The Tone Of Verbal Communication

“The tongue like a sharp knife… Kills without drawing blood.” Buddha

“There is no evidence that the tongue is connected to the brain.” Frank Tyger

“The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.”    Josh Billings

“A knife-wound heals, but a tongue wound festers.” Turkish Proverb

I have had numerous people mention, the harsh tone of voice others use when interacting with them, for any reason. I am familiar with the negative impact, another person’s speech and attitude can have. I am certainly no stranger to the unkindness others display randomly, and without thought to the receiver. I hold back on the refrain almost always, due to my inner voice repeating, you will be sorry if you respond back with similar negativity.

I am pleased later, that I did not say things I might have regretted. I am confounded that so many in society, believe they can disperse with cutting remarks, that wound more than the cut of a knife. The trouble is the receiver of such injuries, carries it with them for a long time. I replay the incident hoping I can find reasons, or forgiveness for the giver, but each time results in the same conclusion, why did that happen to me again.I swear there are times I think I have a sign on my back that reads, ‘Take your anger and frustration out on me.’ So many people  bear the same complaints, so I am not in the boat alone. How is it we react in an unnecessary manner. How do we feel about our tantrums, which are as similar to a toddlers. I think that  is why I tend to hate to get coerced into the dilemma, because it is childish and unseemly, to display such a behavior.

Unfortunately, many people do it so often, that it is almost becoming acceptable. You also have those people who conclude with the excuse, “They are having a bad day.”  I would suggest they wear the sign, so we will all beware of the treatment we might have to succumb to, if we get in their way.

So many make excuses for these people, but it is unseemly for the victim to expect the least bit of sympathy. I wonder at times if it is because the majority of us have so many bad days, feel stressed out and are at our wits end. Of course our response is to push others around, if not physically, then mentally and verbally.

Somehow we have equated having a stressful life, with having the privilege of treading on the emotions of others. It is an almost acceptable occurrence. For those people who attempt to deal with their issues, and contain their emotions, there is no praise. They are considered exceptional people. They are no different from you or I, they just make more of an effort to do the correct thing.

I know many times false manners can be irritating, but there is no comparing that, to how hurtful mean or vicious poor manners can be. The unhurried person at the register, may be just learning, a slow learner, recently injured, older, having a difficult time catching on to the requirements, or simply having a problematic day themselves.The receptionists at doctors offices, and secretary’s at schools, along with many others, should know that their kind manner is so appreciated, by those of us who can only surmise to understand their tremendous workload.

Road rage stems from hurried people, stressed over time constraints or insecurity. Family members are the worst. They have a sense of believing, it is okay to speak to your kids, or to speak to your parents or siblings, or in-laws without exception. Of course the understood piece is, they will  be forgiven regardless of what they say or do.

How shameless of them. It appears they assume their well-being and moods, transcend everybody. We are all thinking and sensing individuals. Bless those who let it flow without incident. An eruption was suspended. Being patient and kind will always be in demand. Don’t ever underestimate its power to melt the stress of another.

I do have feeling for the transgressor. I believe they have gotten away with abusing others for so long, and don’t realize how defeating their actions are. To be so caught up in one’s life, that we are unaware of others, is extremely sad. Obviously we are missing the world around us. Our bad mood or disrupted plans, are not as important as our bonds with other people.

How far-reaching is our tactless behavior. Perhaps the people we have wounded, will react inappropriately with their own families, to alleviate their anger. I know for me, it sometimes takes a couple of days, to overcome cruel speech directed at me. I ponder how easy it is to get the same message across, to another, in a totally positive way.

I would assume, just as it is easier to discipline a child by hitting, rather than taking the time and effort to teach in a positive way. At a difficult moment, it is easier to explode at another, rather than take the time to calm our nerves, and think about our motives in the given situation. We can all handle frustrations in a positive manner, if we take the time and effort.

The choice of a positive or negative outcome is in our hands. If you are the receiver of a wounding situation, refuse to have it put you off your game. Take it for what it is, reflect mildly to ease your spirit, and then let it go so that it doesn’t impact your day longer than it needs to. If you are the perpetrator, contemplate the pain you suffered at a time another stepped on you, without thought or reason. If you can recall the cruel and cutting words, and how they made you feel, then perhaps it will support you in your attempts to discontinue your hurtful tone towards others. We can all get our opinions across in encouraging ways. If we want violence to end then lets begin with our aggressive speech and tone.

“Nature has given us two ears, two eyes, and but one tongue-to the end that we should hear and see more than we speak.”    Socrates

“Before the tongue can speak, it must have lost the power to wound.”

“Man’s tongue is soft, and bone doth lack; yet a stroke therewith may break a man’s back.”    Benjamin Franklin

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