A Happy State Of Mind

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“Watch your THOUGHTS, they become WORDS. Watch your WORDS, they become ACTIONS. Watch your ACTIONS, they become HABITS. Watch your HABITS, they become CHARACTER. Watch your CHARACTER, it becomes your DESTINY.” Fran Outlaw

Has anyone ever felt like they were floundering? useless? defeated? My thoughts exactly. I started wondering why we get to that point. We worry about what we do, because people might misinterpret it. We worry about what we say, because it might not express what we meant to say. We worry about what everyone else said, and did, because we reflect on the meaning, behind their words and actions.

Our thoughts make us agonize. I decided it was time to control my thoughts. I’m not perfect. I venture to say, none of us is without fault. We need to stop putting so much pressure on each other. I’m going to accept that what you said or did was meant in the best of intentions, even if it came out all wrong and caused me pain. I’ll accept that you had a bad day, week, month or year. I’ll accept that you were dealing with family or health issues. I’ll accept that you haven’t yet learned to let the small stuff float away. I hope after all of this, we will always be good friends or good family members. I also expect you will give me the same courtesy.Blame  never goes anywhere, never fosters anything good and never results in progress at any level. All we need to do is take a look at any work situation. As soon as a boss is searching for the scapegoat, we all clam up, hide our work or review it for errors. We look around as we hope someone else will take the punishment. As was said before we need our jobs, work to the best of our ability at any given time, and refuse to  take the blame for things that have multiple reasons for ending in disasters.

Blame makes the problem go away in a sense. Aha we found the source so now everything will be okay. Blame makes us feel good,  when it is discovered elsewhere. We breathe a sigh of relief, listen to the instructions which will make everything better, and move on to the next day. We work as we have always done, with really no changes. Fault simply makes humans feel like something got accomplished, when really nothing was altered.

We have to recognize the real problems, work seriously on changing them, in order to make differences in the outcome. finding a person to blame doesn’t help and succeeds  in making everyone nervous. No one is at ease. Without reason we might be the next person to come under the microscope. We are anxious most of the time, at work, and rightly so. What I understand now is all the apprehension in the world, is not going to measure my supposed guilt or innocence, if my number is up to be the next guilty party. I decided the nervousness was in vain. When or if it becomes our turn, it happens and the anxiety is not stopping it, depleting it or increasing one’s outcome. Simply put, the fretting was a waste of good time.

I reasoned it was time to let go of the discomfort and deal with unexpected problems when they arise. We can all sit back and think about the unfathomable ways things can go wrong in our lives. That is pointless. It is so much more calming to think about ways things can move in a  positive direction, and it makes us feel happier. I wonder if the happier attitude, promotes a shield around us, preventing negativity from crowding our lives.

I venture to admit that the same is true in any of our relationships. Sometimes we believe we found a problem with a relationship, and we have faith that if  we fix that one item, everything will flow perfectly. Again we want to place blame. We don’t want to take any ourselves. If we can find the scapegoat and insist they take the guilt, it alleviates us from searching for the real issues.

There is a pattern to our lives. Avoid fault, which allows us to avoid thought and reflection. In any relationship, we can accept less effort from another, when we can accept every moment and day as a different time, full of various emotions and dilemmas. We give each other slack and allow for mistakes. Life is easier because it allows us to maintain goals. We don’t toss our objectives due to a minor detail, that dumps full blown blame on top of us. The trouble disappears when we know we have more freedom.

At work with all of our pending burdens at home, we might miss something. It should be okay to admit this, fix it, and move on. Same goes for relationships of any kind. Bad moods cause more arguments and misunderstandings. We need to stop worrying about disasters following us all the time. Really think positive. Fill your mind with happy thoughts because the worries and fears can’t survive in such a positive atmosphere.

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.” Albert Camus


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