Always Question Assumptions

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 “Real education should educate us out of self, into something far finer; into a selflessness which links us with all humanity.” Nancy Astor

“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” Miguel Angel Ruiz

When viewing an issue from another perspective, we are given the opportunity to assimilate that viewpoint, and accommodate it through the eyes of our own experience. Each individual’s circumstance is distinct. Each situation is likely to be distinct in certain circumstances, yet universal in other respects. More reflection leads to questioning assumptions.

The Mother-in-Law Daughter-In-Law problem is a universal dilemma. It is an unintentionally significant relationship. It requires patience time effort and reflection. Jealousies need to be set aside. Control must be loosened and dropped altogether. judgments have to be rescinded. Compromise and tolerance is necessary. The relationship can be an evolving dream or nightmare. It really is up to the two women involved. Husband must refrain from involving their mothers in discussions and arguments. The girl’s mother must refrain from dumping guilt on her daughter, every time she spends a happy time with her Mother-in-Law.

Mothers-in-law should provide space, acceptance of the amount of time she receives, and she must give her son wings to fly in his own direction, making his own decisions. His wife’s mother must really do the same. Jealousy is common but can be overcome. Control can be released, giving one the power to live one’s own life. It  is an exhilarating experience. We can share in the lives of other people, without overshadowing them. Stepping too far, finds us beyond the gate. Sharing within bounds, allows us inspirational moments of time, to add to our cherished memory banks.

Feasibly with knowledge, we might question our assumptions or conclusions more often, taking more time pursuing and analyzing our root of argument. Conceivably we might incorporate the feelings, and emotions at the time of the transgression, and fold them into the facts. Potential health considerations can feasibly be considered, as well as money, age, and family responsibilities. The list continues and differs with each individual‟s circumstances. Each situation is likely to be distinct in certain circumstances, yet universal in other respects.

The mistakes possibly begin almost from day one, when our sons bring home a girlfriend. This visitor is for all accounts, a stranger to everyone in the family, except the son. Although a stranger, the young woman is about to be placed in a position of honor, as far as the young man is concerned. It is reasonable to assume the stress this creates for the future mother-in-law. It might be reasonable for the young woman to consider, that although the family is presumed to embrace her, the family was not consulted, not to say they should have been, as to their desire to have her there in the first place. It appears likely that one should tread slowly and judge unhurriedly.

Families are expanded as infants are entered into the family. As each child enters into the family, it is gradually assimilated, and accepted by other siblings and family members. When a son brings home another woman, it is reasonable to anticipate that all factions likely, must accept this newcomer who is about to become an instant family member. Obvious-ly not nurtured within the family structure, nor influenced or persuaded towards the rest of the family‟s way of thinking, she possibly can be seen as a threat to the normal functioning within the family. It is reasonable to believe she has access to the private affairs, feelings and shortcomings, of all of the family members. She conceivably gains all of this power, but does not yet have the emotional attachments to her future husband‟s family.
These circumstances are absolutely not the fault of the young woman. The problem arises when she potentially judges her future husband‟s family harshly, be-fore she creates any affection for them. Credibly the family history with all of its‟ pain and suffering, probably is not a part of the young woman‟s experience. All of this missed emotional impact should conceivably suggest, an abstaining of condemnations.
Our habits and opinions take years to develop. It warrants one to suspend quick disapproval. One might conceivably delve beneath the surface of issues, and perhaps discover the origin of a person‟s habits and opinions. Siblings might recognize their family‟s shortcomings, but they are judging from a larger picture. Love is a part of their appraisal. The siblings see the goodness within their own families, and they recognize their family‟s strong points. This enables people within a family to overlook the drawbacks. Most often a newcomer perhaps is more critical.

The future daughter-in-law is at this point, in a vulnerable situation. She most likely wants to offer a good image. It is probable, that she is not at this point, interested in the families past or present problems. She might happen to feel in the middle regarding her position. It is possible that she perceives herself as meddling, if she asks too many questions, or she may appear unsympathetic, if she does not get involved. This control situation might possibly become a diplomacy situation.  Dominance is a key word in the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. No matter who is wielding the power, it seems the out-come is inevitably loss for all involved. An avoidance of a day of reckoning down the road, can be attained if caution is present.

The many mothers-in-law‟, daughters-in-law‟ pit-falls are avoidable. By being aware, and taking the extra patience and time at the beginning of the relationship, possibly a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can reconcile differences with a lot less conflict.

“While on a walk one day I was surprised to see a man hoeing his garden, while sitting in his chair. What laziness! I thought. But suddenly I saw leaning against his chair, a pair of crutches. The man was at work despite his handicap. The lessons I learned about snap judgments that day have stayed with me with me for years now. The crosses people bear are seldom in plain sight.”    Annette Ashe

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