Is Personal Blame Obsolete?

“Remember people will judge you  by your actions not your intentions. Yo may have a heart of gold but so does a hard boiled egg.”  Maya Angelou

“Not in the clamor of the crowded streets not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves are triumph and defeat.” Henry W. Lonfgellow

As I listened to the news about another person suing someone for something I was astounded. I wondered if we lost the capacity to accept blame. If this is true then we have lost responsibility, accountability and maturity. When, I thought, is it our fault?

Nobody likes to be at fault at home work or when we are on our own time. We feel diminished, with a lack of authority and control. Actually we prove our lack of power when we can never accept guilt for anything because making decisions means making mistakes and taking liability. One can’t have control without the blame for the outcome. Being the chief comes with its’ downside.If we are secure we tolerate mistakes at times because we are praised most of the time. We now appear to live in a society that wants control but no blame when things go wrong. When kids fail at school it is the teachers fault. If our child stole something, maybe the storekeeper shouldn’t have left such a tempting item within a child’s reach. A medical condition gone awry is certainly the doctor’s fault even though I skipped a few pills. In divorce cases we blame those heartless lawyers who set the wrong parameters on child custody.  Coaches really should produce superstar athletes of every player. The list can go on.

If we thought long and hard about this we acknowledge our place as the parents to teach instruct motivate and instill values to solve any or all of these problems. Kids should be taught to respect the property of others and not steal. Homework should be checked at night and shoddy work brought home from school reviewed. Investigate good doctors and remember they are not miracle workers. Some conditions especially in the elderly, are not going to be remedied. Lawyers are not the parents. They don’t know us personally so they attempt the best deal possible given the evidence submitted in court.

To survive in our society we must take answer-ability for our own lives. We are the writers of it. Think like a chess player. If you are at a party and drink too much you shouldn’t drive. I realize a friend shouldn’t allow you to drive but if they are truly unaware of the amount of your consumption, you must and really should monitor your own behavior. Do we all need a guard following us around? Are we adults yet?

I sometimes see this as a disregard of accountability. It allows us to be kids forever. It places at times, innocent bystanders at our mercy. I know this is an exaggeration and there are irresponsible teachers, doctors, lawyers coaches  and storekeepers as well as in any other field of work. There are also  irresponsible parents. It is difficult to listen to so many people complain  about what should be done. I don’t see them jumping in to volunteer. It is as they say, the Monday quarterback. We  can all have the right answer after it is made known to us.

I remember on the ambulance as an EMT, at times wishing to have a medic on board, which didn’t always happen, but it was great because it alleviated having to make critical decisions. You see the medic would take the blame. It simply makes our life easier. The trouble is we have reached a crises state where we don’t even want to be liable for our own lives and our kids lives. We want to throw the ball to somebody else.

If we don’t like something then we can speak up or do something about it. Don’t wait and then blame somebody else. We should all share the work and fault. Help to make things better not through criticism but by working for better schools, doctors, coaches. Just remember to include all of us parents in the mix. It is time we picked up that ball and took some responsibility.

“The dream doesn’t lie in victimization or blame; it lies in hard work, determination, and a good education.” Alphonso Jackson

“Human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.”      William  James

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *