Directions

pulled in many directions“The tension between ‘yes’ and ‘no’, between ‘I can’ and ‘I cannot’, makes us feel that, in so many instances, human life is an interminable debate with one’s self.”    Anatole Broyard

“Let your heart rule your emotions but let your mind rule your actions.” Idleheart

I don’t know about others but there are so many days when everywhere I look there are jobs to be done and turmoil surrounding them. I suppose like rain we must put up with those sorts of days to appreciate some days we have breakthroughs. It is so hard to focus  on those types of days. To add some fuel to the fire you get that person who annoyingly points out something you forgot or messed up on. I wonder how those people continue to exist.

Seriously though a bad day is a bad day regardless of the weather. I want to figure out why we have so many more bad days than good. I search for my own understanding of a horrible day and assume it has to do with a few things. First of all it is  other people who can alter your mood and turn things sour. They just have a knack for saying or doing annoying things that make one reach the boiling point and then release their built up frustration either in unkindly remarks or by taking it out on themselves internally.

I would guess that is why some of us have certain health issues or what we call stress that we can’t quite figure out why. Tension builds up inside of us and needs a release. If we don’t let go of it in one way or another then we turn it on others or ourselves which is very detrimental to our health. Most  of us probably use a combination of the two. I can sense my strain as my muscles tighten up and I inhale and hold my breath. When I am consciously thinking about what I am doing I attempt to let my inhalation release.

Stress it likely the cause of arguments, disagreements, fights, anger, boredom, burdens, frustrations, fears, doubts, beliefs and pressures at work or home. Our spouse and kids can cause us stress but we in return deliver stress to our families including our spouse and kids. I believe that to keep myself from being pulled in a multitude of directions which cause health problems, I must let go of my worry. I know many might think good luck with that one but the reality is I am ready to do just that.

In order to keep our sanity, we must deal with the fact that we can’t do the impossible even when others expect the impossible.That is when it is time for us to face the truth, instead of exploding into fault-finding with those around us. You can always tell those people who have bitten off more than they can handle.  They are the ones complaining about everyone and everything. All is wrong with the world because they can’t complete what they had wanted. I  always do set the bar higher than I will be able to reach but I enjoy the challenge. It is only a major problem when we lash out at others when we suffer a setback. Handling setbacks is required.

There is no loss of honor in failure as long as we give it our all. I have learned there is more honor in trying than never having attempted a demanding goal. It hurts when one gets trounced but it does build character and confidence in attempting another strenuous achievement. I think internally we need perspectives. Not everything can be done at least not at the same time.

There are always issues with money, house repairs, kids, family, relatives,  friends, jobs, age, health, welfare and most importantly ourselves. We can be our own worst enemy. We expect so much from ourselves. We think we can do more than is possible and we beat ourselves up when we find out we can’t. We would all like to conquer tasks and burn the candle at both ends. Again we are the ones who will suffer the consequences of such a plan.

If we want to spend more time with our kids at a park then we probably won’t have the perfect lawn. We must see what is more important to us and follow that road and ignore the tall green stuff. Choices are all around us and so much is calling to us. I think about the choices in terms of where each item stands on my priority list. People  always come first and many times the wants and needs of others over my own. I am not saying never think of ourselves because if you don’t you will be  back to that explosion episode whether inward or outward. Neither is a pleasant sight.

Sometimes it seems that I am going backwards because I appear to get nothing accomplished. This is extremely taxing and confusing. I venture to chalk it up to a day of unclear thinking confusion. I write that kind of day off to the universe because maybe I needed a day of doing nothing and allowing my mind in a sense. to take a vacation. Maybe I wanted it to work but it had its’ own plans for chilling out. Those are the days we can’t seem to focus and we start one thing after another and end up finishing nothing.

It is so important to comprehend where our stress originates. Many times we set ourselves up for the fall and failure. We can make things difficult or easy by our simple attitude. if we accept the fact we won’t and don’t have to do it all then we will be happy with the outcome. That is our choice of attitude. If we plan and strive to get everything completed we will most likely not accomplish it and be disappointed. If we do finish perhaps in the process we will have alienated others with our bad temperament or we will have forfeited a happier time spent with the family. Anxiety is also a consideration because health is at stake.

I would never say to skip your jobs around the home and do as you please. I would say to pace yourself and reflect on what you are reasonably able to accomplish in a given time period. Why we believe we must constantly accomplish one job after another is demanding. It makes no difference if the pressure is coming from ourselves or others. We decide our path and we can choose what will bring us peace of mind and happiness, or chaotic distraction and despondent feelings. Have any of us ever thought about the exact time and month and day we completed a task? It really isn’t that important so don’t let it take a huge priority in your mind. We don’t want to blow things out of proportion. Everything gets done in its own good time.

“It’s very important that we re-learn the art of resting and relaxing. Not only does it help prevent the onset of many illnesses that develop through chronic tension and worrying; it allows us to clear our minds, focus, and find creative solutions to problems.”     Thich Nhat Hanh

“Tension is who you think you should be. relaxation is who you are.” Chinese Proverb

“Give yourself permission to feel anger pain resentment. Relax, then let it go. With Love….  Lessons Learned In Life

 

Hope Requires Long Term Faith

hope is longterm faith“In every CHOICE that we choose, There’s always a RISK; But always remember that there’s also a chance”    Kent Solatorio Lopez

“Intuition does not denote something contrary to reason, but something outside of the province of reason.”    C.G. Jung

“In accepting that suffering is a part of your daily existence, you could begin by examining the factors that normally give rise of feelings of discontent and mental unhappiness.”    Dalai Lama Xiv

“We must recognize that the suffering of one person or one nation is the suffering of humanity.”    Dalai Lama Xiv

Most people who face disappointments in varying degrees, continue to endorse their hope, until they are fed up waiting, and believe they deserve answers. The trouble with hope is we all want our solutions immediately, and without pain or frustration. Perhaps hope should be placed in a pill bottle. It might state clearly, we will find our rainbow, but only after the storm or storms.

If we lose confidence, which is so easy to do, considering the obstacles we must overcome, we give up the search of finding what we need or desire. Maintaining our hope takes all the strength we can muster. On certain days we hold our heads high, and we tolerate the uncertainty of our lives. We have faith in overcoming adversity, and work hard to make progress towards that goal. On other days we fall to pieces, or lament our predicament. It is possible for us, to be overcome with doubt and fear.

We all know which days fit into which category, and we have likely all experienced both kinds of days. I question  why it is we can sail through some days, and be dead in our tracks on other days. I think it has to do with the strength, and depth of our expectation. Our anticipation may have to be of a long term nature. It might be so far into the future, that we despair, long before it finally comes to fruition.

Most people admit, they are optimistic at the beginning, of any given difficult situation. Keeping that hope burning long term, is not as simple nor as easy. We face tremendous difficulties, too numerous to count, and too varied. No matter who or what the reason is, we experience a crushing feeling. It is our concern, and it makes no difference what others think or believe. We simply have our own prisons, which envelope us, and keep us locked from happiness.

Sometimes there are answers we don’t like, or understand. Sometimes we just have to wait awhile, before hearing good news. How long we wait and suffer, depends on situations that are out of our control. Many times wishes might have to include, how we judge a situation, learn to adjust to it, and then fix it in a way we can deal with it. I know in my heart, that is so much easier said than done.

The loss of those we love, through death, divorce or physical mental or emotional separation, is deeply cutting. Death is devastating, and difficult to heal from if one ever can. The rest can be wounding, but without hope, there may not be the chance to defeat the adversity, and move ourselves forward. I think in those situations, we can find alternatives to our yearned for answers. Being open  to alternative solutions, allows us to observe another picture of the world, that we hadn’t really noticed.

Many young individuals searching for love, become discouraged or demolished, when their supposedly true love deserts them. They can’t see a future without this other person. The reality is, they haven’t yet tried. It may take a lot of time and effort, but new beginnings surface, that may  not have ever seemed possible. Of course one must keep their  eyes and their hearts, opened.  if instead a despondent person stays home, and secludes themselves from the world, then only loneliness fills their hearts and overtakes them with despair.

Sometimes one just needs to get out into the world, look around, become involved, and let things happen. If we are confused about choices, it might be best to use our intuition, along with our hearts, and see what occurs. Many times our hope will guide us in the right direction. By being open to many answers, we are privy to a myriad of outcomes. The solutions may not be of the nature we planned, but with reflection we realize they are results that bring us contentment.

If we are open to many conclusions, we will be less disheartened with results. Our hope will be expanded, and answers will seem to fall around us. Hope doesn’t always give us what we specifically asked for, but it answers us and gives us inspiration to want to continue our journeys. It gives us the strength and courage to believe, we have purpose and meaning. The world needs us in it, even if we don’t see that picture yet.

Most of us lose our faith, because others have hurt us in one way or another, or life itself has wounded us. Hope gives us the will to get over the obstruction, or if not over it or around it, then through it. Our hope is only latent, when we sit and begin thinking we have none. We have ourselves, our love, our mind and body and spirit. We are more than our mind and body and emotions. We have souls which can overcome adversities. We have so much more power and strength, than we can imagine.

Don’t give up your life or your goals when struck down. there is hope of a better day. In our fast paced lives we are used to quick answers, and solutions to any problem. We get instant satisfaction for health, finances, work, pleasure and any material object. Our emotional lives are more complicated. Tending to heartaches of any kind, are not easily or sometimes ever soothed. Hope  still resonates in most situations. Being open to some changes in what we want in our lives, might be necessary, but in the process may bring us more satisfaction. It might be that we must wait awhile, and look for an evolved kind of answer to our hope, but if we search, we will find peace.

“The greatest discovery of any generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering the attitudes of their minds.”    Albert Schweitzer

“The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.”    C.G. Jung

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”    C.G. Jung

Letting Go Releases Peace

release peace

“Your strength is in your calmness, in your clarity of mind. Strength comes from putting the negative aside without reacting. win in calmness, in consciousness, in balance.”   Yogi Amrit Desai

“Don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, and my kindness for weakness.”    Unknown

“In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away”    shing xiong

In every part of our lives we hope to gain control. What frustrates us the most is when our plans go awry. Of course there are always plenty of people we can blame and do fault. We have such a belief in our ability to make things happen, it never occurs to us to look at our helpers along life’s way. These supporters may never get a thank you but I am sure they are not waiting for one.

Most of us have never stopped to review why we still have such faith in our agendas. I like to plan my days however, I am totally aware of the extremely few times my agenda ever flowed smoothly. The few times that my day went according to plan made me think it was purely accidental. Yet I and many others make lists, phone calls e-mails and reservations along with gaining commitments from others. It just never goes according to plan.

Every girl has her dream guy fashioned in her mind. It might be blonde hair blues eyes dark skin and medium height. She finds romance with the tall fair black haired brown eyed man. Some plan on four or five kids until they have one who is a challenge. They narrow their selection to two.

How many of us plan to make a lot of money, retire early and spend the rest of our lives doing good work for the benefit of all. Reality sets in along with bills, kids and college plans. We find ourselves older more tired and exhausted to even contemplate, about the load on our plates. Is it that we somehow get diverted from our dreams or is it that what we dream is unattainable? We should have faith in our plans, choices and marriages. I think perhaps we underestimate what life is.

No one ever said we would find total serenity and happiness yet we continue believing we and our spouse will be different. Our parents may have messed up their lives and proceeded to get a divorce. We assert our confidence and hold onto the faith in our everlasting marriages. That is an awesome and expected option. Another expectation we should comprehend is that life never rolls out smoothly and we should be warned of this fact right from the start. It won’t deter our plans but it might foster a more realistic attitude about life in general. This knowledge may perhaps prompt us to downplay our expectations a bit. I don’t believe this is the same as telling kids there is no Santa Claus.

Our lives are not full of misery and pain. They are at moments full of epiphanies. They are also stacked with obstacles that test our courage and ability. To understand this from the beginning may aid in strengthening our spiritual qualities. Demonstrating patience helps us see things to the fruition. Having empathy allows us to understand another’s lack of patience. Displaying tolerance towards others gains us the tolerance we need when we must cross over the same bridge. Loving and caring of another merits us those same attributes in our need. What we send out we will get in return.

If one expects the perfect life then they will be devastated and defeated. Life will disappoint them at every turn. None of us is perfect all of the time. Husbands and wives are disappointing at moments but usually there are many more pleasures within our lifetimes. The quality of forgiveness is worthy of the highest of praises. When we forgive we gain our own peace of mind. Forgiveness allows us to start anew with a blank slate. It also shows faith in our power to get back on our feet after having fallen down with the support of someone we love cheering us on with faith in our capability to achieve.

Jobs may come and go. Money may mount and dissipate. Live in the moment. I know many people with young children who worry about college before their child is walking. I would suggest they save some money but live in the present day and work out what you require for that moment. The future may look different when we get there so why worry about stuff that will likely not occur.

If the couple starts working morning noon and night to save and forgets about the importance of spending time with the child then they have lost more than what they would lose from a lack of education. The present moment demands its’ own requirements. It is enough to fulfill and think about. If we constantly live and fear the future then we don’t enjoy the days rewards and blessings. We miss so much by thinking about stuff that might happen. Today is occurring and demands all of our attention. By giving the present the focus it deserves, we eliminate the fear of tomorrow.

Each hour calls for a mindful attitude. By our being considerate, we alleviate double pressures and stress. Look at your six month old and see a baby you can snuggle instead of seeing a college kid with a price tag. Don’t ignore your funds and duties but never allow them to devour your time and your life. The fairy tale of endless smooth sailing is a myth. The tales of heroes amongst us is not a fairy tale.  Just check out yourself in the mirror once in a while. We are the heroes who overcome all odds and make things work. Life hurts as it builds us up. Let go of your fear of the future and release inner peace for the present.

“When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.”    Unknown
“A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.” unknown
“The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.” Unknown

 

 

Searching For Serenity

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; Not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”           Khalil Gibran

“Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with the people the same happiness.”   Khalil Gibran

Searching for serenity“Love and doubt have never been on speaking terms.”              Khalil Gibran

In today’s demanding world it is extremely difficult to ever be alone with our thoughts. As a matter-of-fact I think that is why so many of us enjoy the technical devices. It gives us an escape at various points throughout the day. This is truly not contentment as  much as it is momentarily escape from the problems of the world. Our minds become focused on a game or networking so we can ease the mind from its’ constant ideas, questions, doubts and fears.

For health and sanity  reasons it is important to slow down and relax. Most people understand that as an impossibility. Now we can make the impossible possible. It is important to strive for our family and produce as nice a life for them as we can. Again I think possibly what we think they want or need is dissimilar from the truth. Kids all want and need the same thing and that is love and attention follows love.

This answer appears to be too simple for most of us to accept. Sure we are tinking I love my kids but they like to go places and see things and they like the toys they see at other peoples’ homes so how do I get it all unless I spend a lot of time working. It is also true that if one is not working and gaining money things cannot be bought. What is lost is the actuality of their needs and wants.

more than anything in the world kids love spending time with their parents. A walk down a busy street is full of wonders. Their are shadows on the sidewalk and insects  crawling and flying. What a discussion as well as a science lesson. Their are steps to corners to count and colors to identify and cars and traffic and buses to discuss. How many wheels and the sizes are important. There are discussions regarding where everyone is going and their childlike predictions. Maybe there is a park or store full of wonders. Perhaps there are workmen or linemen or mailmen or taxis. Of course with bridges and tunnels and skyscrapers there are most likely more questions than answers. On a rainy day we have the rainbos and puddles and mud as well as the unintentional plashes  from cars which always bring delight to kids who still enjoy the surprises of life.There is the treat of an ice cream at home or even a cookie.

That is the genuineness of their desires. They totally enjoy the time and treasure the time spent with parents. As adults we forget the actuality of happiness. We have come to believe that material things and money must be spent in order for us to have given our kids something. We think in terms of what is measurable. Kids are still considering love and connectedness. how important that mom and or dad is listening to them without any distractions.

I always remember the song about the cat’s in the cradle and spending time with your child at a later date in the future. When the future arrives the parent has the time but the child is grown on their own and without any time for the parent. After all they have learned the lesson well.

Maybe by decreasing our wants and coming to terms with the actuality of a child’s wishes and requirements, we can slow down our pace and quit reaching for so many  quantifiable objects. For those who are envious of people with substantial means, they might comprehend that they already have everything at their disposal to be an awesome parent. Of course the cost is not money but time and effort. The same is true of friendships. Offering time to friends is more worthwhile than our constant search for wealth.

Although there might be less money I would venture to say there will be less stress. Maybe the  media has successfully implanted the seeds of searching for more, bigger, better and improved items. We all  take the bait and at times forget about what the truth actually is.

I believe we all need a break from the falsehood of desiring more. It doesn’t make us feel better. Substantial stuff requires our attention and fills our minds with more distracting objects to focus on. If we get so caught  up in this game about what brings us peace we end up dispersing energy in all directions and being unable to focus on the important people and items.

Finding serenity is as simple as watching the sun rise or set. You have to make the time to observe the happening but it is an awesome experience available to all. The pleasure of a young child’s hand in your own and the trust it implies can be overwhelming if we comprehend the magnitude of the moment.

The truth is life moves along swiftly so it is idealistic if we understand what the genuine treasures are. Take time for yourself and slow down. the chances are good that it allots you freedom to enjoy being alone with your thoughts. A calmness envelopes you,  which comes from less stress, which comes from releasing some of the unnecessary objectives.  This works for those with and without kids. Pursue happiness first and gain serenity.

“Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.”    Khalil Gibran

“The most pitiful among men is he who turns his dreams into silver and gold.”    Khalil Gibran

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.    -Maya Angelou”