“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” Deborah Reber
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” Ann Landers
Don’t you just hate the game playing we go through at any gathering of friends or relatives? I know I do. No matter how many times I try to keep it at bay, it appears again in my life. I am resolved to acknowledge, there is no end to it until we all stop. I call the petty irritating things we do to each other, the game points. Some of us perhaps plan for the tournament, and enter the environment or arena, ready to do battle. There are those days when we are not ready, willing or able to do any engaging at all.If I haven’t totally confused you, I am discussing the parties as well as the everyday happenings and interactions we have with others. At the end of any day, if we were to tally our encounters, and decide if they were good, bad or indifferent, most of us perhaps would wonder, how to rate ourselves. These seemingly insignificant minutes of our lives, are the reality of our lives and our key learning phases.
Every family has a variety of members who may approach us with love, hate or indifference, depending on their mood, stresses and attitudes. I am not saying we don’t act in similar fashion, but studying these facts, perhaps is critical. We can appreciate that it is a great feat, if we survive a get-together intact, and still on speaking terms. There are those instances, you know right away, if it is going to be an easy atmosphere or a demanding temperamental dance. We probably have to side-step problems. The distressing part is we don’t always understand why there is the switch in attitudes. At those moments, we search our brains for answers. Probably we hurt them in some way at the last meeting. We attempt to figure it out, but we are still left confused.
A happy occasion should be so much easier to navigate, so we are left questioning why the snags are present. The last thing we should be expected to do is be on guard. Although I work hard to keep my temperament on an even keel, I am not frequently successful. After many years of listening to and pleasing others, I realized it wasn’t always beneficial for my own plans. Now I confront people and accept the way they arrive. If I sense they are distracted about anything, I attempt a bit of support. But if I suspect I am disturbing them in any way, I depart from their vicinity. I always feel better about this, as it keeps me calmer and out of the target range. When any of us are in a foul mood, we do tend to zero in on someone. This person likely, takes some of our frustration.
I make mistakes like everyone, but I am so conscious now of other peoples’ feelings, that it makes me more cautious about making anyone’s situation worse than they believe it already is. I will help anyone, but I retreat just as quickly, if I perceive someone is perturbed with me. So what about those individuals who we exasperate, just by showing up at the party. That is a hurtful situation. When you are mindful of how much you rattle another individual, and you never understand why, it leaves you puzzled regarding a solution. I just keep my distance until I can think of a solution for that particular event.
Intrinsically we can’t change who we are, so if we talk a bit too much, cry a bit too long, laugh a bit louder, argue a bit stronger, there is nothing we can do. If we are quiet so be it. Some people prefer a certain type of individual, and unfortunately if we don’t fit their standards or criteria, we are ostracized for the most part. How painful that is to observe others engaged in a conversation, in which you are peripherally involved. You can’t leave politely while people are engrossed in conversation, yet no one looks at you or encourages your opinion. You are no more than the baby sitting on the mother’s lap.
It is demeaning. Perhaps departing from this painful situation, might be one answer. I believe we get caught in many uncomfortable scenarios, but then it is up to us how we react to them. We might refrain from causing a commotion, but certainly we should not be expected to tolerate discomfort. Likely the people making us feel this way, are possibly unaware. They might also see the slight as pay back for a past injury. We all look at things with our own looking glass.
Maybe we all get so caught up in what others are saying, and how they are viewing us, that we forget about our own actions and the effect they have, on the people surrounding us. For the most part we are all vulnerable, and the most boastful among us can be brought to their knees, by an uncaring attitude of another. It would be one ting if it ended at the gathering, but it doesn’t. We take our wounds home, and nurse them, possibly for days.
I am attempting to release troubles quicker than I did in years past. I recognize that often it is the other person’s struggle. Perhaps they have a jealousy or insecurity problem. Maybe they have a low self-esteem, or burdens that weigh on their minds. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, instead of believing they are purposefully causing me tribulations. We certainly suffer enough complications throughout our lives, without tossing added struggles to anyone’s shoulders.
It might be easier to begin each function with a little speech and pep talk. We might begin with the words we preach to our kids. You should include everyone, speak kindly to others, give everyone a chance to talk, take turns, respect everyone and most importantly, show love towards everyone here. Maybe if we are given a reminder, we will be scraping off our tough skin armor, allowing our bright lights of love and mindfulness to filter through. We would all enjoy the occasion so much more, without the added silly walls, that serve to only keep us apart, from sharing each others company and love.
“Nothing brings down walls as surely as acceptance.” Deepak Chopra
“Dignity is the moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.” Shannon Alder
“Reputation is what others think of us; character is what God knows of us.” Anonymous
“When you have spent what feels like eternity trying to repair a few moments of time that destroyed the view others once had of you then you must ask yourself if you have the problem or is it really them? God doesn’t make us try so hard, only enemies do.” Shannon Alder
“There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. It is a fact that we all must face. However, if you realize that God is a best friend that stands beside you when others cast stones you will never be afraid, never feel worthless and never feel alone.” Shannon Alder
